Non-Acceptance By Wife

[SandieAE]

My wife ad I were watching the news last night and an article came on about 3 transgendered individuals who lost their jobs because of their transgenderism. Here is a link to the article:

http://www.lfpress.com/news/columnis.../18726796.html

Once my wife saw this article, she said that these people were disgusting and going against God's will. She did not even know what the term 'transgender' meant. She is very religious and feels that anything out of the ordinary is 'wrong' in God's eyes.

Looks like I have a big uphill battle with her regarding the whole crossdressing issue. She puts up with my wearing nylons and shoes around the house but has no desire for this to go outside our home. She does not even talk about it at all. But she will wash my clothes in the laundry (even my bras) but never says anything. It is so frustrating!

Anyone else have this experience?

Sandie

[bridgetta]

thats weird.. if she washes your stuff. she should realize who she is talking to... in this day all intolerance is being phased out.. I think its best to forgive her.. defend your point of view.. but do it nicely.. its important to talk about things and not argue about things..

[Sherry Lynn]

IMHO Your wife sees only what she wants to see. Sooner or later she will have to face reality and realize what you are and want. You better get your big girl panties on when she does. I've seen many in your position and it can go in many different directions.

[Vanessa Storrs]

Have the two of you ever talked about crossdressing?

[Karren H]

Better not loose your job!!

[SandieAE]

We are both retired so my job is not a concern. But the topic is a hard one to bring up as her strict Catholic upbringing makes it difficult as a topic for discussion. It's hard to start up a conversation on what I prefer to wear. We don't have any real arguments regarding my preferences. It's just a topic that is never discussed. Also, she has no interest in watching any videos that involve crossdressing or transgenderism. She does not want to see videos that have foul language in them or scenes that involve nudity, kissing or strong sexual overtones. Our movies are all from the 1950's or earlier. So I end up staying at home more and wearing my pretty things by myself. She goes off to mass about 3-4 times each week.

Sandie

[Paula_56]

Better not loose your job!!

Karen, you have the best sense of humor!!!!! I laughed

[Vickie_CDTV]

She might be ok with you wearing your things around the house, but she may really be concerned about you dressing outside the house and embarrassing her (her comment about the three FTers might have been a subtle hint about her disapproval of you dressing outside of the house and she might even be concerned you will go FT.)

[Sherry Lynn]

It seems like a good thing that she goes to mass a lot. That's a good opportunity to get dressed up while she's away.

[ReineD]

Once my wife saw this article, she said that these people were disgusting and going against God's will. She did not even know what the term 'transgender' meant. She is very religious and feels that anything out of the ordinary is 'wrong' in God's eyes.

This might have been a good opening to talk to her. It's still not to late to do this.

You might have said, non-confrontationally, that her comment hurt your feelings because she knows that you wear lingerie, and you wonder if her feelings about transsexuals extend to you as well.

Then you could take it from there? Before you open up the discussion though, please read the link under my signature, "How to tell your partner", and pay particular attention to the advice about doing your homework first.

[Alberta_Pat]

Sandie;

This whole discussion begs the question: "How do you want to deal with this in your home"?

If you want the status quo, then you need do nothing. If you wish to get more involved with your wife and understanding her point of view, then you need to bring that subject up with her. The news article would be your perfect discussion point.

Please try to keep "faith and belief" out of it. That would only cloud the discussion, and lead into a spiral that would end in her transferring her awareness and dislike (I won't say hate) of crossdressing back to you.

I would let my conscience guide me here. I might even consider taking time to talk with her minister about it before hand. The minister may hyave some interesting insight to share with you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandie, Sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place.

Orchid

[sterling12]

My Guess is that your wife is a "Neat Freak." She sees dirty clothes, she washes them. That's what she has always done, that's what she will always do.

I would not try to push her buttons! She has established her "parameters" on what she will tolerate, and she has now given you a not so subtle warning about how she would feel, if you pushed into new territory.

So, if you want to "venture further," you'll probably end up making a choice. It might come down to Marriage, or Divorce. As you have written, she's very into her Catholicism. You could take a shot at counseling, but I can't imagine your going to find anyone sympathetic within your religion. It's been written that we all end up with some kind of Cross to Bear. This one might be yours.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Satinpeta]

Yep I agree with Karren, but as I haven't even told my wife that I am a crossdresser you are far ahead of me, wish I had the nerve

[Kittyagain]

Tough one Sandie. I wish I had the magic answer but I am at a complete loss on this one. I give you a huge pat on the back for working whiten her limits. I give her the same pat on the back for giving you at least some small path to walk. That is, I would guess, very hard for her to do.

You might win some points if you do the laundry.

Kitty

[Aprilrain]

Might as well call a lawyer...... get it over with. Just sayin!

[BrittM]

Maybe it's just because I'm not religious, and I'm young, but blindly hating people because "god" thinks it's wrong is a deal-breaker for me. It just seems so weird to me that on one hand, it can be said "god loves everyone and forgives you no matter what" but when it's convenient, god can hate certain groups of people. Seems pretty mind-boggling to me that in all the massiveness of existence, god could have a special hatred for guys wearing women's clothing.

I'm not saying you should get out or anything--obviously you guys love each other a lot, especially if she's willing to put up with it despite her obvious dislike for it. I guess I just don't understand why we can't all just live and let live. Isn't that what a god who loves everyone would truly want? I feel like if you don't like crossdressers, fine...but why go out of your way to put energy that could be used for something positive into hatred? If someone doesn't want CDs to be a part of their life, they don't have to be...it only effects you if you allow it to. I don't like religious fanatics of any faith, but instead of hating and complaining, and crusading against their rights I choose to ignore them. Why can't we just ignore the things we don't like about others? Because it doesn't have any impact on our own lives.

Can't we all just get along? (apologies for any offense that might be taken from this post. I know what I say can be offensive, but I feel it's better to be honest and offensive than lie for any reason.)

[Alice B]

Once the religion card enters the game it is a long, uphill battle.

[Inna]

I honestly think that all the SOs who are indifferent to what their CD counterpart does at home but point to religion when faced with Cds desire to roam the spaces out side the confines of home are simply hiding behind the bible. Fear of repercussion of someone finding out and consequences of small minds handling such a delicate subject puts them on defensive. It is their fear for them selves, which makes for damnation of Crossdressing. I found that the only people who turned away from me after my reveal were those who them selves are fighting their own demons, everyone else is loving and utmost understanding of my transsexuality.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Sandie...

We all seem to require our belief systems in order to survive in this world. It looks as if your wife's spiritual beliefs sustain her in a world that is ever-changing. They help her "accept the things she cannot change and change the things she cannot accept".

Perhaps her comments while watching the show were simply her way of venting steam or letting go of frustration over your dressing, something she has assumedly tolerated for many years. Simultaneously, this venting allows her to continue to accept your dressing in spite of her spiritual beliefs, and allows her to continue to love you the way she does (some assumptions here but you do still love one another, yes?) That she launders your feminine items could be testament to her love for you. She cannot accept the rest of the world for their "abominations" but she has found a way to overlook her beliefs because she loves you.

If you have not in recent weeks perhaps a bouquet of flowers would be a nice touch at this time? Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing this!

[Diane Elizabeth]

My SO feels the same way. She is against cd/tg. But puts up with me dressing and going to local meetings. She says that she is not a lesbian. But on the other hand, she has helped me get dressed (letting me wear her tops) and she does my laundry. I did get her to go with me to my therapist once. Otherwise I am sure she goes to church praying for me to give it all up. She always is pointing out the downside of comming out. Losing family and friends that sort of thing.

[stephan]

Once the religion card enters the game it is a long, uphill battle.

Yes. Religion is about blind faith and not about reasoning and understanding. Crossdressing is so confusing (even to us) that without reasoning and understanding I can't see a way forward. (sorry, this isn't encouraging).

[BiancaEstrella]

It seems like a good thing that she goes to mass a lot. That's a good opportunity to get dressed up while she's away.

Not if she's frequently going to a place where part of the value system reinforces her disapproval. But, it seems as though her mind is made up, so Sandie finds herself both dressing on a limited basis and wondering if/when her wife will lose her cool about it.

[Anne Teak]

gods will.......if god made us all in his own image (bible) then who could hate what god made? of course logic never enters into hatred and bigotry.

[Allsteamedup]

Why have you chosen to mix up so many things OP?

What does your wife not being sympathetic to transgendered people losing their jobs have to do with your situation?

She knows you dress at home. She does your washing. This is not an issue.

She goes to Mass four times a week. That's about four hours of her (retired) time. I have a sister and daughter who shop for 21/2hrs every day and spend another 4hrs a day on their appearances. People spend their time in different ways.

I belong to another forum of retired cds and their spouses. What gets a lot of comment is how the SO wants to spend more of the retired time dressed when the GG has worked really hard all her life for some companionable time. Women carry on running the home but their partners aren't as willing to share the chores. Even in long-standing relationships where the cding always had a part this is difficult to resolve.

So instead of complicating matters by mentioning your wife's religious affiliation (which was part of her attraction when you got together: she has run a solidly Christian home for the good of your family) folow Reine's advice about the coming out to a partner thread. There you will find lots of things to consider from both partner's points of view.The advice about doing your homework cannot be overstressed.

Can I give you an analogy? We have a big problem in our community with dog dirt. We have regular bins so there is no excuse for not clearing up after your dog. I do not dislike dogs because they excrete.

Your wife tolerates what she knows about. It is up to you to make the knowledge of what you do personal to your situation. If you appreciate the home and family you have created, share the chores, take her out of the home and show affection for her regularly, she might not feel threatened by what you would like to tell her about your feminine side. And that is the approach I would suggest.