To ask or not to ask

[naye]

Hi, now I am at my moms home for a two week holidays, I used to live in this house before, and when I moved, I left behind some clothes in a well hidden box, but my surprise is that now that this time that I come back and visit my mom I enter to my old room, and it was all re-organized, I spent all day looking for my stuff, and that box and the clothes inside is the only thing that is missing, my mom is the only one who lives here, so I now that she is the only one who could take that box.

My mom hasn't say anything about that, so my question to you is if you think she thought the clothes were mine or not, and if I should ask her or not about that box, or what should I say, or just keep quiet and leave it like this.

Thanks!!!

[Ava Tryptyk]

If you care about the clothes and you want them back (or at least want to find where the clothes have vanished to), you should ask. I suppose if you don't want to out yourself you could say that they belonged to a female friend who wanted to store the clothes at your place. I know it sounds farfetched but if you really want to know the whereabouts of the clothes there's only one way to find out.

It's hard to say whether she thought the clothes were yours or not because we don't know anything about your relationship with your mom. If she's seen or suspected you of dressing or doing other "feminine" things, then she might think they're yours. If not, maybe she thinks they belonged to a female friend.

[Stephanie47]

If you don't want to 'out' yourself, then say nothing. If your mom wants to bring up the subject, you'll have to either fess up or hide the truth. You should be able to gauge how she may feel based on living with her for many years. Was she tolerant of sexual minorities, etc? Maybe the room was occupied by other guests during your absence, and she thinks they belonged to somebody else. If you want your clothes back, you just have to come clean. Frankly, I think she knows! Mothers are always in a cleaning mode. The worst time to think you have hidden something well is when "YOUR" bedroom has been turned into HER sewing room.

[Beverley Sims]

I am inclined to keep quiet, and look around the house. If you find them in a linen cupboard or stored you can then ask, "Whose are these"?
This happened to me once and I said they were given to me by a girl friend for oil rags. The comment came back, "Nylon is no good for soaking up anything."
Took me another couple of months to gradually move them away.
Could be some interesting times ahead.

[BRANDYJ]

Only you know your mother and how she might think and feel ablout your being a CD/TG. If you think she is open-mioded enough to know about you, then by all means ask her were that box went. If it was her that removed it, no doubt she at least peaked inside to see what it is. So in my opinion she already knows about you or at least strongly suspects you are into wearing feminine clothes. So only you know how she may deal wiht this.

[naye]

thank you all for your responses, about the clothes I dont think that she could thought they were from someone else, because I already found some other stuff that I had stored in the same box where the clothes were hidden, so this other stuff was relocated but I havent found any clue about the box or the clothes in all the house, I'll keep searching.

Affortunately she has always been open minded and respectful with sexual minotirites.

Thanks.

[BRANDYJ]

Affortunately she has always been open minded and respectful with sexual minotirites.

Thanks.

So there is your answer IF you don't mind or want her to know about you. That is IF the clothes mean that much to you. If not, then don't mention it and laeve it alone and always assume she "might" already know and is to shy, afraid, or kind enough to not bring it up herself. Remember this: All mothers love their children unconditionally. If you thionk this woujld upset her needlessly, then I'd forget the clothes and never mention that box to her. On the other hand, she may just be waiting for the right time to tell you she found the box if she is that open-minded and respectful of sexual minorities.

[Barbara Ella]

If you are concerned and want the clothes, dont ask about the box directly. Comment on the great job your mom did in redoing and cleaning up the room. Comment if it is so much more airy or open or something (cleaner with less clothes on the floor?) that will be a compliment to her and maybe get her talking about the room. Do you think she has any plans for redecorating or painting that might be discussed. Let her take the lead on what she had to do to get the room cleaned, maybe she will remember the box and mention it. If not, nothing lost, but she might wonder why you noticed the room that you never did before? Of course you are growing as a caring person...

Babes

[Kate Simmons]

The bottom line is Hon that if you don't ask you may never know for sure. Your call really.

[Miriam-J]

You've made it clear that the missing items are quite specifically related to your dressing, and that they were in a context with things that were clearly yours. It seems likely that she's managed to put two and two together and concluded that you at least had the habit when younger. It also sounds as though she would be open and accepting (at least). So, that leaves you with the option: do you want her knowledge to be explicitly shared and a part of your conversation with her, or a hidden secret for each of you separately. Your choice entirely, and neither choice is wrong.

Miriam

[Being Paige]

Go ahead and ask! you will be leaving in two weeks and after you have left you will still be wondering.

[Imeni]

Just ask. "Hey mom, when I left I think I left a small box of stuff you might find wierd for a guy to have, but I was really looking forward to getting my stuff, but you ended up straightening up my room and now my box of things are gone. Know where you put em?" Done.

[phballet]

hmm this sounds eerily like something that happened to me quite a while back...abt 12 yrs or so. back then the only piece of women's clothing i owned was a pair of pink pantyhose (oh come one...we all had to start somewhere hehheh). i used to stuff it into one of my PC game boxes trusting that it would be one of the last places pple would look. my mom was in cleaning mode one of these days i guess as she actually went through my entire cupboard/drawers and packed as well as threw away old stuff. just so happened that she went through all the PC game boxes as well to see if there was a CD inside...cuz sometimes those boxes are left empty after the CD itself is placed somewhere else.

i only realised when i was going to retrieve my pantyhose form the box and found it missing. i also found quite a few of my game boxes thrown away and other stuff reorganized.

in the end, and in fact until this day, i've not said anything abt it and neither has she. i'm not so sure she's forgotton the incident but i guess she nvr bothered to bring it up. this is slightly different form your case as she could have attributed it to just some "trophy" or fetish related to pantyhose at a young age. but my point is that some mothers are willing to just ignore it if you so wish to....kinda like don't ask don't tell...:> so i guessa you could wait til she brings up the issue or just pretend nothing went wrong...unless of course you do want yr stuff back!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im a bit like your Mom theres nothing that pass's me that i dont know about, said or unsaid & if theres something iv not seen before i look. so your call
Mom you know that box i had in my room do you know where it is i'd like to get it & sort my stuff out i left behind,

I may be wrong tho i think its a gone,

For many years i had stockings & then tights saved up for straining paint so i was allways asking friends you have any tights or stockings well i got plenty at the time & Jos as well. did i ever try them on laughing, here, ,,,, not telling.......any way you get the idear. i'd ask your Mum.

...noeleena...

[EllieOPKS]

If the stuff was valuable to you, why did you leave it behind in the first place? Kinda seems apparent that if she wanted a discussion about it she would have called you. A lot of things are easier to talk about on the phone versus in person. I would leave well enough alone, she has had plenty of time to bring it up. Anything in that box can be replaced.

[LeaP]

Paranoia. She might as easily come up with another explanation - an old girlfriend's clothes (which might raise other questions in her mind, however), something that was just stuffed away in the closet by someone else, perhaps a guest or relative. Who knows, maybe even something to be donated that never was, and was forgotten. The fact that it's the only thing missing may be clue that she simply never thought it belonged there.

Lea

[DonnaT]

I imagine, like in my case, you will want to come out to your mother at some point in your life. This is a good time to do it.

My mom found my stuff while I was away in the Army, nothing was said. 30 yrs later I came out to her and she is great about it. Wish I hadn't wasted all that time.

[Ressie]

they belonged to a female friend who wanted to store the clothes at your place.

I have several female friends that are storing clothes, make up and wigs at my place. I'll stick to that story if I can get away with it!

Naye, there's a good chance your mom took the clothes to the Good Will. I think the type of clothing would make a difference. It would be harder to explain sexy lingerie than frumpy sweaters.

[naye]

Thanks to all for your responses, about the clothes that I leave behind, were the clothes that I didnt like that much but I also didnt wanted to purge, is not exactly that I am really interested in recovering those clothes, but is just that I am really curious to know what happened to them, and specialy if my mom could realize that those were mine, I have already talked to her about how nice the room is now, and about how good she reorganized everything, and even asked her about how many different kind of stuff she could found there,and she hasnt said anything about the clothes, I would really love her to ask me o r tell me something about the clothes and se what she tought about, but now I think that the only way to know is asking about them directly to her, I think I will ask her, and maybe even tell her about my CDing and that is a really good stress relief for me, but I think I will tell her just one or two days before leaving just in case that something goes wrong.

Have a great night!!!

[daviolin]

I had the same thing happen to me, many years ago. I went in the Navy for four years. And when I came home my girly stash was missing from My old room. You can't hide anything from your Mum. she finds and knows all. She never said anything and nether did I. I let that sleeping dog lie. Daviolin

[sometimes_miss]

Affortunately she has always been open minded and respectful with sexual minotirites. Thanks.

Just because she's o.k. with other people doing it, doesn't mean she wants anyone she's connected to doing it. Lots of people are tolerent 'at a distance'. But they freak out when it becomes personal (my family did). Tread very, very carefully.

[Daphne Renee]

probably the only way you will know for sure is it come out and ask her directly. I know it might not go exactly the way you want them too but you will never know for certain if you dont ask,

[Miriam-J]

probably the only way you will know for sure is it come out and ask her directly. I know it might not go exactly the way you want them too but you will never know for certain if you dont ask,

On the other hand, it might go really well and you'll wish you had more time together. People can surprise you either direction.

Miriam

[naye]

Hi again!!!, well, I finally decided to ask about the clothes, just to know that my mom purged all the clothes in that box, and she just asked who was the owner of the clothes, she asked me twice, and honestly I chickened and just laugh and said they were from a girl friend, I think that she didnt 100% believed me, but I wasnt brave enough to say "were mine"
Thanks.

[Nikki Len]

Let me give some advise here. Be honest with your mom. She already knows, how, I don't know. Mother always knows. My late step mother who has two sons that are child molsters, and she accept them for who they are but still love them. I can not understand this. I guess it a mother's thing. Now if I did the same thing, my father would have disown me in a New York City second.

Connya