Playing Devil's Advocate - our self delusion

[Gina738]

I don't think at my best I truley pass. I look at it this way a 52 year old firefighter and motorcycle racer beat down by many years of injuries and some dumb life choices, I just try to be the best that I can and that is me. I now take better care of myself which has helped in the past few years.

Gina

[SweetIonis]

Someone wrote that cross dressing is ten percent about clothes and ninety percent about our ability for self delusion. Do you agree?

First of all, I believe that practically everyone, crossdresser or not, is operating under some degree of self deception.

That said, I would answer like this, it depends on what you are trying to achieve when you cross dress. For some people, passing may not be that important so that would likely be quantitatively different from someone who passing has a high priority.

[sissystephanie]

I don't think that I have self-delusions about crossdressing. Notice that I said, "about crossdressing." I have no desire to be a woman, and at my current state of life do not even try to look like one except for wearing feminine clothing!

But when my dear wife was alive it was a different story. I am 5' 10" and weigh approximately 170#, which of course means that I am large girl. But when my late wife worked her magic with cosmetics and wig styling on me, I was able to pass without any question. I don't have her expertise so I don't even try. I go out in public almost every day dressed totally enfemme, but without the wig or makeup!! And you know what, nobody ever says a thing!! I have been doing that for 6 years now and still have not heard a negative comment!! And really, I don't care!! I dress to please myself, not the rest of the public! If people don't like the fact that I am a man wearing clothing that shows off my rather feminine figure, that is their problem not mine!! Of course, if they make an issue about it someone might get hurt!! I may be old, but I am still in good shape and my former training makes me fairly dangerous!!

[Melody Moore]

I strongly disagree with the OP's original past as well and like others have said here, we are our own worst critics!
For a long time I believed that I would never be accepted as a female, but how wrong was I to make that assumption?

As it turns out, I have landed squarely on my feet as a M-F intersexed transsexual & have made a lot of new friends.
Still have many of the old friends however they feel less significant now because of how my new friends respect me
so differently and as the person I truly am. However I can understand that you might feel like a 'man in a dress' when
that is what you truly are as a crossdresser. But I don't think that the OP has any clue about how a transsexual truly
feels or the impression they leave on others. For a start I never try to 'pass' because that is only for the 'try hards &
dreamers' on this site who's minds are over-clouded with pink fog - I am simply me! And to be quite frank, I couldn't
give a flying f*ck about what anyone else thinks now anyway - I KNOW WHO I AM & SO TOO DO MY FRIENDS!

When I go out in public I don't raise any eyebrows & noone even looks at me twice. Men stop to open doors for me &
will hit on me like any other female. I was in a gentleman's club with some other lesbian girlfriends & a guy came up to
our table and hit on me out all the girls in group. But told him I was a lesbian & he told me he was 'straight' so does that
mean? did he see me as a 'bloke in a dress or as a woman'? I am greeted as 'Madam' and always referred to as a lady
when I am in shops.

But the biggest affirmation I have ever got from anyone person or group of people that I am a female - is that I have been
fully accepted as another female by my local lesbian community - which as most people would understand lesbians typically
want nothing to do with anyone that is a male, has a testosterone fuelled & extremely delicate ego or might have a penis!

Being a woman has nothing to do with having smaller arms & shoulders & being small & petite, there are many natal females
have broad shoulder, big arms & are tall and well built. Being a woman has nothing to do with how you dress or even having
a pair of breasts - just look at the number of flat chested women there are in the world that are really beautiful.

Being a woman is something that comes from with in - it is an energy & even pheromones (when you are on hormone therapy)
that you give off that let's others know who you really are. I have even seen how pets can react differently. Animals that did
not normally like males will take to me because they can smell that I am a female. I seen the change in my ex-girlfriend's cat
and another girlfriend's dog who was abused by males and doesn't trust them. So because of this I also believe that there are
biological components behind being accepted as a true female which is made possible through proper hormone therapy.

Being a woman & being accepted as female in society is about knowing who you really are & being your true self. And I won't
deny that there are those people out there that do look like 'blokes in dresses' because that is what they really are & this is
especially common in the crossdressing community. But I don't think that you should ever generalise especially when it comes
to the intersex/transsexual community because there are some dynamics at play here that you won't ever understand.

Sorry to say this, but the only self-delusion going on around here is your own trying to judge others like this....

"Before you can remove the speck from your brother's eye, you must first remove the plank from your own"

[renee k]

I think almost anyone can be passable with enough work if they're under 50. If I had a nickel for every time I watched a makeup tutorial video where a nice looking man turned into a nice looking woman I'd be rich. The biggest problem I find in passing is that GGs take much better care of themselves than men do. If you know the technique and take care of yourself it's not that bad.

I resemble that remark. I don't go along with the under fifty rule. My thoughts are if you take care of yourself. Groom yourself appropriately. YOU'LL PASS! Hormones are a big help too! But, most importantly is being comfortable in your own skin!

Renee

[Pythos]

I don't think I am passable, but the big question is do I look good.

From what I have gathered the answer to that is YES. Now how true that is is beyond me. For all I know it could just be people being polite, and thinking I actually look like a darn fool. LOL.

As I have said before. Many MtoF CDs have a particular look, that I wish would come into vough as "attractive". Remember for a long time it was thought attractive for women to wear garments that indeed made their butts look big, and gave an overly exaggerated S curve to the body. Why can't the "CD look" be regarded well opposed to as something that needs to be changed by surgery.

I also would like to go out to places other than CD groups, or The Goth club, wearing skirts, wigs, makeup and stuff, without running the risk of getting chased and beaten down by some A-holes that find me to be a threat to their manhood (as fragile as that is)

[Melody Moore]

Hi Renee,

I too am close to 50 at the age of 48 and I couldn't agree more with what you just said.
Look after yourself, pay attention to your grooming and there is no issue, but as you said...

The most important thing here is like you say.... is to be comfortable in your own skin!

[Anna Bee]

I have no delusions about being passable. On my best day I'm a boy that looks pretty in make up.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Do we really believe we can pass when we dress or do we know inside that we haven't a hope of convincing anyone that we are female? Someone wrote that cross dressing is ten percent about clothes and ninety percent about our ability for self delusion.

Some people may not think that they need to match any specific criteria to dress in any clothes and flick there hair at that criteria. They dress to express their individuality and I salute their "guts" to do it and respect them. I wish that I had enough "guts" to do it.
I do not agree that cross dressing is 10% about clothes and 90% about self delusion. I think that crossdressing is an innate thing that devours you. The degree it takes over I think depends on your own body and mind. Clothes may form a part of it but there is something that drives your inner being out of your body. A need to not only express but a need to release your true self.
I have seen a lady with an athletic build, wide shoulders, small waist and little breast, even had an adams apple but she has three children and is beautiful and radiates femininity. Who am I to judge her, she has no hourglass figure, she does not need it she has an inner beauty that erodes a perception that media promotes.
I think that to have the attitude that we who dress as female and for some may wish to become female must lie within certain bounds are subjected to media manipulation in what is "the woman" or even "the "male". Come on and get real, look around and see who we and what our body shapes represent in society.
Is it delusional I do not think so. It is a belief in oneself and the ability to set a goal and achieve it no matter who tries to pull you down.
It is for yourself to be happy and it is for yourself to appreciate you despite what others feel or see. Maybe if we are over critical with ourselves then we may never shine as ourselves and in so we perceive what others do not even think hence we become people who never become who we really feel we could be.

[Inna]

Claire, good point and true. For the majority of trans community it isn't a choice but necessity and stress level associated with not blending in is extremely high. Most will tell you they don't care, or that in fact they soooo pass when one can tell otherwise, from a mile away. Hence even when after transition, suicide remains at gravely high percentage. It seems a self delusion but such would not make us feel so depressed and desperate, but it it a safety mechanism which still allows our feeling of self despite the obvious.

Unfortunately the road to passability, and I mean PASSABILITY, is paved with shame, pain of non acceptance, grief, regret and lots of monetary intervention. In fact if every transgirl had $60,000 put away or available for FFS there wouldn't be any non passable transgirls out there. I had been to a trans conference where I had observed variety of post-FFS girls and despite some of them still expressing quite a Truck driver stance, walk, and even voice their facial expression was gleaming female. Our brains are wired in such way to firstly recognize the first most important sex organ, and that is face, and after such recognition it is really hard to change someones determination about viewed individual even when expressing confusing mannerisms.