Question to CDs only, from Anonymous GG

[DinaMature]

I'll push aside what I perceive as thinly veiled hostility in your questions and try to offer a worthy response.

As others have posted, I was raised in a very female dominated household and family. I've been a party to wage and job disparity, the complications of reproduction - legitimate and otherwise - and I seen women accomplish physical tasks most might think they couldn't accomplish. I'll put my (Large) nose out there and say I think I have as good an idea what it's like to be a woman as any MAN really can.

I've also been immersed in the style and creativity of the woman's life while being excluded from being wholly involved. I have my perception of the good life a woman could make for herself if she'd only make the effort.

Speaking for myself, I ignore the "panty color", "magic potion", and "make a wish" threads. I find them pretty silly and demeaning. As others have said, those aren't conversations women share, as a rule.

I would suggest you read the threads in the beauty club and wardrobe forums.... I think you'll get a more level headed read of how more of us think. The main forum sees a lot of the same issues resurface. Three years ago, I was new here and put my posts in there: Why am I/We here, I told my SO, Thanks for the support. All these issues get aired out over and over as more citizens join our community. We are all individuals with unique stories but we also have common issues and struggles.


Would I change my sex and become a women? Nope... I have it better on planet Earth, being a male. Would I grow breasts that are strictly cosmetic but stay male... I would, yeah.
Personally, I have no kids and have desire to have any part of them. My nurturing goes into gardening, the way I feel about my friends and how I treat my SO.

We aren't peas from one big pod. We are all our own flavor and any generality is misleading.

Don't know that I"ve helped but I've tossed my two bits into the kitty.

ciao

[Nicole Marie]

Dear Anonymous GG, After 3+ years of gender therapy, I've finally figured out who and what I am. For me, it isn't about knowing what it takes to be a woman. I had to understand what it takes to be "me" in a healthy and comfortable manner. Yes, that involves dressing and presenting myself in a way that society considers to be feminine. It also involves going out in a straight, social setting so I can interact with others. Does that make me a woman? No. However, there are many things I do at home that some would consider "womanly"--cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Do those activities make me a woman? No. As the title says, it's about being yourself. Others may see things differently but I can only tell you how I feel.

[Dana7]

I don't know whether I can speak for other CDers but for me, crossdressing is about feeling feminine. There is a certain joy in feeling feminine, and it goes beyond just the feel and fit of the fabrics or the look of the outfits, although it certainly includes that. I get all five senses involved too.

The look, smell, taste, feel, and even the sound of feminine things to include clothing, hair, forms, perfume, shoes, and accessories all combine to produce a general feeling of femininity. Like a glass of fine wine, femininity can be savored and enjoyed with all the senses. For instance, have you noticed how uniquely feminine the sound of high heels make when walking on tile? Or how sensual lipstick tastes when you put it on your lips? And I absolutely love the smell when I wear perfume. It makes me feel pretty! And feeling pretty is uniquely feminine.

Admittedly, for us CDers, crossdressing is by necessity primarily an external thing. For us to do more would make us TS. And it is very likely that most of us are quite happy with our man side. But because we enjoy feeling feminine, we do as much as we can practically do to feel that feminine joy without permanently altering ourselves. Yet many of us who start out as CDers do transition into full-time feminine mode and that is where CDing becomes TS.

Is it fair that only women get to experience the joy of feeling feminine? Women certainly do feel the joy of feeling masculine in our society!

One thing a woman can do that a man cannot ordinarily do is feel pretty. And often, for men, the cost of feeling feminine is quite high, resulting from judgmental attitudes of others to feelings of guilt and shame put on us by our families, friends and society. Yet for women, it is considered quite socially acceptable for them to enjoy feeling masculine, although that has not always been the case.

See my post: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2653761

You ask us who crossdress if we know what it "takes to be a woman". We certainly do! As CDers we all know about what women go through with their periods, their moods, their hormones and their difficulties being women. We do sympathize. Without exception we all have women in our lives. Are we trying to be a woman? Usually not. If that were the case then we would be TS.

And although we may not know what it is like to carry a baby or what it is to actually be a woman, we are quite able to use our imaginations to empathize with women. Indeed, it is our imaginations that allow us to more fully empathize with what women go through in their lives. And it doesn't take imagination for us to know what it is like when they work so hard to make themselves beautiful for men. Admittedly, we do enjoy imagining what it feels like to actually be a woman when we crossdress. That is part of the joy of femininity.

If we fully desired to be a woman, then theoretically when we crossdressed we would cease being men and we would be fully women, we would suddenly be attracted to men, our entire psyche would become female and we would require the hormones, etc. But that is usually not our goal. Our goal is the same as women's goals are when they become tomboys. Like these tomboy women who want to feel the fun part of feeling what the opposite sex feels when they revel in their masculinity, we too when we crossdress want to revel in the feeling of what the opposite sex feels when she revels in her femininity.

And here is where I think that many women are hypocritical about CDers. Very often our women complain about our crossdressing but think nothing about a woman who wears male clothing, who works in a male-dominated profession or who emulates masculine traits. It is much more accepted in our society for women to express masculinity than it is for males to exhibit femininity. But I don't think that's really fair to those of us born male who love to feel feminine just as much as women like to be tomboys or do guy things.

I'd like to turn the tables on this anonymous GG. Do you ever wear pants? It has not always been acceptable for women to do so commonly. See my post:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...e-dresses-gone.

To the GG that initiated this discussion: Do you like to dress like a tomboy from time to time? Do you like to kick back and hang out with the guys and feel like "one of the boys"?? That is the equivalent of crossdressing in my mind.

It strikes me that the attitude of the woman posing this anonymous question is a bit jaded. She seems like she has a chip on her shoulder, and that she is complaining because she thinks that we as crossdressers are shallow people who are concerned only with externalities and that somehow we are out of touch with reality. But that is not the case at all. We have a depth of compassion and emotion that goes beyond the average male. Because of our uniquely amplified feminine perceptions, we CDers strive to empathize with all of women's sufferings and concerns. Feeling feminine also includes feeling nurturing, caring, and loving. In our femininity, we extend ourselves and act more civil, more gentle, and more loving than our cisgendered fellows.

I could go on, but don't have the time right now. Suffice to say that there are many complex aspects about crossdressing that I have not touched on here but will in later posts.

And I love feeling feminine.

[heidi99]

"To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side..."

Dear Unnamed GG:

OK, What are your issues? Have you been harmed or offended by a crossdresser? Have you discorvered that a close friend, family member, boy friend, or spouse is in fact a crossdresser and you don't understand why?

I do not think that you were completely honest in your request because you did not explain your personal issues. As such, any answer that we give will fall short of what you are looking for - that being - understanding. As I read the questions - multiple times, I do not think that acceptance of crossdressing is in your makeup.

Perhaps, a little more background as to why the questions were asked will allow us to give you the understanding you are seeking even if acceptance is not possible.

As for grass being greener on the other side - yes it is greener - and red - and pink - and purple - and every other color of the rainbow that isn't available for males simply because some silly rule says that men can't wear bright colors.


Carol Elizabeth

I pretty much agree with Carol Elizabeth. It sounds like you are getting locked and loaded for a duel to end someone's crossdressing.

Many very bright and eloquent responses have been submitted on this topic. It is definitely true that crossdressing fills many different needs for different people. I do think I have a mixture of female and male in me, and that by indulging my female side and acknowledging and accepting that part of myself, I'm more likely to be able to acknowledge and accept a greater variety of people.

[tiffanyjo89]

I'm a guy...in my life everyone knows me as a guy...I have a tendency to let my facial hair grow...I have a penis and balls. I live life as a guy, I have a desire to get married to a woman, have kids, and be the typical guy when it comes to that regard.

I know it takes more than a vagina and breasts to make one a woman. I also know it takes more than having sex with guys and putting on makeup and wearing heels [which I don't, by the way, I am too much of a klutz sometimes to even think of trying to support my body on two little nubs].

That being said, I like the way women's clothing feels. I have spent the day in women's jeans, tights and panties...I know that tights can be slightly uncomfortable, same with bras. I have no desire to actually spend life as a woman. I don't want to have to deal with periods or pregnancy or other problems women have. That being said, I am not like most guys. I know that women have a tough life when it comes to having to deal with physical issues.

Now onto my crossdressing, it's not about creating a new identity, or about escapism, or about wanting to be a woman...it's about the way the clothes feel and about how I feel when wearing them. I would love to be able to be accepted as a straight guy but spend the day in a cute skirt with cute shoes and a nice shirt on...but I know the chances of that are kinda slim, so if I was to go out dressed in women's clothing, my only option would be to try and present as a woman...something where what I'm wearing "fits" the way I'm presenting. Some call it being a woman, some call it blending in, playing the part so to speak, some call it being a sick perverted [word that begins with F and rhymes with bag]. I know I'll never be a woman and I know I'm not gay nor have any desires to be involved with a man regardless of how I'm dressed. That leaves only one option is to blend. To act like I am, and have always been, a woman when I am out if I am dressed in women's clothing.

I don't want to be a woman, and am aware that just because I shave my body, put on makeup, stuff a bra and hide my penis, I am not the same as a woman. I also know that if I was to have my body surgically and hormonally altered such as having or growing breasts and having my penis turned inside my body to look like a vagina, I still will not be a woman. I just like wearing cute clothing occasionally, but am aware that guys wearing cutesy clothing isn't really accepted, and that if I was to have any hope of being accepted as just another person in society, not someone trying to seek attention, that if I was wearing a skirt or a top that typically looks feminine I'll have to fully play the part.

[The previous was not meant to be conclusive of all crossdressers. This is merely my own attempt at explaining how I feel about myself.]

[Cheryl T]

The truth is that I don't feel any one of us can substantially define what it is to be a woman or a man. Philosophers have danced that dance for hundreds of years and they can't agree, so how are we to have the definitive answer?

We are on a sliding scale. Some of us are fetishists and fixate on one particular item of clothing, others enjoy the entire scenario of dressing and garnish either physical or emotional pleasure, release, satisfaction, all of the above from the experience. Some use this as an escape from the "reality" of the pressures of being a man. Some are on a journey of self-discovery and know only that this form of expression allows them to reach deep and touch something inside them that they cannot otherwise explore. Some began with the clothing only to find that they are meant to be something other than the being they were born as and must pursue that goal.

Is the Grass Greener?? It's almost always greener. We are greedy by nature. We all want more than what we have and what we see beyond the fence beckons us somehow. It may not be greener, but it may appear to be for some. Some are content not to climb the fence while others see it as a hurdle to be jumped.

Now that the philosophy lesson is over....perhaps a more direct and specific question would be best if we are to provide true insight into what motivates us. We are all individuals with individual needs. A general discussion can be useful, but specificity would provide more insight.

[Sarasometimes]

For me, crossdressing is the way I need to express my feminine side. I am also only attracted to women and I'm married with 2 children (they don't know about Sara). I give GG's a lot of "credit" for finding males attractive, I don't see it. I believe that gender expression is a sliding scale. Some GG's are very feminine. They only do feminine things and dress as such. There are masculine acting GG's too, who wear boyfrined jeans or shop the men's department and do manly activities and where little or no makeup and never a dress. These two GG's are both strictly heterosexual. Sexual attraction is seperate from gender expression. My gender identity is male (I don't wish to change my anatomy and I'm heterosexual). For me I feel great when I present as a female! I am less stressed and more patient. Most times I present as a male and I also feel right and do some very macho type activities and job.
I hope you can see where we are coming from. Please rememberthe gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation are seperate and they can be found in any combination. You mention that there are many people you admire but none you wish to be. I think if you look a little further inside you may find that you do desire to emulate some of their traits and mannerisms. Women have great latitude in crossing the gender identity line. Sure they will meet some resistance but other GG's will most often support them. Males wishing to do feminine/female things are most often looked down upon. I think this is where some think the grass is greener, I don't agree becuase there are other challenges for women that even the field. Lower wages for one.

[Kathy Smith]

"To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side..."


Ah, someone whom I don't think has twigged what a typical cross-dresser is! ;-)
I can obviously only answer for myself, but here goes:

No, I have very little idea about what it takes to be a woman. It isn't really something that I find important as I don't want to be one anyway. That isn't the aim. I may want to look and even act feminine to some extent, but that isn't the same thing at all. It would be better to consider me to be an actor. The costume and the performance should be as good as I can make them, but I don't want to be Captain Hook! It isn't really about "imitating women", more about "acting the part in a style that we fondly imagine to be feminine". Even if it's wrong, it's still fun!

The point about "embrace being a female" is interesting. I suspect that there may be misunderstanding here on both sides. It's quite possible for a CD to "embrace being a female" to a sufficient degree to satisfy Him/Herself without needing to really absorb everything about being female. The mind is a wonderous instrument and can easily fill in any gaps and make the world rather pretty through it's rose-coloured filters! It has to work like that. We are CD, not TS. We aren't chemically equipped for it to be any other way. It's a nice trick of self-delusion that keeps us happy. On the other hand, a TS will "embrace being female" in a different sense altogether as H/She doesn't have a true male viewpoint and wants to be female, pretending isn't sufficient.

I have to agree that some of the threads appear to be "girls dorm" style, but that's because of what we are - men playing at being female (men are always playing at something - we can't help it). That's probably going to earn me some flack, but there's a lot of truth in it. It's important to remember though, that even if this is "playing" it's not our choice to play the game in the first place.

I don't really think any of us really care about the grass on the other side. We don't want to go there anyway. Just looking over the wall is sufficient. :-)

[Lorileah]

NO, I don't know what it takes to be a woman. I am not even sure what it takes to be a human.

This isn't meant to be rude in any manner. One time I told an AfroAmerican friend "I know how you feel" and his reply was "No, you will never know how I feel. You only know how you THINK I feel." This is true for many things. And I do understand why the GG asked that question. I also agree that many here believe that magic and fairy dust will make you what you are not. I just put it off to ignorance on their part. How many times have we heard that "If only I was female the world would be abetter place...all would be sunshine and lollipops."? It is common for people to want something. I know I want things that will never be but that doesn't stop me from wishing.

So, technically what it takes to be a female is XX chromosomes (or at least two X chromosomes combined with maybe a Y). The ability and body parts to conceive and bear children. To be a woman would be a more mental thing. And it is based in social function of where you are. When people here say that they want to be "female" or "feminine" they are just putting their own values on what they believe they should have. Does that make sense? they can no more be a woman than they can be a dolphin. They are saying they want to appear as much as they believe they can.

[Alberta_Pat]

This thread has been open for less than 24 hours now.

Many people have responded from the heart to answer the questions in the opening post.

I do hope that the O/P will take the time to respond in the same manner. I would like very much to understand how this question and the answers have affected the O/P.

Thank you for an interesting discussion.

[IMkrystal]

This thread has been open for less than 24 hours now.

Many people have responded from the heart to answer the questions in the opening post.

[SIZE="6"]As long as the CD stereotype prevails most women will never know "OUR SECRET" We do not talk with women and women who know do not talk with women who don't. Go figure? [/SIZE]

[LaurenB]

Thanks ReineD for posting this thread. Now answer honestly: are you the anonymous GG? Just kidding, geez! But seriously, the responses here are some of the most thought provoking I've read in a while. Although the original question was, as someone said "rhetorical" in nature, it forced some serious discussion. Thanks again. Always trying to get to the bottom of why we/I CD. Tear in my eye. LB

[Marleena]

Can somebody translate Eluuzion's answer for me? Lol..

[ReineD]

Thanks ReineD for posting this thread. Now answer honestly: are you the anonymous GG?

Nope, I'm just the messenger here.

My SO and I don't have any issues with the CDing. She dresses at will and goes out alone or with me. We're completely open with it. But, that's because it is a second relationship for us both, and he did tell me at the very beginning. I did not begin a life with him, have kids, and find out years afterwards there were a few crucial things he had not disclosed about himself. And I do feel secure that my SO loves me and wants to be with me, even while he is dressed.

But I've got to say, that even in my case in the beginning there were times when I felt insecure because I thought he wanted to be with other men, other TGs, or other GGs. Like it or not, there IS something about the CDing and the type of reaching out to others that some CDs engage in, that make it seem to the wife or girlfriend as if the CD feels his SO isn't enough for him. It takes time to understand that a CD is not motivated the same way necessarily as a non-CD.

[April_Ligeia]

To the anonymous GG: Some women like to wear makeup and dresses, and some women do not wear makeup and prefer to wear jeans and t-shirts. The same is true of men. I like to dress up and wear makeup, just like some women do. That's it. After many years of thinking about and talking about crossdressing, I have finally realized that it really is that simple. Just my take on this issue, I hope it helps.

[ReineD]

I don't think, GG, you have asked the question you need the answer to. I think you are hurting, scared and angry and I'm really worried that our replies here won't soothe, reassure or calm you.

...

I genuinely hope you resolve whatever issue caused you to want to ask this question. Best wishes, Anonymous GG.

Rachel, I think you are very sweet.

[sandra-leigh]

I have been in gender therapy for over 2 years. Do I "know what it takes to be a woman" ? No. Everything I have raised in therapy as evidence that I am perhaps not a woman, my therapist has pointed out to me the extremely wide range of "woman", and told me not to measure myself against arbitrary standards and to instead concentrate on how I want to live.

What I do know from experience, and from watching others, is what it takes to be a "man". And I am not there, and I am not comfortable in being a "man".

Is there only "man" and "woman" ? Is a person necessarily one or the other? As far as I am concerned, the answer is NO, that a person can be a mix of male and female. That is the state I live my life these last several years.

[eluuzion]

Can somebody translate Eluuzion's answer for me? Lol..

Hiya Marleena,
Most of the people who know me well, know better than to try and unravel some of the things I talk about. Sometimes it is best to just smile, stand really still, and wait until I wander away. Whatever you do…don’t run!

Maybe this translation will help…

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we need to look at the word itself.
“Mankind“…Basically, it is made up of two separate words…“mank” and “ind”.
What do these two words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.

Ok, seriously…I can never be serious…

there...all better!

[Eryn]

To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman.

I'm the first to admit that I have little understanding of what it "takes" to be a woman. It's a much deeper and complex thing that I am capable of fully understanding. I can perceive bits and pieces through the media and by direct observation, but to comprehend the entire picture? No way!

OTOH, at least I am making an attempt to gain some understanding of the opposite gender, something in which most GMs and GGs aren't really interested

It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Yes it is. Read a copy of Vogue or participate on one of the GG makeup forums and you'll get exactly the same feeling. Like GGs we CDers have both serious and frivolous sides. We put a lot of attention and effort into CDing and for that we should have a bit of fun.

OTOH, we also spend time on threads where we agonize over how to preserve relationships between CDers and their wives, how to understand and come to grips with ourselves, how to deal with discrimination, and even how to deal with having a friend take her own life. It isn't all panty colors and nail polish.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

CDers admire women and, even though we probably don't have a chance of truly understanding them, we do want to understand and enjoy at least the visual and tactile expression that they enjoy. When I dress, for a short time I can be truly creative about my appearance. I can put together interesting combinations of clothing. I can enjoy the various textures of fabrics that are normally forbidden to me.

Now, beyond that, how can I truly acquire an understanding of what it is to be a woman? I cannot pass close scrutiny of GGs, so any interaction with female social groups is severely restricted. Mainstream GGs aren't exactly thrilled by the prospect of admitting CDers to their social circles. the only meaningful interaction I have is with other CDers and a few accepting GGs

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

No, but I do appreciate visiting a well-maintained garden now and then, even if I cannot stay there.

[Blue42]

Like some others have said, I don't think I ever had intentions or desires to be a woman. I'm glad I'm a man. That said I find some women's clothing to be a huge stress relief and feel simply awesome. And honestly, I don't think I could deal with being a woman for any number of reasons.

Even though I'm extremely fresh in terms of understanding it all I've learned this much: Like any group that has a common interest, there is an unmeasurable amount of variance between the whys, the extremes, and the interest level. For myself personally, I could probably best explain myself in a way others would treat a certain sport or others would treat smoking.

Sometimes I just feel the need to put on a pair of pantyhose and heels and after I get my fix I feel centered and stress free.

[faltenrock]

I started as CD at the age of about 12-13, wearing my sisters pleated skirts and panty hoses.
The question "I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman." is asked the wrong way. Be all were raised as boys to become a strong male, husband, father, worker or whatever. To me it's impossible to answer with YES, because I'm a man. I love to dress and enjoy going out to live that part of my personality. It gives me relieve of a stressful life. Initially, now at 50, I think a terrible accident and trauma caused my habit to crossdress. Perhaps, after some permanent damage to body with scars, I wanted to be beautiful and adorable - for myself. That was to be able to accept my new being and situation after the trauma.
I can't imagine what it needs to be a female, I would need to be born again as female to know. I don't want to imitate a female, I mostly wear clothes, what I'ld like to see on women, because women are the most beautiful part of this world. being dressed takes away my fears, pain and thoughts - almost like a drug.
After several years or decades, I accepted the CD part of me and try to make the best of it. I don't want to be female, I feel happy a as male, father and husband. My wife tolerates but would give a lot if I could stop being a CD - which is not possible and not even desired from my part.
When I'm out & about, I try behave differently, a female could probably see the difference between my male life and my life en femme. I'm calmer, relaxed and move differently en femme. I'm not as communicative as I'm as a male, perhaps I behave much like a woman - I just don't know. I do know, that after changing back to being the male I am, I don't incoporate any of my behaviour when en femme in my daily life.
I don't think any of my close male friends or even female friends would really believe if I told them I'm a CD.
When en femme, I'm totally dressed from bottom to top, including underwear. Wearing skirts makes me feel true freedom, of course, just like any CD, I love to see myself in the mirror or in any kind of reflection when out in public - that's part of the whole experience.

[Tanya C]

I'm bigender, meaning that I have a blend of both male and female personality traits. It's difficult for me to know if I possess the full complement of both gender's traits considering that I've never been all male, nor have I been all female. So, I guess I would have to say that I at least partially understand what it takes to be a woman.

Regarding your observation about posts involving panties and the like, well I must confess that I don't really care for them either and I tend to pass them by. Personally, I prefer threads about crossdressers and their relationships with loved ones, especially spouses. I particularily enjoy happy endings. (and beginnings too)

With respect to dressing as somone I admire, it's actually more like dressing as someone that I am.

Also, I have never believed in the greener grass theory, of any sort. I suppose that is one of the reasons that I've been married to the same woman for over 36 years, because from where I sit the grass is plenty green.

You know dear, I understand that you may not exactly be thrilled with crossdressing. After all, it is a pretty unusual practice, but the fact that you are willing to learn about it bespeaks a level of caring within you that I hope will help you gain a better understnding of crossdressing and how harmless it really is.

Good luck,

Tanya

[Jessica86]

Here is one thing that hasn't been brought up. Something most GGs don't understand about dressing. There is not a straight forward answer to this question. There is not a uniform response, because there is not a uniform reason why we all dress. In fact, I would say there are different categories of dressers. There are those like me who have done this all of their life, with no desire to transistion, and do this because I was raised this way. There are others who do this as a fetish/fantasy type thing, where sexual satisfaction is their desire. There are others who feel trapped, scared, and feel as if they should have been a woman in the first place. It is all different.

I am with the aggressive posters on this one, who say you obviously have more to the story than what was told. The way this question was written clearly shows your bias and belief crossdressing is just wrong. I, and I'm sure many others on here, would like to know why that bias is there. On a side note, I am not like many others who will put women in general on a pedestal. Sure, you can say we will never achieve being a woman. That's the same as saying "you don't have what it takes to be a woman." That's the way you feel. The way I feel, you don't have what it takes to be a man. It's a silly thing to say. It seems you have fallen into the stereotypical view of a crossdresser. We all want to get a sex change, get double D implants, strut our stuff on every street corner in pink latex skirts, and we are all homosexual. I want you to see this isn't the case, but a stereotype. Try to understand why I can not answer your question. Of those on here, there can be hundreds if not thousands of reasons why someone would dress. Different limits. Different sexual orientation. Different everything! Some might think they will reach the point one day where they know what its like to be a woman. Others, like me, don't want to simply because we have no desire to.

[Claire Cook]

Another really thoughtful thread – Reine, thanks for re-starting it. As with other threads dealing with “why we do it”, there are all sorts of reasons and we’re seeing this here. My own feeling aligns with Gabi, Kimdl, IamSara and Sally24. It took me more than 40 years to realize that I had gender ID issues that started way back. I’m not trying to imitate women – I am me. For whatever reason, I’m more comfortable when I am dressed, I am more able to express emotions and seem to relate to people more. These last two emotional things are becoming part of me no matter what I am wearing. Is it about body parts? For me, only in the sense that wearing forms make me feel more complete (and of course look better!). Is it physical? Sure – I love the feel of women’s clothes!

[TGMarla]

There were times in my life that I very much wanted to be a woman. And there have been many times that I'd wished I had just been born that way so that the gender dysphoria that I've experienced for much of my life would not be there. But over the years, I've come to the conclusion that transition is simply not for me. I'm a guy, and a guy I will remain, and that's not such a bad thing.

But here's the rub: I love wearing skirts and dresses. I love wearing hosiery and high heels. I love the long, pretty hair, the jewelry, the makeup, the nice fingernails. I even like "having" breasts. As a man, all of this is denied to me, both physically and socially. So I crossdress in order to come as close as I can to actually being a woman and taking the time to enjoy all of this, if even for a few hours at a time. Sure, I know that pretty clothes and stuff is not what womanhood is all about. But I don't really have to worry about that, do I? For me, that is what it's all about, and it doesn't have to get more complicated than that.

I still think at times that I'd rather have been born female. So in addressing your "grass is greener" statement, let me say that to me, it's a moot point. I know some here whine about it a bit, but I'm way past that by now. I may not know "what it takes" to be a woman, but had I been born that way, it wouldn't matter one bit. I hear women often say, if even in jest, that men would not be able to handle being a woman. And that's a load of crap, since but for a flip of a coin, a genetic crapshoot, any one of us would have been female instead, and would have lived our lives that way instead. I don't hear these same women telling other women that they can't handle being a woman. One just learns to handle being who one is, and that's really all there is to it. And any man could say the very same thing to a woman. Being a man is a whole lot more than just being able to pee standing up. So I think all of us, both genders, can drop the whole argument that we couldn't handle or understand what it means to be a woman or a man. My answer to either side is, "Yes, I could. Easily."

So let me bottom-line this for you. I dress now because I like to. I enjoy female emulation. And when I emulate women, I like to do so when they are all dressed up to the nines. I enjoy it. I may not fool everyone all the time when I do it, but I no longer really care about that. It allows me to experience things from a feminine perspective, and in that light, allows me to see the world from a broader point of view, rather than an only male or female perspective. And while over the years, women have drifted into the male arena, insisting that they are still feminine, they still often frown upon men who crossdress, and view them as something less than men, decrying that this is their arena, and that we have no business there. This is the double standard that is often referred to here. So no, I'm not claiming that I know "what it takes to be a woman", but then, I don't really care about that either.