Originally Posted by
InShock
Ok, let me explain a couple things because I'm feeling slightly attacked here.
1: The vomit thing. I think most of you are misunderstanding that. I'm not physically I'll when I solely think of my boyfriend in a skirt. Please, I'm a little more open minded than that. It's just clothing. When I originally said that when I saw his picture I wanted to vomit, it was one of those physical reactions because of trauma. Have you ever found out someone cheated on you? Have you ever found out someone betrayed you? Have you ever found out someone told am embarrassing secret about you? It's like that. As I said, I was shaking, couldn't breathe, and was nauseous. Trauma, shock-not the sight of him.
2: I said I "deserve better." Taken out of context, that would be a pretty rude thing to say. However, that's not all I said, and it hurts that some of you are telling me to just end it, that it's already over, or that you're no longer on my side. What I had said was that if he's going to treat me poorly from now on, or go as far as leaving me based only on what happened this week, then that's not fair, not my fault, and I would deserve better. However, that has not happened. I never meant thy I deserve better than him in general, because he does take very good care of me and I also take very good care of him. I was in a very dark place yesterday, and my last post last night was written in years, anger, confusion, frustration, and depression. None of you have gone through what I went through this week (not at all to discount what you HAVE gone through on the other side of this), but try to imagine what I went through in which you had to find out a shocking secret about your SO in the manner I did (which most of you have been very empathetic about, thank you) and then imagine that afterward, they don't want anything to do with you, don't want to speak to you, and you have no one else in your life to help you through it because you can't talk about it. Makes you a little confused and sad, eh? That's what I was going through yesterday, so my last post might have been a little dark because I'm grasping at straws right now wondering if I still have the man that I love, but getting no answers.
You all have been SO helpful, thoughtful, beautiful, understanding, and sweet...but lately I feel like I have to defend myself a lot. You are all I have right now, and it hurts that some of you are forming this negative opinion of me because I feel like I've lost everything. Tina is absolutely right. I need to fight for him, and dammit, I will. I love him.