Does it MATTER?

[ReineD]

I don't find it possible to simply be, ignore the rest of the world or my upbringing, to love myself and let it go at that, or anything similar. I need to understand.

Have you ever struggled with a challenging problem or technical question? Been stuck while doing research? Sometimes it feels as if the more we examine all known options, the more stubborn the problem seems to be. But then when we take a break and do something else, when we relieve the pressure somehow and stop thinking about it entirely, the solutions begin to unfold when we return to the challenge.

I've done this with the NYT crosswords puzzles for example. You'd think that after the first pass I should know whether I know the answer or not and if I can only solve 50% of it then that's the best I can do. This is not the case. When I put it aside for a few days, things invariably become clear when I pick it up again. Like one of those head thumpers when you think, "Why did this elude me before?".

So. A crossword puzzle you can put aside for a day or two. Gender questions? Maybe a year or two, all the while continuing to go with the flow (any degree of stifling will make the situation worse). Things will begin to become clear by themselves ... as long as you are able to express yourself at will and go as far as you feel comfortable going on any given day. And as long as you are mindful of the good moments when you are in guy mode too.

Isn't this worth a shot?

[Torrey]

It occurs to me that there is both an existential and a pragmatic component to the initial part of the question. Put it on the stove, reduce by half, and simmer until this remains:

1) What is required to be happy?
2) Am I willing to take the necessary steps to do so?

Of course, it is all based on the premise that you are going to honest with yourself, first.

Hugs,
Torrey

[ArleneRaquel]

Its normal for me and that's what counts the most.

[Annaliese2010]

Am I normal? Normal is boring so you dont wnna Be normal.
Am I different? No 2 ppl are the same so...yea, of course.
Am I average? Um...no, youre Hot!
Am I ordinary? By no means, which is a Good thing.
Am I commonplace? I Wish you were but sadly, youre rarely encountered.
AmI a marvel? Oh yea you are.
Am I sexual? Dunno but Bet you are!
Am I agamous? IDK! Gotta look that up. So...guess you're Smart too.
Am I male? Not much imo. Thank God! (teehee)
Am I a crossdresser? As in 'transvestite'? I seriously doubt it
Am I female? Oh yea you are...for sure babe!
Am I transsexual? Umm...like... Yea!

Am I right? Yep
Am I wrong? Nope

Who am I? One Very interesting, intelligent, complex, caring, beautiful, extraordinary, fascinating, introspective, unique, worthwhile, important girl is who I suspect you Are. Well...that's only a partial answer to a question that I am not privileged nor qualified to attempt to answer in any comprehensive manner, tho I wish I were.

Who are you? I am a scientiist/entrepreneur; an M2F transgendered girl who leads a 'charmed life' i.e. cant fail for trying (and believe me, I have exerted much effort to Do so. Try to fail, that is); with a penchant for success, money, glam, good times and meaningful relationships with other girls like myself and/or GG women who are cute, different or just generally Hot. I have an essentially Positive tude about the future, not only mine own but that of Everyone else on a national/global scale. So... I guess u cld say I'm an 'optimist' or sum such sh*t? Oh hell IDK who I am. LOL... Who DOES know who they are? I believe that's the whole Point of life. To discover & find out for yourSelf...not just by what others say you are.

Does it matter? Yes and... No.

Here's the thing: No, nothing really 'matters'. Not in any absolute sense. But when you know & understand that then... Everything matters. Because when you really really open your eyes to Reality..THAT is the inevitable conclusion i.e. from the broadest perspective, nothing really matters. I'm not speaking in the short-term or relative sense because your questions are of the sort that quickens the faculty of Reason if one considers them in a serious manner.

Read any 'ol History book and it becomes obvious. What was commonplace back 'then' is an outrage today, and vice versa. What's 'normal' or acceptable or correct or abnormal changes with the drifting sands of time, with the social weather, with the ever evolving 'social network' that is now global in scope.

Moreover from the perspective of a geologic time scale, or even broader, from the perspective of an astronomical time scale, it is easy to see that both you and me, being born into this reagion, this realm, on this particular planet called 'Urth' or Earth ('encampment'), have Just as much right as Anyone else to BE who we are, do what we do or reach to achieve that which we might. Why?

Well...just beCause there Are no absolutes. No absolute right nor wrong. No fixed framework against which one may determine the all and everywhere everytime 'correct' answer to the questions you pose. When you truly Realize this then you know there is Nothing that could possibly take place in the span of any given human lifetime or generation that nails it down, gets it 'right', gives you the answers you're looking for.

The ultimate answers to these questions therefore are that...there Are no answers. Thus nothing really matters. But... knowing this, you at the same time then Realize how each moment is a 'gift', in a sense. You're Here. Now. You shall never be here again. And so... it follows that Everything you think do and say IS important precisely Because it isn't. IOW this is IT. The game is afoot. Our brief hour upon the stage. And reguardless of one's particular religious or philosophical beliefs, the fact is we ALL share a common mortality, feel the difference between pleasure & pain and (with very few exceptions) value life over death, good over evil, friends over foe's, love over hate and are thus guided by this basic instinct and innate desire.

NO one knows from whence we hale nor whither we go. It's too big too complex too mysterious this...Realm we find ourselves born-in. 'You' didn't Ask for this 'ride' and yet...here you are. Along with everyone else with whom you share a common heritage, a common origin, a common need for health and well-being in an environment that's free & open, allowing you to discover Who you truly are and to realize those skills and talents within that contribute to the overall common Good.

So....with respect I say...don't bog yourself down with questions that have no answers in a relative sense. Better to accept & respect yourself for the unique person you are and just Run with it no holds barred. Spend your fleeting time here and now doing what you do, aspiring to the good in you so should one day you leave this 'place' you will thus leave behind a goodly legacy.

Or not.

Because in the grand scheme of things it's true: nothing really matters.

And yet my bias is to say Yes to life, to health, to goodness & wealth...even to the Possibility of immortality which...if it exixts, is a door only Love can open. Likewise does Love provide the answers to the all and everything that your questions seem to ask, IMHO.

[Debglam]

Verbose, yet laconic. . .

[Johnnifer]

It does matter who and what you are to understand yourself and find a community. If you give something a proper name you can search for it online and find you are not alone. I haven't yet found anyone like me in my years online and am sick of being alone. Being a man and having gay and TG leanings but with a male twist makes me feel alone. Every chat room whose TG support is based around looking female but is stumped by me makes me feel alone. Every gay chat room I go to for support that is all about manly studs and looking buff likewise makes me feel alone. If I try escaping through fiction every story where a guy gets boobs ends up a woman, or a swapped couple who join in a hetero relationship and live each others lives in a story makes me feel alone. I have scoured up and down the TG community since my second questioning and still see constant reminders of how I am different and a freak. And worse still the few people like me I found have either left or eventually succumed to the pink becoming either hetero or losing interest in male and going towards a female identity.

If I had a title, an identity, maybe then I'd not be alone. Being alone hurts, constantly.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Have you ever struggled with a challenging problem or technical question? Been stuck while doing research? Sometimes it feels as if the more we examine all known options, the more stubborn the problem seems to be. But then when we take a break and do something else, when we relieve the pressure somehow and stop thinking about it entirely, the solutions begin to unfold when we return to the challenge.

I've done this with the NYT crosswords puzzles for example. You'd think that after the first pass I should know whether I know the answer or not and if I can only solve 50% of it then that's the best I can do. This is not the case. When I put it aside for a few days, things invariably become clear when I pick it up again. Like one of those head thumpers when you think, "Why did this elude me before?".

So. A crossword puzzle you can put aside for a day or two. Gender questions? Maybe a year or two, all the while continuing to go with the flow (any degree of stifling will make the situation worse). Things will begin to become clear by themselves ... as long as you are able to express yourself at will and go as far as you feel comfortable going on any given day. And as long as you are mindful of the good moments when you are in guy mode too.

Isn't this worth a shot?

This is brilliant advice for everyone struggling with this..

It's similar to the idea of going with your gut...

When folks that worked for me asked for advice on projects, i'd look at their work, and often say they should just keep doing what they are doing and that the "answer will become apparent"...

One caveat to our neck of the woods is that there truly are unknowable things in the world, and lots of things around trans identity and behavior seem to be in that group..

[Kristy_K]

I spent over fifty years trying answer some of them question. I ended up just giving up and decided the heck with everyone else and what they thought.
I decided to take the chance to myself and life has been wonderful since.

[charlie]

Hello Anne,
Yes, you are all those things and it does matter!

[LilSissyStevie]

Everyone seems to be asking these questions. I hope you get further than these guys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_8yPap-k_s

[Janelle_C]

I wish nothing mattered. I wish I could dress up and go out with out people judging me. But that's not the case. Very sad.

[docrobbysherry]

But, the simplest answer is the truest for me:

I DON'T REALLY KNOW!