My wife and I had "the talk"

[mercterr]

Congratulations! Very cool that your wife is so supporting. Be careful to take your queues from her as to what is slow. I thought I was taking it slow but managed to set any progress with my wife back to square one because she had a much different take on "slow". You and your wife are already light years ahead of us but be careful to go at her pace. The temptation to forge ahead with wild and exuberant abandon is strong. Good luck and I wish you continued happiness and success with your marriage.

[Bailey420]

That must be awesome! You're a very lucky person

[Pythos]

Good job to both of you. It is too bad this part of you had been pushed into the closet. I do wonder what it was that compelled you to do that though. Your wife may wonder that too. I hope things go well for you and your wife.

[Erin Campbell]

Good job to both of you. It is too bad this part of you had been pushed into the closet. I do wonder what it was that compelled you to do that though. Your wife may wonder that too. I hope things go well for you and your wife.

I think it was just one of those things that happened. We had moved from "dating" to marriage and the whole "playtime" dynamic changes quite a bit between the two. As we were adjusting to life as a married couple, we had other priorities and my dressing just wasn't ever at the top of the list. As time went and our marriage matured, it kind of got to the point where it had been so long that I had dressed in front of her, it became difficult to bring it up again.

You're right though, after our talk, I'm sure there was a question as to why it had been so long before it came up again, but that is all behind us now. Thankfully, she is accepting of it to a point where she is comfortable and over time we will see where things go.

[steph1964]

Congratulations. I recently came out to my wife and although she has been way more accepting than I could have hoped, it has still been a bit of a roller coaster. We have set boundaries, talked a lot, taken it slow and still managed to have a couple of misunderstandings. Talk about everything and make sure you don't move too fast. It is very easy for a loving, accepting wife to be overwhelmed and put on the brakes. My wife joined the forum and we have had several good discussions. I would highly recommend the "Now I Like It, Now I Don't" post in the loved ones section. I have tried to link it below. My wife thought it was a very helpful post.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...It-Now-I-Don-t

[suchacutie]

congratulations and I hope you and your wife continue to have fun with this newly-opened part of you!

Dita, I must agree with those who have said that some of us do not want to move from part-time to full-time as our femme selves. I really enjoy both of my genders and would be unhappy to lose either of them!

tina

[angies GG]

Congratulations. I recently came out to my wife and although she has been way more accepting than I could have hoped, it has still been a bit of a roller coaster. We have set boundaries, talked a lot, taken it slow and still managed to have a couple of misunderstandings. Talk about everything and make sure you don't move too fast. It is very easy for a loving, accepting wife to be overwhelmed and put on the brakes. My wife joined the forum and we have had several good discussions. I would highly recommend the "Now I Like It, Now I Don't" post in the loved ones section. I have tried to link it below. My wife thought it was a very helpful post.

I think that having a strong marriage and being willing to do anything for the marriage is key to making this work. It is sometimes hard because you are always looking out for each others feelings and don't want to hurt the other. Sometimes we end up second guessing our decisions because we care so much for each other. I really think that taking things slowly and letting me set the pace has helped me feel more comfortable and actually move at a pace faster than either of us had expected. Good Luck to you both!

[angies GG]

That is an excellent idea Brandy, and hope you don't mind if I steal that one I love the thought of giving her some flowers with a card expressing my appreciation of her and her understanding. Thanks for the awesome idea and the kind words too!

Just from my point of view, which every one is different... I think a romantic evening and card/flowers are a great idea. It is great to know that our (gg/so) acceptance is appreciated, however for me at least at this point I like to keep the romance and the CDing separated. We have shared a bottle of wine together while he was dressed and the other thing we did was a more casual (nighties and nail polish) night watching a chick flick.
Your wife may not feel the same way I do, but I just wanted to give my two cents.
Oh, and I also still like to see the MAN I married when in guy mode. It is important especially in the beginning to keep the manly side present too. But do have fun dressing with her and please take it slow.

[linda allen]

It's not for nothing that there is a joke around that says that the difference between a crossdresser and a transgender is 3 years... Your wife has married a guy and she is scared that you want to become a girl, which is most probably unacceptable for her... Hence her direct questions...

Crossdressing has your interest and doing it makes you feel good, the motivator for just about everything in life... You have entered a slippery slope from which there is practically no return... Don't fool both yourself and your wife that you can keep this in check... you'll want more and more and more, until your relationship comes to a head...

I don't believe that statement applies to everyone or even most crossdressers. I have been crossdressing for over 50 years and while I sometimes daydream about having a female body, I've never thought about becoming a female or even living as one while keeping my male parts.

To the OP, it's great that you are "out" to your wife and she that appears to accept your dressing. Go slow and be sure to let her know how much you love and appreciate her.

[Tina B.]

We had "the talk" 35 years ago, I still am a cross dresser after 61 years cross dressing, and still have not found that 3 years, fear of becoming a Transsexual seem over rated if you are not TS to Begin with. As far as the wife, we are about to celebrate 40 years of marriage and it's all been good. I have never regretted tell her all about me, it has made my life a lot better, and she feels that I have full faith in her and our love for each other. It can work very well as many of us here that have come out to our wifes have shown. I wish you and yours the best, and with love and mutual understanding, I'm sure you will find it.
Tina B.

[PretzelGirl]

Congrats Erin! It sounds like you are doing a great job in handling this. Keep the faith that good things will result.

As far as awkward things, I agree. It took a little while before I could dress in front of my wife and even longer to put forms in and take them out. It was a hang-up in my head only, but it was there. So keep it slow. She doesn't have to be a part of everything out of the gate. If something feels awkward, it isn't a bad thing to set it aside for another time. There is plenty of time for adjustments for both of you.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Looks like the number "7" is still lucky. Best wishes to the both of you.

[ReineD]

Erin, I'm so pleased to read that things are going well. Chalk this up to yet another instance of marriages that continue to grow once the husband is honest with the CDing.



Dita, in another post you said that you are a psychologist. I'm surprised to read that you are assuming everyone will follow your own particular experience. I hope this is not a case of professional tunnel vision:

1."Her reaction comes from the fact that she loves you and thinks that it's just a phase that will eventually wear off".
You actually don't know Erin's wife, nor do you know what she is feeling. I've spoken to hundreds of women here over the years, plus I've read thousands more threads from CDs who are happily married to know there are many wives who accept and support their husbands' femimine sides, as long as there is no covert behavior.

2. "It's not for nothing that there is a joke around that says that the difference between a crossdresser and a transgender is 3 years"
You are assuming that most, if not all CDs will follow your path to transition. This is wholly inaccurate. I don't know why so many TSs say this. I can only explain it away as an inability to acknowledge a state of being different than their own.

3. "You have entered a slippery slope from which there is practically no return... Don't fool both yourself and your wife that you can keep this in check... you'll want more and more and more, until your relationship comes to a head... "
Again, you are using your own experience as a predictor for Erin. Please read all the threads and posts in this forum from CDs who do find a balance with the CDing and happiness in their marriages, and also from the thousands of CDs who have no wish to transition.

Actually, you need only read the responses to your comments in this thread.

[Jenny Beth]

So, I am planning on a "girls" night around the house very soon. I'm not sure what to do exactly, and I'm sure it will be a little awkward the first time being dressed around her again but I'm very happy that my wife is supportive and willing to participate at any level she is comfortable.

Just a suggestion but in my early days of dressing my wife and I had a specific "girls night" where we'd both get all dolled up in nice dresses, heels and hose and sometimes even do our nails. It was always a Sunday night and we'd make a nice dinner and set the table with a fancy tablecloth and use our best dinnerware and silver and most of the time we'd have candles and flowers on the table. We haven't done that for a while, it was always a bit of a production and my wife really doesn't care to get that dolled up anymore but it was great fun.

[Erin Campbell]

Just from my point of view, which every one is different... I think a romantic evening and card/flowers are a great idea. It is great to know that our (gg/so) acceptance is appreciated, however for me at least at this point I like to keep the romance and the CDing separated. We have shared a bottle of wine together while he was dressed and the other thing we did was a more casual (nighties and nail polish) night watching a chick flick.
Your wife may not feel the same way I do, but I just wanted to give my two cents.

That is very good advice, and I fully expect to go the same direction at first. I kind of plan on keeping romance separate from the dressing and definitely plan on it the first time through. I do like the idea of preparing a nice meal for her though, with a card and flowers to show her how much I appreciate her. Then, we will see what happens and go from there.

[Misti]

Congrats Erin! It sounds like you are doing a great job in handling this. Keep the faith that good things will result.... If something feels awkward, it isn't a bad thing to set it aside for another time. There is plenty of time for adjustments for both of you.

Thank you everyone, especially the GG's; I've taken a great deal away from each of the posts, and it is all "Good," believe you me!

Best of luck to you all!

[maturegirlrobin]

Just wanted to make a quick comment.
We are ALL diffrerent and our relationships with our significant others is also different. I don't know of any marriages that actually broke up because of a man who is reasonable with his crossdressing life and doesn't hide it from his spouse. Women love honest men and even if its difficult to do, in my opinion they will respect their mate for telling them about "her" crossdressing side. In other words, if its a good marriage it will remain that way. That doesn't mean the spouse wiull be thrilled and glad you dress like a woman. My wife of 34 years has never seen me dressed or whats to see me dressed, but she knows ALL about that side of me. She "tolerates" in her own way AND I don't over-due it or , and this is VERY important , I do NOT ask her permission. Why should you have to apologize for something you like. Be very open if possible, listen to her, but also listen to your own heart !