input

[Alesia]

Hi girl's I am new on this sight. I have been wearing panty's and such for a long time. Recently my wife dared me to put on a pair of her's so natrually I jumped at the oppertunity.This was my first chance to let someone see. After I expressed such great intrest in it she went out and bought me my own. I than bought some pink PJ's and started wearing some of her clothes. Long story short I finally felt the way I always wanted to feel. Than she told me she hated it and now doubted our marrige. That really upset me.I just feel so natrual in womens clothes and do not know what to do Can anyone give me some advice or input?

[Sharon]

Talk with your wife. Convince her that you are still the same person, just happier.
Tell your wife how you feel and listen to her feedback. Don't be defensive, but be willing to ease off a little while she adjusts to this. Put yourself in her shoes as she explains how she feels.

I could say lots more, but it really comes down to simple communication.

Good luck!

[Lauren_T]

You also might have moved a little faster than her attitude can keep up with - people adjust to change at their own speed...

Also, plenty of the girls here are always ready to share what experience, advice &c, that they have... but it helps to know background, such as, what are her objections?

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

Hi
Welcome and thanks for sharing with us all.
I forget the term that was used, but I once heard someone explain that when someone who has had desires for years and years somehow gets released to fullfil those desires it can be letting off the hand brake on a car that is sat on a steep hill.
You may be sat in the drivers seat, hands gripped to the wheel, feeling somewhat in control, knowing the thrill of the ride to come. However, there are others in the car (your wife) and she never asked for this ride, and more importantly she will feel now as if she has no control.
It's time to apply the brakes!

There are many, many SO's on here who will be able to talk to you about this, but... I am not sure what people on this site think of this book I read "My Husband Betty", but I thought it was brilliant. Helen Boyd writes from the perspective of the wife who has a TV husband, and she does not pull punches. Maybe if your wife could get a hold of this book, or even get talking to Helen on here, ( I have her email address), maybe that would help.

In the end I for one think you are better off where you are now, than where you once were... once the shock has worn off a bit who knows where the two of you may end up.
All the very best
SammyJo

[Alesia]

You also might have moved a little faster than her attitude can keep up with - people adjust to change at their own speed...

Also, plenty of the girls here are always ready to share what experience, advice &c, that they have... but it helps to know background, such as, what are her objections?

her objections are me going from one extreme to the other. the problem is it just feels so right,and natrual. I threw out all my fem stuff but it feels terrible dressed like this. I enjoy that lifestyle.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I realize it feels right and natural, but remember being in a relationship means give and take. You should have to purge, but acting like a kid in a candy store isn't fair to your wife either.

Imagine if your wife one day cut her hair, threw out her make-up, started dressing butch and strapping and packing. You'd probably need a bit of time to adjust, right?

Your wife is also probably concerned about where things are headed -- i.e. if you love dressing as a woman so much, will you want to become one? You've had time to figure that answer for yourself, but she can only judge you by your actions.

As others have said, try slowing things down a bit. You'll also need to take step to reassure your wife that things aren't totally out of control. And most importantly both talk to you wife about your feelings and more importantly listen to her's.

[Alesia]

Hi
Welcome and thanks for sharing with us all.
I forget the term that was used, but I once heard someone explain that when someone who has had desires for years and years somehow gets released to fullfil those desires it can be letting off the hand brake on a car that is sat on a steep hill.
You may be sat in the drivers seat, hands gripped to the wheel, feeling somewhat in control, knowing the thrill of the ride to come. However, there are others in the car (your wife) and she never asked for this ride, and more importantly she will feel now as if she has no control.
It's time to apply the brakes!

There are many, many SO's on here who will be able to talk to you about this, but... I am not sure what people on this site think of this book I read "My Husband Betty", but I thought it was brilliant. Helen Boyd writes from the perspective of the wife who has a TV husband, and she does not pull punches. Maybe if your wife could get a hold of this book, or even get talking to Helen on here, ( I have her email address), maybe that would help.

In the end I for one think you are better off where you are now, than where you once were... once the shock has worn off a bit who knows where the two of you may end up.
All the very best
SammyJo

thank you for the guidance, should I start dressing again?

[Rachel_740]

Alesia,

The girls here have given you some good advice, except one point:

Put yourself in her shoes as she explains how she feels.

Don't take Sharon's comment here literally!

Anne

[Alesia]

Alesia,

The girls here have given you some good advice, except one point:



Don't take Sharon's comment here literally!

Anne

So what should I do. Am I to far is the damage done? I am wondering if I am a T girl. I took the test on line and it said I am a trans sexuauall.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I am wondering if I am a T girl. I took the test on line and it said I am a trans sexuauall.

Those tests are no substitute for seeing an experienced gender therapist who can help you figure that out. The various online tests have various flaws and it's easy to get the result you'd like to see.

You may be a TS, you may not. (Only a small number of crossdressers discover they're TS, but most late-transitioning TSs do go through a phase where they assume they're CDs.) That's something you and your therapist will need to figure out. But at this point, it's likely you're going through a bit of "gender euphoria" after being repressed, so don't leap to any hasty conclusions.

As far as undoing the damage done, there's probably a lot you can do. This doesn't mean you need to stop dressing, but you do need to slow down. If you've truly been overboard, you probably owe her an apology, but it's OK to let her know it occurred because it's something that had been repressed for so long.

You need to discuss some limits with your wife. Short-term, you may want to let her set the pace. I realize this probably will be frustrating, but you need to help her feel like things aren't spinning out of control. Also be sure to give her some "man time."

You need to educate the both of you. "My Husband Betty" would be some good reading.

You're going to need to deal with your wife's feelings. For many GGs, it's the fact that you kept a major secret from her that's more difficult to deal with than the CDing itself. If you seriously think you may be TS, that's going to complicate things, but don't hide it. It's one thing to be married to a CD, it's another thing to be married to someone who may literally no longer be the man in her life. OTOH, do let her know you're not sure about this and you're trying to figure it out.

More than anything else, keep talking with your SO and more importantly, keep listening.