Originally Posted by
Deb Weller
Hi Donna, another "Desert Shaft" vet here; "Just Cause", too.
I was badly injured in a training exercise shortly after getting home from Iraq, and was disqualified from my beloved job, and put behind a desk. I didn't enjoy that and ended up getting out in late 1992 -- hard to believe it's been nearly twenty years now.
Ironically, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD ... but not because of the Gulf War, or Panama; my PTSD stems from some traumatic events during training. It's funny how PTSD reared its head, 19 years after I separated. Just goes to show ya!
It took me a long time to come to terms with my crossdressing. I had crossdressed just a little bit before I joined the AF; during the twelve years that I was in, I didn't crossdress -- at all. My job was just too "manly" to risk getting caught in women's underwear, plus the required mustache really wouldn't have helped.
After I got out, I felt more relaxed .. a gradual thawing out of my feelings towards dressing, towards wanting to be more feminine, occurred. I dressed sporadically, looked at myself in the mirror -- A LOT -- and began fantasizing about being pretty. I say fantasizing because there was just no way this former combat vet was gonna be pretty, in the way I had hoped. My muscular structure prevented it, for one thing.
I slowly came to realize that this, the femininity, the feeling that I had been born in the wrong body, this had existed in me for as long as I could remember. I looked at photos of myself as a very young child, and found that I had been trying to dress as a girl, before I became conscious that dressing that way was "wrong". It's been a slow process ... and perhaps that will happen with you, also; perhaps not, though. Everyone is different. You may never feel that you were born wrong.
It's important to realize that your PTSD, although not likely to be related to crossdressing at all, will make these feelings seem more urgent. My own experience so far with this PTSD crap has certainly shown me that; it feels more pressing now to tell my entire family that I'm transgendered. I'm keeping it from my Dad and brothers for now; I've already told my grown sons, and my wife, around ten years ago. The kids "accept" me, but they are more distant than I had hoped .. and the same goes for my wife. I'm "accepted" but not really.
Keep your stick on the ice; PTSD is a bumpy ride. We're here for ya.
