Frustrated and discouraged

[Laurie A]

I had the day off on Friday, so I decided to experiment a little with fully dressing with the goal of creating a look that I would feel comfortable going out the front door with. After hours of trying on different clothing combinations and makeup, I concluded that I really don't have the slightest clue as to what I'm doing! My physic is broad shoulders and narrow hips, my face is narrow with prominent nose and chin. I just look pathetic.

When I see the pictures posted on this board, I am amazed. I feel like such an amateur! Maybe it's easier to pull off a great look based on what you are starting with? Now I am wondering if I need to acquire all of the accoutrements, padding for my hips, a waist cincher, corset, breast forms, wig, proper makeup... ugh it just makes my head spin! How does one get started?

Sorry, I just had to vent. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Jennifer529]

Don't be discouraged!
Vent away,we all must from time to time.
Personally I think a lot of feeling good/looking good is attitude.
Accoutrements will come all in good time,i'm still in need of things also.

[Renee W]

I think as you add more and more of the extras, you'll find that your appearance improves and the frustration goes away. When I ws still just dressing in lingerie and nighties, and all I'd see in the mirror was myself in ladies clothes. Since I've added a wig, I see a different person, someone who should be wearing a nightie. I too have broad shoulders. Getting the right look entails wearing the right clothes that either accentuate, hide or draw attention away from your desireable and less desireable features. For me, I love wearing sleeveless nighties, more freedom, but they make my shoulders look wider. Now if I put on something with sleeves, then my shoulders do not stand out.

[Joanna41]

Start out looking through some fashion magazines. Find your own style. Figure out what you need to get there and if you can gather the courage...head to the nearest Ulta or Mac store and get professional advice on how to smooth out your facial features. They will go out of there way to help you. Wider hips will draw eyes away from broad shoulders and a waist cincher will give a more hour glass shape...keep experimenting...its never ending.

Joanna

[Laurie A]

Start out looking through some fashion magazines. Find your own style. Figure out what you need to get there and if you can gather the courage...head to the nearest Ulta or Mac store and get professional advice on how to smooth out your facial features. They will go out of there way to help you. Wider hips will draw eyes away from broad shoulders and a waist cincher will give a more hour glass shape...keep experimenting...its never ending.

Joanna

Thanks for the advice. I would be too nervous to walk in to a cosmetics store and ask for advice... maybe someday....

I'll try again, maybe I can learn to enjoy the process, rather than focus on the result.

Dela <3

[kimdl93]

a little padding helps, of course. Beyond that, its practice practice practice. and in the end, learn to accept these three important things. 1) you're liable to be your own worst critic, 2) learn to accept those featurs that just cant be entirely disguised, and 3) other people will mostly ignore you and those who don't will generally be tolerant, accepting and encouraging to varying degrees.

[Cindy M]

I totally agree with Kim. Work with what you have.

[marlaNYC]

oh i know how you felt too well. far too well. but don't give up. to my way of thinking, before any of the add ons, once you get that feeling, that confidence in your mind, then it all starts to fall together. and Kim is so right - practice and practice and practice. everything. hair, makeup, walking, standing, sitting...but start with believing in yourself. you'll be able to move mountains

[Kathi Lake]

Dela, calm down, girl!

It does take time. Like you, I have broad shoulders and no hips. I have a narrow face with prominent chin and nose. We have to play with the hand we are dealt, but with some time and experience, it all works out. First, you have to recognize - just like any other woman - that you aren't going to look like the perfect, airbrushed models on the cover of a magazine. You have to find what works for you, and go with it.

As for the nervousness, get over it. You are doing nothing wrong, and the women in an Ulta or a Sephora or a MAC would be not only willing to help you - they will love it! As they've described it, they went through all this schooling, and they are just not challenged with the gorgeous twentysomethings that usually walk in there. When one of us walks in, they think, "Oh goody! This is gonna be fun!" And you know what? It is.

Kathi

[Sally24]

Start out slow. Many of us have been doing this for 5 or 10 years or longer. You don't get the skills overnight! Find something you enjoy, be it makeup, playing with hairstyles, walking like a lady, or maybe you're interested in breasts. Concentrate on that one thing for awhile and read all you can here and other places on the Internet. There is loads of info out there to give you a head start. Don't stress out, have fun with it. Eventually you will gain skills in one thing and you can start practicing something else.

[GBJoker]

Start out slow. Many of us have been doing this for 5 or 10 years or longer. You don't get the skills overnight! Find something you enjoy, be it makeup, playing with hairstyles, walking like a lady, or maybe you're interested in breasts. Concentrate on that one thing for awhile and read all you can here and other places on the Internet. There is loads of info out there to give you a head start. Don't stress out, have fun with it. Eventually you will gain skills in one thing and you can start practicing something else.

From my point of view, this post is virtually perfect. And the analogies are obvious.

Think of football or baseball players. They didn't hop into the sport at about middle school age and suddenly 20 years later they are making the big bucks. A quarterback sat down and said, "Okay, I'm spending all week working out my arm, and throwing, in order to gain the pure power and speed I need to put behind my throws. NEXT week, I'll work on accuracy." A baseball player, "This week I'm hitting the batting cages until I hit every single ball, next week it's on the other side, trying to catch the balls."

At the same time, I'll quickly admit I had the same feeling this past week. Tried on my Halloween stuff and instantly thought... Jeez, my shoulders are bloody huge, my fore arms are massive, and I look pregnant. Yeah... And I didn't even think about make up or any of the complicated stuff.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I agree with Kathi, calm down. The fun part is creating your female self with make-up, clothes and mannerisms. One thing to remember with clothes is the patterns on an item helps to mask or enhance various parts of the body. Horizontal stripes create an illusion of width hence use on skirts, also use flaired skirts to create an illusion of hips. Try cowl neck cardigans or dresses with dropped necklaces to take the eye away from the shoulders. Wear sleeves, maybe loose tops, anything that takes the eye away from the shoulders. Wigs of varying styles can minimize necks, and voila I read that if one has short legs, high heels with nude colour creates an illusion of longer legs.
Don't get too frustrated, learning is the fun because we are all still learning and I love trying things. There is always an excuse to be used in buying items. My best is the wife is working late now days and I have to get some items for her to wear.
Take care. Good advice is to look at female marathon or sprint runners or female athletes in general and search for social snaps, they have trained hard and yet they still look glamouress when they go out.

[Cheryl T]

Please keep in mind that many of us have been doing this for decades (did I really admit to that?).
My first time with makeup I think I would have been disrespected by the hookers...no offense meant.

As for the physique...you need to offset the shoulders with hip and butt padding so that you have a balanced figure.
With makeup...look at youtube for videos on application, or find someone who does cd makeovers (there are many).

Rome wasn't built in a day and we gals aren't starlets the first time we don a dress...practice and time are what's needed.

[Andy1087]

Dela I have to admit I have been feeling the same as you the past couple of days. When see how good so many other's here look I feel so inadequate by comparison.


Andy

[kristinacd55]

Just keep working on it, practice makes the perfect girl! One day you'll go omg, I look like a woman!

[Tasha McIntyre]

You know what Dela, I thought exactly the same a couple of years ago. I was frustrated coz I was crap at putting on make up, and my athletic upper body just didn't look right in a dress.

What did I do? I read heaps on here, and asked questions. I summoned the courage to ask for help in the shops (always received enormous assistance with a smile). I bought boobs, a waist cincher and hip padding, all which made an incredible difference. I practised constantly with make up, and tried different clothing and wig styles until I came up with a look that worked for me, then posted pics here (some good and some horrid) and asked for opinions.

I also agree with Kim, and Kathi....good responses.

Most of all though, have fun and enjoy the process.

Tash

[Laurie A]

My SO wore a ballerina costume last night to hand out candy to the Trick or Treaters. She asked where my costume was, so I took the opportunity to ask her if she would help me find a wig and some shoes. She said yes, as long as she can use my credit card!

I want to try accomplish this (mostly) on my own. Since the results thus far have been less than successful, I'm a little too shy to share it right now, even with her. Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions. I have to decide what's next... I'm thinking hip padding?

[StaceyJane]

I would put hip padding low on the list. First you should work on the obvious like putting togther one good outfit with accessories and build from there. Work on the makeup either with your wife, other crossdressers or if you feel really brave the makeup counter at a department store.
Don't forget to get a pair of shoes based solely on how cute they are not comfort or practicality.
Also a good wig can go a long way, it helps if it matches your natural hair color.

[Sally24]

A good wig can go a long way, it helps if it matches your natural hair color.

I'd have to agree with that. The first picture of me that looked "pretty" was the first time out with a new, more expensive wig. It can make all the difference. Don't be afraid to walk into a wig store. I figure we must account for at least 25% of their sales.

[EllieOPKS]

Dela I can relate to your frustrations. I was thinking of making my tag line for my profile "I never new how masculine I looked until I tried to look feminine. " My solution right now is to stay away from mirrors . But it's fun trying to improve.

[Eryn]

I'd have to agree with that. The first picture of me that looked "pretty" was the first time out with a new, more expensive wig. It can make all the difference. Don't be afraid to walk into a wig store. I figure we must account for at least 25% of their sales.

It's the same with me. The one thing that improved my look (and my outlook) the most was a wig. It doesn't have to be expensive. Second on the list was forms. After that, makeup, clothes, shoes, more clothes, more shoes, more makeup...

[Michaella]

I've heard it explained that women can look good at being feminine (if they wish) because they've had a lifetime of practice. We, on the other hand, have had days or just hours to learn it. I think that some of it for many crossdressers is just trying and giving it a chance. And some of us will never make it --- I'm getting to the point, with aging, that I think going out again is not a good idea, that nothing will make me look feminine enough. It's a shame, isn't it? Believe me, you have my sympathy. Just don't give up too easily.

Michaella

[gabimartini]

Dela, it's perfectly normal to get frustrated sometimes. It's a totally new world, with a lot more options. It can be daunting, but the flipside is that there's something for everyone. You just need to figure out what looks good on you. I know it's no small task, but it's possible. Here's a little something to help you get started, in addition to what everybody else has written.

As a rule of thumb, light colors reflect light and hence make things appear bigger; the reverse is also true. So, for instance, to downplay your shoulders, try wearing garments of darker colors. Another thing is that tops that are too revealing (eg: camis with straps) or too tight emphasize your size and shape. Favor tops that cover your shoulders fully and are a bit on the loose side.

For your hips, padding helps get the right shape, but they are not mandatory. No matter what you do, just make sure you hide your "package", as it's a dead giveaway. Anyway, have you tried skinny pants (the ones that really hug the legs from the knee down)? They tend to make the hip area appear bigger.

As for makeup, there are several videos online that can guide you through the basics. Try mastering beard shadow concealment first.

And however you choose to pursue your CDing, remember to have fun!

[Laurie A]

With all the advice and encouragement I received from this thread, I took another shot at it today. After watching several you tube videos about make up, went to the super market and picked up some new supplies and tried again. Better results this time, but I don't get how you apply eye line and mascara. I'm afraid I'll poke an eye out! And the mascara goes everywhere but on my eyelashes!

[Stephenie S]

My advice?

Go slow. Most natal women do this. We start with one thing that our mothers will let us use. Lipstick. We practice this for a year or so until our mothers let us move on to, say, eye makeup. So we get practice going small at first. Teenagers rarely need foundation and makeup. That comes later.

So, do the same. One thing at a time. Get comfy with your lips. Then move on to eyes. Covering a typical male beard shadow is, unfortunately pretty difficult for daytime wear. If you don't go out in the day, this is not an issue. But enough makeup to cover a dark beard shadow in the bright sun of day just screams fake.

Any makeup counter will be able to help you with beard cover. Sephora, MAC, or any cosmetic counter in a major department store will have VERY willing employees ready to teach you all the beard cover tricks. Don't forget to buy something. That's the whole idea, right?

Skill with makeup, like any other skill, takes time to master (mistress?). It's really easy once you get the hang of it. Natal girls and women have years to practice. Don't feel bad just 'cause you can't get it in a relatively short time.

S