Well, let's not bullshit here. I think I am a transvestite. Purely straight with some submissive tendencies, in line with with the BDSM community.
The most I have ever "dressed" was once. I wore a friends girl-friends panties. I can't lie, I felt very nice. I can't speak for anyone who could have saw me (I was in private, hiding, powered by some sort've base sexual desire) but I thought and felt that I was attractive.
Aside from that, I think I "discovered myself" through my early days as an up and coming youth looking at fetish porn. Being naturally drawn to it. For a long time I thought I was gay do the arousal of the idea of being submissive in such a way. From then I learned more of myself and of BDSM culture. I also learned that some straight men enjoy Strap-on sex, which made me feel more comfortable.
But then, I found a few videos that really made me... you know. Dudes dressed as chicks getting dominated by women. I love this for some reason. I can't tell you why. I have a lot of psychological problems, dealing with the abandonment of my father, the absence of my mother and being raised with mostly women around. Then again, I can recall drawing a picture of a man dressed in women's clothes as a child and finding it to be pleasurable and naughty in a childish sense.
I really enjoy the Forced Feminization Stories that involve Hormones and overall evisceration of the human body. Even in a nonsexual not transvestite related way, I have always had a fixation with "body horror" or "forced/unwilling - transformation/mutation". However this isn't to say I don't enjoy women being submissive in BDSM or even normal vanilla sex. However the vanilla sex. Sadly, looking at these last two latter is not my normal behavior as of late.
So I want to get into shape, get skinny or little more lanky more muscled, get rid of my beer gut. Than I want to wear boy-short panties with of course matching bra. I want to paint my finger and toenails. I want to wear make-up. I want to wear high heels. I want to wear a skimpy China Doll outfit. I want to have the perfect "Asian girl wig". I want to be hairless when I when "dress". I also want to do these things than have a beer and watch the Browns game.
So I think I am transvestite, sadly. I have enough problems in my life. . I wish I had the discipline to stop there urge. To control it.
I can't say I'm proud or "coming out", because I am not. To be frank, I'm ashamed of myself. I really wish I just could be normal. Believe you me, I'm a weird guy in most other facets of life, I really don't want another thing that makes me "stick out". I've never had a girl friend and I'm sexually starved. I think that has something to do with all this. Less reason I have to give into my predilections, more I go down this road.
I don't know what to think. God this is upsetting.
-Crowe II