confused about sexual orientation

[Acastina]

... And can even like the attention from guys, ...because it's not that I am physically attracted to them....I'm just attracted to the fact that they see me as a girl & treat me as such...

I think there's a major insight here. I have also experienced attraction in response to guys appearing to be interested in me. Suddenly, you stop maybe judging based on first impressions and start letting down your defense behaviors, just because of the thrill of being perceived, regarded, and treated as a woman by a friendly man who somehow looks better with each kind word ;-) It just pushes serious buttons inside. Of course, there's a whole new set of anxieties that can set in then, primarily whether he knows your secret or not, and how he might react if he doesn't know and wouldn't like it...

[ReineD]

And can even like the attention from guys, ...because it's not that I am physically attracted to them....I'm just attracted to the fact that they see me as a girl & treat me as such...

This stood out to me too for several reasons. First, many people have said the same thing here, the idea that a man is a better foil for your femininity than a woman might be. You feel more feminine compared to a male partner than a female partner. Ray Blanchard, a sexologist, said it quite well:

"The effective erotic stimulus in these interactions, however, is not the male physique of the partner, as it is in true homosexual attraction, but rather the thought of being a woman, which is symbolized in the fantasy of being penetrated by a man. For these persons, the male sexual partner serves ... to intensify the fantasy of being a woman." - (Blanchard (1989). "The Concept of Autogynephilia and the Typology of Male Gender Dysphoria").

Second, I'm bothered by this because I'm putting myself in your partner's shoes. I am not bothered from the point of view of same-sex attraction, but because the sex act is more an exercise in self-focus than in the development of a mutual, emotional and physical bond.

In other words, you're not having sex WITH a partner, it is more about just using a partner to fulfill a fantasy about yourself. It's basically about auto-eroticism and your partner could be interchangeable. Now, if your partner is OK with this that's fine, but as a woman, I would hate to be in a position where I was someone's foil, an accessory so to speak. I would want my partner to be into me, just as much as I'm into him (or her).

[Jennifer James]

I appreciate all the great feedback

[flatlander_48]

i'm just really confused and need some direction

This is one of those situations where over-thinking doesn't help. Just guessing, I assume that you are into your 30's. Consider that it has taken you this long to come to the thoughts and questions that you currently have. In this context, sorting out your internal and external selves, sexual preferences and emotional preferences is not likely to happen in a days or even a few months, for that matter. You are dealing with some of the most complicated parts of our psychological being, so answers (but more than likely, other questions) will occur at their own pace. Some answers may require thought, others may require observation and still others may just need acceptance. However, the trick is to just keep moving forward as the pace is probably unimportant...

[ashlylynn]

I know a TOTALLY strait closet CD male who revealed ( to me only, and while LOADED DRUNK )
that his ultimate fantasy is to get a prostitute in another city and have her [/snip ... etc].

So I think the female experience is completed with a submission to another person.
That may be part of what OP is going through, regardless of orientation
and I hope that helps to sort that aspect out a bit... since there are (obviousl to me)
TWO separate issues .... sexual attraction and gender orientation
and which in the typical person ( not TG/CD ) are combined into ONE issue.

[BonnieSue]

I have always liked the idea of two women together. The female body is lovely and beautiful. But if I was a woman by birth, I could not stand the idea of some man being all over me. I love women and when I am dressed as a woman, all I want is my wife and to enjoy the idea of being with her and feeling what she feels. I hate the idea of some man in my life and I never could be gay. I am in no way attracted to male's but always have been to women.

[CassieV]

I've had bisexual tendencies for as long as I can recall, but I've only very rarely acted upon them. At the time I was going through some emotional drama, feeling kind of detached and so probably didn't appreciate it as much as I might have normally. Lately the interest has come back to the surface and it's fun to think about. I like who I like. Male bodies can be just as much fun as female ones. Like everyone else is saying, go ahead and try. Do it safely, and the worst that can happen is that you decide it's not for you.

[Jenn868]

hey girl I feel that however u feel you should be proud of who you are. If you are feeling as if you are gay thats tottally ok, don't be asshamed of who you are or how you feel there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Just go with whatever makes you happy and it will make your life a lot easier! hugs jenn

[lov2cd]

I am pretty similar to you.... I wouldn't worry about a title for it, and just enjoy!

[Badtranny]

Many years ago a very wise GG said this when I told her I've had sex with men and I'm not sure if I was gay or bi or experimenting.

"Sex doesn't make you gay or straight. I've been with women a few times but it was just for fun and I love c**k too much too be a lesbian. I don't even think I'm bi cuz I don't love women that way. Just because you let some guy F you doesn't mean you're gay necessarily, but if you want to make out with a guy and hold hands and do romantic things with him, then you are probably gay, get over it."

Back then I just laughed her off because I was still in the grips of self hate and confusion about my gender issues, but even though I haven't seen this girl in nearly 20 years I remember this conversation like it was yesterday, and in my case she was absolutely right. I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill.

Soon I won't look that way, but the fact remains. I was born a man, I love men, and surgeries will only serve to make me socially acceptable. I'm good with that.