Ok, this is long and kind of philosophical and not everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoyed writing it and I thought a few of you might find it interesting......
[SIZE="4"]Common Ground[/SIZE]
[SIZE="4"]W[/SIZE]hen talking with other genetic women about the ups and downs of being in a relationship with a crossdresser, one topic that inevitably comes up is vanity. “He’s in love with himself!” is a complaint I’ve heard more times than I can remember. Generally speaking, women are bewildered by, and sometimes resentful of, the typical crossdresser’s fascination with mirrors and photographs. This insistent focus on their physical appearance can make them seem shamelessly narcissistic—a trait that is not attractive in anyone, male or female.
But all this apparent self-obsession has a flip side, as anyone who has spent much time around crossdressers will tell you. The fact is, most crossdressers are really terribly insecure about the way they look en femme. Not all, of course, but the majority. Why else would they need to take dozens of pictures in hopes of finding one or two that portray the image they desire? Why else would they be so appreciative of compliments, and so devastated by criticism? Scratch a crossdresser and more often than not you will find a repository of angst to rival that of even the most self-conscious adolescent girl. Yet this insecurity about their perceived shortcomings, I would argue, is among their most endearing qualities, because it means that deep down they are just like us.
This is an epiphany that has dawned on me gradually. I began to realize it one day last month, when my husband and I were getting ready to go out to dinner and I was fretting about the way I looked. “I can’t possibly go,” I said. “My hair is a disaster, my makeup is all wrong, and this dress makes me look fat.” He came to me and I was sure he was about to say, in typical male fashion, that I looked fine. Instead he said, “That’s okay, I know how you feel. We don’t have to go.” I could have cried with joy and gratitude as I thought to myself, here is a man who actually gets it.
As a woman, I have lived my entire life under the oppressive influence of our culture’s standard of feminine beauty, a standard so unrealistic that 95% of us cannot achieve it without surgery. We are surrounded by images and expectations of how we ought to look, and these visual ideals are so deeply ingrained in us that no amount of education, common sense, or feminist rebellion can completely erase them. One needs look no further than the latest copy of any women’s magazine to learn that a woman’s worth is still, as ever, primarily determined by how attractive she is. Occasionally one finds, hidden amongst the plethora of articles on how to lose weight, improve your body, and hide your embarrassing flaws, a token column on the importance of loving yourself just the way you are. But that message will never be heard above the clamor of voices telling us that every part of the average woman’s body is unacceptable and in need of fixing.
It’s no wonder, then, that crossdressers feel the same dissatisfaction with their feminine image that women do. I was struck by this similarity last week as I was chatting with a TG friend about her various physical imperfections and her dream of one day undergoing cosmetic surgery to correct them. An hour before, I’d had a virtually identical conversation with my sister, who is convinced that she needs liposuction, a tummy tuck, breast implants, and a brow lift. Hearing my TG friend describe her feelings of never being good enough or pretty enough, I thought, was just like listening to another woman. Granted, a genetic male faces more obstacles in the quest for feminine perfection than a genetic female does, but the spectre of not measuring up haunts them both.
In a recent television series called He’s a Lady, eleven men were given female makeovers and required to compete in various “challenges” designed to teach them what life is like for a woman. It was lighthearted show to be sure, but there were moments when it transcended the silliness and delivered some poignant lessons. One of these came near the end, when the man who went on to win the competition was asked what he had learned from the experience. His answer? “I’ve learned,” he said, “that men’s obsession with external beauty can be very hurtful when the greater beauty inside is missed or ignored.” It is insights like these which, to my mind, make crossdressers so special and so desirable as friends and romantic partners. There are many things that I have come to love about this community, but for me nothing is more rewarding than those rare moments when the great divide between male and female is bridged, and we find common ground.
very good post
& 
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Originally Posted by Angel Darling
