Do you come from a touchy-feely family?

[Marguarite]

No, my family were not big on hugging. But, my first wife's (and the mother of my children) family were. We made sure to raise our children with a lot of physical contact.
I remember when my son was about 6, we were leaving my parents house, and my son went to kiss and hug my father. My father stopped him and told him he was to old
for that and instead shook hands with him. I still remember the look on my son's face, confusion, loss. I still kiss my son and daughter on the cheek when ever I see them.
( they are both in their mid 30's) I think this has kept us closer than I was with my father after growing up. Please don't misunderstand, I think I came from a good upbringing.
It's that I think that acting differently as you grow older, a closeness can be lost in the relationship.
I find it interesting also that as we have gotten older and had children of our own, my brothers have grown to become huggers again.

[Shari]

Great thread Frederique.
Welsh and German, and no, not much touchy feely for me either. It was however, a wonderful family life.
I suppose that sad to say, in raising my own family I tended to repeat the way I was raised. My wife made up for what I didn't, or is it couldn't give in that physical sense.
The analogy about the clothes hugging you is right on the mark. Works that way for me too.

[Foxglove]

I'm 50% English, 25% German and 37% residual canine influence from my previous life, while the remaining 47% is a mongrel mix of Irish, Scots and unprincipled scoundrel. I am, however, 100% certain that that has 0% to do with who I hug or who hugs me.

Funny, now that you ask, I can't remember whether we were touchy-feely. Seems to me we might get a good-night kiss from both the parents when we were very little, maybe the odd hug or kiss from my mom at other times. I can't really remember, and I think the reason is that whatever hugs or kisses I got weren't a big factor in my life at the time. A bigger factor was the abiding fear I had of parents and belts, and that tended to negate whatever tender touches I might have received.

Not long ago, my dad told me that when he was a kid, his dad never hugged him and his mother rarely did. I do believe that's a significant factor in his life.

Annabelle

[Miriam-J]

Wow. This thread has surprised me. So many with detached, non-touching families. I didn't realized it could be so prevalent, and I feel so sad for all of you for what you've missed.

Now the logical engineer gets to take over this reply ... I find it interesting that the feel of clothes hugging you is part of the attraction. I can see that men's clothing has no analog other than tight briefs and perhaps socks. For me, one of those who had plenty of hugging through my life, I actually dislike the tight undergarments but accept them as part of the whole. On the other hand, I prefer soft, flowing clothing over tight, curvy clothing. Could there be a link here? I wish that the statistical evidence were available, though I don't suppose it would really change anything.

Miriam

[sandra-leigh]

My own family was intermediate: yes, definitely hugs and good-night kisses, and things like piggy-back rides, but not (for example) random touches while listening to the person.

But outside my family, I don't touch much and I do not get touched much. Touching other people without permission was, I was taught, not polite.

There is a phrase that hasn't quite been used yet, but which is appropriate to this discussion, I think: "starved for affection". That has been a problem for me.

It seems to me that as well as being starved for physical affection, that people can be starved for caring and concern and validation from their peers.

That has been a problem for me since at least Grade 1, and it seems to me that it is likely the case for a fair number of us. How many of us were the perennial "outsider" for no obvious reason?

I was polite, trustable, not rough, not stupid; I was allowed sometimes to join in if I happened to be there, but I was not looked for and not missed (not until a small group at high-school). Why the mass indifference? Reviewing my (incomplete) memories, it seems most likely that the kids detected that I was "different" even though I didn't know it myself. Looks like a male, but somehow isn't quite a male. Not really disliked, more "left alone" when I wasn't being picked on. (How do kids establish themselves as part of a group? By picking on someone who isn't part of the group....)

Many MTF members have posted about having constructed cover personalities, exaggerated male postures, about how people would never suspect they had a feminine side because they had hidden it so well. I never did that, so I have been the Odd Person Out nearly as far back as I can remember. Not much affection along the way, physical or emotional.

[María José]

I´m Spaniard. We touch, hug, kisss! Every body in the family and any time!

[April_Ligeia]

Very good thread. I also come from Scandinavian and Anglo-Saxon lineage, with Irish, Scottish and German thrown in. My family was not touchy-feely at all, except for punishment time, which was not a good feeling. Touching still makes me a little uncomfortable, but I never thought of it as something that may contribute to a desire to crossdress.

[sandra-leigh]

With regard to being hugged by clothes: it is known to be calming to a number of people. See for example the "Clinical Effects" section of this article.

[drushin703]

thanks frederique:


This whole discussion about touch got me thinking. The president of the United States Barak Obama has introduced the entire world to a totally
different protocol to greeting another male as comander and chief. We have seen, and probably employed ourselves, the handshake-to-half embrace initial encounter, drawing
another man past the forbidden zone of personal space and into our chest. For the president the proxemics of this greeting is both popular
and situational. Heads of state are not accorded this gesture, neither women or older people. Even the chest-bump that is so popular in todays
sports (totally unheard of just a decade ago) is seen as neither sexual provocative or prurient. He is our very first touchy-feeley president and I
dought his African American origin is a factor in this deportment. Probably, but not proof.....Anyway, I think its cool.


My mother gave me a big hug yesterday morning.At 81 sometimes I think she does it to prove to me that she still can. My family has
always been affectionate to one another. To my knowledge there has never been any acrimony among us. No, not perfect without an
occasional squabble, but nothing that later we would not hug and say "forgive me" for. To my knowledge I am the only one who
was born transgendered. Notice I say born because I truly believe that being a crossdresser was my destiny way befor my demonstration.
My first article of female clothing that I fell in love with was the girdle.Today, even seeing the skillful contours of one in a drawer or the
smell of one quickens my heart rate..And as you F. I think there is something to be said about a good warm hug.....even is the hug is
from Maindenform or Playtex......dana

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

“Me, I’m touchy...” (a-ha)

[SIZE="2"]I’ve always wanted to ask this question – do you come from a touchy-feely family? I sure don’t! Growing up, I can’t remember ever getting a hug from my mother, or my father, or either of my sisters, nor do I recall getting a reassuring pat on the back, a token pat on the head, or even a momentary squeeze from someone’s hand. Nope – it was as if a force field existed around every member of my relatively small family, keeping us apart and unconnected, leading to acts of unabashed selfishness...

I’m wondering if this “Don’t touch me!” attitude contributed to my eventual need to crossdress. I mean, I wasn’t getting any physical contact at all, and I was painfully shy as a result, so perhaps dressing-up was a way to GET hugged by way of the clothes I chose to wear. Conversely, would I have even thought of crossdressing if I had been part of a “hands-on” family?

I should explain that I’m 50% white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, and 50% white, Scandinavian Protestant, so I’m made up of 100% northern European stock, theoretically not the most sensual individuals on Earth. Your results may vary, but my forebears, English Puritans and Finnish laborers, came to America with their touch-less sympathies in tow, and I am the distillation of their curious mindset. Somebody obviously touched SOMEONE, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, but why couldn’t I get a hug now and then?

My sister (the one I live with) and I talk about this all the time, usually accompanied by rolling eyes and expressions of regret. She and I have managed to overcome this aversion to physical contact, even though I don’t dole out the hugs willy-nilly. My other sister still retains a strong aversion to being touched, to the point where any mention of sexual subject matter causes her immediate discomfort (and expressions of disgust soon follow). Her personal force field is still intact, many years after our hands-off childhood...

If I stopped to think about it, and I often do, I begin to realize that many of the first non-male items of clothing I wore had hugging in mind – for a time I was obsessed with Lycra garments of all types, and they hugged my slender body in a very pleasing manner. I still prefer near-unisex undergarments to more feminine unmentionables, simply because I get a long-overdue embrace when I wear them – I’ll wear a bra just for the hug, rather than for any attempt at modifying my shape, in fact I could make a connection between the bra and my mother without too much difficulty. The outer clothing is somewhat less important, as long as I’m being hugged inside...

Of course, in many ways I was blessed to grow up in a family where touch was an unknown quantity – I was never molested in any way, and there were MANY adults around at all times. Being the only little boy born to five brothers, I certainly could’ve been targeted for abuse, but nobody touched me (as I’ve already related). Meanwhile, I don’t recall being spanked, either by my father or my mother. Oh, they (especially HE) would threaten to spank me, but it would never actually happen. Again – no touching, no contact, no matter what the circumstances...

I wound up being painfully bashful and emotional, a boy looking for some reassurance through human contact. None was forthcoming, even during a brief period when I attended art school – imagine being in a place where sensuality reigned, and yet not be able to let go of your own reticence! Well, something had to give, so I slowly, gradually, moved towards the promised land of crossdressing. It was somewhat inevitable that I was left to my own devices, hugging the so-called “other” gender via a change of clothing. Crossdressing helped me to overcome my inherent aversion to touch, and I am very grateful it did...

Being a visual artist is all about touch, and “caress” is one of my favorite words. As a result, when I dress-up I overload the sensation of touch as much as I can. Not only do my aforementioned undergarments provide a constant warm embrace, but the dress or skirt I wear captures gentle currents of air, helping to caress my exposed knees (or even higher up). This is a sensation that provides much satisfaction, to say the least. Not only that, but my feet, encased in cute little shoes, come in intimate contact with whatever is beneath them - delicate hosiery hugs my legs, my waist is pulled taut (hands on hips), and so forth. Earrings dangle from my earlobes, pulling gently, while my lips, dutifully painted, touch each other in a scarlet dance...

It’s all about touch, and I like to be touched these days. Crossdressing has certainly re-dressed the balance (pun intended), filling in that dearth of human contact I suffered through as a child (and beyond). As such, I can never see CD’ing as a problem or as an addiction – I see it more as a remedial measure, restorative in nature, existing as full-touch therapy for a deprived soul...

Do you come from a touchy-feely family?

PS - I CAN be ticklish (unless I’m excited), but that’s another story! [/SIZE]

From Blazing Saddles, "Do tell! Do tell!"

My mom was touchy feely, but my dad was not. She also liked to kiss on the lips, but heaven help you if you tried to even attempt to kiss my dad on the cheek or give him a hug.

[kimdl93]

No, I didn't. My family is 100% Norwegian, and like your's, my parents were quite reserved. If that was a causal factor, then I suppose all Norwegians would be cross dressers.... Perhaps they are, but they're just too reserved to admit it!

[DCChris]

No. Physically and emotionally abusive father (not anymore) and emotionally distant mother (still so today).