How long does it take to peel the shell off an M&M

[SuzanneBender]

I noticed that after long stints of not dressing it takes time to feel comfortable presenting en femme again. On the inside I feel that my roles and behaviors intermingle and that I am me no matter my gender presentation, but let’s face it we grow up in a world that demands we conform or suffer. Years (more than I would like to admit) of programmed behavior and hiding the ooey gooey goodness inside with a hard crunchy exterior takes time to overcome. In addition, some of us lead very guarded male lives which forces us to build those defensive ramparts even higher by monitoring our behavior in order to protect ourselves from the onslaught of the closed minded. For me it takes time to let those defenses melt away and become comfortable again in a feminine role. After a few hours or so the hard shell melts away and everything comes natural with very little conscious effort. Does anyone else experience this after a hiatus from their femme role?

[Karren H]

Not really.... Its like riding a bike..... But now I have one hell of a chocolate craving thank you Suzanne!!

[kimdl93]

I don't often have to shift gears because I mainly work at home and dress pretty much full time. On those occassions after I attend meetings and present as "male" I am so anxious to get out those clothes and back into my femme model that its pretty much automatic.

[Cynthia Anne]

A few years ago I could relate to that! Now I go straight to the 'Her-she' bar! The hard 'shell' is gone for good!

[ReineD]

My SO has also told me she needs an internal shift in order to fully experience her femme self. And she, like you, also feels she/he is the same person all the time. It's a difficult concept to explain, but I do understand it. She used to have to take a bath in order to wash away his guy self, but now she accomplishes this internally.

[Danni Renee]

I certainly need time to transition between my male and female roles (and I use the shower method to help with that) and I am sort of going through that now. I have spent several weeks now of not being able to dress and is is certainly taking a little time for me to get back to the point I was where I was comfortable in my appearance and presentation.

[suchacutie]

Ok...two levels:

One: I very much need my "ritual" to transform from my male self to Tina. I do not at all feel that I am one person, so moving from one gender to the other is quite a transition, one that I dearly love!

Two: I was on a one-year hiatus because of family issues, and when that was over it was a remarkably difficult and extended transition. First of all, my makeup collection was a sea of discovery as I had forgotten so much. I did buy a few things that I know would no longer be in good shape, but it was terrific to discover everything that I had stored for Tina! It just took time. Then there was finding all her shoes, her clothes, and deciding what to wear. And, I had hidden her perfume so well I could only find one of the two that I really loved. Then there was the whole process of discovery, much as an earlier time, as the mind had matured but hadn't practiced. Thus, every action was rescrutinized and assessed. In the long run it was wonderful in that the nail polish went on incredibly smoothly and dried quicker than I remembered. The makeup took a little longer, but then it was a process of discovery and reassessment. When Tina was done, and walked out of the bedroom, she was not quite as sure of herself as she should have been. She kept checking her stance, her gait, and her voice was a whole separate issue. She had so many things she wanted to do, but there was hardly enough time and many things needed to get put off for another day. It was terrific, it was frustrating, but it was real and Tina was back, and delighted to be so!

[Alice Torn]

Yes. You said it well. Taking off the superman costume, and changing into wonderwoman, is a tough transition at times.

[CynthiaD]

For me, my "femme self" is always present. When I can't dress for an extended period, I start imagining myself en femme. The longer the break, the more I fantasize. So for me the transition back to femme mode is instantaneous.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I remember a professor saying about a subject I hated, "suck it and see". Thought that is better for M&M than peeling away the shell. I spend most nights as female and dress a little am before work. The more you practice the least guilt you feel, I think. It takes a lil while to lower that shield, and only you know how far to lower it and for how long. I just saw a hairdresser today walking past and I asked about prices for cutting long hair? He said for male $x I said and for female? He looked amused and I said I CD. He told me price and said drop in when you are ready. I actually blurted out I am a CDer as if who really cares. Like anything the more you practice the more you become accustomed to it and it becomes part of your everyday routine without thought.

[NathalieX66]

I shift gears often, and it goes in stages for me.
I've been going out en femme constantly for the last 8 months up until mid June.....every public place imaginable, been there done that. I feel like a seasoned pro, with the resumé to boot, and I loved every bit of it.

After I took a hiatus in the deep summer months of July & August, I focused on other aspects of my life: social life, family, and major renovations on my house. Yeah, I wanted to get back into it, but I became too tired and lazy to doll up again and go out. I got more focused on bricklaying projects (...us silly homeowners).

Last weekend, I had my parents at my house, helping me with all sorts of things, and feeding me to death with food. Once they left, I re-assembled my Nathalie side of me, and it felt too good. I forgot about how whole I felt.

So now, I finally plan on going out this coming weekend.

[docrobbysherry]

Strangely, Suzanne, I find the same thing to be tru for Sherry! Even tho I'm a closet dresser!

I was Sherry yesterday after a long hiatus. And, for a few minutes, I scurried around, not knowing what to do first!

[eluuzion]

I noticed early in life that there were two lines at the “lifestyle” license division. One was an incredibly long line of people waiting in the “structured path” line. The other “line” had nobody in it...virtually no waiting at all. So I chose that one. It was called “blaze your own trail”. So I just stepped up to that counter, got my license and the machete and headed off looking for some tall brush.

I tend to “compartmentalize” issues in my life. Life is one big toy box. I pull out one toy and play with it until the rush fades, then I put it back and grab another one. I come back to that first one whenever the urge rekindles and drag it out for playtime again. No single “toy” overrides everything else at any one time. Each toy has a meaningful purpose and value to me. Maybe it is that “sharing” rule my parents drilled into my head as a kid, lol.

I don’t really experience any mental dilemmas associated with “switching roles”, “juggling priorities”, “choosing between A or B” or related cognitive “tug-of-wars” many seem to burn brain cells battling. My goal strategy is to work around (adapt) obstacles in my path, not try and go through (battle) them. I typically accomplish my goal without much turmoil involved.

So, my answer is no, I typically do not have any “transition adjustment time” requirement involving “cognitive states.” I just immediately enjoy the entertainment value of whatever toy I just yanked out of the toy box.

I won’t bother asking anybody if that “makes sense”...

[SuzanneBender]

Great perspectives from everyone. For some there is no switch at all, for others the mental jump comes as soon as you are dressed and for others it takes time for the defense to melt away.

She used to have to take a bath in order to wash away his guy self, but now she accomplishes this internally.

I certainly need time to transition between my male and female roles (and I use the shower method to help with that).

The concept of washing the male away is very interesting. It reminds me of a Calgon commercial. Take me away.....

Yes. You said it well. Taking off the superman costume, and changing into wonderwoman, is a tough transition at times.

That is tough. If your are not careful you can get the tiara snagged on the the cape and those boots are not the easiest things to get on an off. And lets not even mention trying to find a phone booth to change in anymore.

[Fionax]

It's odd because for me it's the return to male mode that is the shock. Having luxuriated in wearing lacy lingerie over pretty dress, taking care not to snag my pantyhose and watching that my heels don't stick in or catch in a hem; the shock of projecting the 'butch' is great. Am I waving my hands too much, should I really be tidying up the room, why am I crossing my legs when I sit? Now there is just the pair of us, there are n't so many eyes to spot those giveaways, but a visiting friend or relative dropping in shortly after 'the great shift' does cause a deep worry, and reinforces the effort to make clear that I'm a hearty back slapping bloke.

oops sorry...I wear my lingerie UNDER a dress most times!

[Sara Jessica]

Hiatus....what's that???

It took me a lot of years to peel the shell off of this M&M and as you know, once the shell is gone it doesn't come back, or at least that's been the case with me.

But I totally see your point Suzanne, especially when times call for that shell to be intact. For the time being, your going back and forth is at an extreme but the time will come soon when doing so won't be such a drastic difference, when life can have true balance.

[Frédérique]

Years (more than I would like to admit) of programmed behavior and hiding the ooey gooey goodness inside with a hard crunchy exterior takes time to overcome. In addition, some of us lead very guarded male lives which forces us to build those defensive ramparts even higher by monitoring our behavior in order to protect ourselves from the onslaught of the closed minded. For me it takes time to let those defenses melt away and become comfortable again in a feminine role. After a few hours or so the hard shell melts away and everything comes natural with very little conscious effort. Does anyone else experience this after a hiatus from their femme role?

[SIZE="2"]More candy analogies! I love M&M’s! I must say I’ve never tried to peel one, though…

I avoid your problem by rarely going out, and not having a wife or children that demand I conform to someone’s artificial standard. As a result, my exterior is not a hard shell, in fact I bruise easily, but I remain defensive and vigilant (in a feminine sense) in case the close-minded legions find my location. If I’m mid-stream during a hiatus from crossdressing, I know I’m very close to resuming my femme "role.” In my case, the male exterior is very flimsy, and it doesn’t take much to peel it away – the anticipation of happiness is always present and accounted for, so it doesn’t take much effort to overcome my drab presentation. In essence, I am more yielding than defensive, so I don’t put up much of a "front,” if you know what I mean…
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[SusanMarie]

The she part...the he part...heck I don't know....it just all blurred together into the me part.

[Kaz]

I think most of the emotions expressed here resonate with me. The longer I don't dress fully and go out, the more my confidence wanes and it then becomes harder to do it. I am there at the moment. I also find it harder to get back into guy mode when I have been fully 'transformed' - by that I mean, make-up, wig etc... the pictures I post are me 'transformed'... I feel a real sense of loss and almost grief (though that is a bit too strong!). I also like to have a bath/shower before I 'transform'... this is because I want to be smooth all over, rather than anything else, but I accept from Reine's comment that there may be some underlying psychology going on there as well.

So I guess to get back to M&Ms... I have my Kaz 'shell' and my drab 'shell'... but the bit in the middle is who I really am!