I was caught again just after Thanksgiving. During my vacation during the holiday week, I had a pink fog overcome me and I tried several things I had not tried before. For one, I ordered some breast forms. And I loved them. For another, I took some pictures of myself, and I posted them on this board. I made sure I did not show my face because I have not been able to put on makeup to my satisfaction.
Well, I thought I had deleted all the photos off the computer. I had deleted them, but my wife was searching the computer for some specific pictures and the search pulled up the pictures from the Recycle Bin. She recognized they were recent from the Christmas decorations. There was a lot of screaming at me for my inability to "control myself." Ultimately, I promised to seek therapy. I certainly didn't believe there was a cure for me, but I agreed to placate my wife, and I thought therapy would be good for me anyway.
Since my company provides two free sessions without any questions, I scheduled an appointment in January with the therapist the company recommended. I didn’t like that he labeled me immediately as being a sexual addict since my crossdressing is primarily a sexual release for me. The additional benefit from the company is my wife would get two sessions also. I wanted our first sessions to be independent so I could be open and honest with the therapist.
After the two therapist sessions were over, I told my wife I didn’t feel comfortable going back to him. Another issue I had has his office was not convenient for me. This time I selected a therapist closer to me, and one who said she had some experience in transgender issues. I have had one session with her and I feel like this is the right path for me. She suggested couples therapy in the future, but wanted me to feel comfortable with her first. She also wants to explore some things I told her during the first session. When she asked about my step-father, I began talking and eventually ended up crying because she asked questions about how I was treated and I realized I had been physically abused. I repressed an incident where he was hitting me on my arm with a closed fist until he broke his hand. The therapist said I will need to work on this issue as well. I have another session scheduled and I am looking forward to it. This therapist was so easy to talk to. I may also like her because she told me she doesn't believe crossdressing is my biggest problem. She said some of the other things in my life need addressing so I can relieve stress. She thinks I need to focus on communicating with my wife better. I agree.
