Run it by wife, or just do it?

[prettytoes]

I am definately going to discuss it with her first...Thanks everyone for your input. I love and respect my wife very much, and I did tell her when she found out about my dressing that the hiding and lying were done with.
I do have a few reasons behind it besides becoming more feminine. I spend a lot of time outdoors in the winter and I have found that tights or pantyhose make a great base layer to wick moisture and help to keep warm. Until I joined this forum, I never realized that they fall down constantly because they are sliding down on the hair. I also wear Under Armor, but found that it is very itchy. My wife has been helping me to remove my back hair (I have always hated back hair!) for about a year now. I found out that I could actually wear an Under Armor shirt without itching. My legs still itch, but I have been hesitant mention the leg shaving. Now that she knows about my CDing it may be easier to bring it up. I am also getting a tattoo on my calf next month and will need to shave the area where it is going to be. I can also explain that just shaving a small patch would look odd, so I might as well shave the whole leg...and if I'm shaving one, I might as well shave them both.

These are all legitimate reasons, but if I were not a cross dresser, I would not even be considering it. So it does all come around full circle to the cross dressing. Maybe I should just tell her I think my mini skirt would look much better with freshly shaved legs and some new silky panty hose! Thanks again to all for the thoughtful suggestions! This is why I love this forum!

[ReineD]

These are all legitimate reasons, but if I were not a cross dresser, I would not even be considering it. So it does all come around full circle to the cross dressing. Maybe I should just tell her I think my mini skirt would look much better with freshly shaved legs and some new silky panty hose! Thanks again to all for the thoughtful suggestions! This is why I love this forum!

I agree. If these are your true reasons, telling your wife anything else will seem like a rationalization.

[Diane Smith]

Think about the outcomes:

If you "just do it," either:

a) She will accept and you will have shaved legs.
b) She will not accept, and you'll let the hair grow back, but your relationship will suffer a setback.

If you ask first, then:

c) She will approve and you will have shaved legs.
d) She will not accept, you will still have hairy legs, but no damage will be done.

Seems like the only possible bad outcome results from not telling her in advance -- unless this is so important to you that conditions (b) and (d) are unacceptable. In that case, do whatever you want, and be prepared to accept the consequences.

- Diane

[kimdl93]

You could certainly ask her - and I think if you run a poll here, you'll find that many of us have shaved our legs for years and nobody notices.

[Joanna41]

Completely agree with all here...if she is being tolerant of what you have done already she probably won't care but I'm sure she would appreciate you getting her opinion about it. Keep her included in everything...good luck!

Joanna

[Lexine]

I firmly believe that communication is key to any relationship, so asking her would not only be prudent, but respectful.

[Prettyinscarlet]

I have to disagree with all of those who have told you to behave selfishly by ignoring your wife. This is not a good way to build on her support.

If you trust your wife, then what have you got to lose by discussing your desire to shave your legs? This is not about having to ask permission to CD, it is about mutual respect in a married couple.

I'm fairly confident that your wife does talk to you about changes that she is considering making in her own presentation - she is not necessarily asking your permission, but trusts and respects you so she wants to share her thoughts before taking action.

The attitude "it is my body and I don't give a flying whatsit what my wife thinks" which many posters have urged upon you is a negative one that does nothing to increase mutual trust and respect.

I hope you dont mind me wading in on your post however I wholly agree with the above - as a GG who has recently found out bout my SO's CDing and decided that I actually enjoy this side of him and have had a couple of nice evenings with him 'en femme' In fact i encourage him more than he does !! I still cannot stress enough the importance of speaking to your wife about this first. If you already shave your armpits and upper leg chances are she will be fine about it however one of my biggest fears and hang ups about my SO's CDing' (and YES there stil many many hangups) is that I feel left out..

I think this can be true of wives and girlfriends of ALL men - woman are always guilty of dragging our SO's into everything WE like to do, Shopping, Gossiping, Clubs, Hobbies the list goes on. etc
men dont seem to be tuned this way and from my experiance are often happy to do thier own thing whether thats watching football or tinkering with the car or garden or thier own hobbies either alone or With the guys i.e Without the WIFE, and I think this 'MALE' (no Offence is intended here this is just my observation of the sexes) trait is the same regardless whether a man likes to CD or not.

I feel that sometimes the guys, CD'rs or not tend to think that thier wives and girlfriends dont notice little changes in them physically or emotionally... BELEIVE me we notice everything ESPECIALLY once something like CDing has been brought into the relationship.

My SO 'de-fuzzes' everywhere and I am fine with that but he still 'asked' me first before he shaved his legs and chest and I appreciate the fact then when he thinks of something relating to CD he also is still thinking of me, and my feelings.

Please NEVER underestimate the Power of communication in your relatioship especially once something like this has come into the arrangement.

it sounds as though your wife is pretty understanding don't let this be an excuse for her to take a step back.

Ill shush now

Scarlet xx

[BLUE ORCHID]

You've got a good thing going for yourself don't blow it now.

Orchid

[Being Paige]

I wanted to get my legs waxed and was wanting to tell my wife, I knewthat she would be totally against this as she is not very supportive, shw puts up with me! .
Any way, I do get other parts of my body waxed so I left a reminder note on the table wit the date of the appoinment, time and for waxing of legs with the cost. So she confronted my with her usual sarcastic self and knowing where this was heading I just told her that no it wasn't for me, all she had to say was that if it had been she would know for sure just what kind of a person I actually was!! WTF Like as if having hair less legs was going to change who I am!! I don't get it.

[DaphneATX]

yes for sure ask your wife, I ask my gf everytime I want to shave them.... and for the most part she agrees however last time it back fired, I really wanted to shave them super bad she said "its not a good idea because its still summer" i talked her into it still non the less and shaved them. The twist happens when a month later we goto a pool party at her sisters house and im not wanting to swim because my hair is not back and didnt want to embarrass myself it was a rather large fight out of it... so i suppose I will only shave during the winter

[maturegirlrobin]

This is a tough one to answer. In MY opinion it depends on the quality of the marriage discounting the crossdressing part of it. Do you have any feelers from the past about how she might feel about you shaving your legs ??? Are you open about OTHER things ? Do you think SHE would tell U if she was going to do something that U might not like ????? When I tell my wife of 34 years things about Robin that I want to do I don't ask her - I tell her - BUT in a nice feminine soft way. One other very important thing to consider is this - IF U don't make a BIG deal about it, she Probably won't either !

Good Luck - Hugggs, Robin

[Annajose]

Hi, I was going to epilate my legs when I read this post and decided that asking my wife would be the right thing to do. After all she has shown a lot of trust in me and love after she found out that I crossdress.
So i did ask and she asked me not to do it because she loves my hairy legs. So what to do?
What i will do is to leave them the way they are, my wife has been very flexible, understanding and loving with me doing a big effort to accept this up-to-recently hidden part of me. Keeping my legs hairy is not such a big sacrifice to make.
Of course if in the future she changes her mind I would be very glad.

[Makina]

prettytoes :

You describe a relationship based on mutual respect. She takes your needs in account, and you know her limits. If she says she doesn't want you to shave your legs, ask her why, but don't do it if she doesn't want. She was very supportive until that, and any "no" must be taken in account. She still accepts more than a lot of wives do.

You can tell her you don't want to be outed because of your legs, and you'll let your hair grow before you wear shorts. She has to know that you hesitate because you don't want to hurt her. Try to find a comfort zone for each other, you'll enjoy and she won't feel rejected.

Annajose :

Now she knows about your which to epilate your legs. But now you know she likes your hair, maybe you can ask her for more leg cuddling ;-)

[Allsteamedup]

As a GG can I give a mention to all those things that none of you have managed to consider?

Having an SO with shaved legs, particularly if he has thick, black hair, presents problems.
Firstly, doing a good job is difficult.

Secondly, the skin you expose has not been looked after like your GGs. It is super white/dry, flaking skin/wrinkled. It may feel nice to you but it looks awful. (I forgot to mention the veins, varicose, thread)

Unless you shave every day the regrowth is stubble and it HURTS! My SO put his thigh between mine and took off so much of my skin it took medical intervention to heal the wound!

Soft smooth skin on a male is female. Some of you have been honest enough to state this as your intention, to feel female. Your GG does not want to be in bed with a 'female'.

The true cost of shaving is the intimacy you share with your GG.
If you get a negative response when you make the request, this is what she is comsidering. You will look, you will feel different. No, that does not alter the person you are but it does alter the aesthetics.

Prettytoes, your assertion that tights fall down the hair on your legs is pathetic. Buy the right size, both length and width! Read the back of the packet!

By now you will have realised there are two different issues here.
You see smooth legs as further down your cd road. Well, so does your GG. Only she also sees you putting what you want before her appreciation of your levels of intimacy ie, your relationship. She is new to this so she tries to be helpful. She loses out. That causes resentment. These things never happened before the cding, she surmises.

Women change their appearances little but to follow fashion or generally not be stale, or inappropriate for their age. They would never do anything that would make them sexually unattractive to their mate. That covers the women-change-their -appearance-issue.

I do not shave my legs. I am blonde. My tights do not fall down. My friends who shave wish they did not have to. They do because they have dark hair, some very thick, on their legs. Most regard it as a chore.

For most women the removal of male hair is an emotional issue. The hair is gone every day, but you dress less than that. So I lose my man full-time so he can wear hose part time. Where is the payoff for me? He's happy, I've lost a percentage of my intimacy which means a lot to me and I get to go swimming by myself. There is also the female appreciation that once an area becomes hairless it won't be long before the rest will.

As Reine pointed out, if you don't like your hair full-time maybe you have other issues beyond cding.

[shoegazer]

Take it from me, as someone who shaved first without telling the wife.. tell her first. My wife is totally cool with it now, but it caused her to freak out at the time when I started shaving my legs and arms without telling her (despite that I had already been 'manscaping' my chest and other areas for years)

Its much better to be up front with her. If she says no then ask her why not and reason with her, or ask if you can try it once to see if it bothers her as much as she may think it will with the stipulation that you will not continue to do it if it bothers her too much. She is more likely to be accepting of the behavior if she understands why it is important to you and knows that you want to be respectful of her feelings

[Sarasometimes]

You know the answer. If you respect her wishes you must ask her. You would you want her to ask you before she stops shaving underarms/legs...? Right. You are so fortunate to have her accept what you just mentioned so don't ruin it!

[xd-tigger]

Definately talk to her about it, she has been very accepting, dont do something behind her back and make her feel like she's not in this with you. she is and you are one of the lucky ones.