The first tiptoes of coming out.. to spouse and self

[Deanna77]

So I've only joined the forum a couple months back as some long-forgotten memories of dressing in my mom's and aunt's things came back to mind with a sense of longing that was a little more than just plain nostalgia. In that time I've managed to cobble-together the beginnings of on outfit/transformation (taking advantage of the "holiday season" LOL). The few short occasions I've had to dress around the house have been therapeutic in a way I never really thought they would be - especially in light of other emotionally draining situations that have been happening in recent months.

My few bouts of dressing have been completely private and hidden from my wife up to this point. The topic itself actually came up once a few weeks ago as she saw me looking over foundation colors while she was browsing something next to the makeup in a store, and it wasn't pretty. But rather than focus on that episode and my denials then, let's fast forward to today.

As wifey was getting dressed for a shindig at work today, she was fretting over having wear some new hose (which she comically referred to as "Hitler's Panty Hose") and some spanx both. She asked from the other room, almost jokingly, if I'd ever wore pantyhose. Normally I would have avoided the question/joke, but I replied nonchalantly "Yes, a few times, mostly while younger". She was quiet for a moment and replied "Really?" I went into more detail, sharing about getting caught and shamed by my grandmother. She asked if I'd worn other stuff, and I admitted to wearing some of mom's bras as well. She thanked me for my honesty, and said I'd have to wear some spanx sometime, though she figured I'd enjoy it and just say "I don't see what you complain so much about!"

Later in the day, after another draining visit with a family member in the hospital, we stopped by a fast food joint for dinner. The girl working the counter was a t-girl we'd seen there before (so passable, I *swore* she was a gg last time). She was very nice and friendly, and her demeanor cheered us both up after what we'd just been through. As we sat down to eat, conversation eventually turned to the girl at the counter. A year ago, she wouldn't have had much nice to say about her, but today she seemed... I don't know... a little more accepting and charitable. In light of this though, as we left the restaurant, she said to me "Honey, if you *do* ever dress up in makeup and everything just promise me you'll stay home and not get a job at a fast food place."

"You got it, baby."

And that's where we are. I'm still figuring out the extent to which I enjoy dressing, and I still prefer keeping it quiet, private (well, aside from all the supportive ladies here) and at home. I don't really ever see it becoming a 24/7 desire for me, but I do catch myself daydreaming from time-to-time about the next opportunity I'll have to dress and feel "prettified".

Apologies if I've rambled, but I just wanted to share and say thank you to everyone who contributes to this community and especially those that have been so welcoming and encouraging to me thus far.

[Toni Citara]

Dude, the camel's nose is under the tent!!! Ain't no way in the world a camel can be pushed back, that camel is coming in and going to make its presence known!! LOL

Seriously, your wonderful wife has a curiosity and if you take it a little at at time, she will help you dress!

Your first effort could be... (hands on face in disbelief)... Going Out In Drag On Halloween!!!

[Cynthia Anne]

Hi Deanna! You might of rambled a little!ho,ha! [just kidding] Your story was a pleasure to read! I Just love a happy ending! Or should I say a happy beginning! Thank you for the bright spot in my day! Hugs!

[KellyJameson]

Touching story and I have to say your wife sounds pretty cool, in just a few words she showed how much she loves you and fears losing you to change. Nothing kills love faster than demanding it from someone by trying to keep them from walking all of lives necessary paths. Her choice of words leaves me to think she understands this.

[boardpuppy]

The dressing bug has bitten you and it will never completely go away.......it could subside some but not go away. Enjoy your time as Deanna but take it slow and maybe your SO will make the journey with you.
Alice

[NathalieX66]

Hi deanna,
Lovely story.....no ramble.
Take it at the speed you like. Our inner compass will guide us in the direction we see fit for ourselves, and those in our lives. You should be so happy that you have souch an accepting wife. She is a wondeful person.

[Stephanie47]

I think you may be making an erroneous assumption. There is a very strong possibility she knows of your occasional cross dressing. You may have answered a lot of her questions by fessing up to dabbling with pantyhose when younger. Also, the comment concerning not going out would suggest she is establishing boundaries of acceptable cross dressing activity. If her attitude appears to be more charitable toward the T-girl, maybe she is seeing people with a different slant on life are not terrible.

You may want to explore the possibility of dressing up for Halloween. And, I don't mean as Supergirl or Batwoman- as a young woman. I wouldn't push it, but, maybe she'll act on it. Sooner or later she is going to "discover" your "secret." And, if she gives you the OK to explore your inner self, remember to respect her wishes and boundaries. Good luck.

[candykowal]

That is exactly how I envision I would come out slowly to my wife...I too do not care to be a lady 24/7 but it sure makes those times you can, that much special!
Great story that bring hope that I too, one day, can reveil Candy to the misses.

[Eryn]

One thing that is really dangerous about your present situation is the honesty issue. You're dancing around the topic but not acknowledging its existence. Later on, this might be interpreted by your wife as dishonesty after she finds out more about your CDing.

It might be time to consider a serious "come clean" conversation with her.

Eryn

["Mary"]

I'd get busy picking out a Halloween costume that is a female character.

[Debglam]

One thing that is really dangerous about your present situation is the honesty issue. You're dancing around the topic but not acknowledging its existence. Later on, this might be interpreted by your wife as dishonesty after she finds out more about your CDing.

It might be time to consider a serious "come clean" conversation with her.

Eryn

I was kind of thinking that myself. I kind of screwed up the context the first time I came out to my wife and it gave her the wrong idea what this is all about. I had to have the whole "sit down honey" conversation all over again. She has been awesome but I think what has helped has been to be as clear as possible and to keep up the conversation every so often (don't make it the only thing you talk about though!) to make sure you are both on the same page.

This stuff is confusing enough without adding miscommunication!

Good luck!
Debby

[bridget thronton]

Very nice post Deanna - not rambling one bit

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Deanna.

Good post, you said it well and kept the rambling to a minimum

I agree with Eryn, you are heading into a critical phase here. Get it right and you could be in for the time of your life. by getting it right, I mean be open and honest with your wife. Appreciate and understand that she may have fears and may need to ask many questions. She may want to establish boundaries to your dressing.

Good luck with it all.

Tash

[Eryn]

...I kind of screwed up the context the first time I came out to my wife and it gave her the wrong idea what this is all about. I had to have the whole "sit down honey" conversation all over again....

I honestly don't think that anyone does this perfectly the first time. I know I certainly didn't.

[lady di]

go slow and enjoy your new life

[Katie Moore]

You and your wife sound very much committed to each other which it should be. I hope she "sees" that just because someday you may be wearing a dress, that inside you are still the person she married. I hope your journey with your wife is fantastic.

[Deanna77]

Thank you all for the posts and encouragement. I'm definitely keeping my eyes and ears open for opportunities to share more with her as time goes on. We don't really celebrate Halloween (especially not the mrs) so I don't think I'll be heading out as Deanna this year or anything. She knows that I have an affinity for thongs, and playfully refers to them as my "panties" (esp when she wants to rev my engine ) and that I have a desire for other pretty underthings like stockings/hose (on her or me).

I have noticed that we've been having a lot more conversations lately about what matches or looks well on her, makeup, accessories and such, etc. Who knows.. she may be the one to end up surprising me in the end

[kristinacd55]

Deanna, sounds like you've got a good handle on the situation. If you do come out to her "all the way", just don't go overboard and sink the ship. lol That pink fog can definitely envelope you.

[linda allen]

Deanna, you seem to be on the path to dressing around your wife with her acceptance. Don't drop the ball, but don't push too hard either. From what you've posted, my guess is that she will be OK with it at some point and might even like to see it sooner rather than later.

Plan your responses so you'll have a quick answer. For instance, when she asked you to promise that you wouldn't get made up and go out and get a job, you could have said something like "Of course I won't. I'm saving that for when I'm around you."

[kimdl93]

Interesting observations. I do think that people's opinions about CDing and gender identification - in the abstract - are often far less tolerant than they are when confronted with flesh and blood. That TG clerk presented a real life illustration that contradicted the stereotypical images. It may have gotten your wife thinking...and in a more positive light. Furthermore, your honest answers to her questions showed that you could be honest about the subject, and not treat the subject itself as taboo or shameful. All steps in the right direction!

[Tina B.]

No rambling, it takes a lot of words to tell the whole story, and I'm glad you did. Sounds to me like she just might not be so hard to get her cooperation, But getting her from back then, up to now and then, than can be a very delicate thing, slow and simple keeps things easier for her to accept, to much to fast can scare the heck out of a person. But finding away to make her understand, this is important to you, and no harm to her, that's the tricky part. Good luck, finding your way thought that maze.
Tina B.

[Joanna41]

One thing that is really dangerous about your present situation is the honesty issue. You're dancing around the topic but not acknowledging its existence. Later on, this might be interpreted by your wife as dishonesty after she finds out more about your CDing.

It might be time to consider a serious "come clean" conversation with her.

Eryn

Totally agree with this...well said Eryn

Joanna

[Inna]

Such is stuff of life, poor are those who take a poise and conform to what is told, blessed are those with deaf ear who listen to their hearts.