Finally have a chance to get back to this site. The joys have having little kids, and a busy life. Thanks for all the great comments, it appears that just as in gender identity and expression, there are a countless ways of thinking about this topic, and none of them is wrong.
Judith Butler, Riki Wilchens, and Kate Bornstein have done a great deal of work on this topic, and I would recommend their writings if you want to explore more. You have all given me things to think further about - Thanks!
