Just a thought i had tonight... What is there really to gain by being 'out' (to the world, not just to your spouse/SO) if you're just a crossdresser with no intention of making any long-term or un-hideable physical changes?
it seems like all it would do is cause strife, especially if you come from certain religious or cultural backgrounds.
Great question. I think that there are a lot of different definitions for being out. You can be out to yourself by just admitting and accepting that you are a crossdresser. That is me. You can be out to maybe the general world in your own safe zone outside of the house away from your real exisitng and previous world. That is me too. Then you can be out to your SO and not the kids, or to the wife and kids, and then add in the relatives and maybe in laws, then other non-family friends and then co-workers, and then ..... ?? Is there anyone else? So, as I said above, I am out to myself and my world away from my safe zone. Out in the real world to all my "new" friends and acquaintances. For me to have all the fun that I have while "out" in the real world, I "need" to let these new friends, previous strangers to me, about me because I want to interact with them and feel it is only fair to also let them know something about me..
I am not out to family, friends, co-workers and anyone else that knows me in male mode. I have asked myself the same question that you asked, "What is there really to gain by being "out" ....?" In my rudimentary analysis, the answer is very clear, "Nothing". I have nothing significant to gain and probably much more to lose if I came out to them. At the present time, there is no "reason to know" or to share with anyone else my secret passion. Maybe that will change in the future. I really do not know nor care. Maybe "The Shadow" knows??
I think that in many case " being out " is an affirmation of the lifestlye that one has chosen or has the been preordained to live. It way to show that we are men who love female clothing and the female culture. I know thats why I'm out. Living yhis way is something that I have always dream about, and I am proud to live this way.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
It depends on the person and their circumstances. In some cases, you are absolutely right. Not everyone needs, or should be, "out" to the world; sometimes I feel sometimes there is too much pressure from the TG community at large to be out when there are some folks who should not be out for very good reasons.
Being out is a personal decision, it can have life changing consequences and in some cases may not make much of a difference. My life has changed and maybe not for the best by being outed by my wife. I'd have rather not but once its done there's no going back. Every ones circumstances are different, and no one choice is best for everyone.
Being out to anyone is risky because they have the power to fully out you anytime they want. Isn't that a nice thought?
That's the truth and they hold power over you. Blackmail, really, but what are you going to do?Originally Posted by Jeanna
Boss - "I want you to work overtime this weekend but I'm not going to pay you extra."
You - "That's not fair, I'm not going to do it."
Boss - "Well, there's this little secret I know about you and if you don't do what I say, I'll tell everybody at the company."
You - "Ok, I'll work this weekend."
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Because it feels so good to present, walk, intermingle and be in public as a sexy, attractive woman.
Depends on the person! When you accept yourself to the point that some has, including me it just doesn't matter anymore!
I totally agree with AllieSF. Iam in the same boat. Do not really care who knows outside of my very close friends from our world. I underdress from the neck down 24/7. Very confortable with myself. Love you all. Have a lovely weekend. Charla
As has been discussed often lately, everyone has to come to their own conclusions as to what is best for them in their personal situation. But I do like Allie's take on this. The first step is to be "out" to yourself in accepting who you are, no matter where you reside in TG land. From there, it makes things a whole lot easier to deal with when faced with even a remote prospect of others finding out despite choosing not to tell.
But this scenario I don't buy unless one is petrified by absolute fear of others finding out. As such, the true power is in self-awareness along with comfort in who you are and with your interpersonal relationships.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
The gain is dependent on what you want or feel you need. If you are content to be in the closet then that is your choice. I have the clothes, shoes, even a wig but when I put it all on I still look
like a guy in a dress and so I don't go out. No guts.
Vieja
Hi Bobbie
What is there to gain from cross dressing if you are completely in the closet? What is there to gain from cross dressing, period? For some there may be religious strife regardless of whether or not anyone else knows – there God knows. There is a certain amount of strife involved in sneaking around with all the blinds closed so no one will know you cross dress, not to mention the guilt and shame that many feel from cross dressing – why hide if you don’t feel guilt and shame?
Many, maybe most, possibly all, of us don’t know the reason why we cross dress; medical science doesn’t know the reason so it stands to reason that we don’t really know either. For some there is a sexuality involved, some love the feel – women’s clothes feel different against our skin. Many here regard women highly and want to emulate them and like deebra, they feel good presenting as a woman and there is a certain satisfaction that comes from presenting as a woman to others.
I belong to a transgender support group and to attend the monthly meetings, held in the Meeting Room of a local restaurant, I must walk through the main restaurant to get to the Meeting Room. If I choose to go enfemme that means I’m walking through a crowded restaurant dressed in women’s clothes. I have to admit that I like being addressed as Ma’am and having men hold the door open for me; it pleases me to not only wear women’s clothes but be treated as a woman for a few hours. I’ve been shopping a few times enfemme and it is a completely different experience, the store manager asks “Do you need any help Babs?”, “Babs, I think this would look good on you, why don’t you try it on?” Customers have come up to me and said “That outfit looks really pretty on you.” Just being able to pull something from the rack and walk into the dressing room is such a pleasure, and when I do buy something I know it fits, I don’t have to wait till I get home to try it on to see if it fits.
As a child I wanted to be a girl, then as an adult I could dress as a woman in the privacy of my home, and now when I attend my meetings I’m treated as a woman, that is probably as close to my childhood wish as I’m ever going to get.
Babs
My stress was from knowing I wanted to interact with others in public as a woman and was unable to. I wanted very much to just be able to dress and go shopping or to a restaurant or what ever. Now that I've been doing that my only stress is "what the heck should I wear today?"....LOL
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
What's there to gain from crossdressing? My, my, what a strange question from a crossdresser.
Isn't it fun? My goodness, there are hundreds and hundreds of crossdressers on this forum (just one of MANY crossdressing forums) and fun would be the primary reason almost all would give.
Isn't it fun?
If not, then why do you do it?
S
It's like Sara said, each of us have to come to our own conclusions about what is right for us. Sometimes the cost of being out is a very steep price to pay. Sometimes the only benefit is the small chip in the stone one makes in the ongoing effort for social acceptance. Others find being out to be very liberating, and they enjoy outings with other ladies, able to enjoy a pseudo-femme lifestyle in addition to their everyday lives. So the answer to your question varies from person to person.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
Speaking for myself: Having to hide who I really was, was becoming more of a stress than the consequences of being out to the public (which is different than being out at work.)
Probably no-one will ever figure out what caused my severe depression, but cross-dressing in public relieved my depression considerably. I think I might well have had to go on long-term disability if I had not found public crossdressing.
And that was before I had any serious thoughts about body modification.
once again.. i am in the closet. .because i do not want other people to spend their time thinking about this.. the world is difficult and everyone needs to get up and pull there weight..
that being said.
WE ARE WHat we are.. it is not OUR FAULT we are this way... IT IS THE WORLDS FAULT for not accepting it...
After awhile, the walls of "Not being out." we use to protect us start closing in around us till they become somewhat of a prison but the key is in the door waiting to be turned. Inside the walls it is safe, outside it is not always.
If you are perfectly happy, don't touch that key.
Kitty
I have never seen a better answer to this question than the one Allie just put forth.
As far as I and her friends know, she IS out. She'll go anywhere and do anything. She knows who she is, and she's always willing to help others explore their own boundaries.
There are indeed consequences to being out, but there are also consequences to hiding from yourself. Allie dances on that razor's edge quite nicely.
I think we are getting two different answers to the same question. I guess it's subject to the interpretation that we responders put on that original message. For some being "Out" means telling other people about your desires. For others, the biggest, tangible, result of being "Out" is the public display of oneself.
I am struck by the cogent, and thoughtful answers of a lot of the gals who ARE publicly presenting. Yes, for at least some of us, it's somewhat about "doing our bit" to further understanding and gaining tolerance. For some it's not a willful choice. We HAVE to release our femme-selves, and to deny is to seek some type of mental breakdown. For some, it simply feels right and good.
Here's a last thought. For those "in the closet," how can you make a judgment about this if you have never experienced it? I would imagine that you really might change your minds IF you took the first step. Consider it similar to when your parents encouraged you to eat certain vegetables when you were young. Remember: "How do you know that you won't like it, until you try it?" I think your parents might have been offering good advise!
Do as you please, I can't make you do anything. But, it gets old to hear some of these same justifications. I wouldn't ask A Celibate to advise me about sex. Why should anyone listen to reasoning about staying in the closet from people who have never been outside of it?
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 09-24-2011 at 02:37 PM.
The only thing you personally gain is that you are true to yourself.
Somebody has to take the message out there or the world will never change. So while we all have to make our own decisions about what we do with our lives those of us that do go out in public are helping make the world more tolerant and more accepting for all of us. As they say there is no gain without pain.For me going out has been a great personal gain but I also like to think i am doing my bit for the cause. Daniel
I live as my female persona as much as I can but it's all done in private. I come from a certain religious background where anything like crossdressing is taboo. To me it's natural and for whatever reason what I need. I do what I do happily. Maybe another question would be what is to gain by even doing that? I rarely experience the pink fog, it's more like a tsunami.
My opinion is that its on a need to know basis, if there is no gain theres no need to know.
HUGS J-JAY
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Hugs J-JAY
Never underestimate the power of brains and a push up bra.
Never complain about growing old, far too many people have been denied that privilege".
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