What was the "last straw" that made you come out to SO?

[AlisonRenee]

well....

We'd been dating for a very long time, and I was afraid of blowing it up by coming out to her.

But, it was also approaching that "commit or git" time - not imposed or suggested by her, but by me. I guess I wanted her to know before it went farther. So I told her. It freaked her out at first, although she was trying hard to reconcile it in her own mind. We did end up sitting down with my psychologist together to put all of the apprehensions and misgivings on the table and make sense of it.

She accepts me. She does still feel a little strange about it, but we've gone out a couple of times together, as ladies, and she discovered for herself that the sky didn't fall. In retrospect, what I've learned is that it was the discovering-for-herself that needed to happen for her sake. It would be easy to make this an all-about-me thing, "why can't you accept me as I am, etc", but that's not realistic or fair.

In reading this thread, I noticed that there's one singularly common theme that's been expressed, and that's guilt/depression/moodiness/pushing away over hiding and not coming out with it. Me, too. If she's the kind of person who'd love you anyway, it's only hurting her to keep it hidden. That's not an easy conclusion to reach but I think it's the right one.

And we got married in January, so I guess that's a happy ending.

[Crystal77]

Mine wasn't really a last straw moment. My ex wife knew before we got married, but it was always something she used to ridicule me. When I reconnected with my high school sweetheart, I told her before we seen each other again. She is now my fiance and is good with it. She goes shopping with me and even took me to get my ears peirced a weeek ago. I feel so lucky now.

[Courtney_Glenn]

I told my wife before we were married. It seemed like the fair thing to do.

[Jessica86]

I was fortunate enough to have a dream. I was talking about Jessica in my sleep. It was one of those dreams where your wife/girlfriend wakes you up, screaming "Whose Jessica?!!!" So, I just decided she needed to know the truth.

[jillleanne]

Well, in my case it wasn't really straw. It was chiffon, yes, chiffon. I know, it's hard to believe we still wear chiffon around the house or to the grocery story, but we do. Thinking back I believe it also may have had something to do with the fact it was getting really hard to sneak out the door midday in heels on new hardwood floors we had installed. Also, the combination locks on the three spare bedroom closets raised some eyebrows by the madam of the house, as did the locks on the storage closets in the garages. I think it also may have had to do with an abnormal explosion that was building in my brain and had I not fessed up, my brain would now be all over the house in cute tiny little pieces, I think.

[kimdl93]

In my first marriage, my wife suggested that I wear her bra panties and stockings as part of a little bedroom fantasy - and it was pretty obvious to her that I enjoyed the expereince. Years and a failed marriage later, I started getting serious about my current wife - so I felt I needed to be honest with her. Fortunately, she was very open to the idea.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

So my story is a little different.
After a bad breakup I got back to porn to cope (years later found out I'm an addict).
On this amateur website the ladies would sell items they wore. So I bought outfits from a lady on there:
A see through blue nighty and matching thong, a blue, pink and aqua baby doll dress and thong, a stripper bra and panties set, a black nightgown and one of her novelty items.
Got it all online because I did not have a car in college and I would play dress up in my bedroom alone in an apartment I shared with 3 other guys. Met my rebound girlfriend and she was wild and liked the idea. But we had a nasty breakup and she tried to out me...didn't work but I panicked because she knew where I kept all my stuff. So I through away all my cute stuff worried she would come into my place and expose me.
A few months later I'm already dating my current wife and while she's on the computer my ex pops up on Yahoo and types she has pictures of me dressed up (which she didn't) and that the time her mom asked to see me dressed on cam
also gave them tons of pix. I loved my now wife back then and had to come clean. She was cool and told me I should contact the porn lady and get the outfits it had planned on getting before i met her and told me to go ahead and buy a pink teddy and matching g string from JCP. She was somewhat comfortable I could wear some of her stuff. We made love wearing a pair of her bikinis each...then we had a kid and for whatever reason even during the pregnancy I was ashamed of it. So I started hiding it again, and that just led to the desire to dress up not to go away, and I kept meeting people online just to show them pix of me. It got out of control and iwas exchanging very sexual e-mails with someone and she found out. I realized I have a problem with porn but she lumped the dressing up with the porn and I actually did too kind of. Though that no porn meant no desire to dress up but I was wrong. The desire exists, and we still have my outfits and do not know if she knows it happens, if she thinks it stopped or if she turns the other way.
I grew up being friends with more girls than guys and I wish I still had a girl friend I could talk to while I work on coming out again. I think that some of my mood swings and depression at times and even pulling away could be behind me hiding this. I don't know. Thought about calling Cigna's phone counselor to talk some.
I still like being a guy, do guy things and do not have a problem being the man of the house but I enjoy crossdressing sometimes. Do not want to be full time or to transition into. Don't a woman but it would be nice to be able to do girlie things and we both feel like it.

[Karren H]

Karen,

I love your spirit so much.
Even aside from the cd, jeans and hockey stuff, you are such an inspiration as a person.
Your outlook on life is so positive and your style and sense of humor are amazing.

I wonder sometimes if you still like your wife.....

It doesn't sound like she is very accepting of Karen and that must take a toll on you and your marriage.
Please forgive me if I am being to personal.

Not too personal at all... She isn't accepting and I do not blame her for that. She didn't sign up for this.... I wouldn't blame her if she kicked me to the curb for not telling her... But 36 years ago things were so different. It took a toll for a few years. Lot of stress... Doubt I will ever regain the trust lost on hat day....

Karren, I have a question if you don't mind. First, i like the new hair. It looks fun. Now, the question. Do you regret because she found out and you wanted to be the one to tell her or because you never wanted to tell her?

Thanks... Never wanted to and never intended to tell her... But also really never intended my crossdressing to progress as far and as fast as it did.....

[drag n fly]

Not too personal at all... She isn't accepting and I do not blame her for that. She didn't sign up for this.... I wouldn't blame her if she kicked me to the curb for not telling her... But 36 years ago things were so different. It took a toll for a few years. Lot of stress... Doubt I will ever regain the trust lost on hat day....



Thanks... Never wanted to and never intended to tell her... But also really never intended my crossdressing to progress as far and as fast as it did.....

I fessed up to my wife of 42 years about a year ago..I'd always tinkered with women's clothes, particularly shoes and stockings, but the last few years had me dressing more and more...Pierced my ears, etc.. She found a pair of women's shoes by the computer and asked me if i wore them. I answered in the afirmative, told her I was a crossdresser and transgendered....Also assured her I was heterosexual (maybe bi)...She dislikes it, but I think it explains why i am the way I am..Effeminate in many ways..I think I may have left the shoes out deliberately..I was getting desperate to tell her..It was building up inside me..the guilt... I'm so glad I did...No more hiding..I don't put it unnecessarily in her face, but I wear my nightie and girlie shoes in front of her..She accepts (not necessarily likes) me....But it's still better than hiding it.
I guess in these ways, you and I are in similar situations, Karren...You are much more advanced in your CDing..I'm just starting...I have no wig or forms (yet). and rarely ever dress completely. But I wear women's pants, shoes, and panties almost every day..most of the times a mans t-shirt type pullover...sometimes a women's (just ordered 3 turtlenecks from Woman Within). Androgynous..but, if one really looked, you could tell I am crossdressing. You, on the other hand are a very attractive woman when dressed..
I love your sense of style and vivaciousness. Keep it up..you make many of us happy...and be happy yourself..smooches Jackie

[ArleneRaquel]

In 33 years of marriage I never come out to be late wife.

[Miriam-J]

In 20+ years, I never came out to my first wife. After we divorced (for very different reasons), I was determined to never hide it again from my SO. After meeting the woman who is now my wife and after recognizing that we had fallen deeply in love with one another, we decided to share the many secrets we had kept bottled up from our previous spouses and others. This one came out of me with great difficulty, but she was great about it and insisted I model for her. I complied while shaking like I never had before, and she really made me feel comfortable. We've never turned back in 3 1/2 years. Just another reason I love her.

Miriam

[JamieG]

I came out to my wife almost ten years ago and a little over a year into our marriage. I didn't tell her earlier, because I naively thought it would go away after being married. However, after about six months I found that access to clothes (I'm ashamed to admit that I "borrowed" her things) and opportunity (with her taking some evening classes), I couldn't resist the temptation to dress. I began to investigate on the Web a little bit (after getting over the fear that my ISP would be snooping on my browsing history) and gradually began to accept that I was a crossdresser and it wasn't going away. I then resolved to tell her, but it took a while to work up the courage. Finally, the combination of a few drinks and a leading question gave me the impetus to blurt it out. It was rough at first, but in the end I am glad I did it.

[Tracy - new dresser]

my SO already knew about my underwear and stockings etc but she thought thats all it was, until i busted out and just said "im gonna buy a pair of heels.." We had a talk about my future CDing and if there was any boundries she has that i have to be aware of but in the end was all good Pretty much the next day we went shopping and helped me get $300+ of make up

[5150 Girl]

My first wife found my "Stash" and thought I was having an afair. I took some doing to convince her it was my stuff.. She never really acepted it, but as long as I kept it away from her it was fine.
After we split I knew it would be easyer to be upfront about it... However, when I met the Ploar Bear, I didn't have to tell her because it was Haloween and i was Sarah Palin that year, and she noticed I was to pretty for this to just be a holliday thing.

[SabrinaDubh]

I was tired of the BS that comes with hiding it. I had lost too many girlfriends, opportunities, and clothes over the years that when I met my wife I resolved to tell her as soon as the relationship looked like it had a chance to be a serious relationship.

[Jacqueline Winona]

years ago, when I "agreed" to dress up for Halloween she figured out that I liked to dress. I told her I don't know why (and still don't). She remains somewhat tolerant of it, I don't think she wants to know much about it, still trying to find that time to really talk more about it. But she will surprise me every now and then.

[Gocaps14]

21 years ago when my wife and first began dating she began ntroducing gay fantasies in the bedroom. I am not gay but have worn panties my whole life. I wanted to see if I could move our fantasies more toward crossdressing than me being with another man, so I put on a pair of her pink panties and dropped trou in the bedroom. It was actually met with some approval. Unfortunately, It became an all the time scenario with me and she began move away from my crossdressing. She tried to be supportive somewhat, don't ask, don't tell and don't get caught became our policy. Life is a struggle now.