How to approach this?

[Patsy]

I'm working in a transgender friendly environment, I mean lesbians and gay guys have no problem. As for me, well it's open knowledge that I like pretending to be a woman, though nobody speaks about it. So my question for the forum is this, "When should I come out?". At the moment I'm pretty much at the man in a dress stage. So should I wait until I've mastered the feminine wiles and can give a convincing performance. My boss says he doesn't want to see me in a dress. When would it be appropriate do you think? For me, I think master the voice, get rid of the facial hair, and shave the adam's apple. I already have some pert A cup breasts, and that's fine by me, and my penis is luckily rather small (when relaxed), so I don't really have a problem with him - my little friend, I'm happy to tuck. I saw a thread the other day - What would you rather have, breasts or a vagina - I can buy breasts and I can buy a vagina - but a full head of hair and a flat stomach, now that I would die for.

[Foxglove]

If your boss says he doesn't want to see you in a dress, does he mean never? This seems to me a major factor to consider.

[DonnaT]

Come out as? Transsexual?

If your desire is to transition, then check with your companies HR department (if there is one). If your company is UK based, then that may make it easier, if not, then you'll need to talk to someone about the companies policies on transitioning.

If you are not planning on transitioning, then there's no need for the company to allow you to dress anytime you want, as it would be disrupting.

And it sounds like you are already out, as far as crossdressing.

[Patsy]

Well this is Thailand Donna. HR departments don't really work the same way they do in the UK, it's all about who you know rather than what you know. I have no intention of "dressing" if this would be disruptive. In fact that was the whole point of my post. At what stage would it not be "disruptive". What I do know is that someone transitioned before me and committed suicide, From what I can gather they were never really accepted as a woman. Can you transition on post, I doubt it.

[Patsy]

Well this is Thailand Donna. HR departments don't really work the same way they do in the UK, it's all about who you know rather than what you know. I have no intention of "dressing" if this would be disruptive. In fact that was the whole point of my post. At what stage would it not be "disruptive". What I do know is that someone transitioned before me and committed suicide, From what I can gather they were never really accepted as a woman. Can you transition on post, I doubt it.

[Jlake2121]

Sounds to me like you are "out". Now its just a matter of appropriate attire at the appropriate activity. I think we should be sensitive to employer needs and how our appearance can effect their bottom line. If you are in a position that does not influence customers or sales in any way then let the law protect you. If you are in a position directly affecting the exchange of goods and services, you should be conscious of the over all effect appearance may have on everyone’s ability to produce. That’s not to say your female self would not have a positive experience... it is to say employer and employee need to work together to stay in business and in good graces.

[donnalee]

I think you can look on "don't" as a job requirement. I don't know the job situation in Thailand, but if it's anything like the US or Britain, risking your job for your ego is never a good idea (though God knows I've done it myself more than once). However, what you do in your time off is none of their concern unless you are alienating customers in some way they can document.

[Annie D]

If your boss said he didn't want to see you dressed, without saying it specifically, he implies that you would be disruptive to the work environment. I would not under any circumstances become a "man in a dress" at work. If you are out, so to speak, to everyone at work and they know that you occasionally wear women's clothes then keep it that way. You may have a strong desire to be Patsy 24/7 and you certainly can. You didn't say what and if you have a dress code (males wear shirt and tie ?) so my suggestion is to wear female undergarments, female type jeans/slacks and a nice conservative women's top, not too frilly or flashy but perhaps something like a female cut golf shirt, and some unisex shoes. Additionally, I would wear some light unmistakable makeup and some small hoops/studs in my ears. At the end of the day I would then go to some place to change and wear that skirt/dress home. Don't jeopordize your position with your employment; a non-accepting boss can be as bad as a non-accepting spouse. In both situations you could end up divorced.

[KandisTX]

You say you are at the "Man in a dress" phase, then start talking about getting a Trach shave (adams apple), are you TS or are you CD? It sounds to me like that is the decision you have to make in order to decide your next move.

[Beth Mays]

If.. and I did say IF...if you can have an off the clock ,non work time, chat with your boss. Ask for his/her guidance as to what you may or may not be permitted to do/wear in the work place.
It could be that with the boss feeling somewhat in control it would be more acceptable to him/her to allow some things or maybe change their views as to your reason for the request. Seeing that no intent to disrupt the work environment it could be "casual Fridays" or ask to wear something very nice like a fem top or jacket.

IF (that word again).. If it should be allowed I would dress ultra-business! even to the point I look like a lawyer when everyone else was in flip-flops and "T"s.

If (dang there it is again)... if your boss gives just a little and you blow it you will NEVER get it back.


Beth

[Vickie_CDTV]

If the economy in Thailand is anything like it is in the western world right now, I would not risk your job! You may not find another one anytime soon (and being FT won't improve your odds.) If you must transition, plan ahead and be careful; the TSs here can talk to you about how to go about doing it, but whatever you do, take it slow and be careful and don't do anything sudden or rash.

[DanaR]

What are your intentions, with regard to transition? If you are not going to transition, why risk losing a job? If you are going to transition, then do what is smart and wait until you are completely ready to come out to everyone.