So you told your SO you are a CDer, she doesn't accept, what now?

[Jessica86]

Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statments that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS?
Katie

Yes, hence why we have more CD members than anyone.....ok...now that that debate is out of the way...


You also say "ramming down your wife's throat". That's how most people feel, and frankly...I don't get it. It's a double edged sword where on one end, if you tell, you hid it too long, you're forcing it on them, etc. while if you don't, you are hiding it, you're a liar, and you betrayed their trust. Which way do you want to swing it?

No part of telling your SO should be a forced subject. As my wife and I read this right now, we both can not make sense of this subject and never will. So, if you love a man for 10 years, and find out he likes to wear a dress, then what about that makes him any different than the man he was 10 years ago? Nothing. Nothing at all. Even she tells me she is surprised to see how many women get upset about it, yet they ask for honesty in a relationship.

[Rianna Humble]

Kinda like oh honey I spent $$$ at the store just had to have it ,, Or ahhhhhh I gave my sisster that money I thought I told you that ,, Put that on the card last month seen something on sale could not pass up ,, Kinda like ALL those things ? All those lies kill feelings to ya know ! Not just the boy in a dress lie ? A lie is A LIE !

Let's take them in order:

"Honey, I just spent $$$ at the store..." - not a lie, being honest with each other. Would you have preferred not to know about the money spent?

"I gave my sister the money I thought I told you" only scope for calling that a lie is if there has already been grounds for mistrust or possibly the SO having a habit of pretending not to do something, then actually spending the household money on it (like a lot of CDs on this forum say they do).

"Put that on the card last month..." not a lie, but could have been better if you had told her when you did it

my comment was directed to the rabble rouser in our midst, who can never let a thread be without interjecting negative BS about 'most' CD's wanting to be TS and in denial...over and over and over and over and over...

Trouble is, the more that you feed that kind of troll, the better she likes it

Now, which were the "All those lies" you were referring to?

[Miriam-J]

My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc, so why should a guy wanting to do so be a marriage wrecker?

Excellent point. Perhaps the discussion wife should be something like "I'll crossdress as long as you do" or "I'll stop crossdressing if you do".

Kate, again, you are wildly off base. Your limited experience not withstanding. You are drawing a cause and effect conclusion that is backwards. Yes, it is likely that most TS women were once male crossdressers, BECAUSE they identify as women. That is NOT proof of cause and effect. Most TS men also crossdressed, as men. So based on your logic, women who wear pants are transexuals in waiting. That logic is insane and completely uneducated. It only shows your ignorance of what crossdressing is and further demonstrates your desire to bash crossdressers. It's ok for you to hate crossdressers, this is America and any idiot can have an opinion, but your continued stance that CDs are really transexuals only proves you are the uneducated bigot you are. I realize I am aiming this at a brick wall but your inane position astounds me to no end.

Well said, but I don't expect to see an end to the bigoted tirades until an editor steps in.

Miriam

[BRANDYJ]

Some great responses on this thread. My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc, so why should a guy wanting to do so be a marrige wrecker? I was nervous about telling my SO purely due to the way society pillories Cross dressers, not because I thought it would destroy our relationship.

I think it's a stretch to say most women crossdress. When women wear jeans, pants, shirts etc., They are usually made for women since it is quite acceptable for women to wear them. As for a man wearng a dress, skirt bra and panties, they are not made for a man and are not considered acceptable. Big difference. I'm so tired of the argument that points out that women wear pants or jeans, so why can't I. To me, a woman IS NOT crossdressing wearing the things mentioned. My opinion is that she would be crossdressing, if her motive was to look, act and pass or blend as a man.

[Sandra]

My personal view is most women cross dress anyway, they wear jeans, pants shirts etc,

I wondered when this would come up, as it has many, many times before. Just because a woman wears the clothes as you said above doesn't mean they are crossdressing, for one they are not trying to emulate the opposite gender like cders are and I get fed up of people using this as an excuse.


If people sat down and talked and be honest about what is going on, then things just might be a bit better, I'm not saying everything is going to be a bed of roses and things aren't going to be ok over night, but you might just make some progress.

[BRANDYJ]

I dont think it has so much to do with how a person is raised. I mean I am post op TS. I once said I was a CD. I am very accepting of anyone. I could care less if someone is a CD. I could care less if someone is gay.

Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.

No Kate, you might have worked with a lot of TS's that happen to crossdress. But not crossdressers that are TS!
Not sure what capacity you say you worked with CD'er in, but no matter, I'm sure you worked with TS's and NOT CD'ers. No, Kate, you don't know better concerning CD's having a desire to transition. Any fool knows that many TS's crossdress until such time they take steps to transition. But most knew they were TS since childhood. Crossdressing does not make you a TS anymore then singing in the shower makes you a singing star! So your argument holds no water for the majority if us CD's that are not...let me repeat that...ARE NOT TS You base so much on your own personal experience and try to shove it down our throats as if it's every CD. We are not like you anymore then you being like to majority of CD'ers.

[DianeSusanne]

I really have to agree with Sandra. It really bothers me when a crossdressing man claims that women wearing pants is crossdressing. It bothers me more than a man actually crossdressing bothers me (which actually isn't at all). It bothers me more than paying taxes. Hmm, no, not quite that much. Somewhere between the two.

Crossdressing is a cultural act and in the western world countries (where most of us live) it is not crossdressing for a woman to wear pants made for a woman and bought in the woman's department of a store. I have lived in countries where it was the cultural norm for women (and men) to cover their heads or hair, for women to cover their arms, their legs, their faces. Often, out of respect for their culture - and in some places, an overdeveloped sense of self-preservation - I would cover myself appropriately. I've lived in places were men work 'skirts' or 'dresses' but I would never suggest to a crossdresser that he move to a country because, although I don't understand a good deal about crossdressing, I know it is an act that loses meaning outside of it's cultural context which is not only our surrounding but inside of us as well.

When a crossdresser claims that 'women in pants are crossdressing' all I see is ignorance and a lack of understanding which doesn't make me want to have a conversation. I certainly won't learn much from them; they remind me of fanatics who try to prove they're right because they speak louder, faster and know bigger words than me.

Please. Stop trying to prove that you're only crossdressing in ... what?... retaliation? You crossdress. That's fine by me. Perhaps you understand why you crossdress. That makes me wonderfully happy. Perhaps you'd like me to help you with makeup or critique your outfits for something 'tasteful'. That would depend ... I'm not crazy about mini-skirts or pantyhose. Heels, fishnet stockings under a demure work skirt... *contented sigh*. Then we can arm-wrestle for who gets to wear it! LOL!

Three hundred years ago a woman in pants was crossdressing and a man without lace on his collar and makeup on his face was ... underdressed. We don't live three hundred years ago or even fifty years ago when women usually wore dresses. We live now and here, among people with a reasonable shared culture and legal arrangement.

Oops, sorry for the attempted hi-jacking. I believe people should be as honest as they can be under their own circumstances. I'm not an average, everyday, normal woman ... and I recognize that. But I would be more hurt by the lie than by the action.

And, I have to agree that while every (?maybe most) TS have crossdressing in their behavior; not everyone with crossdressing in their behavior is TS.

[Piora]

Of course most will deny that they have no desire to transition but then hey I know better. I once was in denial and I have worked with countless CDs that were really TS and countless TS girls that were once CDs.

"Countless"? What does that amount to....4 or 5? So, all of a sudden you're an expert on CDs/TGs???? Don't make me laugh. The majority of CDs are simply STILL genetic men who like to dress as women. They have no desire to transition and actually become TGs. Just because you've experienced some CDs that in reality, were desiring transition, doesn't make us all that way. Don't make such ridiculous sweeping generalizations, based on your own, VERY LIMITED exposure to experiencing who is CD and who is really TG. I don't usually get this upset about what people say on this site....but I really have to take exception to this!

I told my wife WAY before we were married. Going on 11 years now and she has accepted, does accept, will forever accept that this is me and 'me is this' OK? No and's if or buts...and as far as me wanting to go TS? F**K that! I'm as happy as can be...being a CD.

Katesback won't agree - we're all in denial on this site, don't ya know!

Let me get this straight. Are you now telling me that my statements that a lot of CDs are really TS is BS?

Yes.

Some no doubt are, but you seem to think that it's some insane percentage...like about 80-90%? It's ridiculous logic. Your exposure to people that you know, who are transitioned - and were CD before that - cannot be used to conclude ANYTHING other than that those particular people fit into that scenario. NOT that most TGs are CDs in denial.

Please don't insult the CDs on this site by making such statements. It's extremely upsetting, as you can see from the responses in this thread.

However, in keeping with Marleen's original thread, and not get off her original topic, I think that although each person will have a different situation, I believe that most will work through things. I mean good grief.....look at all the marriages where there has been drug use, alcoholism, adultery...so many different things that jeopardize couples....a lot of those - with counseling and honest discussions - can come back from those issues, and be healthy happy marriages again. In reality, telling your SO and her not accepting it, can be a problem. But in my opinion, certainly not insurmountable. Even just talking it through is extremely positive. There are lots of people right here on this site who are proof that MACD (Marriage After CDing) is possible.

[Katesback]

I dont recall ever saying that all of you are TS in denial. I dont recall ever giving a percentage. As a matter of fact its impossible to get a percentage because most of you are too scarred to leave your house to even be polled. Of course as stated many will not tell the truth because we all know if the wife finds out ya want to transition its kiss the marriage goodbye.

Lets see here........ oh yes someone said I HATE CDs. LOL ok thats interesting.

A few said I have limited experience or no experince. Well I worked with countless trans people doing HIV prevention for the state. Most claimed to be crossdressers. Most talked to me in confidence when the wives were not around. Thats when they talk about wanting to transition. OF course these were CDs that were somewhat more confident than the ones that sit at home hiding. It is reasonable to say that someone that sits at home hiding has no desire to transition but then they havent had much of a taste of womanhood now have they. Give them an inch and they take a mile. If they are some point get the spiine to leave the house all of a sudden the pink fog takes over.

You can attack me all you want. Really....... I mean thats part of what makes it entertaining. I suppose we could talk about all the sex that takes place at the trans conferences. Never mind that most of the people there are CD. Give them a chance to be a girl and a lot will do as much as they can including having sex with tranny chasers or even each other. Ohhhh and no I am not exaduating.

"Countless"? What does that amount to....4 or 5? So, all of a sudden you're an expert on CDs/TGs???? Don't make me laugh. The majority of CDs are simply STILL genetic men who like to dress as women. They have no desire to transition and actually become TGs. Just because you've experienced some CDs that in reality, were desiring transition, doesn't make us all that way. Don't make such ridiculous sweeping generalizations, based on your own, VERY LIMITED exposure to experiencing who is CD and who is really TG. I don't usually get this upset about what people say on this site....but I really have to take exception to this!


Katesback won't agree - we're all in denial on this site, don't ya know!


Yes.

Some no doubt are, but you seem to think that it's some insane percentage...like about 80-90%? It's ridiculous logic. Your exposure to people that you know, who are transitioned - and were CD before that - cannot be used to conclude ANYTHING other than that those particular people fit into that scenario. NOT that most TGs are CDs in denial.

Please don't insult the CDs on this site by making such statements. It's extremely upsetting, as you can see from the responses in this thread.

However, in keeping with Marleen's original thread, and not get off her original topic, I think that although each person will have a different situation, I believe that most will work through things. I mean good grief.....look at all the marriages where there has been drug use, alcoholism, adultery...so many different things that jeopardize couples....a lot of those - with counseling and honest discussions - can come back from those issues, and be healthy happy marriages again. In reality, telling your SO and her not accepting it, can be a problem. But in my opinion, certainly not insurmountable. Even just talking it through is extremely positive. There are lots of people right here on this site who are proof that MACD (Marriage After CDing) is possible.

[Nigella]

I give in, I don't even think I need to give a reason for closing the thread, Oh well onwards and upwards, must register as a refereee, Hey I get to crossdress and wear a shirt and tie.