Anyone else happy in the closet?

[Amy_Olivia]

I've seen a lot of talk from CDs on this forum and other places about being "out". The majority of people I see tend to either be "out", or want to come out but are scared to. I wondered if there were any people in the third group - people who are perfectly happy with that part of their life staying private. Personally, I am quite happy with this part of my life staying private. I think my family would be quite accepting about it, but I'm perfectly happy with being male most of the time and just taking a little time to bring out my feminine side, but in private. It's something that's for me, so I'm happy with it staying private. I'll probably tell my SO one day when and if I find one, but apart from that... does anyone else feel the same way?

[lovingloss]

We all have our own boundaries and limitations and I can only talk about myself. My current commitments in life limit me to what I can do. I keep within those boundaries and hence there is no option or need for me to find acceptance by anyone. However it would be deliverance to have acceptance and support from my SO.... ans I hope it get there sometime in the future.

But there is what Scarlet Rose has referred to ... the adrenalin rush which at times does tempt one to step out. That is a beast that lurks in all of us and is restrained only by the commitments and limitations in out lives. Its a trade off ... but that is life

[Erika Jane]

In a way
I am out to my family. I used to go sightseeing and shopping en-femme. But I have pretty much stopped it now, and I am quite content staying at home.
You see, at 6'2" I am not exactly "passable". I still recall walking over a bridge on my way back home from one of my shopping tours, and I met a family with a small boy. They went past me and the boy exclaimed: "Wow! The worlds tallest woman!"
Made me laugh, but made me think as well.
Sure, there is this desire to go out and show Erika to the world, but - what is exactly I am showing the world?
There is this effect in robotics: you don't make a robot too closely resembling a man/woman. If you try anyway, current SOTA technique doesn't allow you to make a perfect copy, and anyone will spot a fake almost instantly. And strangely enough these imperfect close copies will freak you out, while a straight glass and metal robot will not. The problem is, with this imperfect copy you will feel you are cheated (this robot tried to impersonate a real person, but he/she is not!), while with a metal robot you will take it for what it is, and there will not be this resentment of being cheated.
In a way I feel this situation is applicable to me as well. If I really try, I can make (all things considered) a good fake, but it will be spotted anyway. So I can't expect I will be treated as a woman - only as a crossdresser. With some frowns.
Is that what I want?
Probably not. And so I stay in the closet. Well - almost. As I said, I'm out to my family

My first post, BTW

[Stefanie_in_Mt]

I am a in the closet gurl, I'm six foot two, and could never pass, so I don't want to take the ridicule that so many narrow minded people ar so ready to throw at us. so I'll just keep it private

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

My closet is great. I have a make-up mirror, table and a nice chair, wardrobe and I even have a cam to see who is lurking outside my closet door. Oh yes sorry, I forgot to oil the hinges best go and do that now.

[wadevikingfan]

i am fine being in the closest...that way i can dress sexy and wear the 5 inch platforms shoes aroudn the house and feel good...and i don't feel like i have to dress every day...dressing every third day is fine with me..and , girls, do you like wearing platform shoes??? i tell ya, it really builds your claf muscles!!

wendy

[Anne2345]

I believe a vast majority of crossdressers are in the closet, and many are content or happy to remain in their closet. It is strictly a personal decision and choice, of which there is no right and wrong answer, except the answer that is appropriate for and made by the individual.

I used to love my closet. Although I am mostly still in the closet, the walls of my closet are not as solid as they once were. What worked for me in the past no longer works for me now. But I have nothing but respect for one's decision to remain in the closet, if that is what the individual chooses to do. I do not believe that each and every crossdresser has a desire to leave the closet. I further believe some simply have no desire or need to do so. It is as simple as that! Enjoy the blessed gift of crossdressing that has been bestowed upon you in the manner you deem fit . . . .

[Amy_Olivia]

Glad to see I've got a few replies. I think it's interesting to see all the different perspectives on this, we are one community and a small one at that, yet what we want for ourselves regarding CDing differs vastly from one person to another.

There is this effect in robotics: you don't make a robot too closely resembling a man/woman. If you try anyway, current SOTA technique doesn't allow you to make a perfect copy, and anyone will spot a fake almost instantly. And strangely enough these imperfect close copies will freak you out, while a straight glass and metal robot will not. The problem is, with this imperfect copy you will feel you are cheated (this robot tried to impersonate a real person, but he/she is not!), while with a metal robot you will take it for what it is, and there will not be this resentment of being cheated.
In a way I feel this situation is applicable to me as well. If I really try, I can make (all things considered) a good fake, but it will be spotted anyway. So I can't expect I will be treated as a woman - only as a crossdresser. With some frowns.
Is that what I want?
Probably not. And so I stay in the closet. Well - almost. As I said, I'm out to my family

I've heard about that effect. The Uncanny Valley, right? And I agree with what you're saying.

[April_Ligeia]

I also am half in half out of the closet. I fully dress at home pretty much full-time, and I go out wearing nail polish and makeup, and have visible piercings and tattoos. I am 6'5", so I would have a hard time passing as a woman, but to me it is about self-expression. I am not a transexual, so I do not care if I pass. Also, my size is an advantage because while I am sure people notice me and talk, only very rarely does anyone say anything to my face. And then it is usually a compliment lol.

[Marleena]

Amy, I'm in the closet too. I do not got out of the house dressed. That might change at some point but for now it's good enough.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Anna,

I am happy for you in your current situation. I think I too was happy being private when I was 19 years of age.

I am not sure if this applies to most, but I think as we get older, we may have a feeling of missing out by remaining in the closet all of our life. I feel as we get older the desire to be that other person that we have hid in a closet all of our life just must emerge from the closet and experience life. I know I don't speak for all, but for me that has been the case, and I am so happy that I am becoming more true to myself.

Of course having a loving family that accepts your life style is also very very important in your decision. We all are different, and have different situations but I hope you find life to be happy no matter what path you take.

[Crissy Kay]

Hi Anna, Another happy closet dresser here!!! I prefer a sissy style of dressing in the first place, and second, I don"t have to worry about passing!! Last, I really don"t think its anyones business as long I am not breaking the law, or hurting anyone.

[docrobbysherry]

---------------------------- And the other is more of an adrenalin dare. -------------------------------------------------

I get that rush when I can dress however I want with no thots of being discovered or subject to anyone's opinion of how I'm dressed! Dressing and going out IS stressful, NOT accelerating for me!

i am fine being in the closest...that way i can dress sexy and wear the 5 inch platforms shoes aroudn the house and feel good...and i don't feel like i have to dress every day...dressing every third day is fine with me..and , girls, do you like wearing platform shoes??? i tell ya, it really builds your claf muscles!!
wendy

I agree completely! Dressing to blend when I must go out? STRESSFUL! Dressing like a sexy half naked hooker at home? PRICELESS!

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm very happy to be out of the closet. Being out has opened so many new doors and opportunities, including new friends. Once the closet door has been opened its hard to get back in, NOT that I want to.

[susangirl]

Anna, I overcame my fear of dressing as Susan in public around three months ago which followed many years of dressing in private. I only dress when I am in Atlanta which is where I work but don't live. I would go out for drives in the car and stay away for people as much as possible. I really don't know what happened one day. I just parked at one of the malls in Buckhead (just north of Atlanta) and walked into Maceys. You know what, THE WORLD DIDN'T STOP. Yes I few odd looks but so what. As for people I know I'm still in the closet and will always be in the closet. I think. It seems the more you cross dress the more you want to do and the braver one gets. Practice makes perfect. Now that am out (in Atlanta) and it's hard to think I was so scared of being caught in public wearing a dress, stockings and 4" pumps. It is what it is and the joy and excitement outweigh any disapproval some people may have. Never have had any problems while dressed as Susan. Just try the public cross dressing in the right situation one day and see how it works for you. Good luck with your cross dressing and enjoy every minute of it.

[Launa]

I used to feel just fine in the closet and did not want to ever venture out in public but as I got older and went through mid life, I decided I wanted to go out. I'm not scared to anymore. In 2012 it will be time to let er rip!

[nvlady]

I have loved womens clothing for over fifty-five years, and I am still in the closet. We are all individuals, some of us need to go out while others will probably never go out. I don't even have a fem name, because I don't feel that I need one if I'm never going to take that one giant leap out of my closet.

[jennCD]

I'm quite happy being where I am, yes. To be honest, the idea of going out and trying to "fit in" as Jenn has been something I'd thought about since the beginning, but the reality is I'm simply not a very social person in any regard. I stay home and spend time with my family and do not feel like I'm missing out on anything in my daily life so I cannot imagine what I'd do as Jenn, other than just run errands and such.
My situation in this sense is quite fine by me tho I wouldn't mind more time to myself at home to relax and dress every once in a while.


jenn

[suzy1]

I am another one that’s happy in her closet Anna.

The funny thing is, when I started a thread on this very point I got some rather unpleasant replies. Things like, I was a coward, or I was letting the side down.
And if all of us were like me then society will never learn to accept us.

I tried to defend myself at first but soon learned that I was wasting my time.

It’s nice to see this post is going better than mine did.

SUZY

[Vickie_CDTV]

If one is happy being in the closet, then there is no reason one should not remain in the closet. One's life will be much easier being closeted than having to deal with the ramifications of being out. As my former girlfriend once said, people knowing you crossdress won't win you any extra favors, but on the other hand being known as a crossdresser can hurt you.

[SallyS]

If I had somewhere to go and meet other CD'ers I'd fly out the closet, given the chance

30 miles from me is London or in the other direction is Brighton (gay capital of the UK apparently?) . I know there are ton's of clubs to go to, but at 42 I don't really like loud pumping dance music (miserable ol' git that I am )

I'd be happy to meet up with a few like minded adults, in a private house, just for a drink and some 'girl' time. But even that isn't easy to arrange!

Having 4 kids at home makes it a no-no for me.

So yes I'm in the 'closet' so to speak, but I am desperately trying to unlock the door

[Tina B.]

Locked away in the closet, and I have the only key, and I have no desire to use it. My wife has known I'm a Cross dresser for 35 years, I see no reason to share it with anyone else. At home I'm never overdressed, under dressed, or dressed inappropriately, after all I make all the rules. At 67 on a warm day I feel like a mini skirt, I wear one. Having a steak for dinner can bring out the Velvet skirt, silk blouse, and candles. or laying around watching TV in a pair of Capri's. I have no need to go out, did it when I was much younger, didn't like it then, don't figure I would like it now. That's why I told my wife, so I could dress at home, and not have to take it out.
Tina B.

[CallieH]

Amy, I'm in the closet too. I do not got out of the house dressed. That might change at some point but for now it's good enough.

Hi Amy

Thanks for starting this thread.. it is a very pertinent observation for a lot of us. Like Marleena already mentioned too, I am perfectly happy keeping it within the confines of my house. Of course, there is always the slight twinge of jealousy every time I see or read about the fun times gurls have when they go out, but the amount of effort, prep (mental mostly!) and possible ramifications negates that thrill, and I stay firmly ensconced at home! Maybe on holiday, somewhere far far away, I might step out.. but that hasn't happened yet.

Interestingly enough, I just read this article this morning, where researchers observed that transexual people who come out to their colleagues at work are happier and more productive!

http://www.futurity.org/society-cult...happy-at-work/

[Cheryl T]

Personally, I was in that little room for far too many years....
Just see my signature...

[TGMarla]

To each her own. Scarlet Rose said it very well near the top of this thread. As for me, I go out every once in a while, but it's not something I live for. I have a wonderful time when I do, but it's not so important to me that I feel that I absolutely have to in order to validate my existence as a crossdresser. There are a few militant transgender warriors out there who believe that we will never achieve acceptance from the population at large if we do not present ourselves to them in public, that the only way to gain such acceptance is by being out there and visible. I find that to be a somewhat flawed argument, especially when a great number of us don't even come close to passing. We all have our comfort level, and defined borders that we use to contain this little activity of ours. Sometimes we bend and break those boundaries. At other times, we are glad that they are there for us. The very bottom line is that many of us have shown time and time again that there is very little danger, and often a whole lot of fulfillment for us, in going out in public and enjoying ourselves. But it's not for everyone.