There are many posts on here telling the story, good and bad, about how they told friends, partners or relatives about our kinda need/reflection of self/compulsion/lifestyle/passtime/fetish/longing....whatever you want to call it, and for years I have toyed with the notion, tested the water with many people and tried to tell people but never before actually succeeded, until now, so i thoiught i'd share my story too.
A couple of nights ago I was with a female friend of mine (funny how these stories always seem to incorperate a FEMALE friend) and we are at my house, quite late at night chatting over a bottle of wine and many ciggarettes. My friend recently confided in me about some things and so I went for it knowing, hopeing that if was to tell anybody and it would go well she would be the person, so I went for it.
Now when I say went for it. I tried to say a well constucted explaination but it was as if somebody was pulling on my vocal chords and kicking my brain saying STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS GONNA GO BAD, EVERYBODY WILL KNOW AND THINK YOU'RE WEIRD!!! SO WHAT ACTUALLY CAME OUT WHAT A LOT OF "Right........." "ok..........." "erm..........." "oh my god, ok erm no i cant, never mind........." This went on for a while. My friend had been looking at me pensively and intently for the whole time, giving me words and looks of encouragement and could tell that this was hard for me, she knelt down infront of me, at this point tears were starting to flow down my cheek, She placed her hands to my face, looked me deep in the eyes and said "if you can, tell me, I wont judge you, whatever it is can only be a part of who you are and i'll always love you regardless"
As if the flood barriers broke it all came pouring out. I told her what I have to do, i told her why I had to do it, i told her that this had been with me all my life, about counceling i've had in the past, about confusion of not knowing who i am or wanted to be and how i've overcome that (to some extent) and come to accept myself (at least thus far behind closed doors) we talked for hours and never once was there a sense of her thinking I was weird, that this was wrong or that she saw me in any other way to normal. Amazing.
As soon as we had started to talk I immiediatly felt relief, it all began to make sense and i can honestly say I have never felt so relieved in my life and finally know i have accepted myself and know i am not alone if I need help. I highly recommend it.
But
If you are one of us who has never told a soul I advise caution, choose the person you tell wisely and be prepared for the worst as it could go catastophically wrong but know that if it does, if people shun or reject you, if people change the way they percieve you for the worse then they are not worth having in your life and move on, you will find people willing to accept you for whoever you are wholely.
And if that doesn't happen quick enough you will always have us here Xx
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Originally Posted by Nancy (PA)
