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Thread: Crossdressers, do u think u have experienced, "gender confusion"?

  1. #1
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Question Crossdressers, do u think u have experienced, "gender confusion"?

    Someone mentioned this term in another thread. And, I don't recall a thread discussing this specific topic.

    I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period.
    However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes!
    Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?

    Have u ever been, or r u, "gender confused"?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Cari's Avatar
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    I think its normal for a CD to feel some gender confusion at times.
    The extent of that confusion and how its dealt with is a very personal journey.

    I wont call if anyone is confused or not.
    In my case I think it would be allot of fun to experience being an attractive woman for a period of time
    However oddly enough its not really the point of my dressing.
    It's realy more about finding me hard to explain

  3. #3
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Very good question Cari! In my case, not confused at all, I'm a genetic male. I consider myself blessed to be able to need, and present myself as a female. When I'm here I'm one of the girls, and I love it.

    I have no desire for a sex change, although I would like to be able to dress like a female more often.

    I've often wondered why there are so many of us. It all started with trying on girls clothes at some point. I'm thinking it might be an escape, or similar to a split personality. Anyways I like who I am.

  4. #4
    the happy camper
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    Absolutely. As a teenager and in my twenties, it took me some time to sort out what it all meant.

  5. #5
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    I think I was confused BEFORE Tina arrived in our lives. For 55 years I thought I was one gender, but there were things that just didn't fit. Now that Tina has been "identified" it's easier to understand which parts stem from which gender. Much less confusing!!!

  6. #6
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Yes since early age even before I started crossdressing

  7. #7
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    I think this where the internet hurts and helps . When i first trying to accept my cding i stumbled upon this youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/Jesslyngirl87 . And with how similar our background stories were , i started to think maybe i am trans which kind of through me threw a loop for a while . Then i realized i just need to turn down the testosterone slightly and enjoy this other side of me .

  8. #8
    Member AnitaH's Avatar
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    Talk about gender confused, that's where I am now. After decades of suppression I have only recently accepted some truths about myself. Too early to know how it will all work out.

    AnitaH

  9. #9
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    As a late starter, from zero to where I am today in just under 5 years, I have avoided that dreaded (to me) confusion as to who and what I am. Yes, I have wondered occasionally, but have decided to ignore it and just live my life day to day, week to week. As a CD only (in my mind) I do have to wonder why I epilate, wear clear polished nails all the time, recently started electrolysis and all that involves, including high costs, pain and the permanency of the hair removal, have more female clothes than male, and all the rest. Why am I doing all this, just to be able to dress? As Scarlet O'Hara always said, "I will think and worry about that tomorrow.".

  10. #10
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Someone mentioned this term in another thread. And, I don't recall a thread discussing this specific topic.

    I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period.
    However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes!
    Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?

    Have u ever been, or r u, "gender confused"?
    Me too.
    Some parts no, feeling bloated and having bad moods.

    You know it the hetro world sex is controlled 100% by women.
    It would be nice to have that power. LOL

    But yes I am "Gender Confused"

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Anna Lorree's Avatar
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    Gender confusion is the chief reason I want to see a therapist. I have accepted that I am TG, but I need to start figuring out what that really means to/for me and find a way to incorporate this into my life in a constructive manner. I know I have had my head in a pink fog, I need to find peace and purpose.

    Anna

  12. #12
    Junior Member Johnnifer's Avatar
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    I'd have called my feelings back when I was a teen confused. Back then I was not sure if I wanted to be a man or a woman and at times was convinced I didn't want to be a man at all.

    Now I am not so much confused, my question is not "what gender" now as it is "To what degree do I cross gender" and "To what degree am I bisexual". (I know sexuality and gender are different, but my repressed gender questioning lead into my sexuality questioning so I see them as linked in myself).

    The facts I know is I am bi, male identified, and at times feel feminine and wish I can excape from male society.

    the uncertainties I face now are. "How often would it feel normal for me to dress", I know I am not full time, buthow often a month or a week if I was free to dress.

    "should I try drag shows"

    "To what degree should I pass" Passing as a woman has little interest to me on its own, but if I do drag shows or if I like using make up when I finally try it this may change. On the other hand I like the idea of playing with gender and crossing the lines, but peoples reactions may make me uncomfortable with this.

    "How strongly is my gender issues tired to depression" I feel more feminine when depressed

    "How tied are my gender identity and fantasies" Their is overlap but how much is fantasy.

    "To what degree am I attracted to men, women, and TG people and how do I reconcile the gaps between what attracts me in each."

    It's not gender that confuses me now, just the details.

  13. #13
    Member Sandy Michaels's Avatar
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    i used to feel it alot, until recently i figured something about myself, i do not hate being a man. do i fantasize about being a full female, born or after SRS. of course i do. but they're just a fantasy. if i ever start feeling any hatred or uncomfortablity while in my male day to day life. thats when i will seek professional help. via a therapist or upport group. the key to gender confussion is knowing the diference between, being confused or having a fantasy.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    I think Gender Confusion is normal

    Yes some will dress because they enjoy the feeling of the clothes etc
    Most of us are driven to dress, which you can usually tell by those who have tried to give up and falied miserably
    The why this happens means there must be some gender confusion

    I think this is why most clinics insist those going for srs have to have a period of real life experience. This is to make sure its the right decision
    for the individual ( only one part of the whole process )

    I sometime think like I have an intersexed brain which means I m not sure where I am
    If my body was intersexed the doctors would probably have decided my fate

    Society currently thinks we only have two choices M or F

    So yes there are times when I am definately confused
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  15. #15
    Aussie girl Tasha McIntyre's Avatar
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    Hi Doc, that's a really good question.

    You know, although we all share a common theme here, I think I am one of the minority in that I have never felt anything remotely close to gender confusion. I guess that made (actually, it still makes) things all the more confusing as to why I have always had the aching desire to CD, but in reality I only CD because I adore the look and feel of femme clothing on me. I had never used make up or tried on a wig until I joined here and only acquired these items to see if I could make it in the public arena. Of course now I am hooked on the whole femme appearance and doing the mall thing, but there is absolutely no gender confusion.

    Tash

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
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    I absolutely experienced gender confusion from the time I was 3 or 4 years old. Even at that young age I was in a conflict between my gender and my interests. As I mentioned in another thread, I got good at hiding this (far from perfect) but it was there throughout my childhood and much of my adult life. It wasn't until I went through counseling that I began to realize that 1) I wasn't in some way damaged goods, 2) that it wasn't a crime to like feminine things, and 3) I could love myself just the way I am, and others could too. The process of self acceptance wasn't over then, but it was off to a good start.

    I'm glad for those of you who haven't experienced such confusion.

  17. #17
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    I have never felt confused over gender. I think that where some of the confusion often lies is the distinction between confusion and curiosity. It is normal for either sex to be curious about various aspects of being the other sex, because we simply have no real way of knowing. It is like wondering what it must be like to be a bird and be able to fly. We might envy that one aspect of being a bird, but we are not confused about whether or not we are one, and most of us would probably have no wish or desire to be one.

    Curiosity about gender can lead to crossdressing, which is often an attempt to discover the sensory and emotional impacts of some of the visible differences between the sexes, whereas confusion about gender has more to do with uncertainty over which elements of the gender role and expression are applicable to you, and which ones you want to incorporate as more of a part of your life.

    Whether crossdressing begins out of curiosity or confusion the distinction usually remains even though both often result in increased complexity of, frequency of and time spent at crossdressing but in a few instances may ultimately become indistiguishable. The curious might discover aspects that are pleasing, beneficial or that possibly might arouse the desire to explore their gender identity further. The confused may or may not find an ultimate answer, but either way the activity provides satisfaction and helps to alleviate any emotional repercussions that might stem from the confusion. No single pattern fits all crossdressers, and the above analysis may have no connection with your own particular case.

    Veronica

  18. #18
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    I don't know that I've ever been "gender confused" but I have been "Gender Frustrated". It's always been part of my personality and I've wanted to be a lot more open in how I share it with others. I think I'm more "society confused".
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  19. #19
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    Have I been confused? No, not really. Had anyone posed the question to me (to answer in private) at any point in my life as to where I was in the gender spectrum, I could have answered it with precision. I could do it across a variety of topics, pointing to a spot on a male-female scale, and indicating intensity besides. I haven't always thought in those terms, but I have no doubt or ambiguity about how I've felt throughout my life.

    I really dislike the term "gender confusion," though. As I said elsewhere recently, this has become the replacement phrase or concept (for legitimate medical terms and concepts, that is) for a coterie of anti-gay activists rooted in evangelicalism. "Confusion" can be straightened out. Real identity, of course, cannot. It's too bad the word has been co-opted - genuine points of minor confusion come up all the time with children. Equating that common experience with identity issues is dangerous and evil, in my opinion.

    Have a look at some of these for a taste of political battles to come. Anyone familiar with religion-based politics will see very familiar patterns of attack.

    http://www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000453.cfm
    http://gaehall.hubpages.com/hub/God-...nder-confusion
    http://www.focusonthefamily.com/pare..._children.aspx
    http://thechurchofchristgadfly.blogs...-by-scott.html
    http://americansfortruth.com/issues/...4-transgender/
    http://www.gcmwatch.com/category/gender-issues
    http://www.henrymakow.com/post_7.html
    http://unitedfamiliesinternational.w...der-confusion/
    http://www.christianpost.com/news/he...d-girls-50841/

    This one's a bit more subtle, but the same themes:

    http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/...think_straight

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    Confused and a late-starter!

    It's good to see others who started "late" as CD's. Why? Where did it come from? When I think about that, I am very confused. When I am dressing, I may look ridiculous, but I don't feel confused. I am in my 50s and just started to dress 2 years ago. I am trying to put the pieces together as to how I got here, and why it took so long...confusion reigns. Congratulations to those who have never been confused! If only our society were a little more clear on how flexible gender really is...

  21. #21
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    When I used to see that "Pat" character on SNL, I was always a little confused. I'm still trying to figure it out.

  22. #22
    Silver Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethamy View Post
    Congratulations to those who have never been confused!
    There's a huge difference between not knowing something (like the source of the CDing drive) and being confused about it.

    Lea

  23. #23
    Complex Lolita...
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
    Crossdressers, do u think u have experienced, "gender confusion"? I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period. However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes! Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?
    [SIZE="2"]I’m not “gender confused.” Sure, I’d like to experience actually being female, but since that’s not going to happen I can use my imagination and dress the part. I’m quite comfortable with my crossdressing, and there is ZERO gender confusion that comes with it. I’m still me, a male, no matter what clothes I wear…
    [/SIZE]

  24. #24
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I would not say gender confused i know that i am a man but on the same note it is also great to act and feel like a women. My wife calls me a light switch on and off. One week your dressed every chance, the next two weeks you don't dress, then you sleep with pantyhose for a few day, than you complain that you want more and want to take it further, and then you don't dress for two months. I don't know if iam that gender confused.LOL

  25. #25
    Slip Into Something Femme Piora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frédérique View Post
    [SIZE="2"]I’m not “gender confused.” Sure, I’d like to experience actually being female, but since that’s not going to happen I can use my imagination and dress the part. I’m quite comfortable with my crossdressing, and there is ZERO gender confusion that comes with it. I’m still me, a male, no matter what clothes I wear…
    [/SIZE]
    Thanks, Freddy - this says it all for me too. I've never fallen into 'gender confusion' although, I do recall telling an aunt, when I was 12 years old, that "I wish I had been born a girl". I have no recollection of what led up to that, but I do recall my aunt replying in her own soft spoken manner, "oh? Why do you wish that, <my name>"? I had no good answer for her, but there were times around puberty where I experienced swollen nipples, and thought that I might be actually turning into a girl! However, that all passed, I developed beard and body hair, and was quite happy with being male.

    As a crossdresser, I don't long to become a woman, and I'm quite happy with how I feel, dressed as female, and enjoy this side of me that needs to be celebrated.
    "Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"

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