I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else at all, or very often, but there will be nights when i just get so frustrated about the whole CD situation, and why can't i look as cute as she does, why can't i wear what i want where i want without anyone giving me weird stares or thinking i'm a pervert, etc.
I end up posting and then promptly deleting some incredibly whiny missive out to twitter or google plus or something. I always feel bad about it later. Am i alone in this?
If this site teaches us anything, we are not alone in whatever we may be going through. Especially when it comes to frustration about the things that you mention. We all have ours ways of dealing with it. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have done something similar to that at least once. Whether they use FB, twitter, or even this site to let out their feelings. But that's one of the thongs that this site and others are for.
So if you are feeling it in your heart and mind, as long as it's not something with evil/illegal intentions, go ahead and speak your mind, and most importantly, don't be ashamed of saying it or if you decide to delete it. All of this here is not easy on so many levels.. Just try not to be so hard on yourself okay..
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:::~Melody-Renee-Shaw~:::
Yes, I can understand. I go back and forth between this forum and a couple of other ones, plus I am dressed en femme with makeup and nail polish, so I don't really feel frustrated. There are a lot of interesting people out there posting lots of interesting things, I love to read what is going on in the larger world instead of my narrow back yard.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Just maybe you have set your goal a bit too high. If a cd has an ideal that he wants to be like a super model, he is going to be either one in a million (if he can do it) or very disappointed if his efforts fail. It would take a lot of effort to look as good as the prettiest women do, but with out that great amount of effort it is possible to look passable as a female. As far as wearing what you want, where you want, you will have to put up with criticism if you wear clothes that draw excessive attention in the wrong places. Instead of a whiny missive, write out a list of what you can wear that will not appear offensive to the outside world, and another list of where and when you can go dressed as you please. Forethought and a bit of restraint will go a long way in avoiding criticism or being called a pervert.
Hi,
Ill add another way of looking at this tho may not apply to you.
I could get more than just frustrared this of cause is about things about my self . . i dont look like as we say a normal looking female / woman i dont have some other details ether. & its not about clothes or where i go or people i see, & things i do, for myself this goes back 54 years.
& it has to do with how i looked then & its no different now at 64, no i dont look cute or much else how a female looks , yet i have other attributes that give me more than just looking like a woman.
The first part of your post iv been through yes because i never thought i looked right. so really it made no difference how i was percived male or female, some thing i had to live through most of my life with ,
This of cause comes with insecurerty self worth lack of , no confidence. hated the clothes i wore, no social skills & did not get on with people.
so if frustrasion was a going thing i had it all..
Well there came a time this all changed. some 16 years ago. yes i had been trained in the school of hard bloody knocks i can tell you. yet it was not the end, because of that i have becaome a very strong person to be fullfilled in growing & becomeing a female / woman who needed to go through all that to be where i am now. ,
So yes i do understand what its like, wether your a dresser trans or just a normal person. some times we need to grow & learn ,life can be very hard yet we can get through it all when we set our mind on a goal or have the insight to look beyound what we think we see just in front of us. or the blocks we put in front because of , perceved ,,,,,,,others & thier idears or views ,
We just need to look the bull in the eyes & take control of the detail in front of us bemoaning the fact or doing the whinning wont help long term .
I wear what ever i like where i like & you get stared at. come with me ill show you every day what its like ,& i dont / wont dress every day as normal or blend in im different to start with so i go with it , im the one haveing a good time & fun as well. if new people see me , so what.
Im pretty well known for being different & some of my outfits are in the style of Edwardian times & Renaissance & im in front of 1000' of people & thats not over the top number wise ,
You see i do get nice comments form people because iv got the guts to just get out & do what i do.
I worked up to the place of, one, i can do this , two, i wont to , & three , i do it,
Okay join a group get known have some help along the way. & enjoy your self.
Now i ,v known many wont do like myself because they wont to look normal & blend in thats cool. i have no issuies with that.
Now i dont dress this way all the time so there are times ,i, well clothes & body wise id blend in , yes quite well in fact. just facial wise..no damm way. thats my down fall. okay , yet as a woman in allmost all other ways im just a normal woman.
I work with what i have & my lacks are put in perspective as to who i am as a person ,
Men open doors for me people in the main are accepting of myself & pretty much it works well.
& this is comeing from a I S woman, with all my failings im still just a woman,
...noeleena...
We are not alone! I love watching the Friday edition of The Today Show with the "Ambush Makeover." There are many women who need help in their appearance. I make a serious attempt to make do with what I have. There is nothing I can do about my six foot frame, 195 pounds and angular male face. I can wear a pretty dress and nice heels and fashionable undergarments. A wig and makeup and that's it for Stephanie. Go to Wal-Mart and walk around and see your competition. You're probably beating yourself up over nothing.
Well..... I don't get frustrated much any more. It is what it is... And I am what I am.. Got to deal with the cards that are dealt me... Not that I've succumbed to the inevitable but I realize that I'm not going to be a Victoria Secret super model.... And I'm fine with that.... Kind of...
Developing an I Don't Care attitude about what others think of the way I dress really helps!
Last edited by Karren H; 12-09-2011 at 03:12 PM.
Many of us have our moments. I get frustrated about me and about some of the attitudes presented by others that hit a nerve. Guess that's who we are and we need to learn and live. Some of the people I used to get wound up about here have since become people I truly admire, as happens when you learn more about people and their situations etc.. and especially if you do accept that having a rant is normal, but building bridges is as well!
We are all of us learning, and one day I hope to get to Karren's 'sense of self', and thst of others here too. In my head I am gorgeous... in reality I am past my sell-by date! If I were a woman and dressed how I would like to I would be commented on and talked about as a bit of a wierdo! 90% of real women are not drop dead gorgeous in terms of 'model' looks, but they are even better for who they really are! I love all women of every shape and size and grasping that concept has helped me enormously. BUT... that isn'y enoiugh for us is it?
It is hard to accept that we are not going to look like... whoever... women have had this in their face for a long time with the pressure to conform to images of who they are not. When the boot is on the other foot... it isn't so good, but it IS reality.
So hang in there... none of us are perfect, we just do what we do and try to get better at it. One day I will have to give up as i will really hate the sight of the very old Kaz in the mirror! At the moment, she looks zillions time better than little old drab me!
Kaz xx
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This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
Most mens body and faces were not built like real womans. That should not be news to anyone. I say just practice and be happy as you can with what you were delt with. More than likely it want be perfect but just be happy with what you can accomplish.
Life is too short not to be happy!
I know and excepted that i could never pass as a women but only ask for some time during the week to dress, and if you read my post in the past you will know that i vent a lot about for some reason my kids are never out at the same time and when i am not home no ones home and i get very frustrated over this it's really unbelievable how one come's and a few minutes later the other leaves almost like they know about the dressing and they are trying not to leave me alone to do it.
Good morning Bobbie
I think we all feel like that sometimes. I have been going on youtube and looking at crossdressers and their wives and i can tell you that alot of us are on there, some good and some not so good but we all have our own opinion of what we look like when dressed. When i am dressed i feel like Maureen O'hara but look the last road to china. It is what YOU see in the mirror that counts. Hang in there girl all is not lost.
Michelle
Just Go For It!
There are plenty of homely women that are surprisingly attractive because they have joy and self confidence in their hearts. People are all in search of "a good feeling." Do the best you can dress simply and with quiet class that looks good but doesn't call attention to itself. Then be oblivious to what the world thinks.
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Hugs
Helen
Best Wishes for Personal Peace & Happiness
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Helen Grandeis
When it comes to "Why can't I look as cute?" I wonder how our feelings compare with those of GGS, particularly teenagers.
I even experience the same, "Why can't I do that?" s**t as a male, looking at wild river kayakers, hikers in Patagonia, mountain bikers in British Columbia, weightlifters in any gym...etc. Personally, I make sure I do the best I can with what I have. There has to be some moment in your life when you say, "This is enough for me. I am good enough." It can be a long search.
Interesting thread, Bobbie!
I think it's important not to set unattainable goals. And that's really for anything at all....not just crossdressing. At 60, I know I can never achieve the look that so many much younger CDs have such a good handle on (I could name dozens) I need to look at where I want to be as a CD, in a realistic fashion, and go after it. If it turns out to be something I succeed at, then I'm ecstatically happy. Of course, if I exceed that expectation or goal, then I'm going to feel like a million dollars. I feel that I do have some good assets (no not that part! LoL!) and I enjoy every minute of my CDing time.
Karren, I think you have it, exactly. We have to deal with what we're given. But listen, don't sell yourself short....maybe you're not a VS super model (how many of us could ever say that) but, I love your look, and from where I sit, I think the hand you got dealt is pretty darn good!Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Oh, it does, it does. As a closeted CD, I don't have anyone to please other than myself. As long as I'm happy within my own expectations, then that's enough for me.Developing an I Don't Care attitude about what others think of the way I dress really helps!
"Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"
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Hugs
Helen
The only thing that I would add to this is to give away lots of smiles and it's amazing how many you get in return!
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
Kathy's quote says it for me. I'll keep trying even though I get frustrated after seeing some of the beautiful CDers here. Same as the real world, some girls are beautiful, some are not and everything in between.
Oh and to heck with haters, waste of our time and energy.
Imagine how us 'old foggies' felt when we were young? All we had were catalogues and magazines to compare to, and absolutely no one to whine to. Whine away girl, someone is listening and willing to share with you.
it does cost a fortune to look and feel like a real woman, I am only concern about feeling sexy and looking passable. I got my friends that like me as I am.. and I realize that is as good as it might get..... cheers to them
I've had plenty of compliments, and I say to myself "What are you seeing, that I'm not?" There are so many noticeable flaws that we see within ourselves, that no one else does. Which varifies the statement, "We can be our own worst critics."
My profession is being a remodeling contractor. I see all of my flaws in my work that no one else sees. Some jobs I've done, I've hated, because I see my mistakes. Yet, the customer thinks it's just beautiful, and flawless. And it's because they don't see what we see.
Some friends of mine put it in real terms of what we see. He is a building contractor. She is a dental hygentist. They we going to a new dentist. She said to her husband, " Did you see the condition of the dentist's teeth?" Her husband replied, "No, but did you see how crooked the ceiling tile in the waiting room was?"
It just depends on how you look at things.
I'm kind of this way too. I just do the best that I can, and if someone has a problem with it, it is their problem. Call me a bitch, but that is the way it is.
Dana Ryan
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