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Thread: My crossdressing boyfriend takes hormones

  1. #26
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    WHOA!! this is WAY F#$%% UP!
    Your BF(?) is headed for disaster! Personally i'd dump him, he needs a wake up call and you don't need this shit girl! It sounds like he's keeping you around for his own comfort with little thought of your needs and feelings. I get it! if he needs to transition he needs to transition but dragging you around for a security blanket is just wrong. He would do well to get in to therapy ASAP to determine if a hormone regimen is right for him and figure out if he's just living in fantasy land or if he wants to transition. He would do well to go see his doctor and have a check up with a blood panel hopefully he hasn't harmed himself.

  2. #27
    Member Sophie_C's Avatar
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    Look, you know where this is leading. It's not even working right now, sexually, and you can only put up with things not working sexually for so long.

    You need a fairly hetero relationship. You have your needs as a woman. Clearly you're patient, but that is not helping either of you.

    End it. You're just delaying the inevitable.

    Now, before anyone says anything else - if she had any inclination of herself being bi, I'd suggest something different, but she isn't.

    I'm a person who firmly believes it's best to face reality as quick as possible. No need to drag out something that will end, anyway. You're just wasting both of your time.
    Last edited by Sophie_C; 09-24-2011 at 10:44 PM.

  3. #28
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    While I applaud your desire to stay and support your "man", there are some serious problems here.

    He lied to you.

    You know, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. He lied to you. That's a pretty darn good indicator that he will lie to you again.

    It's just like physical abuse. If a man hits you, you can be darn certain he will hit you again.

    Add to this the fact that he really doesn't seem to want to BE a man, and I would say you don't really have much of a future with this guy.

    As everyone has said already, couples and individual therapy are in order for both of you if you want to continue this relationship.

    Stephie

  4. #29
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    He doesn't give me answer about what he wants to be. If he wants to stop the pills, that's great and we seek help to get rid of the addiction. If he wants to continue the hormones, that's fine and he has to leave me and let me carry on with my own life. At the moment, he cannot give any answer and still taking hormones everyday.

    He said once that he "may" stop the hormones. But he wants to see a doctor first. I don't know his true intention.
    People do not develop physical addictions to hormones like they do to opiates, narcotics, barbiturates, stimulants, alcohol, etc. Your bf is not addicted to HRT. He does, however, behave as if his desire to be a woman overrides everything else, even you. It sounds as if he is transsexual and not a crossdresser.

    It is dangerous to self-medicate hormones. One of the medical risks is blood clotting, specifically, deep venous thrombosis and pulmonary embolism. Your bf needs be monitored by a medical doctor and he needs to see a gender therapist immediately. Also, HRT is akin to medical castration and it causes infertility. And although sexual preference is not tied to gender identification, it is not uncommon for TSs to begin preferring men once they've been on hormones. You need to be aware of the possibility.

    If your bf believes that taking hormones will make him just "a little bit" more feminine without all the other effects to his male sex organs, and he is not considering the health risks of taking them without medical supervision, then he is severely ignorant of the facts. And to play with such powerful drugs without even reading the resources that are readily available on the internet indicates that he is deeply in denial about who he is and what he wants.

    And as for you, although there are women who stay in relationships with transitioning or transitioned TSs, if you know that you are not wired to live your life as a lesbian with another woman, then you need to walk away. I'm afraid that if you stay with him it will prolong his indecision or his denial. If you love him, the best you can do is to force him to see specialists so that he can come to terms with who he is. The best way to do this might well be to simply move on and stop being his emotional safety net.

    I'm sorry.
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-25-2011 at 05:25 AM.
    Reine

  5. #30
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    My boyfried would love to be a woman for sure. To make a transition or not is another question. He may stop hormones if health is a problem. However, the desire to be a woman is still there.

    If it was a 3-year marriage, we would try to save it of course. But it's just a 4-month relationship, I don't understand why he wants to save it if he knows that we cannot be together.

    At the moment I still have no answer about what he is going to do with hormones. He is taking them everyday. He will see a doctor this week (before end of September 2011). Personally I think he will only stop taking the pills if the doctor says he must stop because they are damaging his body. He still wants to be a woman anyway. That sounds okay with me because he's crossdressing and we go out together. If he is not happy being a man, that's a problem.

    Personally I think he will only stop hormones only if the doctor said so because of the health problem. However, his desire to be a woman and dress up is still there. That's great because I enjoy dressing him up and taking him out to tgirl bars.

    As long as he's happy being a man and happy being my man, we can be together.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 09-26-2011 at 01:31 PM. Reason: merged please use the edit button

  6. #31
    New Member mariannecd's Avatar
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    Then you need to make some choices about what you really want and if he cannot give you what you need, then you need another plan....!

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    As long as he's happy being a man and happy being my man, we can be together.
    Ya know this really isn't about your GF (I used that term on purpose!) She seems to have made her decision. MEN don't take female hormones because they want to be girls, girls trapped in a male body do! Your so called BF DOESN"T WANT TO BE A BOY or is seriously confused either way the onus is now on you! this is not about figuring out how to somehow control her desire to transition so that you can have a man in a dress this is about YOU making a decision to either stay with a transitioning TS (or seriously confused CDer) OR getting out. Frankly I don't think your doing her any favors by hanging around cause you like to play dress up with her. She is either a chick and you have to accept that or HE is majorly confused about his gender identity which usually just means TS but haven't accepted it yet.

  8. #33
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    Nicely said April.

    As usual, you say it well and to the point.

    S

  9. #34
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    Well said Miss. April

    Hormones dont make you a better crossdresser, they make the outside match the inside woman.

    Prada, we all wish you luck with this. The two of you need to sit down and communicate all of this to each other.

    -Donni-

  10. #35
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    Thank you for every comment. I appreciate so much.

    My boyfriend and I talk about his everday but he only ends up angry and I crying

    Today he gave me a hint by saying that he doesn't like keeping me waiting. So I kind of know what is coming. Maybe I am wrong.

  11. #36
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    As you can see from the extensive comments, your SO is in a gender haze. However, you are also in denial. You very much need to decide what YOU want, and then act upon that. It's pretty clear your SO is not, in the long run, going to be your boyfriend. If you want your potential mate to be physically (and successfully) male, you are going to need to look elsewhere.

    In all honesty, if you are looking for a transgendered mate, there will be a line at your door once your interest is known, and that line will include many who will fit your wishes perfectly, and will be enamoured with the fact that you support them in their bi-genderism with no games and complete honesty.

    I wish you the best. Please do stay here with us and let us know how your search is proceeding!

    tina

  12. #37
    Member sara.s's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aprilrain View Post
    WHOA!! this is WAY F#$%% UP!
    Your BF(?) is headed for disaster! Personally i'd dump him, he needs a wake up call and you don't need this shit girl! It sounds like he's keeping you around for his own comfort with little thought of your needs and feelings. I get it! if he needs to transition he needs to transition but dragging you around for a security blanket is just wrong. He would do well to get in to therapy ASAP to determine if a hormone regimen is right for him and figure out if he's just living in fantasy land or if he wants to transition. He would do well to go see his doctor and have a check up with a blood panel hopefully he hasn't harmed himself.
    Plus One... (Adding 20 dummy characters to complete this post)

  13. #38
    Junior Member CheyenneNicky's Avatar
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    honestly. That is a hard choice. I personally would go after you. but thats cause im not big Cd'r just more of a kink ya know. but your beautiful and you are very open minded , thats OUTSTANDING! he should be considered very lucky

  14. #39
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    pradaarmani, I am a bit confused by some remarks you posted before. Is it correct that you yourself are a MTF transsexual ? You posted that you have been on hormones for a year, including Androcur, and that you went "full time" when you were financially ready.

  15. #40
    Member sara.s's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandra-leigh View Post
    pradaarmani, I am a bit confused by some remarks you posted before. Is it correct that you yourself are a MTF transsexual ? You posted that you have been on hormones for a year, including Androcur, and that you went "full time" when you were financially ready.
    So what? The fact that she is herself a TS does not make it lesser offense for her BF to lie.
    Last edited by sara.s; 09-25-2011 at 10:03 PM.

  16. #41
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    It does sound like your boyfriend is in fact a transwoman -- the effects of relaxation from being on hormones strongly indicate that. That's an effect that transpeople going on the right hormones for them experience very quickly.

    I hate to say it, but I don't think you can get what you want out of this situation. I hope you two can remain friends if, as seems likely, this doesn't work out.

  17. #42
    Silver Member Loni's Avatar
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    if you can not get "her" to go with you to see a counselor then please go by your self.
    and yes i say "her" as only women trapped in a mans body take hormones. i would love to take them...but i am not sure if i should. and if not under a Dr's care she can get very sick need a new liver, etc. or even die.
    if she stays on them for much longer she will never be a "man" again, some things are just one way. no return.
    taking hormones is not something one does as a just over night thing, even getting the illegal drugs via the web can take time to set up, and the "drugs" are not of good quality. if she refuses to go see a medical Dr or even see a counselor with you. sorry but time to dump her and live your life with out this problem. it will get worse.

    Loni

    .

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    Today he gave me a hint by saying that he doesn't like keeping me waiting. So I kind of know what is coming. Maybe I am wrong.
    Pradaarmani, I've just read your other posts. You've been on hormones for over a year. So, why did you come to a TG forum describing the changes in your boyfriend just as a GG would have, who understood nothing about this? And why did you come off as if you believe that your boyfriend is "addicted" to hormones? I question your motives since you do know a great deal about HRT. I don't respect your subterfuge.

    You could have said you are a transwoman, and then described your issues with your boyfriend from the point of view of someone who understands what HRT does. Many respondents to this thread wouldn't have wasted their time trying to explain things to you as if you are a newbie at this, including me.

    At any rate, back to the boyfriend issue, what I don't get is why, when you know full well what path he is heading down since you've done it yourself, and you further know that you want a relationship with a man, why do you continue to stay with him? Why do you keep giving us updates as if you just don't understand what's going on?
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-25-2011 at 10:07 PM.
    Reine

  19. #44
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Prada, u have been "dating for 4 months and he's been taking hormones for 6 months"?" He's been a CD since age 6 and he's 30 now"? Sorry! Like Reine, I don't get it! None of this sounds real to me! If u think it is, I believe you may be up a creek named De Nile!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 09-29-2011 at 01:48 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #45
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    That sounds like such a difficult situation for the both of you. When I was younger I wasn't sure what role I wanted my femme side to take in my life or if I even wanted to keep the male side at all. I saw a transformation/gender therapist for 3 sessions. In those sessions I took an inventory of my life the male and female sides. I weighed the pros and cons. The therapist had a great deal of insight on issues about my gender that I never thought to consider. After that I was and am still confident today that I want to live as a man who just enjoys dressing on occasion. Whatever your boyfriend wants he should talk to someone who can help him take a good look at every aspect and make an informed choice about the balance he will choose. After that happens it will be easier to determine how well your relationship will fit in to his life. I hope for all the best for you two.


    p.s. you seem like a very wonderful girl for staying by him through all of this.

  21. #46
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    I was a transexual girl. I don't think I can have a relationship with a woman or another ts woman.

    I don't take hormones to feel like a woman because I always think I am a woman since born. The dose I take is recommend by a doctor in thailand where I am from. Now I am in England and still continues the pills and have liver checked every 6 months (last time in August 2011).

    I discovered that my bf takes the same pills after 4 months of relationship. Now he is addicted to the pills because they give him the feelings. I like him to have his feminine side. However, there are SOME side effects of the hormones that I don't wish him to have. They afffect me also.

    I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.

  22. #47
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.
    Yes, you are a woman, and you also know that taking hormone pills is not an addiction. You are taking them to align your body to your internal gender, and your boyfriend seems to be wanting the same thing.

    I'm sorry that your boyfriend may be going down a different path than you would like and I'm glad that you will still be friends if you break up.

    Good luck.
    Reine

  23. #48
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    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Last edited by gretchen2; 11-02-2011 at 10:13 AM.

  24. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by pradaarmani View Post
    I was a transexual girl. I don't think I can have a relationship with a woman or another ts woman.

    I don't take hormones to feel like a woman because I always think I am a woman since born. The dose I take is recommend by a doctor in thailand where I am from. Now I am in England and still continues the pills and have liver checked every 6 months (last time in August 2011).

    I discovered that my bf takes the same pills after 4 months of relationship. Now he is addicted to the pills because they give him the feelings. I like him to have his feminine side. However, there are SOME side effects of the hormones that I don't wish him to have. They afffect me also.

    I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.
    This may sound a bit harsh, but if what you seek is a man that likes to dress as a woman occasionally, you should find just that. The person you are currently seeing is not in your description of what you seek, and therefore, you should tell him/her the current relationship is not working and you need to move on. Why would you want to punish yourself by staying in a relationship that does not fulfill all you seek? Do not settle for crumbs when you can have the whole cake. One thing I have learned is we all cry, we all laugh, and we all find what we seek if we remain patient.

  25. #50
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    Update: my boyfriend said he thinks about stopping the hormones and keep being my man. I have a mixed feeling hearing this. He'd love to be woman I am sure. However, he also says that he is happy being a man. I hope he is not lying to himself.

    His appearance has changed so much since we first met in May 2011. Long hair, girl nails, girl brows, soft skin, face, breasts, fat distribution. Also his mind and thinking become more feminine.

    If he wishes to stop, he has to fight the addiction. I guess he may experience symptoms like women in their menopause. Symptoms like anxiety, mood disturbance, etc. Just guess. He has to regain his health. And I am happy to walk into a gender clinic with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I'm sorry that your boyfriend may be going down a different path than you would like and I'm glad that you will still be friends if you break up.

    Good luck.
    Whatever he chooses to do, I still help him get clothes and makeup from shops (he still lives as a man). He entered this relationship as a man who told later that he's a crossdresser, so, at the end of the day, he still needs clothes and makeup.

    I took him out at night for first time in his life. We did 3 times so far. He likes me to watch him shave, dress, apply makeup. He spends hours. He will get annoyed if the eye shadow is not right. At first he did not like eyeliner. When I tried that on him, he totally loved it. He always messes up with lipstick and I find that very cute. I make sure the face is alright. Sometimes he is worried about his hair style. I help with wax and hairspray.

    When he sees a dress he likes in a shop, I will try it in the fiiting room and let him see. He always goes for a particular style and I encourage him to try something different.

    Sometimes I feel like I have done so much for his girl part. Never thought that situation would become like this
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-29-2011 at 10:57 AM. Reason: Merging consecutive posts. Please use the Edit, Quote, & Multi-Quote functions.

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