i hope this doesn't sound dumb!! but since i'm still in the closet with the door cracked open a little, for those of you that go out into public, which bathroom do you use??
i think i would be more afraid to use the mens room. i'm not even sure if there are any legal laws about this. the last thing i want is to be arrested for using the ladies room and then get embarrassed and humiliated.
i do hope to venture out soon! any thoughts??
paula
I have found one porta pottie in a public park in town. It's "unisex". I've been to it a couple times. I wouldn't consider the men's restroom except on halloween night and I'm not confident enough to walk into a ladies rest room if there are people around or inside it. There's a park I may visit soon and it has public restrooms, male and female. If I have the need, and if nobody is around, I will use the ladies restroom and see how it goes.
Some stores, malls, and many Walmarts have "family" restrooms that lock so you would be the only one in there. A mall wouldn't be bad (none around here have the family restrooms), but walking to the back of a Walmart to use the restroom might take more nerve than I have at this point.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Once at a movie theater, once at an Applebee's. Both times I was the only one in the restroom. If I'm out and about and need to go, I will use the ladies. I think I'd pee my panties before I go into the Men's room.
And in Texas, it is illegal to use a restroom not intended for your gender[1].
[1]No, I won't argue what that means, you know what it means.
Paula, this is one of the Eternal Questions.
My philosophy is that you don't give anyone reason to notice or worry about which restroom you use. You use the restroom of the gender you are presenting, but you don't loiter there longer than you need to in order to do your business, wash your hands, and exit. It's best to use the restroom right before you intend to leave an establishment. If some cretin takes offense he or she can argue with your back as you walk out the door.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I agree with this and its what I'm going to do when I go out. It will be quick into the can and quick out and I won't say to anybody, excuse me ladies are there any urinals in here?Originally Posted by Eryn
As for many of us and this topic has been visited 100s of times.In NYC you may use the restroom of the gender you are expressing...most other places ie:vegas has the same policy. If you do use the ladies room which I do you need to remember to sit down while doing your business and exit as quickly as you can. Afterall women have been known to use mens rooms at venues.
California is also gender expression. I have used many and not had a problem. (Kohl's, Marie Calander's, K-Mart, and smaller venues.)
joank
Southern California
Texas is te same, as strange as that sounds! I'm getting more comfortable with the 'Ladies', but there is still the hesitation. Like everything CD, its best in numbers.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Not always. While I enjoy organized CD activities, the chance of being made goes up with the square of the number of CDers present. By myself, I have a pretty fair chance of being perceived simply as a tall woman.
OTOH, some uppity boyfriend will usually think twice before confronting a half-dozen 6'+ CDers
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I use the restroom for the gender I'm dressed as. If you're dressed but wearing a beard, I might consider using the men's room.
Yea, I had not really thought of that, but I agree. I also believe I do better passing, really blending, on my own. But there are a few girls in my group that are quite pretty and I have no problems being with, it makes me the ugly girl in the group, but we still appear to be girls.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I always use the ladies room without hesitation. I have never had a problem of any kind.
I believe my SO and I will be using the ladies restroom while we are out and about...
I hope no one acts sh*tty about it, because I think it would crush my SO's perception of his femme self
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
Plenty of places over here in Los Angeles have stopped people I know from using the Ladies Room, including The Edison, Das Bunker, Bar Sinister and other clubs. Presentation is not the be all, end all to this question. Context and Situation make a significant impact on the right answer.
Keep in mind that a CD does not have the rights that someone transitioning may have and a CD shouldn't assume they have that right. Can it be done without making a scene and without calling attention to yourself? If not, then you will be seen as a pervert. If you are asked to not do it, you should comply. And don't lie about being a TS.
—Mikaela
That is not correct. California law does not make a distinction in this regard. The terms used are "gender identity and expression" which encompasses both the CD and TS groups.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
This comes up a lot .. In vegas the official line is use the Guys .. I have emails from the casinos .. But truth be know as long as you are not stupid or go some place with bathroom nazi's .. you will be fine using the ladies.
Not necessarily true to the best of my knowledge. Besides, how is the gender police to know whether one who is read as trans is a TS, CD or somewhere in-between???
For the first time ever, I saw comments elsewhere in these pages to suggest that if one is not full-time (read: Transitioning), then they should not have any right to use the women's restroom. Aside from finding such commentary appalling, I go back to my point above, how is one to know where we individually stand with respect to trans-status????
This is so true. Best not to make a scene. Simply leave and find somewhere else to go.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
@Eryn & Sara
I can't find the actual law, but assuming you are correct, what differentiates a man in a kilt, a man in a garish CDed halloween costume, and a crossdresser expressing their female side to the law? (and unfortunately, even a TS pre-treatment of any sort) Expression seems like such a BS term. I can understand it is an over generalization of the TG spectrum to encompass everyone (or as Sara called it, our trans status), but when are so many things encompassed that it loses it's relevancy & accuracy?
And let's keep in mind that in most cases, these laws are specific to government places, public schools, and the other tax-supported like, not the club or restaurants or other private establishments. The laws for them usually just say that there needs to be equal facilities for men and women. If someone really wants you out of the establishment or wants to make a scene, your rights don't help the situation as it is happening, especially on a full bladder. Although the OP is not here in SoCal, it's obvious that even when you may have a right, it doesn't help in the situation.
As much as some of us want to claim 'passing doesn't matter', this is obviously a time when it does.
It won't be a question for the gender police. You'd either get someone say something in line at a club and get security (who would stop you before you go - which I've seen at Bar Sin even though I was in there earlier, or detain you when you get out), or someone will make a scene that a guy is in the bathroom. You might be asked to not use it again, you might be thrown out, or if someone was complaining that you were being lewd, it could escalate. If you have no med or psych papers, identification, or what-have-you to justify where you are if a scene is made, and you are not an actual TS with that sort of legal backing, you are more than welcome to have the ACLU get you out of the men's jail and try to make a case of it.
And maybe lying to a rent a cop is one thing (I'm a TS! -and then skedaddle), but lying to a cop is another. Again, context and situation.
Me? I'll minimize fluid intake, go before I leave, and make the decision on a case by case basis. (And yes, I've used the ladies room in non-TG places, sit down, seat down, etc). I just disagree with the blanket statements given to the OP.
—Mikaela
First off Paula, I haven't been out away from the house long enough for the fluids to run through me... LOL. However, to minimize the 'issue' I'd use the family rest rooms. Until someone tells you as your heading into the men's room, "hey ma'am, that's the men's room", I'd stick with scouting out the stores ahead of time and make sure you know which ones have family restrooms.....
Then again, I suppose you can always pull over and run into the woods like a guy, I guess..... LOL.
Renne.....
I live in New Jersey, and here it's protected by state law that you can use which ever restroom in the gender you present yourself in.
The best answer for those who don't pass: If you can find one, use the single user (one person at a time in there with a locking door) bathroom!
And since you are in NY, I believe it is still illegal for you to use the 'wrong' bathroom on state owned property.
Be careful...check the laws for where you live... in some states you must use the bathroom of the sex that you represent on your license, here in Michigan, by law I am supposed to used the mens room, however many places have allowed me to use the ladies room... (I asked if they were comfortable with that)
Satuarday was my very first time out.. and I did not mind at all wait'n in line to use the ladies room.
Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator):
What we do in this life, echoes in eternity..
You can fine me here on Facebook!
thank you all very much for your input, very helpful...i love a good sense of humor, and i'm still laughing. why is there no "LIKE" button for some of these comments!!
i'm sure this topic has been brought up 100's of times as new members come in, and as a new member myself, i apoligize for what seems a boring question to you, because it is a major concern for me. as vickie pointed out, it might be illegal where i am, on state owned property!
I forgot to mention, one can find a list of safe single user restrooms in one's area at safe2pee.org, isn't technology wonderful?
Posting Permissions
