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  1. #1
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    My crossdressing boyfriend takes hormones

    I have a boyfriend (for 4 months) who is a crossdresser (since age 6, now 30). I am okay with that. I enjoy shopping for him and letting him try different styles. I took him out a few times as girl and we both had good time. However, I assume that my boyfriend is a man who enjoys dressing occasstionally. I love that.

    Recently he told me that he took hormones and it has been 6 months since he started. I was devastated because I thought he wanted to be a woman and I am not a lesbian. He started the hormones with a careless mind. He looks very good as a man but he wants to achieve the female figure just a little bit. He took the pills.

    He still lives as a man and he is happy about that. However, I notice some changes on his body. Breasts developed. His sex drive is very low now and we can't have sex. His facial structure changes.

    His mind changes. He grows his hair long because he thinks it's okay. He shapes his eye brows in girls shape. He grows nails like girls nails. He thinks it's okay to wear girls sun glasses on streets. He constantly thinks about makeup and clothes. He wants to be treated like girls. He gets moody and furious at me if I don't take him to clothes shops.

    He admits he is addicted to those hormone pills. They make him feel relax and easy going. Don't feel competitive. I think he loses any motivation in career. I ask him to stop the pills. He said he can't.

    He doesn't mind him having breasts but I do. I think it's hormones making him think like that. I don't know what he wants to be (man/woman). And he doesn't know that either. He just took hormones and that's it.

    Now we need help because my boyfriend doesn't want to lose his my part. He begins to realise that hormones affect his brain. He doesn't want to lose me and I never want to lose him. I am in fears. He said he loves being woman and feels okay being a man. I don't know what I should do and what he wants to do.

  2. #2
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    Sounds like to me both of you need to do some deep searching on what you want he sounds more confused hes says he loves being awoman but also likes being a man if he keeps on taking the hormones sooner or later he is going to be all woman. Just my two cents worth from a guy who just likes the clothes.

  3. #3
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    This sounds like you both are on a collision course you both need to talk to a therapist ASAP
    otherwise this isn't going to end well.

    Orchid

  4. #4
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    I think that you should know that hormone pills are non-addictive. They are a very serious medication.Did he get the medication from a Dr.? If so then he has convinced some professional that he is trans,or, is he self medicating? If he is, he could wind up very sick or dead. It seems that he has the desire to be a woman and you want a man and you both want each other. Do you really think that this will work out?

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    My boyfriend is self medicating.

    He does love me and keeps saying "don't give up on me". I do love him but I cannot be with him if he chooses to live as woman. I like him being crossdresser, not a woman.
    Last edited by Sandra; 09-24-2011 at 02:23 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts please use the edit/multiquote function

  6. #6
    </3 CatAttack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    My boyfriend is self medicating.
    Self-medication is only short term. Like, sure he can get the E and spiro from the internet or whatever now, but what about in the future when his source inevitably runs dry [for example, the online pharmacy gets shut down]? Maybe he already has plans to get a real prescription [I started off self-medicating, but I had plans worked out and am now under the supervision of an endocrinologist]. You should ask him what he plans to do about hormones in the future because as stated above, self-medicating is not long term. From his answer you will probably get a big hint about his intentions.

    Oh and if he chooses to stop, he should probably do it sooner rather than later.
    like shooting stars in a barrel

  7. #7
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    My boyfriend is self medicating.

    He does love me and keeps saying "don't give up on me". I do love him but I cannot be with him if he chooses to live as woman. I like him being crossdresser, not a woman.
    Whatever else he does, if he is taking real hormones, he should be talking to a doctor. Too much estrogen at once can create life threatening blood clots as well as some other very dangerous conditions.

    The two of you probably need to start looking at your mutual needs. As the Partner of a Cross-Dresser, Transgendered, and possibly Transsexual partner, you should be thinking about what YOU want from his changes. If he wants to stay on hormones and it's making it hard or impossible for him to get it up, then you need to find ways for him to satisfy you sexually. If he's becoming more serene and less aggressive, he needs to use the transitions as motivation. He needs to have some responsibilities both at work, and at home, and needs to be responsible. If he were a single woman, he would still have to work and have a career. Even married women need to work these days, and very often, become very successful.

    If he has reached a point where he is comfortable with the changes in his body, and doesn't want more, he shouldn't try to quit cold turkey, and he should probably find a support group or therapist so he can share some of the feelings he is going through. He has made choices, and thus far, he has had to deal with very few consequences.

    You are both going through transitions, and you can either fight them, and be frustrated, or you can look for what YOU want out of the transitions. If he can't please you the usual ways, how can he please you. If he's becoming more feminine, will he take on some of the "women's work" chores? If he doesn't like fighting and being aggressive anymore, would he like to focus more on support and service roles and opportunities within his career.

    You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.

    At the same time, you need to let him know, up front, what you expect from him. He has to do better than before at work, and find a way to be doing what he loves at work. He should also under-dress while at work. Wearing what he can under his clothes. A bra may not work, but a camisole, underwear, and hose or tights might be a good choice.

    These are all things that a professional therapist would recommend if he thought he wanted to actually transition. Part of the reason is because a significant percentage of TGs and CDs who go through the Benjamin protocol of supervised transition, often find that they aren't interested in making the transition after all.

    If he really thinks he wants to transition, the next step would be electrolysis. Sometimes that alone is enough to discourage a wanna-be.

    Meanwhile, if he DOES decide he really wants to go further, even if not to sex reassignment surgery (SRS), you will have the ability to either find ways to adjust that may YOU happy, or you will be able to determine that you may not be able to go much further.

    Rather than break up with him, you may want to work together to decide on how your needs will be met. This may include having a boyfriend who can please you as a man, as well as having your current boyfriend who can please you the way he pleases you now. You may even find that as he comes out, that you could fix him up with a man or woman who could better meet his needs.

    The two most dangerous things to do right now are to just "dump him" or to give him an ultimatim that he stop all medications immediately. Either could trigger some nasty emotional and mental issues. He won't admit it, but he's probably more vulnerable now, with you, than he has ever been. He loves you more than almost anything, partly BECAUSE you accept both his masculine AND FEMININE side. For him, it's the only way he can truly be loved. At the same time, he is experiencing love and the ability to express a part of himself, the most precious and protected part of himself, with you and in public. I'm sure you have seen how happy it makes him, and how much he enjoys it and how much he loves you.

    If you "pull the plug" on either, the risk is that he will think that if he failed with you, that he will never be able to make it work. With a future that dismal, a future in which he can never express his true self an can never be truly loved - the possibility of 30, 50, or even 70 years of living a lie, hiding in the shadows, always having to pretend to be what he is not and pretend not to be what he is, and never to be loved, is enough to drive many young men to self-destruction. This may take the form of suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, putting himself in high risk environments and situations, and/or trying to get someone else to castrate or kill him.

    If you do want to go your own way, you might want to consider "setting him up" with someone who has expressed a desire to take him where he thinks he wants to go. Let your girlfriends know that he's going a bit farther than you want to go, and that you'd like to know who might want to take him the rest of the way. But before you do that, make sure that he really does want to go that way.

    I suspect that if you follow the suggestions I mentioned above, that he may find that he is happy being a man who can be a girl once in a while, and that having small breasts and a girl who loves him is more important and more in line with where he really wants to be. I'm basing this on the statements you have made as well as some of his actions. The fact that he's self-medicating and hasn't started electrolysis tells me that he is playing with ways to improve his look as a CD rather than a desire to spend the rest of his life living full-time as a woman.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DebbieL View Post
    You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.
    what woman wears all that crap everyday? maybe a an exec. The only reason I wear makeup everyday is to cover up the beard shadow. If I could make electrolysis go faster I would! clothes and make up do not make you a woman
    Last edited by Aprilrain; 10-05-2011 at 12:57 PM.

  9. #9
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    Well first of all, hormones isn't something one should mess around carelessly with. Secondly, it was not very cool of him to be on hormones and not tell you. Him getting mad at you for not taking him clothes shopping is also not very cool. It sounds like this problem can only be overcome by you two sitting down and having a long talk over the issues, or perhaps get some professional help. You guys really need to figure out what he wants/needs to do, and the only way to figure it out is by talking about it. I think, and this is just my opinion based on what you wrote, that deep down he does want to be female, but he knows that you disapprove of it and he loves you, so he tells you that he is happy with being male. If he is truly happy with being a man, then why would he take hormones, grow out his hair, shape his brows, want to be treated as a female etc..? He may claim to just be a crossdresser, but crossdressers generally only want to like, emulate/"look like" a woman. They will dress up or whatever and then be done with it, take off their wig and makeup, and return to being a man.
    like shooting stars in a barrel

  10. #10
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    "My crossdressing boyfriend takes hormones"

    Well, he's eventually going to be your non-crossdressing girlfriend!

    No, seriously, you have to decide how much you love him (her). It's OK to be a lesbian if you love your partner, there's no law (well there are some but they are being changed) that says the person you love has to be of the opposite sex.

    You were given advice above to see a therapist. I think that's good advice. You should go as a couple.

    Your partner can obviously stop taking hormone pills if he wants to. Apparently, he doesn't really want to.

    And of course, "self medication" can easily get him in lots of health trouble. If he is going to continue, it needs to be under medical supervision.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

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    Thank you. He said he needs time to sort out where he is going. At the meantime I have to wait and I don't know how long. He is going to see a doctor but during this time, he still continues hormones.

    I am so stressed now. I have a life to live, love to give and dreams to pursue.

  12. #12
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    You said you have a life to live, love to give and dreams to pursue, do it!


    Vieja

  13. #13
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    Question Is it just ME?

    I find this thread and most of the posts completely bewildering! Nothing rings tru or makes any sense!

    Did someone slip LSD in my tea? Or, do others feel "lost" when reading about this TS and her possible TS "boyfriend"?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Member Sandygal's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend is in total denial. He wants his cake and eat it too. He is so happy to have you as an accepting girlfriend and it feels so good to have someone with him while he sorts things out. No...I think he sorted things out when he started taking the pills, that's a huge step. I have wanted to take hormones for years, but I'm older and have a great fear of losing my wife and customers(I'm a one person bussiness). If my wife told me she would love me and stay with me, I would take the pills in a heartbeat. Your boyfriend made his choice, now you for better or worse, need to make yours.

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    you both need to go see a gender therapist. and keep talking till you get to the root of his issues. he well may be a transsexual in total denial. taking hormones unsupervised was a very bad idea.. there are many many questions he must answer for himself way before taking hormones. lets face it your " Boyfriend " is a big mess right now his mind is changing in to a woman emotionally he's a mess.... he loves you and wants to keep you.. but he must be true to who he/she is.
    should you chose to break up do so gentle has he will find out what woman go through during a breakup... he as no idea ... and tell your boyfriend welcome to womanhood
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Thank you for every comment. I appreciate so much.

    My boyfriend and I talk about his everday but he only ends up angry and I crying

    Today he gave me a hint by saying that he doesn't like keeping me waiting. So I kind of know what is coming. Maybe I am wrong.

  17. #17
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Anything can be psychologically addictive; the only things that I know have a physical addiction are nicotine and opiates. I think this is one of those "We have to talk" moments. Ask him if he is under medical care and explain that you are worried about his health. Try to get an understanding of why he is doing this, whether he plans to continue on his present path or not; since you have no problem with his cross dressing, he may be in a pink fog and charging blindly into areas you aren't happy with. You both need to be comfortable with the path he's taking and he needs to understand that.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  18. #18
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    "cross dressers" do not take hormones. Your boyfriend is either transexual or horribly confused. Either way, he needs to talk with a gender therapist. Waiting for him will become waiting for "her" before long. Sorry but you need to take action now.

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    I'm sorry but I can't see Love here....4 months. SEEK HELP...

  20. #20
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    It seems to me that if you both continue this course, he'll become convinced that he's transexual, and you will not have a future with him. Counselling is quite in order here. And I'd get after it sooner than later.

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    He doesn't give me answer about what he wants to be. If he wants to stop the pills, that's great and we seek help to get rid of the addiction. If he wants to continue the hormones, that's fine and he has to leave me and let me carry on with my own life. At the moment, he cannot give any answer and still taking hormones everyday.

    He said once that he "may" stop the hormones. But he wants to see a doctor first. I don't know his true intention.

  22. #22
    Member makin' it real's Avatar
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    Aw, Prada, it sounds like you're in a tough place. And it sounds like your boyfriend is too.

    I have been using herbs to do the same thing the hormones are doing for your boyfriend, and I know just how tough it can be to stop. There have been several times I told myself I'm going to stop now, because the changes in my body are enough, or the changes in my body are too much; but then I'd be overwhelmed by how wonderful it feels to have my body shaped like this, and to have my mind and emotions think and feel like this, and I'd keep on taking the supplements. I am afraid to stop because I'm afraid I'll lose these wonderful feelings.

    It's strange, really. Over the past two weeks I have drastically reduced my use of supplements by simply not replacing them as I run out. I'm now down to a single herb, once a day. I feel some anxiety, and miss the female feelings, but am also better able to take positive actions for my future instead of simply reveling in the pleasures of the moment. I'm still wrestling with how much further to go, and I'm still clear that I am a man who most enjoys being with women, but it's also clear that I am a gender-blender who can no longer be considered just a man, and I'm still working out how I want to present to the world.

    I'm getting lots of help in this exploration through counseling with a very helpful therapist. It's still up to me to make the changes I want, just as it will be up to your boyfriend to identify his own feelings and then take actions based on them, but my therapist helps me see my thoughts and feelings more clearly. Maybe one will help your boyfriend too. I'm a strong supporter of therapy, because I've seen it help a lot of my friends. But the work still comes down to the person in therapy. I'd recommend counseling more for him than for you, but couples counseling could be helpful as well as long as he's in private sessions too. He needs to work out who he is separate from you as well as together with you.

    I wish you both well,

    ~Rachel

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    He doesn't give me answer about what he wants to be. If he wants to stop the pills, that's great and we seek help to get rid of the addiction. If he wants to continue the hormones, that's fine and he has to leave me and let me carry on with my own life. At the moment, he cannot give any answer and still taking hormones everyday.

    He said once that he "may" stop the hormones. But he wants to see a doctor first. I don't know his true intention.
    People do not develop physical addictions to hormones like they do to opiates, narcotics, barbiturates, stimulants, alcohol, etc. Your bf is not addicted to HRT. He does, however, behave as if his desire to be a woman overrides everything else, even you. It sounds as if he is transsexual and not a crossdresser.

    It is dangerous to self-medicate hormones. One of the medical risks is blood clotting, specifically, deep venous thrombosis and pulmonary embolism. Your bf needs be monitored by a medical doctor and he needs to see a gender therapist immediately. Also, HRT is akin to medical castration and it causes infertility. And although sexual preference is not tied to gender identification, it is not uncommon for TSs to begin preferring men once they've been on hormones. You need to be aware of the possibility.

    If your bf believes that taking hormones will make him just "a little bit" more feminine without all the other effects to his male sex organs, and he is not considering the health risks of taking them without medical supervision, then he is severely ignorant of the facts. And to play with such powerful drugs without even reading the resources that are readily available on the internet indicates that he is deeply in denial about who he is and what he wants.

    And as for you, although there are women who stay in relationships with transitioning or transitioned TSs, if you know that you are not wired to live your life as a lesbian with another woman, then you need to walk away. I'm afraid that if you stay with him it will prolong his indecision or his denial. If you love him, the best you can do is to force him to see specialists so that he can come to terms with who he is. The best way to do this might well be to simply move on and stop being his emotional safety net.

    I'm sorry.
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-25-2011 at 05:25 AM.
    Reine

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    You should seek professional counseling together.

    It's not uncommon for crossdressers to indulge in body shaping via exercise and diet to attain a more feminine appearance. It's possible he originally took the hormones for that purpose, but has become psychologically addicted to them and the sense of reassurance he gets from the mere act of ingesting them.

    On the other hand, it's also possible, as another poster suggested, that he is a transsexual who is in denial.

    He definitely needs help to find out who he is and where he is going. It's also possible that you need counseling. It's unusual for gender women to be so accepting of male crossdressing, and I wonder if there is something about a feminine man which is needful for you.

    Based on your chronology your boyfriend had been taking female hormones for two months when you began your relationship with him, and had been crossdressing for almost 25 years. I think he was a lot further along towards feminization when you met him than you're willing to admit. I find it hard to believe that he could have started growing his hair long, letting his finger nails grow long, tweezing his eyebrows in feminine shapes, wearing girls sunglasses, and shopping at women's clothing stores in the space of four months. I'm curious, how far along in your relationship did he tell you he was a crossdresser? Did he tell you about the hormones voluntarily or did you discover them? Does he shave his body hair? Does he wear earrings in both ears?

    Both of you need to do some soul searching, and you should do it with trained, competent assistance.

  25. #25
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    I found out he was a crossdress a few days after dating him becuase I saw photos. First he denied but two weeks later he admitted. At first I was not into the idea of cd but he made me like it. Now i like it.

    He shaved all body hair. He wants to wear earings.

    He wrote a blog about starting hormones. I read. I questioned him but he said what he wrote was not real. It's just for fun. Later I saw this bank statement (he wanted to show me the balance) and he bought something from website that sells drugs including hormones. I asked him but he said it was something for his dad. I noticed the lumps under his nipples. His sperm became very clear and the amonut was very little. He had no interest in sex. I knew something was going on.

    Only last week he told me about the hormones (he was drunk). I was shocked. He said he needed help.

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