Will someone please explain

[Shananigans]

I'm bi 24/7, 365. If there had been an on/off switch growing up, I would have switched it off. But, there's not one.

It honestly sounds like people that get dressed up like women and then are attracted to men (and, only attracted to men when dressed like a woman) are ruled by their own heterosexual biases. This bias would be that women are passive and submissive, and they need a big, strong man to for sexual encounters.

If you have noticed, men in these fantasies are almost like another accessory to the CD. "I got mah heels, mah purse, and mah big, strong man." It's like another accessory to a justification of finally being a woman. And, part of the fulfilling their own checklists for what is feminine and what is not is their own heterosexual bias that women should be with men. Even the bias of women being passive and men being in control takes into play. Come on, how many "sissies" and everything else are on this site? How many gladly play the passive role because they think it is what a woman should be and how she should act?

There's your sign.

[JulieK1980]

But that has nothing to do with CD at all, thinking about getting dressed does give a physical reaction but that's not why I'm interested in it.
Maybe people are being forced into thinking they have to be linked, or maybe the act loosens their inhibitions and allows them to find males physically attractive.

- Broken brain #1,566,2104 signing out

For a broken brain, you sure nailed it on the head.

[whowhatwhen]

O_O
That does make sense now that I think about it but I would think that some males are naturally passive and a CD crossover might not be so rare.

[Jenniferathome]

They are gay/bi but do not want to admit it so they are using the appearance as a woman as an excuse to act as a woman in a relationship. Just denial. Plain and simple. Straight men will never, never, never, want to be romantically or sexually involved with another man. You are right, there is no switch, not even a dress.

[KellyJameson]

Perhaps sex is nothing more than what you give yourself permission to experience.

[Alice_cl]

Similarly several guys who hax insertive sex with crossdressers or transvestite do no consider themselves, gay, neither.
Placing strong definitions makes stereotypes. And there are few people that truly fit them.

Will someone please explain to me how some (and I stress "some" and not all..and this question also does not relate to my life or relationship). But how some CDs can say they are straight but then talk about how when they are dressed they want to be with men or they just have fantasies about being with men. How can one still call themselves straight? It would be like me saying "oh I'm straight BUT I would like to be with another female OR I have fantasies about being with women and it turns me on" etc (and no sorry that was just a example lol)

It's just really mind boggling to me! Either your straight with no interest in the same sex or bi or gay. There really isn't a on or off switch to it.

[whowhatwhen]

"Gay" being a negative thing certainly seems to cause a lot of issues as bisexuals, homosexuals or curious straights grow up and question their own feelings.
The only solution is parents being more accepting and people being more educated, which unfortunately is being fought against tooth and nail.

[DeniseNJ]

Our minds are complex, Not once have I ever been turned on by looking a a guy, nor would I ever kiss a guy, guys don't do it for me. I don't see what women see in some guys, Sure there are some good looking guys out there but if a visual satisfaction of seeing a man gets a Crossdresser excited then he/she might be gay. I do have a thing for a pretty passable CD but it is the illusion of the female that alures me. I do have fantacies like some others that envolved satisfying someone, will I act on them I don't know but all I know is I would have to be Denise to act on those fantacies

[Sally24]

......or they just have fantasies about being with men. How can one still call themselves straight? Either your straight with no interest in the same sex or bi or gay. There really isn't a on or off switch to it.

My take on it is that you're not truly straight if you get turned on by someone of your own gender...

Men who have other than hetero desires may not be gay, but they sure as hell ain't straight either.

Either you are attracted to men or you aren't. Clothes or no clothes.

I know there are questions that a lot get asked when they tell friends or loved ones they are a CDer.Yet a lot when replying to posts will say "make sure you let them know your not gay and not all CDer are gay"....But how do we just jump to that conclusion about someone else when quite a select few on here talk about being with men..

For people who are familiar with alternate lives, these sure are some mainstream thoughts! Just as gender sure as hell is not just male or female, sexuality is certainly not just hetero/gay/bi/lesbian. And if we're talking fantasy life than bring anything on!! I think the key word here is "talk". There are only a small number on here that don't identify as TS that have actually taken that step of physically being with someone of the same sex. Talking and fantasizing about something isn't anything like moving to the doing stage. I'll admit that I am in that category with different female fantasies. In some I am crossdressed and in others I have transitioned. I take the female sexual role in these. Admittedly I also frequently am also involved with females in these same fantasies. The gender scale is not really binary and the sexual scale should be looked at the same way. The reason you can't understand it may be that you are trying to box it into these small categories instead of looking at it for what it is.
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Wait, do I understand this, if you fantasize about sex with a man, you are gay? Does that mean if I fantasize about being rich, that will make me a millionaire? Now if you act on that fantasy, well maybe you have a point, but fantasy is just that, even if it is homo erotic.

Loved that Tina!! and I agree.

[Kate Simmons]

I think a lot of it has to do with the premise notion that women are supposed to be submissive, which is total hogwash. Being honest with yourself and your feelings seems to be one of the hardest things for most CD's.

[Kristy_K]

They lie!! What Crossdressers do best! Just ask my wife!

Cute..... LOL .

[Sophiewouldbenice]

Probably life is a journey of self-finding. I am one of those you said or believed to be straight and now starting to questing it. But it is hard to say, if it is just like getting the attention or trying to be loved and at some point ignoring sexual preferances - if you figure out men are more accepting than women to a crossdresser, well maybe it coulb become worth a try, besides I did not go so far, but I know, that dancing with a leading man can be fun, because your are fitting more in the role of the woman you wanna be or you wanna be partime or feel like or what ever. Besides you do not compete in femininity with a man - so for me, there is accutally one the reason of havig childs one day, which prevents me of giving men a chance and yes I am afraid of getting attracted to men, too.

[CINDYO]

fair enough Schatten
unless the person is married, then the whole explore ane experiment thing becomes infidelity!! a big no! no! if a person is commited and honourable.

[AmandaM]

They are gay/bi but do not want to admit it so they are using the appearance as a woman as an excuse to act as a woman in a relationship. Just denial. Plain and simple. Straight men will never, never, never, want to be romantically or sexually involved with another man.

I disagree. I have had bi fantasies. I don't fantasize about holding hands with a man, going on dates, looking into his eyes. Even when dressed, those thoughts creep me out. I have fantasized about the sex act though. With a nameless, faceless male so to speak, and me as a woman. I am never attracted to men, dressed or not. I am always attracted to women. I would think that if I was bi or gay, I would be "attracted" to men in all ways, not just a sex act. And yes, I've tried gay sex, it didn't do anything for me. It was a huge letdown. So I know I 'm not gay. And I suspect I'm not really bi either. I think I'm more in the "man as accessory" crowd.

[elizabethamy]

If you haven't read Sandra Samons' "When the Opposite Sex Isn't," it might provide some insight here. While it's been a "given" assertion that crossdressers are primarily heterosexual, Samons shows that hormones and GRS can and do (in some but by no means all cases) transform one's sexual orientation.

[busker]

Either your straight with no interest in the same sex or bi or gay. There really isn't a on or off switch to it.

The undies defense I think is maybe like the "twinkies" defense. It allows one to blame their actions on something seemingly out of their personal control. " I'm dressed as a women, so therefore I can act as a women, and that includes the fantasies of having sexual encounters with males and/or having sex for real.

I also think that , at least in the West, women get more leniency in their behaviour than men, so it might be subconsciously applied by CDers that "as women" their fantasies are more acceptable than they would be in the harsh light of day dressed and presenting as a male. Women have a whole range of acceptable dress, while men are pretty much confined to a rather limited palette of choices. That some of us males take a shine to women's clothing may be an attempt to break out of the rigid pattern, it may be that we are "bathed in female chemicals at birth" or some other explanation. IDK!
I have no interest in men, no female voice, no mannerisms. that I can cook , sew, and do household chores does not make me a woman, dressed or otherwise, I learned to do things at home by a mother that was a typical homemaker of her generation.

I, like some others here, have breasts (gynecomastia) and one would think that those of us who do, would be out there flaunting what we have to attract a man, but so far I hear nothing of the sort. It puts us closer to being "women" than stuffing a bra. The ultimate accessory to let us really "fanatasize". But there is nothing.
So I think that you are right in that there is no switch--we are either straight or not straight.
It would be interesting to hear from any "confirmed batchelor -mtf cd or bachelorette -ftm cd/ts" about fantasies.

[Badtranny]

It's very interesting that so many are using the sexual binary argument and decrying the use of labels as if we (my side of the argument) are the ones doing the labeling. We are not. We are actually trying to liberate the closeted from the label of "straight". I am not insisting that a CD who desires sex with a man is gay. I'm merely taking issue with the use of the word straight to describe them. Don't wanna label yourself? Great. Don't swing into a thread proclaiming your straightness, then close with "unless I'm Anita" or whoever.

Sally quoted me and others and proceeded to educate us on how little fantasies mean to the real world or sexuality and frankly I couldn't agree more. I never said or meant to infer that fantasies about anything made you anything. My exact quote from Sally's rebuttal was "Men who have other than hetero desires may not be gay, but they sure as hell ain't straight either". The key word is DESIRE. A fantasy is one thing but a desire is something different. Again, the act of desiring does NOT make you gay, but please be honest with yourself, it doesn't make you straight. I'm talking about recurring desire as well. Not recurring fantasy or an out of the blue instance. Shoot I don't even believe that gay SEX makes you gay. If you're inclined to experiment and it isn't your thing than I would never argue that you were gay UNLESS you had frequent desire that you just couldn't reconcile. You see DESIRE is the trick here. What you want to do, but don't for some reason. If you desire men on any level but don't explore it because you're married than good for you. BUT you're only "straight" because of circumstances then right? Which is still totally fine as long as you can be honest with yourself.

You know, ...I read some of these posts and I could have written them myself a few years ago. I was socialized in a hyper masculine environment as well and my "gay" feelings are as old as my adolescence. I desired a "faceless" man since my first erection and for many years (after I learned to rationalize things), I thought that my attraction to men was purely sexual. I had and still do have an emotional attraction to women, but when I was feeling frisky I would always desire a masculine companion. I would always say things to myself like, I only want men when I'm already aroused, or I don't find men attractive they're gross. This is the stuff I needed. I needed it to keep myself clinging to the pathetic fantasy that I was hetero. I never cross dressed because I already had my hands full with my full blown case of denial.

Obviously things have changed for me. I finally found the strength to accept I was gay (or so I thought) which eventually led me to my sublimated gender issue which eventually led me to my current path of transition. The truth is I find men to be VERY attractive. I ran into a guy at the gas station Friday afternoon who had the most beautiful eyes. He was asking me about my FJ (dudes LOVE my little truck) and telling me about his and I could barely stop noticing how cute and rugged he was at the same time. If I wouldn't have been in Bakersfield I would have flirted with him, but instead we just small talked and that was it. This is a freedom I could have never even dreamed about when I was a closet queen. I would have never let myself even notice much less enjoy an innocent encounter with a nice guy. I don't want labels for you, I want freedom and I want peace. These things are impossible without acceptance and it has to start with yourself.

[sara.s]

They lie!! What Crossdressers do best! Just ask my wife!

I agree. Every comment I make is a lie.

[Lucy_Bella]

I don't want labels for you, I want freedom and I want peace. These things are impossible without acceptance and it has to start with yourself.

It's not us who ask for labels , it's our actions.. In a nice way ..Are you suggesting that we don't need labeled as an individual but be labeled as a whole ..? Either way isn't that being labeled? If Society is going to judge me by my actions I would like the correct label so I don't have to defend my actions..

[Julie Hall]

In my opinion, those that want to be with a man only when presenting female are either: 1. strictly using fantasy and are curious about homosexual experiences - possibly unsure of their sexuality or 2. are just kidding themselves, they are bi or gay and don't want to admit it. Probably due to the normally homophobic society. There are probably those in the middle of my scenarios, somehow curious and consciously refuse to admit their feelings and desires.

In my case, I don't believe I am gay - but will admit I don't really know. I have been on this course for a very short time and have admitted I hate men, especially myself. When or if I ever overcome my self hatred, perhaps I will find I am gay as I said, I don't know. We'll see.

[Badtranny]

It's not us who ask for labels , it's our actions.. In a nice way ..Are you suggesting that we don't need labeled as an individual but be labeled as a whole ..? Either way isn't that being labeled? If Society is going to judge me by my actions I would like the correct label so I don't have to defend my actions..

I'm not trying to label anyone Lucy. When someone proclaims themselves to be straight they are labeling themselves. But you can't claim the label of straight while talking about desires that are other than straight. So yes, I agree with you, drop the label. ;-)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi SP, There Straight untill they Bend Then they are Gay or BI.

[Lucy_Bella]

I'm not trying to label anyone Lucy. When someone proclaims themselves to be straight they are labeling themselves. But you can't claim the label of straight while talking about desires that are other than straight. So yes, I agree with you, drop the label. ;-)

Yes I agree, Labels are being miss represented and abused especially in this Forum ( maybe that's why so many would rather not have any ).. I feel for the O.P. because in a sense, isn't she asking for verification in a label?

[Debglam]

What a fascinating thread! So many good posts I barely know where to start quoting!

Reine & Melissa, I think you too really nailed it. I think of the ”numbers” we do on ourselves and how many aspects of our lives are negatively affected by repression and trying to play the roles forced upon us. Gay, straight, bi, bi-curious, whatever. Does/should it matter to anyone else but our partner (monogamist IS the one label I’ll own)? Be who you are.

[Shananigans]

I agree, Deb. I facepalm when I see married men saying that they're are interested in men when they are dressed as a woman. I think people should have their fantasies, but remain faithful if they are in a committed relationship.

Or, Hell, have your wife take on the male role while you dress up like a girl. I do ... my SO is not fond of it, but I totally am. Getting more than you bargained for and all of that jazz.

Anyway, there are ways to live out the role of being a passive woman in the bedroom without creeping online or straying in your relationship. It has certainly helped me embrace being bisexual and my SO satisfy his bi-curious fantasies.

I wish people had more of an imagination in their sex lives.