Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

[Badtranny]

To say that transitioning is not for everyone is almost silly because it's so damn obvious. Of course it's not for everyone. Some would say it's not for anyone.

Kaitlyn's post almost made me cry for some reason. The confusion I felt was very similar but for the opposite reason. I never crossdressed throughout my life. There is one significant memory of being about five (pre-kindergarten) and stealing a pair of my younger sisters panties to wear while I was playing with a neighbor girl about my age. But other than that I don't have the stories of crossdressing and discovery like so many others have. Like Kaitlyn, this made me seriously question the possibility that I might be TS. How could I want to be a woman when I don't enjoy crossdressing? (I still don't like wearing bras and I actually need one now) My therpapist (who thankfully wasn't a hack) simply said that just because I'm not a CD really has no bearing on whether or not I'm TS. She never suggested I make a list of pros and cons, she just made me think about what's really important.

Here's a question that might put it all in perspective; If you were going to wake up tomorrow as the same person, in the same life, would you even care if you woke up or not?

[SweetIonis]

no offense at all..

my ONLY relief from the 24/7 feeling that i was a wrong person was to masturbate... of course, we all know how that turns out ...
to this therapist, who learned everything she knew about gender issues from me and one conversation with another therapist, this meant that everything i was thinking was just a logical outcrop of a fetish....i am sure it is possible that people have a fetish of changing into lots of things , furries?, and of course women... i can't say what the therapist thought outside of her assertion which was simply since i felt this sexual feeling, then i was not transsexual...frankly i doubt she knew a thing about ts people...

in my case, it was horrible advice, because in the short term i felt very relieved, i stopped seeing the therapist and i figured i'd just deal with it..but over time, this started to feel like a death sentence..i knew deep inside the truth, but i would not admit it, and i had a naive trust that this therapist had "diagnosed" me, and that was that...how could this be? i thought.. i felt trapped and dead...this all happened over a period of years..looking back, this diagnosis harmed me for many years... when i sought help 5 years ago, the first thing my therapist did was put me into contact with some women that had transitioned... and we shared life stories, and i saw how glad they were they had taken the step, they told me lots of things i didn't know and i used those folks as mentors to help me figure things out..

this is why jaycee's post seems poignant to me.. unless you have gone through it, it is very hard to put in words how terrible the feeling of being trapped can be..if you don't have this feeling, it can be very hard to stare at the mountain of CONS and still transition...if you do have this feeling...a million mountains of CONS will not deter you...

Thanks for clearing that up Kaitlyn. That was of particular interest to me, because honestly, I get EXTREME sexual pleasure from cross dressing. Also you cleared up the difficulty I was having understanding Jay Cee's dilemma, so thanks for that too!

[NicoleScott]

There is much more to being a woman that simply flitting around in dresses and high heels. While that may be enjoyable, I probably like wearing this stuff a lot more as a man than I would if I transitioned and lived my life as a woman. As a crossdresser, womanhood for me IS all dresses and high heels.

That's pretty much how I see it, too. I see my transformations as "dressup sessions". I love the process of transforming and then dwelling a bit in transformed state. But when it's over, it's over. After un-transforming I am meticulous about putting my stuff away, making sure everything is ready for the next session. I like being a guy and never felt any internal feminine identity. I just enjoy occasional dressup sessions. When single, and single again, I transformed 3-4 times a week. Now, other (wife, child) life distractions limit the opportunities, but when I can, it's almost always all or nothing.
I never had any struggle with wondering if I was TS.

[Jorja]

I would like to see what life was like as a woman. Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different.

It is not so much that women have a better life than males. It is different in many ways from what I experienced as a male but I am still expected to pay my bills on time. Unless I can convince the boy next door to do it, I still have to mow the lawn and take out the trash.
I think what matters most is that you are comfortable with your decision. Nobody talked you in to transitioning and you are not doing it for someone elses sake. This is what YOU really need and want. Oh, by the way, no matter what anyone else says, the grass is not greener over here. It is well kept and the flowers are prettier though.
Alexia is correct. Follow what is in your heart.

[Pythos]

Actually the progression of my crossdressing led me away from the gender questioning that I briefly had when I first dipped my toes in the local transgender community and transgender based social networks.

Princess, could you go into a bit more detail on this. It may be very similar to how I feel about the subject.

[sissystephanie]

I willingly admit that I love to wear feminine clothes of all kinds. But in the almost 70 years that I have been a CD, I have never wanted to be a woman. I was born a man and hopefully will die a man!! Transitioning or being a transexual has never entered my mind! My late wife knew that, which is just one of the many reasons why we were together for almost 50 years!! No matter what clothing I had on, I was always her man and she knew it!

[Barbara Dugan]

I am still trying to figure out what I am, since early early age I used to have gender doubts and my behavior and mannerisms got me in trouble more than once and made my parents worried..I was very successful on shutting down any gender and sexual orientation feelings for a very long time...can you imagine puberty and adolescence without any sexual feelings or desires or being in your 20's and 30's and being asked why you never had or pursued any relationship, Even when a girl had some interest on me I founded ways to steer them out because I didn't want to hurt anybody by being on a relationship not being sure about who I really was....but It got to a point that all that hidding cought out with me and made me physically ill...I had to find my femenine side and I knew the only way was to try crossdressing, I still rememeber the first time I saw myself dressed all the way, it was like a key to the door of my soul...I am still not admiting myself that I may be transexual yet..but being able to express both sides of myself is very liberating.

[Erika_bagels]

Ever since about 5th grade I've fantasized about changing my gender. I got so hot and heavy just thinking about it. Sometimes I still fantasize I have a vagina, and it's pretty amazing how intense the desire becomes. However, at the end of the day, for me it has always been a fantasy. It wasn't until recently that I became able to separate my fantasies from possibilities. I think it's important to weigh the pros and cons. Personally, my dealbreaker is I would never have my penis. Ever again. I can't handle that, he's my best friend. It's a serious undertaking, like a marriage, only more permanent.

[Jay Cee]

JayCee, this is very interesting. Why do you say this?

For as long as I can remember I've thought that girls had a BETTER life. Even today, as a very fem guy in transition, my life is unquestionably better. (no more acting, lots more shopping)

Every TS girl on this board (except those that just want to argue with me) will agree that their life is better now. It is better to be a woman than a man. Sexism? I don't care, it's a small price to pay to stop pretending.

Alexia is absolutely right. Follow your feelings. Your heart cares not about what's easy, only about what's true.

Gee, I wonder who would possibly want to argue with you.

I think Jorja answered your question nicely, but I'll toss in my two cents as well. Women have gotten the shi... er.... short end of the stick for centuries. It's gotten better in the past few decades, but has a long way to go. I think I was just trying to emphasize that I didn't have a pollyanna vision of what being a woman is all about.

[SweetIonis]

I had to find my femenine side and I knew the only way was to try crossdressing, I still rememeber the first time I saw myself dressed all the way, it was like a key to the door of my soul...

Well I have always been very attracted to females, so we are different in that regard. But honestly Barbara, it was somewhere near the start of puberty for me when I first put on a pair of panties. WOW!!!!! Nothing could have prepared me for the way I felt. It opened up a whole new world of feminine feelings, sexy feelings. When I dress, even to this day, it makes me feel SUPER feminine and SUPER sexy. That's the honest truth. I don't know if it's the key to my soul, but it sure is a key the this EXTREME feminine side that I have. That's the honest truth.

[RichardCD]

I enjoy being the man I am and just having my soft side. I just do not have the desire to be a woman. I just love dressing and looking like one form time to time.

[Autumndawn]

I started crossdressing as a means to an end, for physical gratification. It has since developed into a means for me to consider, think and sort through what really makes me up. I am a man, but there are times that if I could be a complete woman without the assistance of surgery I would be perfectly happy. It's been a battle and as with many others here, it is something I share with you all, but not with my family or SO. I've realized that I am what I physically was created. I do have the rare opportunity to emulate and free the "inner woman" in me. The list for me has so many more cons then pros, but there are times I believe I would totally enjoy being a woman and experiencing all that life has for a woman to experience. I've concluded that I am not just a crossdresser, I am to a degree transgendered, but not at the level of committing to an artificial change. That's my perspective, for good, bad, or otherwise. I wish that everyone here on this journey finds whatever decision or place they reach that they are foremost happy and content with who they have choosen or come to understand who they are inside. ~ Liz

[Rianna Humble]

I would not want to go down the surgical route and become a transexual.

I might be picking nits here, but surgery does not make you transsexual. The surgery is used to align the physical appearance of our body to our gender.

To go back to the original question:

Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

I can honestly say that I knew I was transsexual way before I started cross-dressing in earnest but that when I did start CDing, I tried to use that as a way to avoid transition. Fairly quickly, I realised that far from curing my Gender Dysphoria, cross-dressing was bringing it out into the open.

For the past year or so, I thought I was transexual. At first, I wasn't so sure. Then the feelings grew until I was certain that I was ready for hormones and maybe even surgery.

However, since my counsellor suggested I make up a list of the pros and cons of being a woman, I have really started to have doubts about being TS.

Full-on transition may not necessarily be the right thing for you at this stage even if you are TS. You alone can tell how acute your Gender Dysphoria is and whether you can cope with living as a man at this point in your life. No-one else has the right to make that decision for you.

If right now there seem to be more cons than pros to living as a woman, then perhaps you should put the Real Life Experience on hold until you are ready (if that time ever comes). Please remember that even if you do begin your RLE, there is no shame in deciding that you do not want to transition - part of the purpose of RLE is to help you decide.

Could it have been a prolonged episode of the dreaded Pink Fog? Yes it could, but then again it might not be. Perhaps you just have not reached the point where living as a man has become intolerable. Whatever you decide for now, I hope that you know that we will be here to support you in your journey.

[ReineD]

It is not so much that women have a better life than males. It is different in many ways from what I experienced as a male but I am still expected to pay my bills on time. Unless I can convince the boy next door to do it, I still have to mow the lawn and take out the trash.

Yay!! Thank you for posting this. Other than the very beginning of the relationship when the guy wants to get into the girl's pants and will do just about everything she asks, eventually if she is like most women, she will open her own car door, she will pull her own load in the relationship, he'll want to spend time with his buddies, he might even cheat on her. And if she is single or even if she is married, as you say she mows her own lawn, she carts her own boxes, she paints her own bedroom, she pays her own bills, and she takes out her own trash. And if she has kids, a demanding job, or limited financial resources, there isn't all that much time for all the shopping and pampering.

And when she goes to work, she gets paid less.

The idea that being a woman is "better" I think is a CD fantasy. Honestly, for most of us it isn't a carefree life of shopping, giggling, being girly, and having men falling all over our feet, at least not past the early 20s, even for attractive GGs. When a TS is happy after transition, it is because she can finally be who she is, warts and all, just like everybody else.

[Badtranny]

The idea that being a woman is "better" I think is a CD fantasy.

Dangit! I knew as soon as I hit the post button I would be taken to task for saying that. Please allow me to explain ;-)

I never said that women had it better, I said that BEING a woman was better. I am almost surprised that a TS would argue this point. (some people will argue anything) If it's not better than why go through this?

Reine, it may indeed be a CD fantasy but that's not at all what I'm talking about. I feel silly saying this, but I know that women's lives are not all wine and roses. Sheeesh, sometimes these discussions get so juvenile. ;-)

I'm quite aware of the BS women face in a sexist society. My own industry and even more so, my own workplace is extremely sexist and I fight it everyday. I personally trained and promoted the first female Project Manager in our company's 60 year history. I've always considered myself a feminist and I'm under no illusions about the reality of being a woman. I am conciously walking away from the male privelege that I know exists, because I want to show the world who I really am.

Being a man was never fun for me, I was always envious of the other side.

[ReineD]

Dangit! I knew as soon as I hit the post button I would be taken to task for saying that. Please allow me to explain ;-)

I never said that women had it better, I said that BEING a woman was better.

LOL. Well, if being a woman is better for you, this is perfectly understandable!

I wasn't responding to you specifically, but the oft posted notion that being a woman IS better than being a man, for anybody.

[sometimes_miss]

Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

Well, first I thought I was gay, because at that point I didn't know transsexualism existed. Then I thought I was a transsexual. Then I spend the next few decades learning all the real answers.

[Steph.TS]

twice I started out crossdressing and twice I came to a realization that I want to be a woman, I desire to be one of the girls, to cease living as a man and start living as a woman, I'll be the first to admit massive fears, both of a personal and religious nature, but that doesn't stop me form wishing that tomorrow I'll wake up and be a woman. the sad part is that if we do decide to transition, we will lose alot, we will be teased and likely abused by people opposed to this. I have several questions floating around in my head, am I strong enough to do this, will my God be ok with this, can I survive this, will I still have a job if I go down this road etc...

[Samantha B L]

I wanted to transition very much for a couple of years when I was in my late teens but I finally decided it was because I thought that in doing so my life would become mostly just fun and easy and I would be on one big bisexual vacation wearing expensive styles. I found out gradually from various sources that this ain't the case! It can take a long time to transition and you have to take hormones and special drugs. These don't work for everybody. The surgery can leave your body feeling very strange and uncomfortable for a long time afterward. There's a lot of psychiatric criteria. The doctors and therapists have to be very sure you are psychologically a female in a male body or a male in a female body and they don't accept just anybody for the transitioning and the surgery. So I finally decided what's so terrible about being a crossdresser or a drag queen? If a few semiliterates don't like it
that's their problem.

[ReineD]

but that doesn't stop me form wishing that tomorrow I'll wake up and be a woman.

Not to be picky or anything either, but I'll echo Rianna. Transition doesn't make someone "wake up" as a woman, because she is already. If she doesn't feel she is a woman prior to SRS, the surgery won't change a thing. SRS just aligns the genitals with the gender ID. Everything else is the same.

[Steph.TS]

Not to be picky or anything either, but I'll echo Rianna. Transition doesn't make someone "wake up" as a woman, because she is already. If she doesn't feel she is a woman prior to SRS, the surgery won't change a thing. SRS just aligns the genitals with the gender ID. Everything else is the same.

I understand that what I mean is right now I have a beard, a man's face and body, when I say I want to wake up tomorrow as a woman, I mean I want to look like a woman, go outside dressed as a woman without fear that that I'll be found out as a man, be cause in every way I won't be a man. I look forward to a day when I can be myself without fear and feel better about being who I am.

[ReineD]

Gosh, I keep putting my foot in my mouth tonight.

Sorry, Steph, I misunderstood what you were saying.

[Jennifer in CO]

I lived as a "non-op" TS for 5 years in the beginning of the 80's. I say it that way as I thought of myself as a woman during that time...just something extra that I didn't mind it being there. I think THAT is what makes the difference. A true TS wants that "extra" part gone with everything else added and to me my wife was still enjoying it being there so I didn't mind it hanging around (sorry - no pun intended). The clothes do not make you TS. I think the other part of it was I never intended to go that far (living FT much less for 5 years). With the med study and everything else that happened, it just seemed a logical step that if you look "girly", have feminine breasts, and look/dress like a woman as often as you can(could), then you are one. That was my "transition". As said in posts above, once the "thrill" wore off, I still had to mow the yard, service and change the oil in the car, etc, etc (even tho as time went on I was the more feminine one in the relationship). It just went to life from a womans perspective as opposed to a mans.
I have to say that after the development of a womans mindset towards life/et al it was MUCH harder to change back to a male mindset (I hope you know what I mean here) and in all honesty I never really did change "back" just tried to fit in as best I could. I mean for about 3-4 years after I still had obvious breasts if I took off my shirt so you aren't going to be "manly" with C cups...

Jenn

[whowhatwhen]

I have no idea.

The most worrying thought is that I don't care a whole lot for the little guy down there.
I can count on one hand the number of times I thought about being active with it, I think of it more of an "accessory".

This has made me question a few things but I realized I like vaginas even less so...
If there is one thing I know, it's that I have a hell of a lot more self discovery to go before seriously thinking about anything.

[Princess Chantal]

Princess, could you go into a bit more detail on this. It may be very similar to how I feel about the subject.

I guess you could say that I was overwhelmed when I ventured from the personals type of crossdressing chatrooms to the local cd/tg social group and transgendered forums. The newly founded information and socializing from that new wandering was what may have triggered the questioning. The coercing, insisting, complimenting and acceptance from others in the community may have clouded my thoughts during the questioning and I started taking basic steps to get myself prepared for the possibility. It may have been my passion for pantyhose and unwillingness to stop wearing them with the even most casual clothing that prevented me to go on the wrong path. I recall while on a lesbian (or should I say womyn) boat cruise I overheard some chatter about my choice of wearing pantyhose with capris. Eventually, I came to the answer of the reason why I crossdress (cause it's a fun activity and sensually satisfying) and the reason why I started in the first place (curiousities of the female gender).