Have you ever struggled with a challenging problem or technical question? Been stuck while doing research? Sometimes it feels as if the more we examine all known options, the more stubborn the problem seems to be. But then when we take a break and do something else, when we relieve the pressure somehow and stop thinking about it entirely, the solutions begin to unfold when we return to the challenge.
I've done this with the NYT crosswords puzzles for example. You'd think that after the first pass I should know whether I know the answer or not and if I can only solve 50% of it then that's the best I can do. This is not the case. When I put it aside for a few days, things invariably become clear when I pick it up again. Like one of those head thumpers when you think, "Why did this elude me before?".
So. A crossword puzzle you can put aside for a day or two. Gender questions? Maybe a year or two, all the while continuing to go with the flow (any degree of stifling will make the situation worse). Things will begin to become clear by themselves ... as long as you are able to express yourself at will and go as far as you feel comfortable going on any given day. And as long as you are mindful of the good moments when you are in guy mode too.
Isn't this worth a shot?