lie to your wife/partner about your cding?
lie to your wife/partner about your cding?
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
.
I don't
.
Its only a lie if she ask if you do and you say no. If she has no clue its because your hiding it not that your telling her a lie.
Kinda like your wifes away and your lying on the bed masturbating when she calls and says what ya doing? Do you say I'm in bed or do you say I'm in bed mastrubating cause your not here?
BTW my wife has know for years about Kendra and we go out togeather all the time
Last edited by kendra_gurl; 10-28-2011 at 03:35 PM.
Its what perverts do best. Or second best! At least so I thought...... so as to keep being labeled as one.
its not really lying if you tell them. and they have a negative reaction and you agree not to talk about it.. its really lousy thing.. couples should share things.. but we dont..
I don't.
She knows and even buys me things. She also helps me when we go shopping together, and being talented in that direction she has made me a number of rather nice necklaces
Why the question? It appears to make an unwarranted assumption about our relationships with our SOs
Rachel
They're not womans clothes, they're mine. I have receipts !
Ah honesty....I told my wife I crossdressed and she was not impressed ;said I should have kept it a secret.I can't lie worth a damn and it was eating me up inside bigtime.I certainly can understand her shock and disappointment and that makes me very sad;however we worked out an agreement that seems to work.
Yet when I had told her I was gay ,she accepted that with no problem.Do you think my dressing threatened her feminimity?
Paula.
" I'm learning to fly"..............(Tom Petty).
i lied because the permission was removed. when we met, she knew. when we married, it was ok. when we had the kids, it was ok. then about a year later, she asked me to stop and i did, wanting to keep the peace. that lasted about 8 months and i asked her if it was ok to dress again, to which she said no. so it became a secret and i lived a lie. she found out and that was that. she didn't "want to be married to a woman." and i didn't want to be a woman, but i did want to dress. sucked all round.
I am making no assumptions at all, but I read a lot of things on here about cders lying to their SO's and wanted to know why.Originally Posted by Rachel Newark
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
I have no reason to lie to my SO about my dressing, so I don't lie to her about it or any other thing for that matter. She has a very low tollerance for anyone that lies to her about anything. I respect that... and in fact I fear the consequences if I was caught in a lie by her.
I don't lie to her about it. She is fully involved.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Interesting question, and then another interesting questio, and then a reply. I have read this question and all the thousands of replies about lying to an SO so many times around here and I only have 4,000+ posts to your 18,000+. You haven't heard enough reasons so far? I think you may just want to start a good thread, stir the pot so to speak. I will sit back and hopefully enjoy the reading.
I know many have a problem with the word "lie" so many we should use "deception" (which really go hand and hand with lying) instead since the definitation of that is to cause to believe what is false. So when someone is dating they do not disclose that but deceive the person they are dating and that person thinking they are gonna marry their prince charming.. then later on more deception of hiding and sneaking around to dress etc.. and the *boom* the wife finds the stash or walks in on them etc.. and she now realizes that she has been deceived.. and now wonders the man she had SO much trust in has been deceiving to her all these years.. what else could he be hiding?.. so her prince charming has turned out to be a princess... not really what she pictured or fantasied about when she was a little girl playing house.
I love the fact that my husband can piss me off and make me laugh within seconds of each other!
I can handle being alone, but doesn't want to be married and feeling alone.
The only reason the grass looks greener on the other side is because you don't have to mow that lawn.
Husbands are like children, they behave best when they are sleeping.
It's always nice when your husband just looks at you and tells you out of the blue, "You are Beautiful"
1. I don't have a SO.
2. If I did, I wouldn't lie. If I have to lie for her to respect me then the relationship won't work.
Okay I will say what Sandra (who is a Super Moderator) was wanting to hear in the OP.
I did not tell my wife about my desire to crossdress from a very early age for several years after we were married because I was ashamed of it, I did not think she could possibly understand it, and I was not man enought at the time to get past that.
Now come on everyone very few of you with accepting wifes did not hide your crossdressing from them for quite some time so tell us why?
in the process of telling her.. i found that my own denial personally made it hard for me to quantify how much it was a part of my life.. .. like i blacked out and didnt remember.. i was surprised when i tried to explain it and found i could not access it.. very pyschological thing..
[SIZE="4"]We lie about our activities so we can continue whatever relationship we have with our SOs and also to keep from hurting them. It's sort of obvious isn't it?
Happily I now have no SO to have to explain myself to or cause pain to. I feel fortunate.[/SIZE]
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
Strong disapproval. It started at an early age when my mother found certain things. I also head negative comments about cding. This caused internal shame. Also, when I dropped a hint or suggested cding was normal, I got a negative response. Thereafter, I hid it during dating and early marriage--thinking it would go away--as I matured and settled into to a normal sexual relationship. Didn't happen; it persisted, and I continued to hide it. Until discovered. My SO is more dominant than me. If I was the dominant one in the partnership, maybe I could have told her earlier. Still disapproves, but lets me go to support group and knows where I keep my clothes. I hide things if I expect a strong negative reaction.
Don't...
honest with her, honest with myself...
it's a relationship.
No closet is big enough!
Sandra, I cannot speak for all the guys out there that crossdress, but it has been going on for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Men lie to their SO/Wife/Paramour, whatever term somebody wants to apply to "the other person in their life". Why? Well, first and foremost, the word "fear" comes to mind.
As men, we are raised by not only family, but through society's image of what a "real man" should be in life... he should be masculine, strong, fearless, never back down from a fight, always be right in an argument, never show weakness, never seek help for depression/sadness/illness/whatever.
According to many in society, a man is a stud because he beds a lot of women, he is a tough guy because he drives a semi/rides a motorcycle/served in the Military/Firefighter/Cop/etc. Women, on the other-hand, have struggled to achieve a lot of things throughout history - but the truth is, women are the ones with real power. Women create life, they nurture, they aid, educate, and give comfort to not only those they love but to complete strangers when their heart goes out it is with no reservations. Men, again... are taught to never give a crap about somebody unless he is a "Brother in Arms" (so to speak). Only in the past few years here in, (most), of the USA, men didn't give hugs, now seeing two guys give a "bro hug" is common place. Women, again, have been hugging the world since the beginning of time.
There was a book in the early 80s called "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche". If you can find it, read it. Sure, the book is a tongue-in-cheek poke at what a real man is versus a less than acceptable version of a man is in society, but it will open up the ability to analyze men from, perhaps, a different perspective.
If a man, or young boy, finds they enjoy something naturally considered feminine, family members and society look down on them, ridicules them for their happiness, and the male brain shuts down and finds shame with what used to give them pleasure and joy. If a woman wears a pair of jeans, a football sweatshirt, and a pair of heels - she is sexy. The man, wearing the same combination, is somehow "not a real man" and therefore must be gay or have some mental affliction that needs counseling and psychotropic medications to "cure" his so-called "illness".
If a woman, at any stage in her life, studies welding, plumbing, mechanics, etc., she gets a "you go girl, show them boys how a woman does it". If a guy wants to become a cook, own a flower shop, become a beautician, design clothing, etc., he is automatically called "gay", (perhaps the least vulgar term applied). From a personal experience... I always wanted to become a chef. I love food, cooking, owning a restaurant, etc. In high school I got a job in a supper club as an assistant cook, and one of the classes all Seniors had to take before graduation was something that taught male and female students alike how to live on their own, we were taught how to do basic sewing/repair stuff, how to budget money, how to shop and look for bargains, how to cook, etc. Well, because I had already been cooking for several years, when the class got to the cooking part - the women were impressed, the female teacher was impressed, a couple guys were cool with the food, but most of the guys insisted I was a faggot and needed to have the gay beaten out of me. Nobody ever truly wins a fight. Sure, somebody gets more swings and somebody has more blood, but both people are idiots for fighting. Now, based on my personal experience of having to prove I was a "real man" despite the fact that I could make omelets, soup, pie, etc., imagine in high school if I had told my girlfriend and her parents, my parents, my friends, my teachers, etc., that I had tried on pantyhose? If some guys want to beat the shit out of another guy because he can whip up bananas foster, imagine the damage they would do if they found out that guy loved wearing a pair of strappy heels and lingerie. Yea... dead meat.
So, the answer to your question about "why men lie about crossdressing" - it is fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of not only being ostracized by society, but a man's ability to find a good job, secure promotions, etc., will be limited.
In my regular "man life" on the job nobody has ever, EVER, asked me in general conversation... "Hey, Bro, if you're done with that project, got a quick question... are you gay? do you feel like you're a woman trapped in a man's body and need to have gender reassignment surgery?"
But, whenever somebody learned of my "deep, dark secret" the reaction was ALWAYS the same. It did not vary between family or friends, or random people I've met - "are you gay" and "do you want to become a woman".
So, as yourself, knowing that almost all of society, which includes that man’s family, friends, co-workers, employers, landlord... EVERYBODY, will stop thinking about that man as a “man” and the image of him wearing women’s clothing will be the only thing they think about... if you, as a woman, had to have your entire existence ignored and the fact you do something “unacceptable”, would you tell people your “secret”?
Sure, if somebody truly loves you, they may accept a person that crossdresses, but those relationships are rare. Most women freak when they find out their man prefers wearing panties over tidy-whities. Why? Can you explain why women freak out when they find out the man they love can go from the “hero” that fixed the car to a “queer” the moment he slips on a pair of heels? When you can explain why women, and society, have such a difficult time accepting a man wearing a skirt and heels is less of a "real man" than men that prefer to not crossdress... you will have helped us all get moving forward with acceptance of both genders wearing pants and pumps.
“They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.” (Eddie Izzard)
I do not keep people in my life that I feel the need to lie to, it protects what little sanity I may have left and gives me hope that at the end of my life I will look back with fewer regrets.
This way of living has come at a extremely high price and I do not recommend it, i.e no children, no partner, loneliness, ect.. I would lie if I could but than I would start lying to myself and I know I will be finished for sure.
To Toni Citara if you happen to read this post your words transcend poetry. It is a rare experience for my eyes to tear up from reading anothers words. That is one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever read about the difficulties of being a man in a mans world, you are very wise.
Honestly? Because I never even thought of it. I engaged in the typical episodes that many do - dress-up sessions alone, followed by purging and denial. Every last time, I thought it was THE last time. How do you come out with something that you hate in yourself? You don't - you treat it as an aberrant episode and push it away. It's only in the last couple of years that I started accepting it as a normal part of me and started digging into its roots and (possible) causes. The realization of what it is was slow in coming, frankly. When it finally crystallized as transgendered, I started discussing with my wife what I understood at that point.
Lea
I never have and never will. The biggest mastake you can do is to lie.
I never did lie to my late wife about my crossdressing! I told her that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her, and she accepted me "as is!" We had almsot 50 years together before cancer took her! I never had any thoughts of not telling her, because I was raised thinking honesty is always the best policy! The lady whom I refer to as my girlfriend also knows that I crossdress, and doesn't care. She lives in another country, so we don't see each other very often and she has never seen me dressed! That is fine with both of us.
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
It's a forum. You eventually gotta recycle old topics...
If I were to have a female partner, I'd lie for the same reasons every one lies about everything. Approval versus disapproval. A male partner... That'd depend on him, personality, attitudes, etc, as to whether or not I'd lie.
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