Hi Girls! Okay, so I may just be venting, but I think I need some perspective.
A bit of quick background for context. I am in my mid-40's and have CDing most of my life. I went through a divorce 3 years ago. Since the divorce, I have had the luxury of a great deal of exploration that has allowed me to mostly comfortable with myself. I am still in the closet, and choose to remain there. A very few close friends (mostly GG's) know and support my pretty side. I consider myself straight, but have often said "right man, right time, right mood, right outfit and anything could happen."
This last weekend, one of those friends (Lori) and I decided to have a night out. This involved a trip out of town to a larger city about 2.5 hours away. A brief shopping excursion was fun, dinner was fabulous and we were both ready to hit the club. We stopped and picked up her brother(local to the larger city) and hit a club that he recommended. He is gay, and picked a club that caters to a wide variety of clientele.
To cut to the chase, the right man, the right time, the right mood and the right outfit all happened. I spent the night at his place. Without a salacious description, allow me to simply say that he treated as a lady from the very first minute we met until I left after breakfast the next morning (although there was not a question of actual gender). Never in my life have I ever felt so utterly feminine. It was wonderful! When Lori came to get me (her choice), he handed me his number and said he would like to see me again. Even this was gentlemanly, because he didn't ask for my number. Although it was clear he was hoping to get it. The girl talk on a way home was an excellent ending to an excellent night out.
But I have spent this week struggling with whether or not I want to see him again. And with, at least, some guilt. The guilt is based in whether or not it was somehow wrong. But instead I feel like I may have used him. In my head, I know this is silly because he knew exactly what the score was. But my gut isn't keeping tabs on what my brain says. As to whether or not I want to see him again, the jury is still out. Part of me thinks this was probably a perfect storm of circumstances.
Any thoughts????
Randi