Acceptance

[Sheila]

I read and read about Acceptance and how it is the thing many of you dream/wish for BUT
and it is a big BUT, do you many of you really have any idea of what having a truly accepting partner/family means/could mean

An accepting partner opens up a whole new can of worms and the ball game becomes different ...... you see no longer are their the "boundaries" that some now feel are harsh and unfair, no longer do you have the cry of she won't let me, sometimes having an accepting partner is real scary, one who says "why are you dressing as him to go to the store/gas the car up ?

The thrill of shaving (even if it is a bind, like many of you know) all the hair away to dress is replaced with the damn boring bit of having to do it every single day and trust me no longer have you got the luxury of 3 hours in the bathroom to get ready ..... well not unless you want to be getting up at some ungodly hour of the morning to face the day as you would when dressing one or twice a week.

What is now part of the thrill, does become boringly normal and pretty quickly at that . I can already hear the cries of "ow I would love that " but would you really ?

[Jenniferathome]

Acceptance,does not mean participation nor enjoyment, noeven boundaries. It simply means that being open about his crossdressing is ok. That the topic of crossdressing is not in the closet while the actual act may be. At least for me, that's what it means.

[Miranda-E]

would I really? yes. What you describe is the level of acceptance I have and wouldn't settle for anything less. I don't do it for thrill seeking.
All anyone that wants an accepting spouse has do do is go looking for one, be honest and stop wasting time and effort being with the wrong people.

sure being responsible for your own actions is scary, but were adults and have no need for others bias based control boundaries.

[Lorileah]

Hey you, welcome back (LTNS).

You make very valid points and I am sure that many of the 24/7 TG's and especially the TS's here would agree with you. All the things that many here think are so much fun become rote quickly. Sort of like all the things that one does in daily male life but more of them. I am amazed how many bemoan how their wife or SO doesn't do this or that all the time. And yet in real life they don't put any effort in looking good for their SO (ever wonder why women look at a guy in a suit and their eyes light up? Because that man took time to not pick up an old T-shirt and sweats.) No different than wanting your SO to wear a dress daily. Men who have to wear a uniform every day (suit and tie) often don't go anywhere near that on their time off (and rush to change when they get home.)

So anyway, acceptance. Two way street, no parking, with speed limits. I have often thought one quick way to stop a cross dresser would be to say "Ok do what you want do what you will but you will do it all the time and you won't do it half way". Some here would find that a turn on but most would soon wish they could do what they "want" to do and not what is required. The thrill of getting caught, the thrill of doing something slightly not accepted in normal circumstances. That is really what many here are after. Look at the threads that ask if they made a man's piece of clothing exactly LIKE the woman's would you wear it and how many cry NO because it isn't women's (still looking for that magic list that says this is only for men this is only for women...If anyone has it please post it). It is the thrill and total acceptance kills it for many.

[Gerrijerry]

My wife is totally accepting and it was never about the thrill of dressing but the way it made me feel inside. It always seemed to me to just be the correct way to dress. My wife not only supported me but also helped me go from in the house to outside then finally to full time. I am happy and completely content. If course it is not for everyone each of us is some what different. Oh if giving a husband acceptance makes it boring to cross dressers I for one would think that most woman would know that and simply keep giving more until the cross dresser would stop. That of course would not happen. No one knows for sure yet why we are TS or CD or what ever. The only thing that is for sure is that it does not go away because you receive support. In fact it makes life much better. Just my 2 cents

[Joanne f]

I assume that we are talking about complete acceptance which is a bit different than some would like in just being accepted and able to do a reasonable amount with their wife`s/SO knowledge, well i am sure there are some who have that and make full use of it , but (always that but) i am one who has complete acceptance yet do not use it in a way most would and there are many reasons for that and it can become a bit daunting at times as i am quite a shy person , shopping has been mentioned a few times in threads lately and yes i like clothes shopping but when you are in a busy shop with other females around you and you just look at a dress or skirt and your wife chirps out "do you want one of those " it takes some getting use to especially with someone of my age .
It is obviously a good thing to have acceptance but you have to be careful how you use it or it will overtake you .

[Miriam-J]

In my travels, I've seen a broad range of cultural variations. Some of those with whom I've traveled can't even handle 'tolerance', which I consider to be co-existing in another culture. But tolerance just means that you won't condemn it, not that you consider it to be a valid approach to life. Acceptance of a culture means that you can see the point of view of those in the culture and can appreciate that their point of view is just as valid as yours, together with the customs and religions that are part of the culture. There's a third level that I strive for: embracing. By embracing, you not only acknowledge the validity of the culture, but make some or all of it part of you, at least while co-existing with the people of that culture. By embracing, you come to really know what the culture is all about and gain a real appreciation for the people of the culture.

We often speak of tolerance and acceptance, especially from our SOs, but in my short time on this site I've only occasionally seen talk of a spouse embracing the culture of their CD/TG in the sense I've just described. Perhaps this is too much to ask of most.

But what is it that we wish to have them embrace? Do we want them to embrace our crossdressing and the community to which we now belong? Or do we want them to embrace the freedom from societies' dictates and norms? For me it's really the latter, and I think we're on our way (both of us) from acceptance to embracing. I'm not interested in choosing one path, and I don't think she is either. Norms are not standards, just a middle ground from which variance should be accepted.

I once remarked to a female colleague who complained about having to choose between slacks, dress, or a suit that at least she has a choice. I think this is fundamental to at least my point of view.

Miriam

[Kate Simmons]

You are absolutely right Hon. Acceptance and doing it 24/7 can have it's own particular forms of drudgery. I seem to remember an old commercial on TV with a middle aged guy pushing himself to go to work and saying: "Gotta make the donuts!"

[noeleena]

Hi,

Are you meaning as to dressing going out & time spent on your self & money .

The point is Would you wont to be this way all the time in other words be a woman & all that it pertains to. accepting of one to dress now & again or even every week for a day,

my point will be if your a male all male & will remain a male there is a big difference you can if you like just wear our clothes for a bit, we wear them all the time tho not allways in how you would like to dress we are not all the time dressed up to the nines we do have to work & do other things, being a woman is not a bed of rose's we do get pricked at times , we just accept that, or have to as the case may be,
I like dressing up tho in my period garb = clothes & that for me is really neat all the time yes for myself i would & be at home dressed that way. so even tho im a woman i like my clothes to dress in tho not for the reason you do, no make up or heels & the like just a woman who enjoys life & being out.. & dare i say it a show off & yes i do get notised , I know many of my friends like it as well. so a difference then or may be not, do tell me what you think. oh talking about thinking this is another matter of cause how we think & you think. he he , you know what i mean....

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

The OP makes a terribly erroneous assumption. Acceptance doesn't mean carte blanche to do as one pleases any more than a lack of acceptance might add a thrill of any kind to CDing. As nted by others, we remain responsible as partners in a relationship. We hope to continue to be considerate and respectful. We can talk about issues - CD related and otherwise, without having CDing become an obstacle to understanding one another.

As for routine becoming boring, I don't dress for the experience of shaving or putting on makeup, but rather for the purpose of looking my best as I begin each day...no different from any other woman.

[ReineD]

I can't believe I missed this thread. Well, better late than never.

All the things that many here think are so much fun become rote quickly. Sort of like all the things that one does in daily male life but more of them. ... I have often thought one quick way to stop a cross dresser would be to say "Ok do what you want do what you will but you will do it all the time and you won't do it half way". ... It is the thrill and total acceptance kills it for many.

I agree with you. I also believe that Sheila is referring to a CD who wants to live full time and who is convinced that she needs to live full time, but finds many good reasons not to: the wife, the family, the job. These obstacles are daunting and they are real, and likely the biggest obstacle for a married CD is the wife. (Jobs can change, and children do grow up and move out). But if the CD loves her wife and the wife cannot see herself in a public relationship with another woman (which is common), the CD can live for years feeling unsatisfied with having to put on the guy mask while being unable to concentrate on anything other than being femme, all the while telling herself that she is making sacrifices for the wife.

So, what happens when the wife removes the biggest barrier and says, "Yes dear, I fully support you, please go right ahead"? I'm not talking about the husbands who know deep their souls they are women (the TSs), but the CDs who WANT to live as women, who may even believe themselves to be TSs, and who can think of little else. Big difference.

I believe Sheila is saying that for such CDs, the reason for not following through in the first place may have nothing to do with a wife's less than perfect acceptance after all, or any of the other barriers, but may have more to do with the CD being unwilling to admit that she is engrossed in the fantasy of it all. And that perhaps the fantasy is a lot more fun than the reality, as is evidenced by Sheila's example of a man who doesn't care to live full time when given the real opportunity to do so.

Caveat: not for everyone, of course ... just for the people who fit this scenario.

I am amazed how many bemoan how their wife or SO doesn't do this or that all the time. And yet in real life they don't put any effort in looking good for their SO (ever wonder why women look at a guy in a suit and their eyes light up? Because that man took time to not pick up an old T-shirt and sweats.)

On a separate note, .... how true.

[Presh GG]

Lorileah,
Your statement is a thread in itself.
It DOES feel "weird" to wear a dress and heels when my husband is wearing old worn out shoes and too big pants... like we're not together.
Yet if we're shopping he'll fight tooth and nail not to look for a nice pair of jeans or pants.

Sorry Sheila, back to your thread ..Luv ya

Presh GG

[TeresaL]

I'm emerging, somewhat scathed, but bear with me. It will get better or I will do what the last therapist told me ten years ago, "what are you waiting for, doing this after you die?" Our sessions were promptly cancelled after that statement. Oops, my workplace clinic sponsored that clinic.

No, I can not imagine hearing "honey, I'm coming home, stay in Teresa mode, we're going out tonight."

I would break down and cry for hours, and we would miss the time to go out that night. LOL. That's what total acceptance would mean to me - the end of discrimination, bigotry, and bullying.

[Babette]

....What is now part of the thrill, does become boringly normal and pretty quickly at that . I can already hear the cries of "ow I would love that " but would you really ?

Sheila, you have presented an intriguing thread. After thinking about it for a while, I came up a reversed analysis. I have an accepting wife so do I feel unforunate by her lack of objection? Do I experience no "thrill"? Am I bored by her complacency? My answer is absolutely not!!! As for for the thrill factor, that's not so important anymore. The freedom to manifest my inner-self simply puts my soul at ease.

Babette

[Sandra1746]

I was going to say I didn't find a "thrill" in dressing but that is probably not entirely true. There is no sexual component but I do get pleasure out of looking decently dressed, even in what I call "plain-Femme". The choice of colors is likely what does it for me. I am usually dressed in this manner unless I am doing grungy yard work, then I wear the oldest male clothes I have. They are considered expendable.

My wife is accepting about slacks and tops out in public, when we are out together I am usually dressed about as well, or slightly more colorfully, than her. I do not find shaving legs a chore any more than I find shaving my face a chore, and that is a daily need.

So I guess I have a significant degree of "acceptance". It has become "normal" and I feel that is a good thing.

Sandra1746

[GaleWarning]

For me, total acceptance would mean at least the following ...
No copping a feel to see if I have a bra on.
No derogatory comments about my choice of clothing.
No fear about what others might say or think ...

There is a difference about being accepting (limited) and total acceptance (unlimited).

Let's be hearing more from you, Shiela!

[Kaz]

I can't believe I missed this thread. Well, better late than never.



I agree with you. I also believe that Sheila is referring to a CD who wants to live full time and who is convinced that she needs to live full time, but finds many good reasons not to: the wife, the family, the job. These obstacles are daunting and they are real, and likely the biggest obstacle for a married CD is the wife. (Jobs can change, and children do grow up and move out). But if the CD loves her wife and the wife cannot see herself in a public relationship with another woman (which is common), the CD can live for years feeling unsatisfied with having to put on the guy mask while being unable to concentrate on anything other than being femme, all the while telling herself that she is making sacrifices for the wife.

So, what happens when the wife removes the biggest barrier and says, "Yes dear, I fully support you, please go right ahead"? I'm not talking about the husbands who know deep their souls they are women (the TSs), but the CDs who WANT to live as women, who may even believe themselves to be TSs, and who can think of little else. Big difference.

I believe Sheila is saying that for such CDs, the reason for not following through in the first place may have nothing to do with a wife's less than perfect acceptance after all, or any of the other barriers, but may have more to do with the CD being unwilling to admit that she is engrossed in the fantasy of it all. And that perhaps the fantasy is a lot more fun than the reality, as is evidenced by Sheila's example of a man who doesn't care to live full time when given the real opportunity to do so.

Caveat: not for everyone, of course ... just for the people who fit this scenario.



On a separate note, .... how true.

Sheila, it is so good to see you back and yes I am still here! I so hope life is being good to you.

I think Reine hit the nail on the head... acceptance generally and acceptance in a day to day relationship are different. Many years ago when I was in Sales and Marketing an elderly colleague of mine insisted on complementing all the ladies at every event on how great they looked... his argument was simple... they have put so much effort into this, the least thing we should do is appreciate that. It wasn't negative it was a genuine ACCEPTANCE of what was involved, when most men just take it for granted. One thing serious CDing has done for me is to better understand this, and my love for and absolute respect for women has risen unfathomably... whether they dress to their nines or choose not to.

Having stayed overnight somewhere and slept dressed and in make-up and had to get out of bed, get out to a public car park and get my car parking ticket sorted with 15 mins notice... I remember this very well! Fortunately the make-up was a touch up (well... you will know what was involved)... but I did it and mixed with Joe public in the process... probably too driven to notice people (except the young black guy who did a double take!)...LOL

We live, we learn, we reflect, we live better...

[docrobbysherry]

To me, an accepting partner would be like having a partner in crime! We could plan Sherry's next adventure TOGETHER!

[Lucy_Bella]

Hi Sheila .

Long time no see, I hope you are doing well ... To answer your thread I think some of us have a different level when it comes to " acceptance " .. Not all of us like to dress everyday and some of us enjoy staying in the closet.. I think for most " acceptance " could be " tolerate " or just know that we come with a little extra package that isn't known to flow with the grain of society..

I spent 20 plus years in a marriage that my urges where only , in part " tolerated" and not accepted as to who I am ..It doesn't mean to give a green light to fall into some fantasy that really doesn't fit most of us.. It might be as simple as putting some normality back into a relationship that doesn't turn a GG stomach South when her Cder finds them self with the over whelming urge to feel Feminine ... I'm sure just as there are many different types and levels of Cding there are just as many in " Acceptance" . It has nothing to do with competing with a GG over certain things GG's are known to do and has everything to do with knowing that for some we are still men ..

[Jessica86]

Acceptance doesn't kill any of the enjoyment for me. Shaving, dressing, makeup all has the same rush. The acceptance part makes me feel good. It puts my feelings at ease, knowing nothing is being hidden from my wife. If you want the rush back, if it has killed it, try going out more?

[Tina B.]

I was looking for acceptance, not a drill Sargent that would make me, even when I don't want to, that's not acceptance!
Tina B.