just not havin a good day "low day

[nicole1987]

Im sorry im just havin a rough day today i really think i need prof help. i feel really depressed cause i dont know how to feel i have just so much confusion that i do cry i do have a few drinks like i dunno wat to do i want to change i enjoy being a cd and hope in the future if it holds for me to actually go for the whole gender reasignment. like all i wish was that i was born a women and not have to struggle with my sexuality. i dont know what to do sum times and talkin to doctors i feel wont do much of anything until you say your suicidal. all i want too do is better myself get thatfear of what people are thinkin out of my head. I just dont know what to do anymore any helpful advise for some one who has gone throught this or has felt tge same

[Jacqueline Winona]

Hey there, sweetie, you came to the right place! There are so many girls here who have had similar thoughts. It's so natural to feel confusion, you just don't know what normal should be, right? And you're fearful of reactions which isn't abnormal either. But don't put this all on your shoulders you don't have to solve every problem tonight. Just try to focus on what you can do right now and try to live in the moment. Right now matters, what might happen tomorrow isn't here yet and what happened two hours ago or the day before doesn't matter any more. I don't know if that helps, but talk it out (even on-line) and find a place in your heart and mind where you're exactly what you want to be.

[LeannL]

Nicole,
A therapist may be a help for you. You do seem to need to talk about your concerns. What is most important about going to a therapist is to find one that understands and has experience with gender issues such as ours. I have seen the negative effects of going to one that doesn't understand and there are a number of threads here that will confirm this. On the other hand, I have gone to a therapist who specializes in gender issues and I found her to be a great help. Your therapist could also evaluate you and, if needed, recommend you see a doctor to get some anti-depressants. I used them for a short while and it helped a great deal.

Leann

[kimdl93]

Everyone has a low day now and then. Is this a rare event, or do you feel this way often? If its the occassional low mood, then you may be able to shake it off with some simple things, like getting exercise...even a 20 minute walk would help. Theres evidence that depressive symptoms can be eased by the simple act of writing down six things you're grateful for each morning. The act of being grateful is good for your brain...perhaps the inverse is also true: that your mind may be harmed by constantly thinking about what you want but don't have.

Of course, if the depressed state is constant or recurrs regularly, then by all means to seek out the assistance of a therapist. The evidence suggests that competent therapy is far more effective in acheiving long term relief from depression than medications.

I would caution against two things, however. First, don't self medicate. Alcohol is a depressant, hardly the thing you need when you are in a low mood...and it has rather well known, adverse side effects. As for anti-depressants, there's an abundance of evidence that these are no more effective than sugar pills for individuals with mild to moderate depression, but they are expensive, can cause dependency and other adverse side effects. The theraputice effect of anti-depressants doesn't kick in for several weeks after you first start taking them. So for mild to moderate depression, they aren't particularly useful.

[Gaby2]

Hi Nicole,
I'm sorry to hear about the anguish you're going through.
Do continue to share your feelings, if you want to - that should help.
(Your thread here will probably be joined with the one that Kim just answered.)
Take care of yourself
Gaby

[Kerstin]

You should ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist who specialises in gender issues, or find one yourself. Keep posting here, it'll help.

[Karren H]

Sounds like you have issues on multiple levels..... Not caring what other people think appears to be one of the biggies. Once that's solved a lot of the other problems will not mater..... As much. Imho. I used to care about what other people thought of me. Everyone wants to be accepted and not have people think badly of them. I feared speaking and making mistakes.... So I'd set quietly... But after many years I realized I knew when things weren't right and started speaking out. And if I was wrong so be it. If you don't make mistakes your not doing anything!! That kind of snowballed and I started standing up to CEO's in big meeting and voicing my opinions... My superiors would take me aside after the meeting and say "you can't say that to a VP!!". But it was the truth and someone needed to say it and if they don't want my opinion they can stop inviting me to their stupid meetings.... Funny but they didn't stop... And I'm still here...

When I started going out enfemme I took that attitude with me. I don't pass and I know it... But I don't care! If someone doesn't like the way I dress that's their problem not mine!! I walk into a place like I belong there. Dressed as I am.. Like I own the place. I don't try to hide or blend in... Its all about attitude and self confidence and not giving a rats ass what anyone else thinks but you!!! Easy for me to say but its something you have to force yourself to do. I wasn't born this way. I used to be scared of speaking in public... But I made myself try. and over the years I've gotten better. Still have butterflys but once I get talking you can't shut me up! Kind of like this post... Ohh well... There's no quick fix... Don't know if this helps at all....

[Barbara Ella]

Nicloe, you are young. Being 24 is a rough time, especially with the extra considerations of cross dressing. You can see you need a counselor to talk with, and I would suggest you find one who will work with you. You have not had the years of wisdom and experience that Karren used to break her barriers so successfully, that comes with experience, which when you get down can seem like something you dont want, but you do. You can also get a little experience by talking with the girls on this site. This thread is a good way to get that started. Keep active here, and respond to the posts, dont sit quietly.

When you feel like this, dont drink, that only makes it seem worse. Be sober, and chat here. Find a local support group and talk to them, and perhaps attend a meeting. You need some outside contact.

As was said, dont dwell on tomorrow. Today presents enough challenges to get through without letting what might be burden you down. Enjoy the CD moments. THis day will pass.

Babes

[nicole1987]

So i have thought about the support group idea part but there is only 1 tg/cd support group that i know of in edmonton and as of the moment i am avoiding my x who is tg and i am not sure if she goes. i want to see a cousiler but time away from work is tough workin a 8-5job and i am unsure of if any counsilers are workin past 5:30 i dont know what im gonna do all i got is here

[Laura912]

There is good wisdom suggested by the others, but at least do this. Pick up the phone and call a counsellor who specializes in gender issues and see what hours they have. That's all you need to do for now. Just one small step...the rest may be easier.

[drushin703]

nicole1987

Hold on sweetie....dana has sat where your sitting.But keep in mind, the process of conciousness or awareness-concern for others, undulled by
narcotics or alchohol is to BE bothered by what others think and say of you. The very opposite of being in control of your faculties is, dear lord,
being conscripted to the legion(s) that wish you to turn your faculties over, whether professional, standing on a street corner or peering at you
from behind the counter of a liquor store. Mean words hurt.....thats their purpose.


But dana, how does that help me? Show me an example in American society where abstemious grinding against a suffering soul helps that
person in real time..Well it dosn't...The answer is in you. Enject here that wonderful scene from the Wizzard of Oz where the good witch tells
Dorothy that inspite of her journey and the trials and the conflicts she encountered; inspite of the good friends she made, she had the power
all along (by clicking her heels) to go home to Kansas whenever she chose. But still she paused to ackowledge herself and her loves...
I am not trying to oversimplify your bad day. I am just saying that medicating yourself, (poof) turning into a girl or having SRS may not change a thing.
Psychasthenia and long-suffering are the covenant of the crossdresser....As Baby Steps said..."enjoy your cd moments".....dana