Sex not in the picture at all

[Michelle 51]

There was a time that dressing was sexual and a lot of the reason for dressing even though your home alone was for that reason but as I've gotten older when I'm dressed at home or out and about in femme it isn't part of the picture anymore.It's all about being and presenting how I feel .I find much more peace and am more content when I'm out as Michelle than the sex part of it use to bring but I miss that side of it a bit because life was a lot simpler then because you could lay it down for awhile afterwards but now life is a little more complex and it is never done.The urge to be Michelle never goes far.Its a part of everyday life.I dress every day even if its only in the evenings after work.Sometimes I miss the old days.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]We've all heard this same thing many times before. Once again, you are not alone. I'm embarrassed to say some of the stuff that I did early on. Let's just say that very tight, short skirts made me crazy![/SIZE]

[kimdl93]

Same here - there was a time when dressing and sex were the same thing. But, as I've asserted before, I think that just about anything can be a turn on for a teenage or young adult male.

[whowhatwhen]

I'd actually prefer if there was no physical reaction.
Ironically enough wishing I didn't get any Es makes me get one.
Drat.

[Karren H]

I started before I knew what sex was...... And its never been a big factor for me.... Plus after 37 years of marriage. I can barely remember what sex is... Was..... I knew I should have been a nun!

[whowhatwhen]

So basically you ain't gettin' nun?

[Michelle 51]

Wel I've been married 37 yrs also and do have vague memories of those days. Now when I see a gorgeous women all dressed to kill instead of wanting to undress her and making love I want her cloths

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]I always thought that's why they called them nuns.[/SIZE]

[Cheryl T]

[SIZE="4"]We've all heard this same thing many times before. Once again, you are not alone. I'm embarrassed to say some of the stuff that I did early on. Let's just say that very tight, short skirts made me crazy![/SIZE]

I agree with Lynn. Many times my only drive to dress was because of the sexual high. Short skirts, sheer stockings and strappy sandals made my blood boil. Now as I've gotten older that has changed and the focus has become the expression of my inner self.

[Marilyn Beck]

I have heard this many times before, and it seems to be the norm for mature crossdressers. It baffles me. Like many others, I initially started dressing at a young age to satisfy sexual urges. Now, at age 55, sexual arousal remains the main reason I like to dress. I really don't understand how non-TS CDers can be driven to dress by non-sexual urges. I have no personal experience with any needs (other than basic needs such as air, food, water, shelter, and sex) that are so powerful that they could compel me to engage in a socially stigmatized activity like CDing. It doesn't make sense to me how a sexual stimulus that leads to a particular activity can evolve into, or be replaced by, a non-sexual stimulus that leads to the same activity. I can't think of anything analogous to this phenomenon. In the case of a heterosexual male who is compelled to have 'normal' sexual relations with women, is it common for the sexual desire to be with women to be replaced by some other equally strong desire to be with women? It has been suggested in other threads on this forum that CDers who continue to dress despite diminishing sexual urges is analogous to a married man whose desire for sex with his wife is replaced over time by non-sexual love and a need for companionship (etc.). But this strikes me as a poor analogy because the married man in this scenario does not lose his desire for heterosexual sex per se; rather, the man remains fundamentally heterosexual but experiences a diminished attraction to a particular sexual partner, his wife. This scenario is more analogous to a fetish or autogynephilic CDer who initially is highly aroused by wearing a sexy, short skirt, but doesn't get such a big thrill when he wears the same skirt for the 50th time. Just like the 'normal' male who has become bored with having sex with his wife might find an affair with a hot, young female to be very stimulating, the sexually driven CD who has become bored with old clothes might find a sexy new outfit to be very stimulating.

In my own case, the sexually driven urges to dress are not as strong as they were when I was young. When I was younger, I could become highly aroused simply by wearing a single article of feminine clothing. Now, I don't bother to dress unless I can get fully dressed, with wig, makeup, etc. And I generally do not seek immediate sexual relief, but prefer to remain dressed for an extended period of time, all day long if I have the opportunity. While I am dressed, I spend most of time doing non-sexual activities, such as household chores, watching TV, etc. But even though I (mostly) conduct myself in a non-sexual manner while dressed, I often will get a little tingle when I look in the mirror or otherwise reflect on the way I am dressed. Like many others who claim to dress for non-sexual reasons, I feel happy and relaxed while dressed, but in my case the feelings of well being seem to be derived from an underlying sexual arousal.

I would really appreciate any insights from others that will help me understand how a non-TS CDer would be compelled to dress by something other than sexual urges, especially when sexual arousal was the initial impetus for CDing. I honestly think I would quit CDing if the sexual urges went away. Even though I have a non-sexual appreciation of women's fashions and other feminine things, there are so many downsides to CDing that I simply can't imagine I would be driven to CD in the absence of an irresistable sexual compulsion.

[Lorenqt]

I used to dress only for sexual urges. Now, I've realized that I enjoy being a girl more than I like being ****ed like one.

[Aloha Jayne]

All very true insights. And I am in the same catagory. Wanted to wear dresses before I knew what sex was, went absolutly crazy with the sexuality of it when I turned 14, and now not so much. In fact, for all of my life, I only felt this was a kinky obsession, and therefore something that need to be denied and limited. But I have discovered that there is a real women living in me, and I want to find out who she is. So I am trying to explore the non-sexual side of this, and listen to who she is and not just what gets me going. I still am turned on when I put on a pair of panties, but not as much as before. And that has to be both from reduced testosterone levels at my age, and the fact that I've worn panties 1000's of times before. I have had a saying: when I turned 50, I changed from being a sex addict to just being obsessed. Or normal for most guys.

[Tara D. Rose]

Very interesting and awesome thread Marilyn. I too, like so many of us did begin at such a very young age. Mine was like before I even knew what sex was. It was around 4 to 6 years old when I would do these things. No sexual arousal, it was just the girls clothes. Later on in life like in my 20’s, yes I would become aroused while en femm, but most of the time not really do anything about it, and yes, sometimes I did. And so now for the last couple of years, I don’t get sexually excited simply by becoming Tara, but I still crave to become her nonetheless. I can only guess that for some cd’rs, it may me totally about a sexual excitement it can bring. So, as a young child it didn’t as a young man it did, but now it doesn’t, but I still want to get dressed all the way with everything or nothing at all by way of cd’ing. I mean I can’t think to myself, I want to get sexually excited, ok, get out all the fem stuff. I surmise that those particulars that used to dress solely for that reason, but now finds the arousal is no longer there, so they don’t dress in the fem clothes, for it’s not doing for them that it used to.
I can get aroused as a man or as woman, but for me personally, the en fem is not used as a tool or crutch to achieve arousal and so for those that dress for arousal purposes only, but find it no longer arouses them, may find they have no purpose to become their other side. This is very interesting. It’s just one of the many differences in our diversities. Some do it for sexual excitement and some do it for it is such a part of them that it will always be with them as in my case. But the benefits I do get from it is such extreme stress relief and for a while all my troubles go away. And when I am Tara, I don’t want to go back, I want to stay right where I am for as long as I can. Not for a few hours, but for a few days if possible. I’m not knocking anyone we all do this for different reasons.
L&R……………Tara

[NicoleScott]

Marilyn,
As with for you, sexual arousal always has been and still is the drive behind my transformation sessions. After decades of making up and dressing, I'm still waiting for that transition from dressing for excitement to dressing because I feel all girly inside. I'm getting older - when will my drive morph? Like you, I enjoy spending some time transformed, and I really enjoy the process. It's not just being en femme - it's getting en femme that I enjoy.
It's possible that when some CD's started dressing, during younger years when hormones were already running amok, they linked dressing with sexual arousal - in other words, misidentified the reason for their desire to dress. I can't understand why people do the things they do, because I'm not them, but I can accept their word about what drives them now and what drove them in the past. I don't have an internal femme identity. I'm a guy who likes to dress up occasionally. I accept that some CD's dress to express their natural feminine identity.
What I never completely understood (and I probably never will but I'd like to understand better) is the difference between a non-TS CDer (as you put it) and a TS who has not or will not transition. TS folk say they never were CD's. Some CD's (or at least who identify themselves as CD's) say they spend as much time en femme as possible, and some 24/7. Are they CD's, or TS but don't know it? What makes it one and not the other?

[suchacutie]

Well, for me it's 38 years of marriage and intimacy will stop when I stop breathing . Having said that, we were married for 32 years before Tina arrived so our "brand" of intimacy was well established and didn't include Tina. It still doesn't, and I've come to realize that is a good thing.

Starting to understand my transgenderism at age 55 was, well, a full-time job! It is much simpler for Tina to learn about herself, who she is and was, without the complication of intimacy with all the issues that it can provide. Her plate is already full! Now, is transforming to Tina sensual? Of course it is! The whole notion of my feminine side is fantastically sensual and the clothes, the makeup, the weight of the "forms", the heels, the completely changed us of body and mind....how could that not be sensual? But for me it is not sexual.

Hmmm, maybe that's one contributing factor to why I am very comfortable in both of my genders?

[Aloha Jayne]

sexual arousal always has been and still is the drive behind my transformation sessions. After decades of making up and dressing, I'm still waiting for that transition from dressing for excitement to dressing because I feel all girly inside. I don't have an internal femme identity. I'm a guy who likes to dress up occasionally. I accept that some CD's dress to express their natural feminine identity.
What I never completely understood (and I probably never will but I'd like to understand better) is the difference between a non-TS CDer (as you put it) and a TS who has not or will not transition. TS folk say they never were CD's. Some CD's (or at least who identify themselves as CD's) say they spend as much time en femme as possible, and some 24/7. Are they CD's, or TS but don't know it? What makes it one and not the other?

Very interesting comments and questions Nicole. I can tell you are being honest. And until last summer I felt the same as you. This was just for sexual gratification and nothing more. But I went to see a therapist so I could talk. I only went a few times and didn't get much out of it, except she gave me the permission to start thinking about this in a more positive manner, instead of it being just a kinky habit and equal to cheating on my wife. Once I began to try to understand what my feelings were, Jayne introduced herself to me. And at the age of 56, I realised I didn't know who I was, and there was a part of me that had been denied all my life. For me, I am not in transition. I don't want to become a woman, I still like being a guy. But I'm both, male and female, that share the same person. And I did not know this until just last summer. I'm now trying to make up for lost time and get to know this other person and let her be who she wants to be.
My understanding is that a true TS feels trapped in their GAAD (gender assigned at birth) and see themselves as the other. Some take the necessary steps to transition, and some only wish and dream. It has nothing to do with the clothes, just who they are on the inside. I can't speak for the CD's that don't want to be a woman, but love to dress like one 24/7.

[kristinacd55]

Pretty much totally agree with you Michelle. Just a part of my life now

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

I started before I knew what sex was...... And its never been a big factor for me.... Plus after 37 years of marriage. I can barely remember what sex is... Was..... I knew I should have been a nun!

Get thee to a nunnery, Karren. After 16 years with my SO who is 12 years older then me, Klienfelter's Syndrome, and male mental-pause (menopause), I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have been a nun also. I think we would have rocked the church to its very core.

[Carol A]

Gee I can only wish and dream now.

[suzy1]

My libido will go one day I suppose.
I don’t want to think about it at the moment. I really don’t!