I would stay quiet. This is a battle that isn't worth fighting.
Comments made nearing the end of a job tend to be remembered and can be used to demonise and direct work away from you.
If, on the other hand, they made moves like they were going to physically attack her, I would call the police and let them deal with it.
Last edited by giuseppina; 10-13-2011 at 01:55 PM. Reason: added thought
I believe you did the right thing. Though it was crude and rude of these guys, she was not confronted or heard their comments. They would do the same thing to you if you were ever outed. Myself, I can casually comment in these situations how much I love the diversity of people in this country. And as Ron White says "You can't fix stupid".
As a woman you not only have the right but a duty to disagree with the stupid shit men say!
I understand your fear and your guilt. I think your fear comes from thinking you will out yourself and put your self in danger. I suppose there is a chance of that but more than likely they will just see you and dismiss you as a woman, BUT they will learn to be quiet about certain topics around you also. They are afraid! Scared shitless in fact of any suggestion that masculinity could be trumped by femininity! A woman's sexuality is IRONCLAD! we cannot be intimidated by Femininity because we own it! and what the hell is there to be afraid of with masculinity???? most woman see right through their macho BS. Men say stupid macho shit to impress one and other
Well... you could quietly make a complaint to the company HR dept and make sure the guys are sent on diversity training... I don't imagine any company would want thier reputation damaged by having an emloyee make a remark to anyone while they are being employed... just imagine how the person would have felt if she did hear? Suppose she is the owner of the company that hired yours to do the work?
Chickie
I think that you did the right thing. Some fights are not worth fighting.
Dana Ryan
When in a difficult situation, of any type, experience has taught me that my best course of action is often to just keep my mouth shut.
You did the right thing, Geneva. If you had spoken up you likely would have alienated your co-workers and possibly outed yourself.
I just love my inner sissy and let them do not deal with it
I should explain why I would respond in the agressive manner I mentioned. I have been around and worked with construction all my life. Yes, many of these guys are very rough and it doesn't take much to get them excited. One thing I have learned they all will respect you a lot more by opening up and telling them like it is rather than sitting there keeping your mouth shut. Ask any construction worker and he will tell you, if you have a problem with me, tell me.
While going to college in the late 70's - early 80's and transitioning at the same time, I needed to work to survive. I wasn't a little rich girl ;(. I worked daily on construction crews. Yes, I took some verbal abuse at first. When I finally stood up and let them have it is when it stopped. They are some rough, tough, hard drinking, people but if you respect them they will respect you.
By the way, the example in my earlier post was a real life scenario that took place because a transgender girl happen to walk up to a stop light 15 feet away from these guys. They were running their mouths like crazy at her. They did not know about me as yet.
It's strange that most of the construction workers I've ever met have been liberals, and a pretty surprising number are gay. Yeah, it's a testosterone-filled environment, but in no way did I get any sense of prejudice among them. Really seemed like open-minded guys. Of course, this was in Columbus, OH, which is home to the second-largest gay population in the U.S., so maybe that had something to do with it.Originally Posted by josee
I agree -- if you're in the situation you were in, just let it slide. No need to draw attention to the matter. They'll probably forget about it by the time they get back to work.
I wouldn't beat yourself up. If you made a comment or stink about it they still would think the same way and you would give up too much for really no gain. If their parents didn't raise them to be decent, you aren't going to make them change. I think the important thing you learned was who these guys really are. Now you know what to expect from them which could be very helpful in your line of work. Are you pre op. CD? If you are legally a female your risks are less but still i don't question your actions. Now if you jumped in and agreed that would be different.
I really don't know what I'd do. I would like to think I would say someting.But then your not going to chang the way they think.
Angie
whip it out.. thatll blow their minds..
When the ability to earn a living may be threatened by outing oneself, I will always say to not out oneself. However, I would always defend a person's to be left alone and not be discriminated against. In the building trades in the states, many construction jobs come out of a union hall, so it is possible to get 'blacklisted' if your lifestyle becomes common knowledge. I am assuming your interaction with those guys is limited to work. I have family members who would not approve on my cross dressing, but, would I out myself to defend myself and lose all interaction with them? No! But I do indicate, if the person is not bothering you, leave your bias thoughts at the door.
[SIZE="2"]I would do exactly what you did – nothing. Nothing CAN be done, because you’re dealing with a group mentality, same old, same old, and you need to think about your own safety. Pigs cannot be reasoned with – I learned this the hard way many years ago...
[/SIZE]
If you want to do anything, the best option would be filing a complaint against them for harrasment. Directed at you or not, the behavior was derogatory and has a negative effect on the companies business, especially if they direct that attitude against someone who is willing to press charges. If you can file the report anonymously i would do so. If not it's up to your judgement if you want to do anything.
To stand strong and independent so that I can help those who cannot stand by themselves.
I will do this by abandoning my old ways, and learning anew what I must do to succeed
I will find strength within instead of looking outside.
I will recognize when I need help, instead of struggling on my own.
I will break the cycle I’ve followed and be free.
I will stand strong and independent, but I won’t stand alone.
My Mission Statement
shelly67 kind of has the right idea. it's a pack mentality and even if 6 out of 7 guys don't really care and are not bothered by that, the one single guy that brings it up becomes by default the head of the group at that point its the others that just follow along, even if they don't care one way or another.......or they may actually BE the crossdresser......or gay.....or whatever. The shame for ALL of us ( that don't out ourselves ) is that we don't want to be outed & therefore we basically HAVE to play along and go along with the group that may only be one person.......fear is a strong emotion
So sorry. That is uncomfortable and difficult.
Similar things have happened to me, though when I am in male mode. Probably have happened to many of us. I most always let the narrow minded know that it is NOT OK to make those comments in my presence. What you say and how you say depends on the situation, of course. I am never looking to correct and hurt but to be of use, and teach.
In a work scenario you must be careful, you did OK staying silient. But find a way to let them know those comments are lower thoughts and you do not appreciate hearing them.
I have discussed acceptance with thick headed folks who just will not get it. They have a need in their minds to put others down, and will not really hear what I say, and I am good with people they are important to me, and I treat them as such. BUT they think twice about talking that non sense in my presence becuase they will have to account for their actions...but they will probably do it when they have numbers...
Their is progress. Each little victory elevates all those around us, and creates change.
polythene pam
My opinion, You did the right thing by doing nothing. Job and self outing being the biggest reasons. What I have learned about people who criticize others is they are trying to put others down to make themselves appear better. These guys probably do this same thing to each other( I cut straighter than bob, or did you see steve come in 15 min late. Take care and have a wonderful day.
I just had something like that happen to me a couple of days ago, but I was the object of the derision, as a guy could see my bra lines and made a big fuss about it. I was so caught off guard - as you must've been - that I could think of nothing to say. I just stared right in the eyes at the guy who had started off with the comments - and stared and stared - until he felt really uncomfortable with himself and walked away. That was two days ago and of course I've worn bras rather visibly since then to send the message I'm not ashamed of it, nor will I be shamed by them.
It's so hard to figure out what to say. I really can relate to you saying nothing. Don't beat yourself up over it!
Hugs,
Ann
I've worked construction and at factories ... best not say anything as you'll end up on the recieving end.
It doesn't make it right, but it's reality.
Fun loving skirt wearer
Thanxs for all your advice
I did feel guilty not sticking up for her,after it could of been me.
certainly found out how narrow minded every body im working with on the project is.
these perticular guys i dont often work with ,my employer and people who need to know know that im TS,and and i will tell most people if im asked,good thing is i never seem to get asked if im a guy, i seem to get on with every body.
So thanks for your advice and coments its appreciated
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