Great Expectations?

[Jacqui]

I have never been out, so you could take this with a grain of salt:

I would say that the more attractive you try to make yourself, the more looks you'll get from men and women and probably the harder it will be to pass or "blend." Even if your look is close to perfect, you will have had to master all aspects of female comportment... the way you walk, the way you sit, the way you eat, the way your body moves, etc.

How often do we stare at beautiful women for as long as we can without getting "caught" whilst giving an average girl only the once over? The beautiful CD, therefore has a much longer timeframe to be read by either sex.

Most GG's are not models, they're not movie stars, they're average. I think that in order to pass, it is necessary to have that "average" look and have a more than modest degree of feminine movement, and of course, voice.

I'm talking about CD's in general, not TS's who've had FFS, SRS, or those Miss Transgendered of the World candidates in Thailand!

Well, that's just my opinion.

[Rachel Morley]

Pass or not pass?....it's the holy grail of crossdressing....isn't it? For me, it's certainly way too much of a hot potato to really comment on.

Having said that, I will say this about how I feel about myself. I do try not to stand out when I'm in public. I've been told that my dressing style is a sometimes a bit too prim and proper My expectations of myself are always more than I can achieve. It always seems like a battle to get to a place where I look in the mirror and think to myself...yeah I look good

Do I pass?...well if passing means being mistaken for a woman...then my personal opinion is that I only pass from a distance or if people don't get too close. The moment people see me face to face then I don't know what they are thinking. It's true I have a small body and small features but I still think people know. To date though, I have been lucky because I always get treated a a woman....until I speak

[Kaitlyn Michele]

passing? its just a word....i think we all have different hopes and expectations..i have very high hopes, low expectations...everybody compliments the pics but i know the truth of it for me

for me, i like to go out and walk around in places where women might be around and at over 6' i'm quite certain i dont pass.

BUT!!!!!!!!
on the other hand, i take pride in my "look" and my clothes and try to look my best and blend in and if nobody bothers me i can pretend that i "passed" or that at least when people took notice of me they were ok with it...

for those of us that get fully dressed and try to blend in public i would venture this opinion.. no matter how you look, if you make an effort and (this is key) dont show off any body hair.(that includes arms/chest/beard cover), then people who read you probably think you are a trannsexual..i'm totally guessing here but we all care about the difference...i'm a crossdresser, i fantasize about being totally female, but i'm a man. this is hugely different from our ts sisters but at the same time i dont think the general public out there gives a hoot....obviously if the wig is messed or your arm hair is poking out...people might notice up close, but i really think that since i go "ALL-IN" i am rarely going to get bothered even with my size and total lack of feminine looks facially..if i get read as TS so to speak that works for me...in fact, i would love it if someday i get approached by somebody asking if i used to be a guy!!!! (LOL)

just my opinion

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I think too many of us are paralyzed the pursuit of perfection. We've bought into the beauty myth just as much as GGs have.

But as Mand said, it's unlikely that the vast majority of us (including myself) are going to be mistaken for a GG 100% of the time. I'm a big chick. No two ways about it. A 5'10", 220, broad shoulders and a barrel chest, I'm well outside the statistic norm for females. That said, I've seen GGs bigger than I am, both in height and breadth. And as Sharon said, not all of them look like [insert favorite actress/model here]. Just see these examples.

Which is one reason I can move through a crowd without seeming to attract a lot of attention -- although I've got no illusions that in close-up interactions I'm going to be mistaken for a GG.

So it's really about presentable and blending in. As Shannon put it, be comfortable and confident in your own skin and people will generally treat you like the lady you feel yourself to be. Those of you who've read about my past outings know that I've been treated well even though I'm sure people knew they were dealing with a guy in a dress.

I realize that being a guy in a dress doesn't fulfill the fantasy we have, but if you can accept that's what you are, being read is no longer a crushing blow. It happens, you move on. So the question is holding onto the dream of being mistaken for a GG worth remaining all dressed with no place to go (if the need to pass keeps you in the house)?

That said, a GG friend has been pushing me to not only be "passable" but pretty. I'm not going to be mistaken for Angelina Jolie, but I think I've upped the ante. Frankly, it's a little scary, because my friend (who's beautiful) warned me that being pretty will attract attention. And as a CD that's a two-edged sword -- am I being looked because someone finds me attractive or because I'm being read (or both)? Am I aiming to look like a super-model? Yes. Do I need to look like a super-model to be comfortable going out. No.

[Sweet Susan]

I'm around women all day. Lots of them. I have to say that they are very much different looking than we are. I think it takes a pretty special cd to fool most people. I don't believe I have what it takes.

[Sharon]

I would say that the more attractive you try to make yourself, the more looks you'll get from men and women and probably the harder it will be to pass or "blend." Even if your look is close to perfect, you will have had to master all aspects of female comportment... the way you walk, the way you sit, the way you eat, the way your body moves, etc.

How often do we stare at beautiful women for as long as we can without getting "caught" whilst giving an average girl only the once over? The beautiful CD, therefore has a much longer timeframe to be read by either sex.

Most GG's are not models, they're not movie stars, they're average. I think that in order to pass, it is necessary to have that "average" look and have a more than modest degree of feminine movement, and of course, voice.

Exactly! -- although I think "attractive" is the wrong word. I would always want to be attractive, but I refrain from attempting to look glamorous (in public).

I would love nothing more than to be able to dress like Rita Hayworth or Audrey Hepburn did in their movies, but if I were to attempt to do so in public, I would attract much unwanted attention, just as a GG would. But whereas a woman would possibly be able to survive close scrutiny, I most assuredly would not.
It's all about blending in and being accepted for me. I want people to see me as just another faceless girl on the street.

[Debbie Kong]

I'm very realistic. I want people to know that I'm a TV. I just want to be an attractive one. There are many people who like us that way. I only go out to T friendly places so people who see me should know what I'm all about. TGurls are special. Why pretend to be other?

Debbie

[Ashley in Virginia]

What I want to know is -- are you realistic about how well you can look if you really try? And are you realistic about how well you look in comparison with the average woman? Or are you only satisfied if you can look like a super-model?

I have put alot of thought into this over the last few days. My expectations are probably not realistic. But I don't know what realistic is. I am having a tough time accepting the image in the mirror as all I can be. Is it realistic to want more? How much further can I take it?

I may be passable at 20 yards, but at 20 feet? I don't think so. And thats where I want to get to. So I guess I will never be satisfied with this. lol.

[Jodi]

Ashley, The ability to go out and blend in as a cd is CONFIDENCE. Do the best you can on your appearance. Remember that behavior, deportment, posture and mannerisms are actually more important than appearance in blending in. Also, remember to SMILE. GG's smile all of the time. They smile at strangers, friends, clerks, etc. When someone looks at you, look them back and smile.

The ability to blend in and be accepted is 90% confidence in who we are.

Jodi

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

The ability to blend in and be accepted is 90% confidence in who we are.

Exactly.

As I said earlier, if you expect people to mistake you for a GG, you're probably going to be disappointed. If you expect people to treat you like anyone else -- that's totally doable.

[Kim E]

I would love to pass, but I know that's not reality. So, I don't worry about it. I've always cared more about blending in and not standing out. Just a TG in a crowd, going about her business like everyone else. Never had any kind of serious or embarrassing problems, maybe confidence is a big part of it. Also only being 5"8" helps a lot, some of my GG friends are taller than I am. An advantage I have is that I live as a female probably 80 percent of the time.

A bad place to go, if you don't want to be read is the mall or where ever teenage girls hang out. Some CD/TG friends have told me, from their experience, that teenage girls can spot us in a heartbeat and can be quite vocal about it with their peers.

Hugs ~ Kim

[Rachel Ann]

What I want to know is -- are you realistic about how well you can look if you really try?

Well, Mand, you know what a crush I have always had on you!

I never expect to pass, especially at my age. But I am content with what I have.

Love

Rachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mand]

Awwww Rachel a crush on me ................thankyou love


I was just wondering if my earlier post sounded a bit too harsh
I do believe though that most TG's cannot "pass" totally, there is always some give away that prevents this. Usually it is the overall size, shape and build that is a real give away. Then there are thing's like facial features, adams apple, hands, feet, oh and the voice.
However like I said before there is a difference between passability and attractivness. You only have to look on the picture threads on this forum to see many attractive girls.

I was just thinking about an ex neighbour of ours. She was not a woman that could be described as attractive.
I don't know if I should say the next bit ..................well anyway we used to call her Mrs Stalin, because basiclly she looked like Joseph Stalin in a dress................and yes she did have a lot of facial hair just under her nose
The thing is though you knew that she was a genitic female...................I'm not sure how but you just knew................she was "passable", well kind off.

I really truely wish I could pass, it would make life a hell of a lot easier but if I can just manage to sometimes become not noticable then I'll be happy with that.

love mand xxx

[Toni]

[SIZE=4]I look in the mirror and think to myself "You've done the best you can with that mush" and if I can walk down the street past a gang of teenagers and they don't start shouting "Tranny,tranny,tranny" then I think I've won.[/SIZE]

[Rachel Ann]

Awwww Rachel a crush on me …

Girl-girl crushes are the best ‘cause you are at far less risk for getting your heart broken.

I do believe though that most TG's cannot "pass" totally, there is always some give away that prevents this.

A few can do quite well, especially those who started transitioning in their teens. And all of us, GGs included, learn how to de-emphasize our bad traits and play up our good ones. I would kill for a face like yours! And I'm still learning, heaven knows.

However like I said before there is a difference between passability and attractiveness. … manage to sometimes become not noticeable

Yes, we are all entitled to be girls, and only God makes some naturally beautiful. But the magic of makeup, hair products and foundation garments, plus a lot of work, gives most of us the chance to be quite presentable!

I am a firm believer in “passing enough” – i.e., being able to go about without attracting derision. Of course, that’s easy for me to say since I live in a very T-friendly area. I don’t know where you live – are you in a position to go for outings in places like London from time to time?

But I truly believe that most people are so self-absorbed that they just don’t notice all that much about others. Of course, I still practice common sense when it comes to safety. I never put myself in a position without an escape route should I encounter a pack of boys, don’t go out alone after dark, and so forth.

Otherwise, it’s living in the closet – and I have wasted FAR too much of my life doing that.

[SIZE=4]... if I can walk down the street past a gang of teenagers and they don't start shouting "Tranny,tranny,tranny" then I think I've won.[/SIZE]

Sticks and stones! I'm happy if they don't drag me in to an alley and beat me, or worse.

Hugs and kisses

Rachel Ann

p.s. Mand, I really think you're a bit beyond "aspiring" by now.

[mand]

Hello again Rachel I know I'm kinda going off topic a little here but threads are supposed to get people talking aren't they
Can I just tell you what my biggest problem is about going anywhere were there are people. I cannot forget I'm different in my way, no matter if no one is paying me a blind bit of notice, I keep reminding myself that I am TG.
Well this causes me no end of anxiety but on the rare occasion when my mind is on something I can totally forget that difference exsists and those moments are pure heaven for me.
It may happen when I'm doing the weekly shop and I am trying not to forget anything...............anytime when I'm having to concentrate on something else.
I'll tell you my worst times, when I have to queue for something, a supermarket checkout or in the bank, then I really feel anxious


But what you say ................"Otherwise, it’s living in the closet – and I have wasted FAR too much of my life doing that"..................that my way of thinking as well Rachel

love mand xxx