No Hug

[Persephone]

Tonight our neighbors down the street invited my spouse and I to a very lovely backyard dinner. Twelve guests, some of whom we knew and some that we hadn't met before.

It was really a delightful evening. Awesome food and great conversation. I wore a long purple skirt with broomstick pleats and a white blouse.

I appeared to be totally accepted and simply treated as one of the women, except for one small detail. I noticed that the host greeted and said "good bye" to all of the other women with a hug, but not me.

Perhaps just a tiny crack in an otherwise perfect evening.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[frax24]

Dont worry all in all a lovely evening and that is what matters

[Edwina]

His loss Persephone!

[DanaR]

Some guys just will not hug another male. You should have thanked and hugged him.

[Cynthia Anne]

Gee sometimes life isn't fair! So I'm sending you this!

[Michelle.M]

Well, this may not be an issue of non-acceptance. I have a suspicion this may be less bigoted than it seems.

I have a friend who is (along with her husband) very LGBT friendly. They even changed churches to find one that was more accepting to GBLT members. I am a client of this woman, and her hubby has met me in boy mode several times. We have lots in common and we've shared the occasional cup of coffee and conversation.

Not too long ago I arrived dressed for a meeting with my friend, and as usual I engaged the hub in conversation. He responded to my initiating conversation but he was somewhat reserved and would not look me in the eye. I figured he was shy, but on the way home I remembered that he had never been this shy before so I wondered what was up.

I considered that there are certain folks who can generate strong feelings of antipathy in otherwise well-meaning people. Severe burn victims, amputees, people with extreme mental or physical handicaps tend to make others uncomfortable, and I sense this is because it causes a conflict between a person's tendency toward revulsion and the noble sensibilities they are trying to sustain in an enlightened mind. This internal conflict is very difficult for a person to resolve, and in the case of my friend's husband he was forced to try and resolve this in my presence, making this even more challenging for him.

This is not the same as outright discrimination, which is simply ignorant and wrong. In this case my friend's husband is struggling with something and I figured that I could help by continuing to present myself to him as a real, normal person. Eventually his noble tendencies will win in his own life.

[MissMarcie]

I appeared to be totally accepted and simply treated as one of the women, except for one small detail. I noticed that the host greeted and said "good bye" to all of the other women with a hug, but not me.
Persephone.

You said the host did this with "all the other women". One small glitch here. You're not a woman. Obviously the host knows this.

[Eryn]

As you said, it's a tiny crack. Concentrate on the beautiful whole of the evening.

Many of us have, despite our best efforts to become accepting, harbor leftover doubts and prejudices from our upbringings. If we have time to think things out we can ignore our outmoded prejudices, but when pressed for time, as in a departing situation, they will often assert themselves. This is your neighbor's minor failing and does not reflect on you at all.

Hugs, Eryn

[suchacutie]

Cultural issues are partially at play here. In some cultures male/male hugs and even casual kissing is not only acceptable but expected. So, if the tale was turned and you did get a hug it would be possible to realize that it had nothing to do with your gender presentation. My guess is that the host didn't hug any of those presenting as males, and if the adversion to hugging a genetic male is very strong, then your presentation and acceptance probably have nothing to do with it. He knows that underneath you are male and that was likely strong enough to put the barrier between the two of you. In a different culture there would not have been a hitch in the slightest!

As time goes on, familiarity with your feminine side might change that sitation.

tina

[Stephenie S]

Homophobia runs rampant in this society. It's part of being a dude.

S