Began visiting a psychologist

[Erina]

I have visited a psychologist twice a month for a few months. Thought it might be nice to speak about these feelings with someone who might know more about them than I do. Before each session I have wanted to tell him, but something is stopping me. Doesn´t feel shameful, but something feels wrong? So far I constantly ask questions about mindfulness and spirituality, we have spoken about how to relax and dealing with the pressure of being an adult. Now I might have ran out of subjects to talk about.

Since the sessions are expensive I now have to choose, tell him or leave. His alignment is crisis management. Is he just going to redirect me to someone else if I tell?

[kimdl93]

Was you motivation for seeng him to discuss your gender issue? If so, you need to spit it out and ask if he feels he's equipped to help you deal with it.

I know how hard this is....I went through several weekly sessions before my psychologist finally said, we've talked enough about <my ex> now let's talk about you. I said I was hoping to avoid that...and she said, that was pretty obvious. Then, "Gulp" ..."I like to wear women's clothes..." Her first words were "Its not a crime, you know."

[DonnaT]

Was you motivation for seeing him to discuss your gender issue? If so, you need to spit it out and ask if he feels he's equipped to help you deal with it.

I agree. He can't help you if he doesn't know the whole you.

If you can't say it, write it down on a card and hand it to him when you walk in the door.

[Stephanie47]

I've never gone to a counselor for cross dressing/identity issues. I do go to a counselor for issues totally unrelated to cross dressing. It is necessary to select a person who has the proper credentials and experience to address your issues. If the counselor does not have the necessary expertise to address your concerns, he or she should tell you and perhaps direct you to another person. Selecting a counselor is a two way street. You are entitled to inquire about their schooling/credentials before signing on, i.e., paying bills. The counselor also should be evaluating whether he or she can meet your needs. You would not go to a urologist for an eye disease, would you? Once you have been directed to a counselor who appears to have the credentials to address your concerns, I would strongly suggest at the beginning what their personal slant is on cross dressing or gender issues.

I see you're twenty. Take it from the old folks on this site, we probably spent the greater part of the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's doubting our self worth, feeling ashamed, self loathing, etc because we feared we are 'perverts.' We are not 'perverts.' We may be different. You do not need to see a counselor whose practice casts negativity over cross dressing.

[Krististeph]

I have visited a psychologist twice a month for a few months. Thought it might be nice to speak about these feelings with someone who might know more about them than I do. Before each session I have wanted to tell him, but something is stopping me. Doesn´t feel shameful, but something feels wrong? So far I constantly ask questions about mindfulness and spirituality, we have spoken about how to relax and dealing with the pressure of being an adult. Now I might have ran out of subjects to talk about.

Since the sessions are expensive I now have to choose, tell him or leave. His alignment is crisis management. Is he just going to redirect me to someone else if I tell?

Probably not. But do come out with him. If you do not you are wasting money, time, & happiness.

These are licensed pros, they cannot break your confidence by federal law.

Plus- i'll bet 1:5 that he has encountered this before.

[drag n fly]

I'd say that , for myself anyway, the number one topic betwixt me and my counselor would be cross-dressing/gender identity...That's just for me....The rest is peripheral, I think..
I'm trying to get myself into some counseling...but I have so much other crapola going on right now..Urologist, foot doctor, skin doctor...It ain't easy getting old...
Good luck Erina..Isn't cross-dressing a major component of your life? Maybe you should mention it...smooches Jackie

[joank]

Years ago (1970)I went to a psychologist and it was totaly unproductive. He wanted to handle the tg/cd issues like a normal addiction. I hope the field has improved since then. Good Luck.

[sissystephanie]

Erina, if you went to this Psychologist primarily for the purpose of discussing your crossdressing you have totally wasted your money!! If that is what you really want to talk about, you need to go to a Therapist who speciallizes in that area!! Anyone one else is not going to do a good job!

I don't know how old you are, but you sound rather young. I am in my late 70's and have been crossdressing most of the time since I was 6 years old!! I did go to a Psychologist many years ago, and he did help me understand my crossdressing. He told me that what I was doing was perfectly normal, and not to worry about doing it!! I have no desire to actually be a woman, and have never tried to be one!

[Barbara Ella]

If cross dressing is important to you, it will be important to your psychologist. They really need to know what you are thinking and how you process it. If they cant help you, they will find someone who can. If you do not uncover your total self, you are taking their valuable time away from another person whom they may be able to help. They are not about just getting the money. The vast majority of them really want to make things easier for you.

Just be honest

Babes

[CONSUELO]

I agree. First find a therapist who understands crossdressing. I once went to a psychiatrist who asked me about a business trip to New Orleans, if I "went to TV bars and all that junk". Not much point in seeing that one anymore was there. I have used two therapists to help me through some depressing times in my life. Both were women and both knew of my crossdressing although we did not talk about that very much. One of them treated it as if it were not a particular issue and was more concerned about my relationships. i did decide that if I ever needed to use a therapist again I would always choose a woman. I don't feel comfortable talking about intimate issues with men.

[Aprilrain]

I would highly recommend finding a therapist versed in gender issues even if you have no desire or intentions to ever transition they will be much better equipped to help you sort out what ever it is that is bothering you about your CDing. Be warned though that even highly recommended therapists can be bad or bad for you or just be having a bad day so don't hesitate to find a new one if your not digging it!

[RachelOKC]

I have visited a psychologist twice a month for a few months. Thought it might be nice to speak about these feelings with someone who might know more about them than I do. Before each session I have wanted to tell him, but something is stopping me. Doesn´t feel shameful, but something feels wrong? So far I constantly ask questions about mindfulness and spirituality, we have spoken about how to relax and dealing with the pressure of being an adult. Now I might have ran out of subjects to talk about.

Since the sessions are expensive I now have to choose, tell him or leave. His alignment is crisis management. Is he just going to redirect me to someone else if I tell?

Your overarching reason for seeing a therapist isn't real clear, but that you want to talk about gender issues is. Your therapist should be able to help you better when they have a better understanding of who you are.

I believe that most modern therapists have at least a basic understanding of gender identity issues. They should also be able to work with you non-judgementally even if they are not well versed. If your gender issues are just part of the big picture, you feel comfortable with the therapist, and you feel like you're getting good feedback then there may be little reason to change.

If you feel the therapist may not be well equipped for this subject, then you may indeed want to referred to someone more experienced. Obviously, there are plenty of benefits when your therapist is knowledgable about the ins and outs of TG issues. A good therapist will recognize their limits and so will a good patient so keep your eyes and ears open for red flags.

I think that the first and best step to take right now is just open up to your current therapist and see where that talkes you.

[JenniferR771]

I looked online for counselor who was expert in gender issues. You can look up the various doctors and MSW and so forth. But you have to read between the lines. Most claimed to have expertise in all genders and gender preferences, but read very carefully for hints at their real interests and experience. Compare and contrast.

I called my local Psychological association for a referral, but later found out that they paid to be put on a list.

Some tried to tell me its a sin. Some that I had a sexual addiction. (See Patrick Karnes).

[Erina]

Processing these emotions is exhausting and I doesn´t really know what I want. Understanding won´t come easily. At the sessions I speak, he replies with questions. The last time I visited I had it on my tongue but remained mute, the conversation got silent for a moment. I knew that it wasn´t just saying, I were also to specify later. I want well-being and harmony in my life; many that are getting therapy seem to get it. But I am afraid of giving away too many details too quickly.
I consider ending it now and coming back later instead. But why would I do any greater accomplishment´s then? Since I failed telling I also consider giving him a note (thanks Donna).
Don´t mind that it´s a guy that I´m speaking to, but doubt his skills in this case. But if he cannot help I can always quit therapy.

[Jonianne]

Just start the next session off with saying there is something you want to share, the real reason you are there, but are too afraid to say.

If you really want the courage to finally out yourself, just think of the bill you will be receiving for all the sessions you didn't share.

[sandra-leigh]

If he redirects you to someone else, have you lost anything compared to never having spoken to him about it at all?

[taís]

Hi Erina!

you've started therapy very young, and I congratulate you. the time and money you invest in this now will pay back big time later on. don't quit! ^ ^ if you feel things are not working smoothly with this therapist, you can try with another (as the girls said, a gender therapist could be appropriate). but now that you did the hardest part -- starting --, keep on it for a while

it's really hard to open up. but for this moment, remember yourself that what you're getting is a health treatment, not a jury. for your health and better use of your money, you shall remain very truthful to yourself and speak your mind with no objections. a professional will always protect your privacy.

in the OP you mentioned you "ran out of subjects to talk about". this is not a bad thing; it's the moment where the real therapy begin! ^ ^ when you have no agenda and start speaking about little things, or a dream you had... you'll see how quick the "deep issues" will arise.

I don't know if you're sitting or laying down on the couch, but for me helped a lot to do it laying down. not looking at my therapist's face and eyes was really needed so I could open up myself. If you feel like trying it, just tell him you're gonna do it, no need to wait for him to propose ^ ^

I've done years of therapy and it was the best thing I ever did to myself, and I plan to give it another go soon. I hope you find the harmony you're looking for.

;***

[sandra-leigh]

in the OP you mentioned you "ran out of subjects to talk about". this is not a bad thing; it's the moment where the real therapy begin! ^ ^ when you have no agenda and start speaking about little things, or a dream you had... you'll see how quick the "deep issues" will arise.

I've lost count of the times I've arrived at a therapy session having thought for days, "Why am I going?? I have nothing to say!" -- only to run out of time saying my "nothing" !

But yes, it isn't easy to be open. I've admitted to some things that I'm not proud of, and had wonderful sessions as a result. I don't mean "confess major sins" sort of "not proud", but things like "Sometimes it feels like everyone including me treats my mother-in-law like a dog." Saying that you are a cross-dresser is perhaps odd but not inherently harmful, so in some ways dressing is much easier to admit to than the more daily and almost "routine" difficulties such as reacting to a person as if they are sub-human. But it is the sort of issue that you can end up talking about when, as TaÃ*s puts it, you have no agenda.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I'd like to talk to a shrink about my crossdressing and I wonder if they would ask me to dress up for a session or would have an issue with me dressing for a session. Has anyone experienced something like that?

[Amanda22]

But I am afraid of giving away too many details too quickly.

Your therapist needs and wants ALL of your details and needs them as soon as you can possibly provide them. He is there to help you but can't possibly help if you don't tell him about cross dressing. You seem afraid of his reaction. No need to be. If you finally muster the courage to say "I am a cross dresser and how do I deal with it in my life?" you will be surprised at how little reaction you'll get. I think you'll kick yourself for not mentioning it in session #1. Legally, everything you discuss with him must stay between the two of you. You have absolutely nothing to lose by telling him, unless you prefer to stay stuck in your confusion. I'd be willing to bet he's already pegged you as holding something significant back and is marveling at how long you keep it in.

Just do it.

[girlygirly]

What is it you want to achieve?

This is what I always wonder, as well, since there is no known cure for crossdressing. I think most of us have realized that this is somewhat normal, albeit unaccepted, and it is mostly about learning where you want to put yourself, in the range of gender identity. As much as a therapist might be able to help a crossdresser deal with their own feelings about themselves and others, I think many of us would need the rest of the world to change around us before we could honestly feel comfortable in our daily lives.

[Amanda22]

I'd like to talk to a shrink about my crossdressing and I wonder if they would ask me to dress up for a session or would have an issue with me dressing for a session. Has anyone experienced something like that?

LeahMaria,

Great question! A year and a half ago when I was seeing my therapist, I told her that I needed to cross dress. Mind you, at the time she was the only person in the world I'd ever revealed this to. At the end of that session, she asked me, "Why don't you come dressed as a woman next week? It is safe here and no one will treat you any different." Her tone was so matter-of-fact as though it was the most normal thing ever. When I think about it, it is the most normal thing. I must cross dress to be happy, I'm talking to my therapist about how cross dressing integrates into my life, so why wouldn't I dress? So I did!

[Erina]

Thank you all for every one of your great replies. Somehow the fact that I pay a lot of money doesn't intimidate me, but I risk more by not telling. I just need to say that single sentence, explain and answer the questions, finally expressing what I feel and enjoy the therapy. Perhaps I can listen to music or something to set my mind right before I walk in to my next session. Hopefully he can offer some counseling or help me find someone who can.
I haven´t got any bad or shameful feelings about myself but I hope therapy will help me understand where these feelings come from and what I want. At least that’s what I wonder. Don´t know how psychologists make people feel better, but they just seem to do.

[Amanda22]

Erina,

I know a bit about the trepidation you feel revealing it to your therapist. I had a huge weight lifted off of me once the words passed through my lips. It is one of the best things I've ever done. Let us know how it goes, OK? We're all extremely supportive and really do care.

[Taya]

I recently made an appointment with a local lgbt community sponsored counsellor. Over the past few months I have been depressed and anxious about my bisexuality, and about what seems to be some gender issues. It was making me really sick. So I told my girlfriend, who already knew all this, but I told her it was coming to a point where I had to allow this stuff to come to the surface and not hide it. She was really good and really supportive, and recommended that I see a counsellor who can help me sort through my confusion, so that I know what I want and so that she can better work out how she will respond to my needs in our relationship. It felt soooo good to tell her, and it's so good to get on the course of working out what I really want out of my life.

Good luck!!!