I never thought I would actually post this.

[Crowe II]

Well, let's not bullshit here. I think I am a transvestite. Purely straight with some submissive tendencies, in line with with the BDSM community.

The most I have ever "dressed" was once. I wore a friends girl-friends panties. I can't lie, I felt very nice. I can't speak for anyone who could have saw me (I was in private, hiding, powered by some sort've base sexual desire) but I thought and felt that I was attractive.

Aside from that, I think I "discovered myself" through my early days as an up and coming youth looking at fetish porn. Being naturally drawn to it. For a long time I thought I was gay do the arousal of the idea of being submissive in such a way. From then I learned more of myself and of BDSM culture. I also learned that some straight men enjoy Strap-on sex, which made me feel more comfortable.

But then, I found a few videos that really made me... you know. Dudes dressed as chicks getting dominated by women. I love this for some reason. I can't tell you why. I have a lot of psychological problems, dealing with the abandonment of my father, the absence of my mother and being raised with mostly women around. Then again, I can recall drawing a picture of a man dressed in women's clothes as a child and finding it to be pleasurable and naughty in a childish sense.

I really enjoy the Forced Feminization Stories that involve Hormones and overall evisceration of the human body. Even in a nonsexual not transvestite related way, I have always had a fixation with "body horror" or "forced/unwilling - transformation/mutation". However this isn't to say I don't enjoy women being submissive in BDSM or even normal vanilla sex. However the vanilla sex. Sadly, looking at these last two latter is not my normal behavior as of late.

So I want to get into shape, get skinny or little more lanky more muscled, get rid of my beer gut. Than I want to wear boy-short panties with of course matching bra. I want to paint my finger and toenails. I want to wear make-up. I want to wear high heels. I want to wear a skimpy China Doll outfit. I want to have the perfect "Asian girl wig". I want to be hairless when I when "dress". I also want to do these things than have a beer and watch the Browns game.

So I think I am transvestite, sadly. I have enough problems in my life. . I wish I had the discipline to stop there urge. To control it.

I can't say I'm proud or "coming out", because I am not. To be frank, I'm ashamed of myself. I really wish I just could be normal. Believe you me, I'm a weird guy in most other facets of life, I really don't want another thing that makes me "stick out". I've never had a girl friend and I'm sexually starved. I think that has something to do with all this. Less reason I have to give into my predilections, more I go down this road.

I don't know what to think. God this is upsetting.

-Crowe II

[docrobbysherry]

Hello, Crowe. Let me preface with 2 notes:

This is NOT a site that is porn or BDSM fetish friendly.
If u wish to discuss those topics here, be sure u keep posts readable by the general public.

Now, on to your post. While I've viewed my share of bondage porn in my time, I'm really not into that much anymore. Spend too much time on/being Sherry! So, I'll not comment on that. Other than to say if u feel it's controling or damaging your life, if it's become an overwhelming compulsion, maybe u need professional help!?

I WOULD like to argue with your proposition that u r a "tranny". I am one. You've worn panties one time and u feel u r one, too? U have fantasies about losing weight and getting all dolled up like a woman? My question is; what's stopping u from just doing that now? Why do u feel u must "lose weight" first? Many people have fantasies. Of dressing up, changing gender, being wiith members of the same sex, etc., etc. The difference between fantasies and actually acting on them, and then going further and LIVING that way, is HUGE! I suggest maybe u r simply having tranny fantasies! Possibly mixed in with your Forced Fem, and BDSM fantasies?

Come back AFTER you've done all that femanizing. Maybe a year after you've done it 25 or 50 times? THEN call yourself a "tranny"! And then, maybe I'll believe u!

[HairyBethCD]

Sounds like someone needs to sign up at Fetlife...

[Beverley Sims]

You do not have to berough brash or redneck here.
Read what others are saying and doing.
This may not be the forum for you.
If it is you will learn what our interests are.

[suzy1]

It doesn’t mater what we do in this life as long as we are not hurting anybody else doing it.

Perhaps you should stop beating yourself up over this?

[Karren H]

Welcome to the fray!! Personally your reasons you want to crossdress don't matter to me at all.... Everyone's are so different.... and we've all gone through the shame thing... Just something you have to work through.. The quicker the better... For me accepting myself as I am regardless of the cause... Changed my life for the positive.

[Stephanie47]

Before I registered as a user I read what I could in the general forum. If one reads for any length of time it is evident the members are not weird and truly normal people. The activities you describe may not be for everyone. As long as everyone involved is a willing participant then enjoy.

You're young (20) and just starting out in life. Most of us have been cross dressers for many decades. This forum is a source of comfort and validation of our cross dressing. This forum shows we are not alone. Our next door neighbor may be also on this forum, yet we may not know it.

Transvestite is a general term to indicate a person wears the clothes of the opposite gender. If you peruse this site you'll see cross dressing is a lot more complicated than your interests appear to be. Frankly, the activity you're describing may be more of a fetish than a lifestyle.

It will take many years for you to discover yourself, especially if you're self loathing about your cross dressing.

[*Vanessa*]

@Stephanie47 strange you would elect to use the term Transvestite plus indicate you are from Western Washington as well.

#JustSaying

[Presh GG]

I don't really think this is the forum for you. This is more about bridgeing cding and family/ friends / life.
Yes, maybe you would fit in better at fetlife.

Check around the internet, you'll find lots of sites more within your interests.

Presh GG
[ Tea's wife ]

[Marilyn Beck]

I don't really think this is the forum for you. This is more about bridgeing cding and family/ friends / life.
Yes, maybe you would fit in better at fetlife.

Check around the internet, you'll find lots of sites more within your interests.

Presh GG
[ Tea's wife ]

I wouldn't be so quick to chase Crowe II away from this forum. Many other members here have (or had) similar fetishes and sexual fantasies. For some crossdressers, balancing these "weird" interests with the desire to live a relatively normal life is part of the challenges we face. The OP clearly is clearly upset and ashamed, and really needs the kind of support that we are in a unique position to offer.

[KellyJameson]

You sound like you are coming from a place of pain. Before you give expression to your sexuality you may wish to explore whether you have been abused or are a victim of incest, covert incest or other forms of violence. If you were exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior by adults, lived in a sexually charged atmosphere as a child, witnessed violence surrounding sex your mind may have dealt with this trauma by refusing to remember it consciously but the memory is still driving your behavior without your understanding of the forces involved. Past pain will influence future expressions of sexuality. You are not a weird guy you are just hurting and I strongly suspect the blame lies not with you but with those who have harmed you.

[Jenniferathome]

Crowe, I was quite disturbed by this post. Love and suffering are never related. Shame is something no one should feel. My sincerest advice is that you talk with a therapist to get a grip on all the issues you presented here.

[nvlady]

Crowe, you say you are ashamed of yourself. Please do not leave this forum, if you stick around and read and talk to the other members it will help you accept yourself. We were born this way and can no more change this than change our eye color or hair color. Actually contact lenses and hair dye work wonders, but the hair grows out and the contacts can come out too. But all kidding aside, we cannot change we can only learn to accept and this forum will be a BIG help to acceptance.

[Melody1985]

Welcome to the fray!! Personally your reasons you want to crossdress don't matter to me at all.... Everyone's are so different.... and we've all gone through the shame thing... Just something you have to work through.. The quicker the better... For me accepting myself as I am regardless of the cause... Changed my life for the positive.

This is exactly how I feel.. Welcome to the forum! May e we will see you in the future.

[christina s]

Everyone has their own kinks and that's cool . But for better or worse this more of a pg site so you wont find much discussion on those topics here but you can check out sissykiss or 7chan's cd/di forums

[ashlylynn]

Dear Crowe II

I usually do not promote other forums/communities on this forum because it is bad manners
but for you I will make an exception because you are obviously in great mental anguish and
you need to know that there are A TON of other guys just like you.

Typical? ummm....no, probably not. ( But Brad Pitt is not typical, either )
Normal? Yes I'd say your feelings are in line with normalcy.

Go here and set up a profile and look through the others and you will
see that there a a bunch of straight males who are also subs. So it's ok, dude.

fetlife.com