Social Repercussions of Self expression

[DonniDarkness]

Finding ourselves seems to be a similar goal between us all. Discovering through exploration,all the little things that make us up to be the crossdressers we are today and who we will be tomorrow. Reading through threads here this week i learned something about myself as well as others.

Crossdressing is different for each and every one of us. There are similarities, but each person is unique because of what they have learned through self discovery and exploring the paths that others have dredged before us. Somewhere among all this diversity we set ourselves into cliques of style, appearances, attitudes, gender and sexuality. This action of segregation is just human nature, it helps us as individuals to find something in common with those that we call friends. Sometimes our styles and appearances clash resulting in conflicting ideas and crossing each others proverbial "lines in the sand". There comes a point when you as a crossdresser have to respect another crossdresser for the person they aspire to be. The path they choose is not so different from your own, when you understand that we all come here for support while we navigate our own paths in life as part of the crossdressing community.

Fetishism. One of the colors of crossdressing that recieves alot of critical responses from those who are not so different from one another. It has received more than its due share of ridicule in the world and it reflects the same responses here among our small community of crossdressers and transgendered people. There are parts of fetishism that i do not like, but as kink myself i am reminded that we do share some common ground. This color of self expression through fetishism and crossdressing is as important to the kink as "proper crossdressing" is important to you.

Take care to notice that there are kinks among you that live very healthy lives and have found the courage to speak up about how they choose to express themselves. Yet there are those among us that would be judged based on how they choose to express their sexuality, style, or personality, by the very people they share so much in common with. We are all guilty of it. Recognizing this fault and addressing it in a context that is fair to the community should be a goal for all of us if we seek to better understand each other.

We all break the rules of conformity, although we all do it in our own ways. There is personal freedom found in each and every one of us that breaks the chains of the worlds view upon us. Discovering and embracing that freedom should not come with the price of being ostracized by our social peers.

There is so much to be learned from one another that would be better communicated if we would drop the veil of segregation just long enough to see eye to eye..... Kink to kink..... Crossdresser to crossdresser.


Your Resident Social Deviant,
-Donni-
Little me.JPG

[Annaliese]

Well put, this need to be said.

[Sookie]

ok, get out of mind already..... lol. I was having the same thoughts last night. As I am newly back into the scene of crossdressing and trying to figure out who i am and what fits me, I have been reading through the site for the last few days. I dont want to be a carbon copy of anyone. We are all different, and for good reason. Some dress fully 24/7, others occasionally at home, some just in panties, and everything in between. Sexuality is the same, some are hetro, some are bi, some are gay and probably other types i dont even know of..lol. I will say for me that i am my biggest critic and dont need any help in that area...lol.

Sookie

[Sara Jessica]

The path they choose is not so different from your own...

I beg to differ. Sookie actually gives us a pretty succinct example...

We are all different, and for good reason. Some dress fully 24/7, others occasionally at home, some just in panties, and everything in between. Sexuality is the same, some are hetro, some are bi, some are gay...

Right, and what you left out of the mix is that everyone is in a different place within the TG continuum, if one subscribes to such theory. There is a place where those who identify as TS reside which for better or worse illustrates not only the diversity in our community but also a chasm between many of us when it comes to world views.

Just as when making friends IRL, it has been said that it takes more than the trans to sustain a lasting friendship. The same is true in these pages, recognizing the diversity amongst the participants. Using a "panties-only wearer" as an extreme example, he might have his place under the TG umbrella but I'm not likely to be able to relate to him when it comes to topics of conversation in these pages, let alone in the real world. The path he chooses IS different than my own, given how I identify and express myself in this wonderful world of ours.

At the end of the day, I'm not endorsing the segregation but I can say our vast differences do lend themselves to such behavior. Perhaps it's cliquish but it is what it is. And at the same time, I am not likely to call out anyone who chooses to express themselves in whatever way they wish, to each their own. But am more desirous to do so if respect for women isn't demonstrated. Unfortunately, silence is the best way to proceed down that road because calling a spade a spade is often frowned upon in these pages. Still, for the sake of harmony this encouraged silence might be the best policy as it illustrates the difficulties in getting such a vast and varied community to see eye to eye when it comes to the base elements that make us the individuals we are.

[Karren H]

Well written and insightful but imho... Just liking to wear the same kind of clothing isn't sufficient to create a community or a movement let along keep one together...

[docrobbysherry]

What a well written and thot out post, Donni! While I'm usually referred to as a "fetish" dresser, the fact is, it's NOT all about THAT for me. I drift thru feelings of excitement, contentment, and satisfaction while dressing. Thinking I look fem and feeling fem, come and go also! I'm never certain exactly what direction my CDing will go tomorrow. Or, where it will eventually take me! And, I'm pretty sure MANY others share those feelings!

Well written and insightful but imho... Just liking to wear the same kind of clothing isn't sufficient to create a community or a movement let along keep one together...

While that may be tru to a certain degree, Karren, the fact that we all DO wear women's things sets us apart from MOST other males. That we openly share it here, at least, gives us SOMETHING UNIQUE that we all have in common!

[Gillian Gigs]

I appreciate what you wrote. It must be human nature, that others draw a line in the sand and cause a segregation, and we ourselves do it with in this site. Labels can define us and can also separate us. I better understand myself, as I have come to understand others through their communication on this forum. I like the part about breaking the rules of comformity, and you used the example of breaking the chains. Funny, chains have links, does it matter which link is broken, or that the chain is broken to free the individual from the rules of conformity. My broken chain link may be underdressing and yours may be something else, does it matter? What matters is that we can learn from one another and be accepting, regardless of where we draw our line in the sand.

[ReineD]

We all break the rules of conformity, although we all do it in our own ways. There is personal freedom found in each and every one of us that breaks the chains of the worlds view upon us. Discovering and embracing that freedom should not come with the price of being ostracized by our social peers.

You make a good point. To draw an analogy, there is a very wide range of expression among just GGs, based on their cultural and socio-economic backgrounds. There are biker chicks, goth, and hippie chicks who would never be caught dead in tailored business skirt suits. There are active lifestyle women wearing Adidas who cringe at the thought of wearing gauzy, frilly gowns. There are the prim and proper church ladies who shudder at the thought of mini skirts, cleavage, and stiletto heels. Other women go for the bold, hot colors in wild patterns and synthetic fibers, which jars the eye for the women who prefer the toned down, faded, organic, natural hues.

Choice of clothing reflects a lot more than classy vs. trashy, demure vs. wild. Clothes reflect a number of things including power, money, education, politics, personality, and cultural background, and there are people on each side who would not approve of what the other sides wear, simply because they don't understand their lifestyles.

You are also saying, I think, that society in general does not feel differently about the CDing whether it is blending or fetish, since everyone who CDs breaks the rules of conformity. This is difficult to measure, but I believe there is a mix of attitudes about this based on the lifestyles and the politics of those who do the judging ... at least among the GGs. I do think that many if not most men will see any male who CDs, no matter how well, how trashy, how fetish or not, or even an effeminate looking male, as being gay and somewhat reprehensible ... except the admirers and tranny chasers of course.

Edit - I need to add something that I think is important. Whatever people think of CDers does change once they get to know any CDer whether she blends or not. Having a meaningful interaction with someone does tend to dispel stereotypes and take away the idea that the CDer is somehow weird, or a threat. Many people will allow themselves to see the CDer's personality shining through and they will base their impressions on more than just the form of expression, provided of course their bias is not deep rooted.

[Lexine]

This is actually an interesting topic because I've spoken to a number of my cisgender friends and some of them are more accepting of the "drag" style of dressing as opposed to the way I dress, which is more about self-expression and the realistic appearance of being a girl. I've had to explain to them that there's a community of people who do this sort of thing and they can't relate to it at all unless I try and break it down to terms that they understand. Funny how that works sometimes

[Karren H]

Karren, the fact that we all DO wear women's things sets us apart from MOST other males. That we openly share it here, at least, gives us SOMETHING UNIQUE that we all have in common!

In a perfet world.... But that alone is not enough.... Imho. Or hasn't been so far... Just way too many differences to unite us...

[Steveo]

hello, wow. what a post, i have to add my appreciation of such a positive post, my own two penneth is that when there is so much negativety applyed to our comunity,from outside, when we look to sites such as this for positive and meaningfull agenda's, why is there so much aggresion from our own comunity. understanding and support are the life blood of sites like this, yes we may pass a criteqe where asked for but on the whole we need to be surpportive of the whole of the comunity. steve.

[Miss Maxine]

I believe it was Freud who said something along the lines of, "The only unusual form of sexuality is a lack thereof."

[Sara Jessica]

I believe it was Freud who said something along the lines of, "The only unusual form of sexuality is a lack thereof."

But why in the context of this thread would there be such a tunnel vision focus on sexuality??? This certainly isn't the predominant common ground that will enable our community to see eye to eye.

[Miss Maxine]

But why in the context of this thread would there be such a tunnel vision focus on sexuality??? This certainly isn't the predominant common ground that will enable our community to see eye to eye.

The idea is that we are more alike than we sometimes realize. Common ground is a great foundation for understanding and acceptance. I can accept that we are all diverse in our sexuality. That is what everyone has in common. It's the whole, "everyone is different, therefore, no one is," concept. We are all human, and we all bleed red.

[CynthiaD]

I find that I am a very different person from most of the people who post here, and there are few if any people here that I would wish to emulate. But that doesn't matter. It's not the clothes that brings us together, it's the shared pain. If crossdressing were universally accepted, there would be no need for this forum. Most of us have, at one time, felt the shame and humiliation that seems to accompany crossdressing. By joining together here we can reassure one another that there is something good about crossdressing, and that we can be good people, not just in spite of crossdressing, but perhaps because of it.

CK

[Kaz]

Brilliant OP Donni, very insightful, resonated with me and has generated some interesting posts. The porblem I always come back to is the need to find boxes and categories and labels. Karren is right to an extent that if we are so diverse, what unites us? Well, basically the wish/desire/need to wear female clothes unites us. Now within that broad definition, we have this massive diversity and isn't it wonderful? Isn't it great to be different and unique, but yet to find others who share certain aspects of where you are? Just enough to feel a 'link' but different enough to be able to stimulate your understanding, learning and personal growth? Yeah, we get into some silly bitching at times when our boudaries get threatened because this threatens our own 'box' as we know it.

I would like a world with no boxes, just an acceptance of individual and personal expression and the joy that this will create for so many people.

To live your live as you wish to live it and to be willingly accepted and respected by all.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Wow, very good and well explained.

[DonniDarkness]

I never said to be like me, I say to be like you and make a difference.

The heart of this post was to cry out against the current construction of social barriers among us as a community. Those of you who do not come here for support or to support others and are fine with who you are in life have my greatest respect. I do not take in consideration that you as a person are different than me in one way or another. You have my respect and encouragement because you are expressing yourself in the ways that make you the best person you can be.

I believe it was Freud who said something along the lines of, "The only unusual form of sexuality is a lack thereof." .... The idea is that we are more alike than we sometimes realize. Common ground is a great foundation for understanding and acceptance. I can accept that we are all diverse in our sexuality. That is what everyone has in common. It's the whole, "everyone is different, therefore, no one is," concept. We are all human, and we all bleed red.

Way off base friend. The point in this thread is that this support community is practicing the same bigotry and judgement that many of us come face to face with from the uneducated masses. All of this unnecessary negativity is based from a derogatory outlook of self expression. This derogatory outlook is formed from the fears of individuals being associated with who the rest of the world considers "unacceptable". Our community adopting these ideals, constructs the social barriers that keep us from truly supporting one another in our individual struggles within life as crossdressers. We have all been guilty of this at one time or another.

I embrace my inner freak. Its a part of what makes me the best me i can be. That does not mean i expect you to understand, but i do expect compassion from those i would call my peers.

Being a "freak" has very little to do with sexuality and everything to do with your self expression to the world

Sexual Fetishism is about being comfortable expressing what you desire from intimacy.

The common ground that unites us is the difficulties we face in living life expressing who we are on the inside by a society that does not accept us.

Whatever people think of CDers does change once they get to know any CDer whether she blends or not. Having a meaningful interaction with someone does tend to dispel stereotypes and take away the idea that the CDer is somehow weird, or a threat. Many people will allow themselves to see the CDer's personality shining through and they will base their impressions on more than just the form of expression

Someone hug that woman already.....Reine, wonderful edit. thank you.


Supporting the Community,
-Donni-

[Kaz]

Donni, Reine is well hugged by most of us! What a star!

[Sara Jessica]

The idea is that we are more alike than we sometimes realize. Common ground is a great foundation for understanding and acceptance. I can accept that we are all diverse in our sexuality. That is what everyone has in common. It's the whole, "everyone is different, therefore, no one is," concept. We are all human, and we all bleed red.

Again, I couldn't disagree more.

As OP and others have suggested, the common ground that most in these pages shares is our method of expression, the wearing of women's clothing (no matter what one's motivation is in doing so). I had pointed out that while this may be a commonality among us, it is much too basic to assure harmony, let alone provide the sole means to cultivate meaningful relationships. Once we get beyond the clothes, there are an infinite number of things in play. These include our life experiences, our relationship status, career, other interests, our place on the TG continuum, etc...and yes, even sexuality to a certain extent. But my disagreement with your premise is that you are putting sexuality out there as if it is the base common ground among all of us. This couldn't be further from the truth.

This kind of point of view is actually part of the reason many of us face ridicule in the public eye. The average person likely believes that our presentation arises out of something sexual and hence, it it is something perverted and should be subject to scorn, ridicule, etc. These attitudes are a mistake on the part of the average person and should not be perpetuated within our own community if we wish to make strides when it comes to acceptance.

[Tina B.]

Yes we are different, in the same sort of way, and I don't believe we come here, or other sites like this, because we cross dress. We have that in common, but what we really have in common much more important than that, is we all need someone to talk to. I mean I can talk to my wife, or I could go to a therapist, and talk to him/her, but none of them can really know just what is going on inside of me, like some one else that has it going on inside of them. Even our own sweet Reine, ask questions all the time, trying to figure out what is going on inside a CD, and I don't know anyone anymore understanding than her. But I know, when I say I have something deep inside, that will not rest unless I give in to it and dress, it will drive me crazy, I don't have a choice, I dress because of a compulsion to do it, I know there are people here that really understand what I mean, because they have the same thing going on inside of them. No one on the outside can really know what that feels like, even if they are sympathetic to those that do. At lest for me, that's why this is a community, and why I've been here so long. And you can all go on dressing anyway you want, for what ever your reason is, just keep the dialog going, I think it's good for all of us!
Tina B.