Counselling

[Tania D]

It dont post much more of a reader really as I usually dont have much that would add value to a lot of the conversations that are on here. I am married with children, and over the years my wonderful wife has gone from shocked to the most supporting loving person I could wish for.This year the need to dress has become more intense and although I have not gone out much I do dress to the nines most wekend when the children stay at grannies but I underdresss 24/7. About 2 weekends ago my wife and I were discusing my female side and we had a few glasses of wine and I become emotional and told her sometime I feel like I should be a woman. Nothing more was said but a few days later she gave me the number of an employee support network provided by her employer.


I phoned up and after an introductory conversation was put through to a telephone counsellor. She was superb and really positive. At the end she recommended that she set up six sessions of face to face counselling with one of their specialists. I agreed once she confirmed the specialist would be female.

The first session is next week but I have already started panicking, the old feelings of shame and that I am doing something wrong have come back. I am also worried I am embarking on a journey which I may lose control off and end somewhere where my world is turned upside down. My wife has tried to reassure me saying whatever the outcome she will be there for me and whilst we consider the impact on the children this would not be grounds for leaving me.

My question is, am I doing the right thing or should I avoid the counselling until I feel more positive. I am also worried that the more emotional I become I might start to annoy my wife and lose her support. If any of you knew me in male mode I have been accused in the past of being devoid of emotion, but I now find myself bursting into tears during conversations with my wife or when reading stories in the press about girls like us.

I dont expect anyone to have the answer, but I would appriciate some opinons.

Many thanks
Love
Tania

[noeleena]

Hi,Tania,

Haveing the confidence in ones self will make a so much difference in who you are as a person its not about being a male or female its about being a person ,
Human .
Tho we see our selfs differently does not change being confident self assured & knowning who you are, is what we all need

I did not need to talk with any one well never did any way. & would i have done that ....NO....i had a lot of issues to go through yet i worked through them in the way i knew would help me the most, im very strong & knew i would get through with my life , now that does not say i did not need help in lots of details & things i did . just i had to stand on my own to get where i am now , & yes i am a very strong woman , i had to be,

Now i work with others who are not strong & it takes time to help & build them up so they in turn can stand strong it takes time,

In our lifes many changes take place, so if & i belive you do, go have these meetings get as much help as you can .
Being Emotional is human its not wether we are male or female tho we may be different in many ways dont be put off , with the , oh your a male type thing,
Theres nothing wrong with showing how you feel do it , even tho i was percived as a male i showed my Emotions.i wont say in every part of my life , yet there were times i did,

Just the fact youv writen this post shows you are ready to be open, trust me it'll be more than worth it, & more so with the right woman.who is understanding ,

Think of this as a fun day in the park enjoy the time together, just be you. dont try & be some one else it does not help.
I belive that youll be very surprised in the way this will help you & you'r S O.

All the best .
Hugs ,

...noeleena...

[Rianna Humble]

The feeling of shame and guilt is one of the first things you need to bring to light with the counsellor, so I would encourage you to go. Apart fromthat, how do you know that your repressed guilty feeling will ever truly go away if you don't address it?

I hope that the counsellor in question is qualified in gender issues, but whether she is or not, she will not be there to judge you. The first purpose of the counselling should be to allow you to see clearly what the questions are that you need to answer, then to see and be able to evaluate your different options.

Your wife must love you dearly if she is doing this for you, don't you think it is a good idea to repay that love by going along to at least the first session?

[Stefanie_in_Mt]

Your wife sounds like a keeper to me. you should go to the counselor. another set of eyes never hurts anything. when I went to counsilling she was very supportive and didn't judge me. all and all it was a good experience. You and your wife may need to go because she is in it with you. I know that I sure wish my ex had gone with me, maybe her eyes would have been opened but she wouldn't go.

[Katie Moore]

Yes your wife is special. You must think yourself special too. It's normal to have feelings like you describe. I have a feeling your wife will help "guide" you in whatever you pursue. Good Luck!

[Tania D]

Thank you all for your opinions and advice and as stated above writing the original post its self has helped. As for the support my wife gives me I know I am one of the lucky ones as from what I have read others write hear. Somehow I will have to find a way to repay her but for now I just reaffirm to her how much I love her and all she does for me. At a lighter moment I did tell her that if I was only half the woman she is then I would be in utopia which made her laugh

[Pamela Kay]

Tania, I'm so glad you have such a supportive and understanding wife to go through this with you. I went to a counselor for the first time this week and it is so freeing to be able to talk to someone about all the things you have been holding inside for years. You will be glad you went after you go, I only wish I hadn't waited so long, just couldn't hold it in any longer. Now I can't wait for my next session. I believe it will help you work through your fear and make you stronger in the process. You are not alone.

[Suzy Parker]

I think you will get out of it what you go in with. If dressing truly makes you happy then present it and yourself that way. I've done counseling and it really only told me what I already knew in my heart to be true. Crossdressing is a part of me and who I am so embrace it and feel good about it. And for feeling you should be a women I sometimes think that to but after all is said and done I like the person I am but just wish I had more Suzy time.

Best Wishes

Suzy

[Tina B.]

The counselling Is to help deal with that fear and guilt, and instead of lose control, the counselling should help you get control. With a wife that goes that far to help, how can you not go.
Tina B.

[Tania D]

A few weeks ago I posted that I was going to commence counseling and that I was nervous about it. The encouragment I got from you all was correct as it has been an ey opening experience. As I said originally my partner was supportive and she still is, however after the third session I had to get her to write down how she felt about me for the counselor.
When i asked her to list the positives and negatives about if I was to transition she wrote.
1. Positive, Tania will be happier.
2. Negative, She would lose a male partner. She has always said that we will not split what ever, but that even if I dont transition our relationship has changed and that she now sees me as a sister more than anything else. Have any of you or your SO's ever had a similar conversation. A question for GG's deep downdo you think she is unhappy with how I have turned out, I have asked her and she say no but I am not sure if that is to spare my feekings or not.

Tania

[kimdl93]

Tania, my wife said something similar to me - expressing a concern that if she saw me fully dressed, that she'd view me differently. She didn't explicitly state that she felt she'd lose a male partner, but I took it that way. To some extent, that remains an obstacle for her to go out with me in public...but I think she's gained a more nuanced view of me, rather than seeing it as an "either or option". Perhaps the same can eventually be true for your wife.

[2B Natasha]

I think you should keep your partners thoughts and writing private. Those words where meant for you and not the general public. You decided to go to counseling so I would suggest that you ask your SO with your counselor in the room how she feels about you posting her thoughts on the web for all to see.

[DanaR]

My wife has been supportive and has even gone out with me some. The real deal killer for her, would be if I started transitioning; which she has told me that she isn't into girls. I understand and respect that.