You know where you can stick it.... buddy.

[Jamsey]

My continuing education as Jamsey hit a new low the last time I was out.
I went to my favorite club again, the week after the incident with the boob squeezer. This time I was attractively dressed in a brand new over the knee black skirt, purple patterned top and knee high black leather boots. I also was wearing, for the first time there, some make-up, some foundation, eye shadow, eye brows were penciled, a little blush and lipstick. I'm still rotten at applying it but I thought it was passable, especially in low light.
The club was busy, it was Latina night, with a lot of Latino performers, having a blast dancing to the music. I found a seat at the bar, quietly watched the proceedings, talked occasionally to some of the other patrons. This guy came up, probably in his 30s or so. Not hispanic, they were all polite to me, both female and male. Let me see if I can re-create his thought patterns.

He walks in, scopes out the action, see this woman sitting at the bar alone, Ah, he thinks, there is my target. Getting a little closer he sees it is a male dressed up. All the better he thinks. The closer he gets, he sees that she has to be at least twice his age. Ah, what the heck, no one else around currently so why not?
So he sits at the chair next to her, and, through some kind of fog in his mind, he decided this would be an appropriate openly line.
Hey Babe, you want to suck my #@&*? Apply your own word, you won't be wrong.
After a non-commital response. (I really wanted to tell him where he could stick it, but I'm still new there so didn't want to make a fuss)
Then, for his next line, who knows how his mind operates, he came up with this.
C'mon, that is what all your types are looking for, isn't it?
After somewhat of a more non-commital response, that I think he probably wasn't even aware of what was said, his 3rd comment, a sure fire, can't miss, 100% positive, has to work, offer..
Let's have a couple of shots, that will loosen you up.
I'm sorry, but at that point, I openly laughed at him. I think I may have hurt his itty bitty feelings, but I doubt it. He left, feigning that he saw someone else he knew.
The woman on the other side of me, looked at me when he left, and just laughed too.
I like this club, they have clean bathrooms, you can't underestimate that, and an unisex one too.
They play good music, have interesting shows, make good drinks, but I realize that I should not go alone, or I should find a table or booth away from the bar area. I suppose, just like a gg sitting alone, it is hunting season for any of the players, no matter what the sexual orientation.
I guess I really need a girl friend to go out with. Or find a more quiet establishment where I can go and wear some of the really pretty clothes I have.
So the education continues. I'm looking forward to my next outing. lol

[Michala]

I have the feeling that this guy doesn't have any better luck with other girls. If I wanted to really be with someone, a crossdresser or otherwise I would certainly try to be a little smoother than him. Even if I were dressed and wanted to be with someone, I certainly wouldn't be attracted to a beginning line such as that.

[oliviarub]

what a pick up line!!i wish i would think of it sometimes.
he was off to a great start to that evening.

[Dawn cd]

It might be a generational thing, but it strikes me that when a single girl goes to a club, she is trying to make connections, so it shouldn't come as a complete surprise when a crude customer makes an indecent proposal. It won't happen in a restaurant, or a boutique, or a supermarket, or even a Seven Eleven. So one must either go to the club with a friend (M or F) or in drab. Let's not act astonished when a single F or TG at the bar gets a few f-words planted in her virgin ear.

[Andy66]

You have a complete right to go into a bar and just enjoy the music. Don't let that dummy take that away from you.

[Eryn]

No matter how clean the restrooms, a place where you repeatedly have to fend off undesired approaches isn't the place for you. I suggest that you find another place to go before something really bad happens.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think you handled it just fine! That guy has been alone so much he doesn't know how to talk to a lady! And he always gets what he deserves! KEEP GOING ! Hugs!

[sandra-leigh]

It might be a generational thing, but it strikes me that when a single girl goes to a club, she is trying to make connections, so it shouldn't come as a complete surprise when a crude customer makes an indecent proposal.

Q: What is a four letter word for 'intercourse' that ends with 'k'?
A: "Talk"!

The frequency or acceptability of indecent proposals depends a lot on the establishment. The club I go to most often, if someone were to treat me the way Jamsey was treated, I would just have to lean over the bar and tell the bartender that the person was being offensive, and the person would be asked to leave the bar, and quite possibly told not to come back.

Now I'm not going to innocently claim that my word would be trusted completely "just because it is the right thing to do", but protecting the cross-dressers is the official bar policy, specifically conveyed to to us by successive club presidents. (It happens that my word probably would be trusted: I've been around there long enough to have earned that trust.)

I was indecently proposed to in a completely different establishment, by a severely drunk fellow, who had been indecently proposing to a number of other people; fortunately he was so drunk that he could not be taken seriously. But in that place, the staff just distracted him and jollied him along to not be sitting amongst the patrons. Legally they probably should have asked him to leave (it being illegal to serve alcohol to someone who is drunk), but anyhow. Some of the staff did quietly assure me that they would keep watch to ensure he didn't bother me again.

[Michelia]

You have a complete right to go into a bar and just enjoy the music. Don't let that dummy take that away from you.

I agree. You will find jerks everywhere you go. Some may be rude in an educated way and some are just plain crude. Fortunately I think as long as you are in a pretty nice place this is not likely to happen very often. This guy was a royal SOB. He was probably out to insult you and you did well. As long as the place is nice and you feel safe there, just take it as an experience. One little trick I use is I am very nice and do not let them know how offended I am. I smile and I say I only like girls and I do not like guys at all. I also always have my pepper spray handy and my pepper gun in my purse.

[suchacutie]

Wow...what a super-smooth guy! ROFL!!!

When I'm traveling on business (in drab) I often eat dinner at the bar because getting a table for one is often quite difficult. As a result I will occasionally be hit on, by either gender. Sometimes it's smooth, and sometimes it's quite direct or a bit crude. I just laugh it off in male mode. Don't all of you?

So why is it different when we are our femme selves? Is it different? Should we consider it differently?

I'm not sure I have an answer for these questions.

tina

[Longing2be-Trisha]

He could not even picked up nympho with those lines! lol

Hugs

[Jilmac]

Sounds like another macho jerk with a one track mind

[Debb]

Sounds to me like 'ol smoothy was looking for a fight .. "that's what all your type are looking for" ... Your reaction seems to have worked for you!

[Babeba]

It's completely not right, but short skirts + alone seems to = looking for action to some asshats. Be careful! If something similar happens and you're alone again, ask a bouncer / staff member to walk you to your car or take a taxi from a reputable company.

[sandra-leigh]

In my opinion, your solution was much better than a kick in the chest!

[Jamsey]

Good responses, as always, some things to think about. I'm just under 6 feet tall. Though I am 63, I do work out, and I'm in pretty good shape for my age, except for a recently acquired few pounds around the middle, don't know where they came from, diet time. I have not been physically intimidated by these, lets call them jerks, that have approached me. I think I am more astonished or surprised about their vulgarity and total lack of tack or class that I have encountered. As a SA I told my experiences about, she stated, Now you see what we go through, some men are pigs.
If I did encounter a situation that may prove more dangerous than I think I could handle I wouldn't hesitate asking the door man or barkeep for assistance. Most of them know me now, and I think would look out for me if a bad situation developed.
I don't wear short skirts or minis out, I have them, wear them in private, but, in public, I don't think they are age appropriate for me. I like to dress nice, I haven't yet dressed sexy in public, and I don't think I give out vibes that say I'm on the make or looking for some action. Except, of course, sitting at the bar alone.
I also have a wierd sense of humor, and I can laugh at myself too, so, a lot of times I can joke out of bad situations, or change the direction of where the conversation is going. I think one of things I have to do is just learning to look at things from a different point of view. Wearing the clothes is one thing, learning to think and behave differently is another. But what heck, I wanted to do this most of my life, can't let a couple bad experiences stop me now, can I?

[Babeba]

Let me rephrase: over the knee skirt and tall boots to some men = on the prowl. Sad, but true.

[Andy66]

Jamsey, I can relate to that. Sometimes people say things that are so outrageous, I'm too surprised to know how to respond. Then hours later I think, "this is what I should have said..." Haha!

Don't ever think though, that as a woman you have to fit into any stereotype, including weak or submissive. As long as you're reinventing yourself, you're like a blank canvas. Become something that you are truly happy with - even if that has to be a tough broad sometimes.

[Tina B.]

A suggestion, if you find yourself going into a bar alone dressed, a trick my wife used in the old days was, sit at the bar, hiding at a table never works, nuts find you anyway. Sit next to where the cocktail waitress pick up their orders, and talk to the bartender, and waitresses, after they get to know you a little, you have a built in buddy system, and a good bartender will shut a guy like that down, for a regular he knows. After all you have a right to go out, and the bar wants your money, and sorry but if your going to be a girl, it's something you have to learn to deal with. Oh, and the wife had a policy of never accepting a drink from strangers, and if they insisted on sending her a drink she would send one back, with a message, now we're even, lets keep it that way. Just another way of saying, leave me alone, jerk.
Tina B.

[ashlylynn]

It might be a generational thing, but it strikes me that when a single girl goes to a club, she is trying to make connections, so it shouldn't come as a complete surprise when a crude customer makes an indecent proposal. It won't happen in a restaurant, or a boutique, or a supermarket, or even a Seven Eleven. So one must either go to the club with a friend (M or F) or in drab. Let's not act astonished when a single F or TG at the bar gets a few f-words planted in her virgin ear.

DING DING DING ... we have a winner!

Eloquently summarized: the reason crossdressing is not appropriate for nightclubs - it's the mentality with which the typical patron enters:
The GGs are SEEKING male attention and the guys are there to give it to them - and so crossdressing there has a trend of causing violence
when the male acts as expected and is humiliated ( social status thretened and sexual orientation questioned by peers ) when he does not
know he is appraoching a person with a penis. What does an alpha male in a club with a few drinks in him do to another male who makes
him angry?

The OP is very lucky that it went as well as it did.

There are certain places that boys should not dress like girls. It is for everyone's best interest...
The public and the other crossdressers.

As Dawn pointed out ... you can go to a restaurant, or a boutique, or a supermarket, or even a Seven Eleven
... or even a PUB ... ANYWHERE that there is not an INHERENT PURPOSE / EXPECTATION of male hooking up
with GENETIC female in a DARK room. Otherwise, you're playing with fire.

Though I do suspect the guy who asked you to suck his #@&*?
was either a closet homo or one of the a-hole alphas who would
put his #@&*? in the mouth of his best buddy who passed-out
drunk and take photos of it and email them to everyone.
All about control.

It's completely not right, but short skirts + alone seems to = looking for action to some asshats. Be careful! If something similar happens and you're alone again, ask a bouncer / staff member to walk you to your car or take a taxi from a reputable company.

CAUTION: In some places, those bouncers will beat the &^#%$ out of you on the way for being a guy in a dress who is making them look like THEY work in a "GAY BAR".

No matter how clean the restrooms, a place where you repeatedly have to fend off undesired approaches isn't the place for you. I suggest that you find another place to go before something really bad happens.

This is good advice for all.

You have a complete right to go into a bar and just enjoy the music. Don't let that dummy take that away from you.

A bar - yes.
A pub, tavern, jazz club, blues club, airport lounge ...

A nightclub with a DJ .... ? A "right" ... I won't disagree.

However. ... a white guy has a right to walk through East L.A.
carrying a big banner that says "I hate ( Hispanics / Blacks / etc etc )"
just as a black man has a RIGHT to go ALONE to a southern state
and protest in front of a known KKK meeting location at midnight.

But is it a GOOD IDEA?
Is it DANGEROUS?
And will THE RESULT have an effect on how
these groups will relate in THE FUTURE?

You have the right to go into the woods and try to pat the bears and cougars but when you understand the psychology of those groups IN THE WILD ...

[Babeba]

CAUTION: In some places, those bouncers will beat the &^#%$ out of you on the way for being a guy in a dress who is making them look like THEY work in a "GAY BAR".

Probably not an issue in a place that has both a unisex bathroom and a men's room.

Other than the fact said bouncer is going to be easier to trace by police if something bad happens on your way home than some random pervert who followed you or waited for you to leave... After all, a place where the staff paid to keep people safe actually beats them up can't afford that reputation, the bouncer WOULD get caught and fired, and even the 'stigma' of working in 'a gay bar' isn't as bad as losing your job for being a homophobic asshat, or arrested for perpetrating a hate crime if the victim feels up to the criminal trial. If it makes you feel more comfy, ask your server which of the staff it'd be best to ask for escort. They would know, especially if female.

To be honest, if your thoughts are that everyone is likely to beat you up if you step outside in a dress, then maybe you shouldn't be wearing that dress outside until you're more okay with yourself and the surroundings.

[Jamsey]

Sorry for the confusion, I should have been more clear, this club is a gay bar, though because of the shows they put on they get a broad crosssection of clientele. The guy that approached me was definitely gay. As were the other jerks I met there, but that is not to say I haven't met a lot of really nice people of all sexual orientations, more of them than the jerks.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

sorry that happened to you..

unfortunately that is what is gonna happen... gay bar or not...a crossdresser sitting alone at the bar has a big target on her back...

it's just the way it is...the more dressed up you are, the more you will stick out...

there is NOWHERE that you can get dressed up and hang out alone without the risk of a bad, worse or worst experience...

as you say, there are nice people too, and you can have lots of good experiences, but the unfair reality is that one or two bad experiences will impact your night out..

[ReineD]

C'mon, that is what all your types are looking for, isn't it?

Herein lies the problem.

And if any of these guys come to this forum and read the "do you want to have sex with men when you're dressed" threads, their opinions will be reinforced.

[Shelly Preston]

When you look like a lady there is always the chance you will get some attention in any bar.

I think you just had the misfortune to be the target of a guy with no manners.

You just have to try let them know you not interested without being rude if you can.