How Do You Define YOUR Closet?

[Anne2345]

When I first joined this forum, I wrote about the virtues of my closet regularly. My blessed sanctuary that is my closet. I was a closet fanatic, and much to my chagrin and surprise, even took some serious heat for it from certain members here.

Since that time, I have changed much. I have come out to three friends, a sister, my psychologist, my nail tech, and all of the associates at my local MAC retailer. I have shopped for my own clothes in brick and mortar stores, and even tried clothes on in the dressing room. I now shave my legs during shorts weather, my arms are always hairless, I have worn open toed sandals with my toe nails painted, and I have thinned out my eyebrows somewhat. And soon, I shall begin attending TG support group meetings dressed en femme, and going out to TG socials.

Despite all of the personal changes, however, I must maintain some sense of caution and restraint. The fact of the matter is that society is not ready for us. My community is not ready for me. Society can be harsh, unforgiving, and judgmental. I cannot afford to risk all that I have worked for over the years to go by the wayside simply because of my desire and need to present as, or become a woman.

In the past, this was not a difficult issue. Of course, I was in deep denial, and had unwittingly and unknowingly suppressed for many, many years my true nature. As a result, it is difficult to reconcile who I want to be, how I need to be, with what must be. Ideally, I would choose to maintain the middle road, and live on both sides of the fence. I recognize that for me, this may be easier said than done, but it has to be my reality.

Regardless of my evolution, maturation, and sense of self, I still believe in the power and beauty of the closet. Whether it is the right place for me, and I have serious, stomach-churning doubts, that remains to be seen. But for many, remembering back on my days as a diehard closet dweller, much magic is to be found within the closet.

For those that remain within, how do you define your closet?

[Joanna41]

Dearest Anne....

Glancing at the title of your post I was gonna leave a message that said my closet is never full enough...lol. However after reading your post and all that you have described I'm very happy for you and happy you have made great strides in defining who you are and are becoming!

Joanna

[kimdl93]

Many of us live in a closet, to a lesser or greater extent, with the exception of those who live 24/7 entirely out to all family members, all co workers, friends and community.

I remain in my closet, although its a fairly large and accomodating one, for those individuals that I chose not to share this part of my life with. I'm out to many of my neighbors by now, but (please forgive me if this sounds crass) I really don't care enough nor interact with many of them often enough to feel the need to hide from them. Kinda the same way I feel about the general public. I'm not hostile to them certainly - I just do not require their approval.

On the other hand, although I work from home, I do interact with business associates who only know me as a male. I won't jeopardize my income for the sake of coming out to them. I do not need their approval, but I do require income. So they don't get to know the real me. My closet keeps them in their place as much as it confines me.

Then there's my extended family and long term friendships. I cherish my family and friends. Many of them know that I am a CDr, because my ex wife made it a point to tell as many people as possible during our divorce. But, they know me as a male and in deference to them, I present as male when I'm in their company. So my closet is in their case, simply a convenient filter for those who care for me but may not be able to accept me fully and overtly as I am.

[nikkijo]

closet... what closet..

[suzy1]

Bursting with party dresses. Wait a minute you mean that closet!

I don’t want any serious stomach-churnings going on in my tummy thanks. Im not coming out of my closet. I am a coward and proud of it.
Let the attacks from the “you must go out” brigade begin.

SUZY

[LeaP]

For those that remain within, how do you define your closet?

My head is in the mode of considering letting people in rather than stepping out. The walls are thinning, though.

There is only one difference between want to be and must be, assuming one assents to the constraints. That's the presence of conflict. And I suppose that's the problem with my closet - it embodies the conflict. It's only there because of it. I AM the closet.

I don't find beauty in the closet, only frustration. I don't know yet if that's where I will stay or should stay. Your phrasing makes me think of an enchanted castle. In fairy tales, one is always rescued from such places in the end because they can't sustain real life.

Lea

[Debra Russell]

For me the closet is a very dreary, confining place I need some acceptance and outside activity -- but to each there own but it drives me crazy................Debra

[TGMarla]

I'm mostly in the closet. I don't share this part of my life with my family, my friends, or really anyone outside of the TG spectrum. I prefer it that way, too. I go out every now and again. In a sense, I need to. But in another very real sense, I don't need to all that often. I derive what I need from my crossdressing within the bounds and safety of my own home most of the time. I greatly enjoy me time en femme, and if I have some great desire to go out and do something, I'll do it.

Most of the time, my crossdressing is limited to only a few hours at a time. Sometimes, on weekends, I am at greater liberty to stay en femme for longer periods of time, and I can go out and do things then if I'm of a mind to. But mostly, I stay home, enjoy a few hours as a lady, and put it all away in order to pursue my regular guy life. That suits me fine, for the most part. I don't feel imprisoned in my home, and I don't feel any great need to "take it to the next level", either.

But I would like to attend SCC one of these days. We'll see.

[elizabethamy]

The desire to get out of the closet is almost as powerful as the desire to dress. My tiny closet is more like a shoebox. My wife knows about it but doesn't want to look inside. My therapist knows about it and whether she wants it to expand I'm not yet sure. It's a small place, and I'm bumping against its walls every day. Bravo to Anne and the others who've widened their worlds.

[Marleena]

I'm bouncing off the walls of my closet! I need somebody to let me out because the door is locked.

[Cynthia Anne]

MY closet is left open for the whole world to have a look see! I keep it there for days I don't want to be bothered with society! I can step in and pull the door shut to get away from the everyday hassle!But on a norm the doors are wide open!
btw. I adore your new avartar! Hugs!

[AnitaH]

My closet is a necessary exercise in frustration. There are very few people in on the other side of me. Like some of the others here the closet is a necessary evil in that I like to eat and have someplace warm to sleep so caution is the order of the day. But I get tired sometimes of keeping such a large part of myself hidden away in a closet somewhere.

AnitaH

[AllieSF]

My closet is a mix of man and woman, where the woman part is overtaking the man part. That is speaking about my clothes and accessories. Now that other closet is really not for me, but for the others that I am not yet ready to let out to see and know about this side of me. I am single, so "they" are limited to family, friends, neighbors and acquaintances of my male side. Since there is no current "need to know" they shall remain where I have placed them.

[Lucy_Bella]

I have two closets.. Lucy's and my genetic male closet.. I don't mix them together... I have been out as Lucy didn't really care to much for the experience , to be honest I felt out of place and uncomfortable ..In public I know without a doubt I need to be the genetic male role , its a jungle out there..I am happy that you have found your way out of the closet , I believe we all have or at least know we can and for some to get out of the closet is for them really no choice , but for others it is really no choice but to stay in the closet. I think everyone should try it at least once ( get out and not for some private drive go public) and then see how they feel afterwards..

[KiwiHeather]

My closet is much like those expressed before me here.

Like in 'The Lion , the Witch and the wardrobe', It has a small drab door that hides the wonderful feeling the contents provide me with. It has a hidden door that leads out into a world I never knew existed and now feel ready to embrace when ever I can steal away.

It is a small comfortable world with hidden friends and others tucked away yet to be discovered.

It is a world of discovery and learning about myself.

It is a sad and lonely place without my SO, but maybe one day she will be one of the others yet to be discovered.

It is a world of regrets and missed oportunities which only come to to fore when I think about how hidden this world was from me not so long ago.

It is a world destined to be hidden from the rest of the world behind a small battered plain looking door, that no-one looks at twice.

Its my hidden world.

That's my closet.

[docrobbysherry]

Black! Out in vanilla public trapped in my boring, blending, granny dresses, I'm NERVOUS, CAUTIOUS, and maybe even a bit PARANOID!


White! At home, I'm COMPLETELY FREE!
FREE to dress any way I please, completely STRESS FREE!

[kimberly36]

Closed and hidden. I'm too chicken to peak out... Could be cause I'm young or cause I'm in a small town and chicken haha

[PretzelGirl]

My closet is a function of not coming out to everyone at once. I tend to be on the more positive side. I don't believe people are that unaccepting. It is mostly where I can do without those that don't deal with it. So I am out to some. I will probably be out to the rest as time goes on, both family and friends. I don't plan on directly coming out at work because it does nothing to improve work to stir that pot. But I suspect I will run into someone from work, so it will be known. But I have a very accepting work environment, so I suspect it will not only not be an issue, but I could be out already and not know it.