Guilt, the enemy of the crossdresser.

[suzy1]

I know from reading some of the posts here that guilt over crossdressing affects some of the members here [purging?]
If you where born on a deserted island [With a big stash of dresses, lingerie and heels] and you never came into contact with another human and you liked to dress as a women you would never think anything of it. It would be just a normal part of your life.

But we do come into contact with others and then some of us get brainwashed by them into believing we are odd or immoral or weird or something. We are not. Who are they to tell us we are? They are not exactly experts on the subject are they!
We are just as normal as everybody else. But just like everybody else we have our differences. Our likes, dislikes, and needs.

Guilt sucks. And worst of all, it robs us of happiness.
Why should we feel guilty for doing something that is not wrong?
Don’t let guilt effect you. It’s illogical and unnecessary.

I understand some feel guilt because of there religious beliefs. But I think that’s a subject for the Religious Discussion group.

So, do you feel guilty? If you do then why? Tell me.


SUZY

[kimdl93]

Oh, the "why" is easy, Suzy. Most of us were born in western countries, like the US, where there has been a perpetual stigma attached to any gender-related deviation from the apparent 'norm'. We're taught from an early age that boys and girls are different, and that boys who like girls clothes or "act like girls" are very different - and in a bad way. having been one of those boys, I know how it works. Teasing by siblings, kindly parents trying to redirect me from inappropriate behavior. By the time we're teens, we've learned very well, that what we do is wrong and the easiest way to get through life is to repress and deny. Of couse, guilt seems to automatically with repression and denial. And more guilt comes when as a teen you snatch a pair of your sister's stockings or panties just for the feel of the garment. It goes on until someone finally helps us learn that, 1) its not a crime, 2) its more common than you'd think, 3) being a Cdr and a good person are not mutually exclusive, and 4) you're happier being yourself.

[Jay Cee]

I think the strongest emotion I have related to crossdressing and being transgendered is shame (defined by Webster's as: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety)

I think one of the basic premises of guilt in relation to CD'ing is that we are somehow hurting, embarassing, or causing discomfort to others. Their emotional reaction, however, is their own choice. We harm no one by crossdressing. They only harm themselves.

So, ladies and gentlemen, don't feel guilt over a harmless activity. Feel proud for having the courage to show the world your true selves.

[carhill2mn]

Hi Suzy,

You list some very good points!

[Karren H]

Yea! I do feel guilty!! According to my wife... Everything's always my fault so I guess I'm guilty as charged! And she's not above letting me know it too! Lol.

[MissMarcie]

Why should we feel guilty for doing something that is not wrong?

Whether it's illogical or not, the majority of society believes that Crossdressing is wrong.

[Kittyagain]

Suzy, I just cannot remember ever feeling guilty. Well, not for dressing in woman's clothes anyway.

The only guilt I have ever felt from years ago was not being dressed but who's clothes I dressed in at that time in my life.

Kitty

[Alice Torn]

Guilt has dogged my every breath my whole life, even without the crossdressing.

[sissystephanie]

Whether it's illogical or not, the majority of society believes that Crossdressing is wrong.

Does that make what we as CD'ers do be wrong? Those who would answer yes are totally wrong themselves!! Do you dress to satisfy the public, or do you dress to satisfy yourself? I dress to satisfy myself, not the general public!! So there is no reason for me to feel guilty!! If the majority of society believes that crossdressing is wrong, that is their belief, not mine!! That should not bring guilt to any crossdresser, because what he is doing is his own business and not that of the general public!! As a rule, you are not breaking the law by crossdressing, so don't let public opinion stop you. You are an individual, and have your own likes and dislikes and you should exercise them!! Go get dressed and step out into the public arena!!

[Ressie]

I would say my guilt is related to my religious beliefs. Funny, as the years go by and I dress more often, the guilt (and fear) decreases.

[VioletJourney]

I feel guilty for ever denying myself things which I enjoy.

[Ashliegh]

Yes. I feel guilt all the time. Not from dressing directly but from the cost of it. Any time I buy something for myself, the Ashliegh self, I feel as though I'm wasting money on something that isn't "needed". Money isn't exactly free flowing as it is right now so I've pretty much decided to give it a rest for a while. Back to "male" clothes, even given up shaving at the moment. I just don't see the point ... Hopefully someday I can get back to it but for now ... Just not seeming worth it

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I no longer feel guilty for crossdressing because I am accepting me and desire now to go HRT. Just I need a Doctor's referral and that is the stopping point.

I do feel guilty when I look at my wardrobe, I have more nice clothes and shoes than the male part of me.

Oh well, such is life.

[brassieres]

I have guilt on how others will perceive me. Even doing something such as taking a ballet class has a stigma attached to it.

And I'm afraid yo buy psntyhose or walk into Victoria's secret lest I be labeled a pervert ss well.

[*Vanessa*]

Do I feel guilt from dressing - nope.
Have I in the past? - sure when I didn't understand what cross-dressing was

Note: Guilt is a man made emotion
and: Feeling guilty about anything feeds the addiction (or need) to repeat the activity.

It's a repetitive situation, some call it samsara. I don't know where it falls under 'the unspoken institutions' but it would be a great way to try control the masses me thinks

[Danni Renee]

I am not sure I feel guilty at all any more (over dressing). I know I used to feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong or shameful. Since I accepted myself and found this website, I cannot really say I feel guilty at all anymore. Even though I am still not ready to step out into the world as my true self, I certainly no longer feel guilty for being who I am.

Danni

[Leslie Iz]

When I first started cding I would feel such guilt that I would go through the cycle every year of buying stuff and then throwing that same stuff out. I attribute most if not all of it to my Catholic upbringing and society in general. After quite a few years of this emotional see saw I decided to give up the fight and accept my wants and desires of being who I am and trusting how I feel. I will continue to be Leslie in my private life only but my fear and regret has been replaced with happiness and joy.

[Debb]

I am guilty of feeling guilt over cross-dressing. I was raised in a strict religion, and that alone has given me quite the bath of guilt ... for nearly everything.

Now that I've grown up (and out), I've got other things to feel guilty about .. but not cross-dressing.

[MissMarcie]

Go get dressed and step out into the public arena!!

Maybe you have nothing to lose. That's not the case for me. So No, I won't be going public in the forseeable future.

[missmillie]

I have NEVER felt guilty about wearing womens or girls clothes as I started this thing very young at about age 8or9 I think my mother was a very permissive person and let me do want I wanted, although she hung Milly on me at that time.
My Father if I knew him he left when I was 2 years old never wanted anything to do with me or my sis.
That is the only thing I feel guilty not knowing him but the years have healed that part of me.
If you read my other posts you may know where this comes from.
NO I am not guilty!
Love Milly

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzy, I don't feel guilty when I'm Dressing but when I'm putting my things away I feel guilty.

Orchid

[Maria 60]

I would like to say that i don't feel guilt but just belonging to a Italian family guilt comes with it. My cousin came out years ago that he is gay and now almost 3 years later they are still talking about it, imagine if they found out about me. As my dad used to say, everybody has a skeleton in there closet, we all have our own bad habits.

[AnitaH]

I have spent my entire life running afoul of what society and my peers have said was normal from my male clothing to my choice of music. But nothing has brought me the feelings of guilt that crossdressing has. Much of it (but not all) is due to my strict religious upbringing. But also the need to hide what I was doing. Only within the last month or so have I begun to see that I shouldn't feel guilty for being myself.

AnitaH

[Emme]

Embarrasment is a handicap. A man made way to"get to" others. I can not be embarrased. I practice Dental Medicine...if someone does not wantmy help......then so be it!
At age 55, I told everyone in the family. No one has said a word. My grand children see my pained toes and very little was said...except my oldest ocassionally says....nice toes!
YOUNG CDers, DO NOT LET GUILT OR EMBARASSSMENT GET TO YOU! MOST PEOPLE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO!!!

[nancy58]

Guilt is pretty much shoved into the trunk where it belongs. It's OK to be TG. It helps that I came out to my wife and bought my own clothes. As for everyone else, what's under my dress is no more their business than what's under their clothing is my business. It took years of therapy to get to the point that I won't take responsibility for how people feel about me for just being. Learning and believing that one thing has helped me in many more things than crossdressing.