Non-Acceptance By Wife

[Tina B.]

Funny, I was watching a show on a Trans man, a while back, and one of the strongest supporters of the whole issue was a Priest, he had no problem with Trans people at all, I think many people that have this thing about cross dressing and the church have got it all wrong. At this years gay pride parade in my town, we had more people marching in the parade, from local churches, inviting the gay, and transgendered people to join them in there churches than we had gay or transgendered in it.. I think you should find a younger priest, and have a talk with him, and find out just what her church does believe, it might just help you have a talk with her, about misunderstood church doctrine.Christianityy is not about what god thinks, anyway, it's about what his kid taught, and he didn't say anything about it.
Tina B.

[NicoleScott]

I might even consider taking time to talk with her minister about it before hand. The minister may have some interesting insight to share with you.

I must disagree. You can seek out someone to minister to you, for your benefit. But to reveal to HER minister that you are a crossdresser is, in my opinion, inappropriate. She is obviously sensitive about your crossdressing being out. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that this suggestion is an attempt to get the minister to convince her that crossdressing is OK.

[Babeba]

I must disagree. You can seek out someone to minister to you, for your benefit. But to reveal to HER minister that you are a crossdresser is, in my opinion, inappropriate. She is obviously sensitive about your crossdressing being out. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that this suggestion is an attempt to get the minister to convince her that crossdressing is OK.

Nicole is spot on here, I think - especially because it would be unethical for a minister to talk about one of their parishioners behind their back. Their relationship is between themselves, that parishioner, and their God.

It seems to me that your partner is okay with some things, OP, if she does your laundry and all! I would not take it personally, she probably doesn't equate you with them and her reaction to that article doesn't seem to reflect her reaction to you. Don't get me wrong, I would still take it seriously - but these are people she and you have never met and so it's easy to react in a black-and-white sort of way to them when really life is all about the gray tones.

If you feel the need to talk to her about it, why not look at it from the point of view that transsexual individuals have been born with a birth defect, the way people with clubbed feet have been? And that everyone needs love on Earth, that it's the creator's job to judge not ours? If you leave it as a philosophical discussion, I think you can still get your point across without making it into a major rift.

[DaniIfeelike a woman]

I think you are way ahead of me. She has never seen any of my clothes and is more closed minded than your wife is. On the subject of religion, I was in the ministry. I was training to hopefully be a pastor of a baptist church, but found that I just didn't fit in, (being the non-conformist I am),so I quit going to church a few years ago. I was confused at first with my sexuality. I often thought about wearing womens clothes, and when I dedided to do it, I found happiness and now it is something that makes me happy. I had a conversation with my wife about the Chaz Bono thing on DWS. I told her that if it made him happy, then it is his/her choice, and we shouldn't judge others on what (religion) teaches. Someday I will have to break the news to her also, but talking about things like DWS and others on TV hopefully will allow me to reveal myself. I wish you luck.

[Dawn cd]

Sandy, it sounds like your wife was probably raised in a very prudish environment where only the most standard forms of sexuality were considered proper. It's more cultural than religious, but she uses god and religion to justify her mindset. Given the fact that you are both retired, and probably older, she's not likely to change. However her capacity for tolerance (for other people) can still be expanded while keeping her own moral standards for herself. I, too, am surprised that she made that nasty comment about a crossdresser, knowing that you crossdress . . . and that you didn't challenge it. You need to challenge her judgmental attitude and lack of charity for others. Wasn't it Jesus who said "do not judge, lest you be judged in return"?

[Alberta_Pat]

I must disagree. You can seek out someone to minister to you, for your benefit. But to reveal to HER minister that you are a crossdresser is, in my opinion, inappropriate. She is obviously sensitive about your crossdressing being out. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that this suggestion is an attempt to get the minister to convince her that crossdressing is OK.

My thoughts were in fact to determine what her (the Wife's) church felt about this issue. It was not specific to line her minister up on the O/P "side"

The more information one has at hand, the better one is able to defend oneself. If this means seeking advice/information from someone knowledgeable in the "Wife's main concern", then I would consider it.

I do apologize if my statement came out wrong and misleading.

[wanagione]

Here is my answer to people who say that I go against God and his will. I say that no where that i know of in the New Testiment does Jesus say anything about cds or tg. He says love one another, this is the greatest commandment. God is perfect and made me this way for a reason. That reason may be to challange you (the other person_ to live his commandment to love one another. To to see how you( that other person) will react, with love and understanding or with hate and judgement. Then I smile and walk away from the person. Simple as that.

[*Vanessa*]

My wife ad I were watching the news last night and.. she said that these people were disgusting and going against God's will. She is very religious and feels that anything out of the ordinary is 'wrong' in God's eyes.

<Biting lip> I have nothing to say !

[Wendyluv]

We have to take people as they are. My girlfriend would not accept it either (luckily we don't live together), because she is Italian and they are very traditional. Your wife has obviously been brought up that way, it's part of her values, of who she is. Of course cd's want to be accepted and recognized, but I think we also have to be tolerant towards people who don't accept it, and understand that it may hurt them. She probably suffers just as much as you do, maybe even more... It would be selfish not to consider her point of view. Personally if my girlfriend and I were living together I would either try to quit crossdressing altogether for the love of her or else leave her and live my merry life on my own ,which I wouldn't do now as we truly love one another and as I've been single for a long time in the past and have seen it, done it.
We've been together for years, it's just that we are happier not living together - which actually makes our relationship last longer then most I think Thanks to that secret garden we keep (also, we're both in our late forties and no children).
Up to you to do as you see fit really... nobody can speak for you, nor judge, as you are the only one to know her and the situation. Good luck.

[ElusiveGirl]

It's hard to start up a conversation on what I prefer to wear. It's just a topic that is never discussed. She has no interest in watching any videos that involve crossdressing or transgenderism. She does not want to see videos that have foul language in them or scenes that involve nudity, kissing or strong sexual overtones. Our movies are all from the 1950's or earlier. So I end up staying at home more and wearing my pretty things by myself. She goes off to mass about 3-4 times each week.

Sandie

Hoo boy.

On the upside, it's a good thing that she goes to mass 3-4 times a week so that you can get your girl time in. Otherwise, it's pretty clear this situation is parked. Permanently.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Sandie ask your wife these questions 1) why did God come to die on the cross? 2) Who did Jesus spend his time with while he was here? 3) If we know Jesus and follow Him and He knows us what happens to those who judge us? 4) If no one is perfect enough to be with God in heaven who are we to say weather heterosexual, gay, transgender, crossdresser, murderer, thief are wrong in God's eyes? Answers 1) God came to die for ALL OUR SINS not just one set of people. 2) Jesus spent His time with the sick, the children, the needy, the sinners, and his followers teaching them. 3) Do not JUDGE or you shell be JUDGED! 4) Just one wrong thought removes us from God's grace even the righteous fall short in God's eyes. Ok! Jesus even when He was on the cross showed mercy to a thief because that thief testified about Jesus even though he never met Him before that moment but heard of Him. So if that is the case how can she judge anyone without being judged by God for any indiscretion she might have? Sorry to be preachy I read the bible and have been judged by others for being transgender and I go to a conservative church. Nothing gets me more fired up than religious bullies take God out of the picture and think about if it was yourself, your child, a family member a friend who were treated that way? How would you feel then regardless of gender identity? More than likely very PISSED OFF! So don't be like her just love on your wife!

Hugs

[Marcia Polari]

Karen, you have the best sense of humor!!!!! I laughed

You see Karren, not only I noticed your sense of humor! LOL
But I got your point and agree. Kind of if ones loose ones job, crossdressing is useless. I've seen this down here as well.

[Maxi]

Men wore dresses centuries ago, why would it be a problem with God now.

[jillleanne]

Once the religion card enters the game it is a long, uphill battle.

And the religious thingy is old hat. She had better brush up on her religious doctrine and she will come to find new insight. Nice of her to wash out your things though. I would be sure to thank her for that. There are many shows produced over the years that were/are broadcast that would qualify under her terms of viewability and still provide enlightenment for her with the hopes of opening up her perspective of the 'creation of man and his creator'. As a devout catholic as a child in an extreme catholic family( rosaries nightly, mass every morning at 7am, alter boy, the list goes on) As you well know, religious beliefs and practices include forgiveness and acceptance, something she may need be reminded of. I tell people to pray for my sorry ass all the time. I'll take all the prayers I can get, but that won't change who I am.

[Piora]

<Biting lip> I have nothing to say !

Well said, *Vanessa*!

My wife ad I were watching the news last night and an article came on about 3 transgendered individuals who lost their jobs because of their transgenderism. Here is a link to the article:

http://www.lfpress.com/news/columnis.../18726796.html

I originally posted the link to this article in the Media section. Has anyone heard what has happened with this situation at Trails End? I know there were protests going on for a while, but the papers have been strangely silent. Probably best to respond to this in the Media section....

Once my wife saw this article, she said that these people were disgusting and going against God's will. She did not even know what the term 'transgender' meant. She is very religious and feels that anything out of the ordinary is 'wrong' in God's eyes.

I find it interesting how "God's Will" can be interpreted (and misinterpreted) a hundred thousand different ways. Usually, it's tailored to suit the particular individual's moral and often bigoted views in life. I do not want to hijack this thread into a religious debate, so will try very hard to keep my views to myself (as much as humanly possible)

Once the religion card enters the game it is a long, uphill battle.

<sigh> Alice, you got that right!

Yes. Religion is about blind faith and not about reasoning and understanding. Crossdressing is so confusing (even to us) that without reasoning and understanding I can't see a way forward. (sorry, this isn't encouraging).

No, it may not be encouraging - but it's bang-on.

We are both retired so my job is not a concern. But the topic is a hard one to bring up as her strict Catholic upbringing makes it difficult as a topic for discussion.

When I was married, I had similar issues with my ex-wife who had been brought up in a fairly strict Catholic environment. I even converted to Catholicism before we were married. However, it didn't take very long for me to tire of the rhetoric that was "hellfire and brimstone" rammed down my throat on a weekly basis. Eventually, she stopped going to church too. But that changed nothing about her views on the world, on sex and acceptance of people who didn't fit the mold that's preached in most religions. She would not have been tolerant about my CDing, had she had ever found out about it.

Also, she has no interest in watching any videos that involve crossdressing or transgenderism.

Not really surprising, since she abhors the very idea.

She does not want to see videos that have foul language in them or scenes that involve nudity, kissing or strong sexual overtones. Our movies are all from the 1950's or earlier.

Oh, good grief! Foul language....perhaps even nudity, I can even understand....but kissing? Really? I'm sure that the two of you kiss, don't you? Why would anyone be against seeing the portrayal of such a beautiful expression of love? I'm sure that there's kissing in lots of those 50s movies! <sigh> I try hard not to judge, and sometimes I fail. I apologize if I come across as unsympathetic. I'm not, really. As I said before, I don't want to get into any heated religious debates so, at this point I will follow *Vanessa's* example and bite my lip.

[StarrOfDelite]

HER minister is a priest. Based on all the information about the priesthood which has been coming out in the past twenty years or so, I'd say there is a gambler's chance that the priest is himself conflicted about his sexuality, and might be sympathetic. Now if the wife was attending a born-again Fundy church I would agree with you that the OP should stay away him because of the high probability that he would equate crossdressing with homosexuality, sodomy and the general smell of brimstone and sulfur.