Do say more? I know that I am having difficulty reconciling my feelings that I am being selfish about my gender priorities, versus two different therapist telling me that No, my problem is not being selfish enough for my own good.Originally Posted by WsprsOnTheWind
It has nothing to do with importance. Expressing my gender self is a natural genetic personal attribute. Loving my family is a natural genetic human reaction. There meeds not be any conflict between either. Any conflict is self administered at the onset.
My answer would be, "I hope I prioritize everything in my life appropriately. My relationship with my wife is first, then we go from there as that relationship makes everything else possible."
SweetPea - thanks - you got what I was on about! lol
NicoleScott - I can assure you my pitchfork is still in the cupboard, along with my broomstick, and as for the torch- well I didnt even get as far as lighting the match. I really dont believe my post was flaming Leslie - but if it came across that way then it was more to do with how I worded it than the intent behind it and if I offended Leslie, it certainly wasnt my intention.
Leslie, thankyou for your reply - you have rightly deduced from my screen name that I am ok with my partners cross-dressing. I was of course pretty shocked to be told about it - 4 months ago, 29 years into our marriage and a total of 31 years together, but we are getting there. I'm willing to compromise as is my OH
I can only imagine how agonising it must be for both parties if the wife just cannot or will not accept the situation - but just as the TS or CD cannot change the way he/she is, neither probably can the wife - she has her feelings, whether she likes them or not and they are just as valid. It's a horrible situation to be in and somebody invariably gets hurt.
Personally I wouldn't ask my OH to choose between me and his CD'ing- it would be unfair and unwise - I might not like the answer!! If it ever gets to the stage where I cant handle it, I will leave. An ultimatum is pointless unless the person giving it is willing to accept that they might not get the result they are hoping for.
IMO when reading any of the post on this forum, I feel we often only hear one person's side of the story - it may well be that the wife is uncompromising or bullying etc. this may of course be absolutely true - there are almost certainly plenty of wicked wives out there - but the other side of the coin may be that the CD'er has "come out" to his wife, and she has initially been fine and accepting, but then the CD'er takes that as carte blanche to start dressing 24/7 or wont stop spending etc. and goes full steam ahead without looking back to see the wife shell-shocked in his wake. No surprises then if th wife gets very miffed about it and all the acceptance and comprise goes right out the window!
I hasten to add this is not the case in my relationship - but I know it happens. I just think it is sensible to bear in mind that there are always two sides to any story.
The family comes first , but (always that but)there was a time that some could say i did not think of my family at a certain point in my life and to be honest i would agree with them , it is difficult to completely control transgenderism .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
Silentpartner - your post above certainly clarifies for me your reaction to Leslie's post, and also shows your understanding of the difficulties crossdressing can bring to a relationship. I originally saw your characterization of Leslie's post as hostile as....well, hostile. Sometimes our words don't match our intent, and I apologize for my overreaction.
I have seen both sides of it: my first wife could not be married to a crossdressing husband, period, and we divorced. Now, my wife knows, accepts, understands, tolerates, etc. but chooses not to participate in my crossdressing. It works for us.
Sweet Pea, I agree, we were not asked to choose, but the question the OP posed was that family/close friends/SO asked which was more important. This is different than the OP asking. When a wife asks, it's not like asking which do you like better, green or blue. There is likely something behind the question. Many saw this as a trap question, and responded accordingly.
The best answers to the question are the ones that don't make the choice, but explain that they can't or shouldn't have to make the choice. Jilleanna said it well in post #53.
Which is more important, eating or breathing?
Thanks Nicole - its the one problem with the written word - it can often inadvertently be taken the wrong way -
I too have been asked this question by my wife. She still believes that I can control my dressing urges and simply not dress. Perhaps she is right, but I reply that I would be a mess! She then asks why I have to dress and I reply that I do not know. That I wish that I did not have to. Many of us have been in these question and answer situations! I wish this would all go away. My life would be much easier! However, it has been going on since I was 5.
Charlie
I was never actually asked this question by my x wife .But i always put my family first and always will .My daughters do not know and hopefully will not ever know .In the end it did not matter she still felt i chose it over everthing especially her
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
You and me both Jenny!
And yet, there's no such thing as an entirely secure closet - there's always the chance that no matter how careful we are that some day we'll slip up and suddenly find ourself on the wrong side of the closet door, having been inadvertently outed! I don't want to even imagine the fallout of that happening! Some might perceive our willingness to take THAT risk as evidence of us placing more importance on our CDing than on our family. And if I'm honest with myself then I have to admit that I'm not entirely sure that they're not correct (ouch!). That's a rather unconfortable thought!
I just hope that I never get asked the question!
Not any doubt - family comes first.
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